Black Dog 30

Wyllow3 I fell asleep this afternoon listening to your waves.

Another birthday hug and lots of love from me too EllieAnne. Treat yourself, we all deserve a little treat on our birthday. I, too am glad you are going to your daughters. Maybe take your time returning and have some little stopovers.

Take care of yourself. You are a nice person. You are important! Never forget that. xx

Hi all
HVDY- my Son was the best Birthday present I ever had - yes extremely bittersweet.
Yes the weather is nicer today but as you say a bit windy. Your clear out was a big one. Lots of lovely stuff for the charity shop and more room for new stuff!!
Should be comfortable for your BBQ tonight.
What cake did you have?
Doodle- be careful how you dip your toes!! Sorry but I had forgotten it was a cruise. It must be soon though.
How can people have been so wicked in your Church? It’s the thoughtlessness and sheer disregard for anything those sort of people have that is so sad.
Hope the lovely GS is well on the way to recovery- what a gorgeous dog she sounds.
SweetPeaSue- yes the squirter thing is really good I think your DH would find it useful.
Yes we’re 2 Little Virgos- my elder Son is a Virgo too!!
I think just letting your hair be its natural colour would be worth a try. Really white hair is so pretty.
I expect Fluffball is keeping you on your toes today-hope you and DH have a bit more energy .
Wyllow- you are right. Ordinary unexciting days are to be enjoyed- sometimes that’s all we want just peace and normality.
That was a deep question - like any of us know!
Jaffas and Fluffballs etc are the icing on the cake of life- unconditional love and cuddles .
Poor N she is such a good woman and you both do so much good for the other. Lovely to have a tidy house to come back to as well.
Safe journey for tomorrow. 2 of My Stepchildren and families live in County Durham - what a great city that is.
EllieAnne- Sending you loving Birthday Wishes . Please treat yourself if you can.
Now I,m also glad you are helping DD instead of staying at home. Think of it as a time you can hopefully rest and recharge your batteries. Heaven knows you need a rest. It beggars belief that your DH was so thoughtless.
As Wyllow said it is not your fault- he needs a reality check.
A big Birthday hug coming your way and wishing you a safe journey tomorrow.

Love to all.

Thats busy but not over busy, HVDY - things getting down. It's cooler, isn't it, that helps. (But I hope the BBQ goes well)

My mind's so clogged up with things to do packing wise and telling son about diet: (checking on what is being offered, they do the "goustoclothes dry or not, my cleanerN has been by for an hour and had to start by getting money out for me, then whizzed and its tidy thank goodness ..not packed tho I've done my meds.

It's frustrating not to enjoy a breezy walk, but you can't do everything.
N is having a very rough time - terminal family illness. And complicated. We do talk: we have supported each other for some time: I am very fortunate - it just turned out that way.

Given the day centre a miss today. Took 2 bin liners of clothes and books to a charity shop. Had tea and cake in a cafe. Did shopping at Aldi. DH stayed at home. Son1's later, for a BBQ , although it's very windy.

EllieAnne* I hope you'll find something nice to do for yourself - a cake/meal/bunch of flowers/drink of something. We all need a treat sometimes. Safe driving, take care xx

I appreciate how bleak you feel, EllieAnne and wish for you only the best that things can ever be given your situation. We may pass each other briefly on the M6 - I do M6 all the way up to an A road before I get to the Durham turn off, as they live "out in the sticks". the M62 junctions are terrible, are they not? Especially around Leeds if you go that far south.
Let's hope our cars dont cost too. much at the garage, hey?

In the meantime I and I'm sure all BD's will quietly celebrate your birthday.
Listen - there is something very wrong, sad, whatever prompts it, with your DH that that is all he can manage.

It is not your fault.

I am now extremely glad you are doing your very bestest for DD.

I did go to bed at a decent time and awoke early, quite novel for me. but I have a day when I dont have to do a lot except pack in a leisurely way. and concern about trivial matters such as "will this or that dry in time" xx

And Dh s only words to me this morning‘there’s a problem with the television’. 😥😥😥

Wyllow also a packing day and a bit of shopping for dh.and getting the washing up to date.
I wonder if we will pass on a motorway .
I do m74 m6 a 66 m1 m62.
My birthday today. Won’t be seeing any family or doing anything special. Our post is pathetic about one delivery a week. So I won’t be here if anything comes.
Raining again and getting dark early. Our schools go back soon too. Looks like summer is over.
Sorry I just feel very bleak today 🙁

Gosh, tired and late back and I must have an early night like I have been saying. It as ever was good to catch up on news.

