Black Dog 30

Hvdy the difference is that I wouldn’t want him here even if I was ill but he lives in his own little bubble and seems unaware that this marriage is not good.
And he knows that I don’t actually want to be at dd when she isn’t even there . He’s done it occasionally in the past and been extremely bored . So I only said yes to help her out.

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- your poor DH has so many different health problems. I hope the results are reassuring- Fluffball will see after him. Today there is a breeze so perhaps it will be possible to take her to the beach later on.
How is your Aunt coping with the heat?
Wyllow- funnily enough the drive home from Portsmouth was OK- we were in the shade as the sun had gone down. The crossing was calm and comfortable but long 8 hours😩
YES!!! Enjoy your life - don’t worry what other people think .
There is so much to experience even though we,re no Spring chickens!, See your lovely family, dip your toes in the sea and see some of the historic sites you enjoy.
You’re bound to get moments of regret at the past. We all do. But you can do what you want when you want as long as you can keep as well as possible.
EllieAnne- thanks for the flowers. It is a dilemma for you . DH v Cats . Maybe your DD could find a cattery even at this late stage. They look after them well.
I know you have no deep feelings for your DH but I still think it would be hard for you to just go off for a week. After all he is DD Dad and she needs to take his health - and yours- into consideration.
He must feel scared too- you don’t want to have any regrets.
Doodle-yes it’s always a hard week as the same sporting events take place every year so it’s a bit like Groundhog Day.
The years just vanish and I,m back in the horror for a time.
Oh your wrist must have made you feel a bit sick should think.
Hope it’s not so bad today.
So glad you can have get-togethers with your Art friends. It’s always so hard when term finishes.
I,ll be seeing mine in a couple of weeks and we haven’t had a class now for years.
HVDY- you are funny- although years ago I had a friend whose DH was always at Tescos. Naughty man the lure of the checkout girl was too strong they had an affair and he was such a superior twit too!
Your thoughtful DH- salad and ice cream - perfect. I ate 2 whole tubs of Rum and Raisin on our hols.its so hard to get here.
LG will be the dearest flower girl She will enjoy that day when it comes.
Gorgeous pressies for your DiL- nice when we like our DiLs isn’t it.
Hope your DB is OK today.

I had a long chat with my Sister this morning and guess what my niece is having her Op early next month!!!! After waiting for 2 and a half years.
Holiday washing all done and first lot dry. I,m tired now.
I,ve ordered the boys a cool mat each . They have such fluff to deal with. Can’t wait to get them back tomorrow.

Love to all mentioned and all our old friendsxxxx

EllieAnne If the situation were reversed - you needed help for what potentially is a very serious health problem - would your husband stay with you or go away for a week to your daughter's?

Wyllow3 DIL often goes away with her daughter, so it's good that Son2 had some time away, too. It's her birthday today, so I left her presents at theirs last night - 2 pairs of short pyjamas, some foot-pampering things, a box of bath/shower products and a crocheted (not by me) sunflower, her favourite flowers. Her parents haven't even sent her a card....

Just going to see my brother and pick up anything he needs on the way. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

I think you are right about curries HVDY, the evidence is there. Your sons and DiL - are having a good time ☺️ it's nice when your families are doing that.

EllieAnne - tough times xx keep posting.

Doodle we’ve only known about this condition for a couple of weeks. He could not walk far before but seems worse and quite dithery mentally. He’ll probably be fine if I go to the cats but I would be away over a week
He’s got a hospital appointment on wed so I hope we will know more then.

Wyllow3 I haven't done much today - it turned very warm this afternoon (28, so cooler than the last couple of days). I tidied up a bit, folded and put away a lot of clean washing.

Doodle LG is far too little to go in the pool (it's almost 3ft deep). She's got a little pool here, but doesn't seem bothered. Wet cloths and a fan will cool you down nicely. I expect your wrist will be sore for a while. Quiche tonight, so no real cooking. It's never too hot for a curry! Millions of Asian people would agree .

Son2 called in to pick up his parcels, so I gave him the presents from us for DIL's birthday tomorrow (she's out this evening, watching her girl in a play, and they're all going out tomorrow). Son has just had 3 days away with his friend, visiting a tank museum, an aeroplane museum, and a chilli farm - neither of them is interested in drinking.

A business Qmeeting covers the usual organising stuff and finance stuff and can go on for hours as people "discern" things together if an emotional and conflicting subject like any group - but mostly it gets done niftily and is a chance for socialising. Hence crossness!

What a nice long post. I'm glad your wrist hasn't got worse. Take care!
Windsor seems a nice place to poke around in with different shop and bits of history.
Hey, well done on your little group for planning holiday meet ups with bits of your art group. Will your families be around or are they disappearing too with the children (as I forget how old they are......)

OK, most of the Quaker zooms are half hour meetings for worship. As if were were together in reality, people speak up if moved, or sometimes post bits in the chat section to maybe say at the end. After, a chat. As I get to know people of course it gets nicer.
You've helped me again re insights posted with one lady in the US but isolated where she lives and has just relatively suddenly lost her husband. what was poignant was - unusual for her - at the end - most people had left the Zoom - she just couldn't stop talking, I realised she was afraid of the silence ".after".
Interesting range of people and discussions ranging from the theological to poetry and just "how are you".

Actually I think th worst effect the whole MrA business is loneliness and regret of that missed - including of course being too tired to go out into the he evenings, make new friends, and above all being family. That, I find hard to forgive - active time gets more and more precious by 75 and no doubt even more after that.

Dear Scaredycat such an emotional anniversary for you. I can’t imagine how hard that is. No matter how many years have passed I’m sure the loss is still hard to bear.
Hope you are managing in the heat. So hot here I’ve done nothing for days. I just feel listless.
Purplepixie sending you a virtual hug. Nice to hear from you.
Whiff so glad you’re still around supporting us. Notice you often on other threads giving help to the bereaved. Lovely to hear from you x

Been in Windsor all day today. Very hot but spent most of the time in air conditioned shops so not too bad. Really tired now though. Wrist isn’t too bad thanks. Scar is healing but very tender.
Wyllow I’m exhausted too. It’s too hot even to think. What is a Quaker business meeting about? There seem to be lots of zoom meetings that you can pop into. Is that helpful?
It would be lovely if you could focus on enjoying life and not worrying about what others think. You’ve got your family too so try and spend more time with them.
HvDY I wonder how little children cope with this heat. No wonder Lg didn’t want to be in the sandpit. Has she been in your DH’s big pool? Thank you I do try and drink water. I know I don’t drink enough. DH was always nagging me to do so. Good idea wetting