I reflect how important being able to "do the ordinary is" and " I had an unexciting day" is when most days are either sad or filled with worries or illnesses and reminders remind of losses. I do reflect that the q meeting last night was probably the most difficult for a long time tho. -someone asking "what will happen when I die"

Hooray for the Jaffas, Fluffballs in our lives, and am glad the church damage was nasty but not too bad, sadly have to spend a bit more on security. I will of course follow the song trail above as so curious.

Back in, in the morning

which is a pottering day with time to think ponder and pack my Qfriend in need has cancelled- no car tomorrow, so have to do a bit of walking somewhere as no gym at the family's unless I join L and DS on Saturday at the soft play centre and scramble up over the objects and slide down the slide which is quite fun. (Which is quite good for the over 10's even plus 70's and pretend its needed for the child)

Night night all and sleep the very best you can. xx

Wyllow3 Glad your eyes are improving. It's miserable to have anything like that.

ScaredyCat Sharing your birthday with your son must be bittersweet. You've had so much sadness, but you're always so upbeat and kind to others.

SweetpeaSue Fluffball will give you the reason to go out. Dogs are good for that. The weather is so much better, isn't it? Wouldn't you have the colour stripped and go natural? I'm so glad I did (although it took some time to get used to being white). Having to keep doing my roots was a pain.

Doodle I hope those responsible will be caught (though IF they are, they won't get a proper punishment). When is the cruise?

EllieAnne How are you?

Hope everyone has a restful night. I've discovered a group with a lead singer who's got a great voice - The Vintage Explosion. "Lay in your arms" has made me cry . x

Scaredycat your comment about hoping I can dip my toes in the sea made me laugh. We’re going on a cruise, if I can dip my toes in the sea it means we’re sinking 🤣
Church is ok, one stained glass window broken but it was a smaller one. Mostly just senseless destruction. Cupboards and drawers ransacked. Doors and locks smashed. Fortunately they concentrated on the offices rather than the church itself so although a lot to clear up nothing of value was taken or destroyed.
Sharing your birthday with your youngest son must make it a bitter sweet memory. 💕
Wyllow your Quaker zooms sound lovely. More what one would expect, listening and support for others,
Glad your bleharitis is better that must be a relief.
HVdY glad you slept better. I have the fan on at night too hot otherwise. I remember Mr Cooper and how sad you were to lose him. Lovely you’ve got Jaffa now.
Sweetpeasue DGss German shepherd is so gentle but she has been right from when she was a puppy. Very protective of the family but not in an aggressive way she just likes to herd them all together so she can keep an eye on them.
Have you ever thought of leaving your hair go white? It’s very popular these days, is it only white in places?

HVDY I know Mr Cooper was sooo v special to you. 😊
DH has been the same . Both of us quite lethargic with the ongoing set backs and takes us a while to 'get going' on a morning. Will have F back tomorrow and Friday.
Been so windy here today.

Scaredycat Think Ive heard of that squirter- wash thing. Is it really good? DH was thinking of getting one a while ago. Men love all these gadgets dont they. Ah so are you a Virgo like me? Oh thats so poignant to share your birthday with your youngest son. How dear to you and special that makes your birthday- though Im sure your son is never far from your mind all the year too. You have had so much sadness in your life and you always sound such an optimistic and fun person. Very young at heart.
Nadateturbe Thinking of you too as always.
EllieAnne Plus a hug from me too along with Scaredycat's. Hope some of your friends have been more helpful than they seemed.

Quite a non day today. Out for a coffee .Changed bed and did a little wash. DH dyed my hair with a new hair- dye and it didnt cover all the white ( saw in small print it said * up to 100% coverage) grr.

Love to all .x

Wyllow Thankyou - yes I feel better now the Vascular dept will be getting the full facts about DHs chest pain.
So glad the Quaker zooms are going so well and it does sound like a lovely group of people. You need to feel safe and part of the group after such a bad experience with the other one. I hope though you can still go to both too and feel comfortable.
Make sure you get lots of rest too , inbetween all the packing and prep for Friday . I so wish you a lovely time with your family. Glad the antibiotics have been working- having eye problems like that must be miserable.

Wyllow3 Jaffa's a lovely cat, and loves to cuddle up next to me at bedtime. I can forgive him for scratching me. He's never been like that with the GC, but LG knows not to touch him when he's sleeping. He's just had freshly-cooked chicken - he sits and waits near the cooker until it's ready. Doesn't it feel good to have a fresh haircut? I love the feeling but dislike being at the salon. Glad you're going to see your son and his family. You need a break.

ScaredyCat I decided not to do any weeding, but sorted out a few drawers that had a lot of photographs. They're all sorted out now. I keep birthday/Xmas/Mother's Day cards from my sons; I've got them for the past 10 years. I should bin them, but I don't like to. It was too hot yesterday. Cooler and a breeze today. We haven't got a hosepipe ban here (Severn Trent water). IF we get one, will carwash places have to close?

SweetpeaSue Mr Cooper was my bestest boy. Such a lovely cat. Jaffa is a nice cat, too (and I tell him so every night). I deal with all insurance, tax, anything like that, including booking trips and holidays. How have you and your husband been today? Still got Fluffball?

Doodle I think German Shepherds have a bit of a certain image with police using them a lot. I expect most are lovely, well behaved dogs- its the owners that dont often realise they need exercising and not left home the whole day. Oh yes, Scaredycat reminded me in her post that your holiday may be coming up. Hope its soon and you have so.e nice weather. Im sure theres no one better than your good friend to go with.
HVDY I remember that ECG now . As long as you're not too worried, keep an eye on it though. Glad the inhaler helps you . I didnt realise Jaffa's eyesight was bad too. It was a wonderful day for Jaffa when you found him ( and you too of course) . He came at just the right time after your dear Mr Cooper.
I hate renewing contracts - insurance and the like- really hate it. You'll be pleased thats out of the way and with a cheaper deal too.

Lost some messages so back later.

Hi all
HVDY- I think you do loads- I,ve just done a bit in the garden and house while DH cleaned the windows and my car- I,m done!! We have had a hosepipe ban for ages and he got this thing off Amazon that you can fill a bucket then sort of pressure wash with a little squirter and some foam.
I had ectopic beats before I started AF- I could feel it in my pulse and an ECG confirmed it. I so admire how you deal so calmly and logically with any symptoms that crop up. Ads have helped me not panic like I did.
Poor Jaffa-how could anyone hurt him or any cat. My boys love belly rubs and roll over to ask for them. I,ve never had such daft,soppy cats before.
Glad you had a better sleep - it was sooo hot here last night.
SweetPeaSue- yes those words from Wyllows song were beautiful.
Sometimes thinking of our children’s ages seems impossible -
Where did that time go. Now you have a milestone Birthday . My BD is in September too- I shared it with my dear youngest son.
Thank you for your kind words for my friend. Yes fingers crossed for her.
So glad you got your F2F - there should be some urgency this time. They have all the facts.
Doodle- I hope today isn’t too distressing - it’s so sad that your lovely Church was violated as it was.
Your Sons GS sounds a lovely girl- not so much the cat. But all cats are lovely- even the nippy ones.
Is it soon when you and your friend go on holiday? Hopefully the weather will be less extreme when you go- as long as you can get your toes in the sea!!
EllieAnne- sending a hug.
Wyllow- yes I never thought I,d turn into a snail - I used to walk fast and far and loved it. Those whipper snapper snails must enjoy it while they can.
Age does bring a lot of knowing but human nature makes us want miracles sometimes.
What a gentle heart warming Zoom you had yesterday. People with empathy and understanding. Loss of any kind is damaging - it’s how we cope with it that counts.
As you say depression eats away at the person you were.
Glad you had a walk- just comfortable companionship - priceless.
Nadateturbe- may you have some time to enjoy this weekend.

Love to all- new friends and old

I'm glad you had a better night, HVDY. I can understand now you describe it why Jaffa made the move he did. Poor Jaffa, but you are giving him unconditional love - with some boundaries - and thats what matters.

Insurances - I have everything with the AA, and they are so very good to deal with - UK call centres, not kept waiting, and maybe most importantly for me - if you have a problem with the insurance company, they will take the load off and fight for you. it does cost a bit over the odds, I admit, tho they give price comparisons, as they are not an insurance company but are finding one for you.

I'm just so tired having stayed up far too late again. Silly thing too do as I always pay for it the next day. But today I just have a haircut at 2.30pm and a light gym, dropping round to see a friend after, the last one before packing tomorrow and driving on Friday.

Doodle German Shepherds are beautiful dogs, aren't they? I don't mind dogs, but have never wanted to own one. Cats are so much easier. Cats do bite or scratch when they've had enough of being stroked. Most don't like being touched on their belly, as it's apparently sensitive to them. Jaffa's small, for a male. He chased off a much bigger cat the other week.

Wyllow3 I slept much better last night, thanks (and didn't wake for a wee until 4am). Jaffa's eyesight isn't great, so he sometimes bites or scratches when he's afraid - he sees my hand, in the dark, and thinks I might harm him. He's obviously been hurt before we got him. It pleased me to know that you'd had such a lovely day yesterday. The park sounds so nice. Might you see your old friend again? Go to where she likes to go?

Had a better sleep last night, with the fan on. Got up at 8, which was good. DH out for breakfast with friends. Not doing much today but renewed the car insurance (£80 less than the company we've been with for 3 years) Might do a bit of weeding. Hope everyone has a decent day x

🫶🫶 Ellie Anne

Thank you Wyllow. I need that light.

Being a snail on a hot day is probably wise. But inevitably mature snails look at the young whipper-snapper snails whizzing along. Or daring to jump. I think I notice more around me moving slowly Scaredycat but it must be frustrating.
Yes the rain came..and went. I’m younger than you but have to stop in the heat too. Let DH carry on.

It’s so hard seeing your dear friend struggle. Age brings knowing that people around us can be “better” but not made well xx

Ooo, naughty Jaffa biting you, HVDY what brought that on?
That really wasn’t a good night, tho you did lie-in, and I hope you sleep better tonight. That was a pretty good achievement domestically when you were tired. Thankfully you have the inhaler to hand!

I don’t speak like that with DS. I rather think his wife takes that role. 🤫 H sometimes ventures bits of advice to me. I restrain from being huffy.
I am very glad you got the F2F after the anxious waiting. I’m glad that there will be better joined up information.
If the appointment doesn’t come soon, you can contact this GP - and say, it hasn’t happened.
A huge, well done to you. I know it wont take the anxiety away, but helps a little. You also now can say to 111 “we were told it was urgent and….its a crisis now..”

How old is your son? Mine is 45.

I hope tomorrow brings some reassurance about the church, Doodle. I must admit I don’t really know how a pacemaker works?

My, a gorgeous puppy. The family must adore him. My goodness the cat is a hazard tho, unless you are used to her.

My being let down by my own quaker group is ameliorated at the moment…

(Tho I have fits of sudden anger at the one who “denied” my truth but have to stand down from any expression of it - tho if confronted I would speak of it)

..is ameliorated by my Quaker Zooms. Tonights Tuesday group was/is very tender. We have a woman whose husband died fairly suddenly and recently, and a man with terminal cancer, and most of us come as we are single in one way or another, or wheelchair bound. The kindness and tenderness is heart warming. I feel part of it. MY losses have been different in part: profound depressions are a loss of selfhood of course.

Today was a lovely one. I didn’t have to hurry but walked with a friend in the botanical gardens in a leisurely way as the sun came out, noticing the changes, then I went to the gym and bumped into a very old and dear friend from my fine art degree course and she told me where she hangs out at the weekend. Some sadness there, she has depression but not like mine, and avoided me after a certain point, well it scares some, or they feel too vulnerable, but the warmth was there.

My nose anti-b has nearly cleared my bleharitis up. I had hoped after googling as it was possibly mild MRSA induced after January’s hospital stay. He’s letting me stay on it as it’s topical - unless induced thrush kicks in of course, fingers crossed.

Tomorrow, dear BD’s. Go in the Light.

Sweetpeasue then you are anxious about your own or someone else’s health your mind can’t relax from it. Every twinge or pain you wonder what’s going on. Oh yes I know that feeling.Sometimes you just want to stop thinking.
Good you got your face to face and some action is being taken. Hope you don’t have to wait too long for an appointment
Thanks all about your kind thoughts for our church. I will find out the extent of the damage tomorrow. I’m hoping it’s not too bad,
HVDY I had ectopic heart beats too. Before I had my pacemaker. They weren’t the cause of me having a pacemaker though. I was very scared when our son said they were getting a German shepherd puppy. I had visions of being attacked every time we went there. So far from the truth she got big doleful brown eyes and is so gentle.
Sorry you didn’t sleep so well last night. I hate being late in the morning too.
Scaredycat our son’s cat is quite small and looks very sweet. It’s all a con. She’s bitten all the family and sunk her claws into them. They are so good with all the animals. She comes to them for a stroke and then when she’s decided she’s had enough she attacks. They’re all braver than me though. I avoid her.
I’m like you I have a plan of where the nearest toilet is wherever I go.
Wyllow we all received the news about the church by email, I will find out more tomorrow.
Glad you got to the gym and sauna. Hope you did get to see your CPN. I too think you were let down by your Quaker group.

ScaredyCat You keep active, that's the main thing. It doesn't matter how long it takes to walk. I really ought to move more than I do - I swept down the stairs today, hoovered all through down here and mopped. That was quite enough. Sorry your friend didn't get very good news from the consultant. I hope a different treatment will be beneficial.

SweetpeaSue Did your son enjoy his birthday? I do sometimes get palpitations (an ECG last December showed that I have ectopic heartbeats, but nobody has treated it, so I'm not worried). I think the coughing was to do with the heat and the dust from hoovering. I used my inhaler, and it helped. I'm pleased you saw a GP in person today. Why don't doctors communicate properly with each other? Hope your husband hears from the hospital specialist soon.

It's too hot and humid for my liking. DH is out with Son1 this evening. Hope all other BDers have been ok today x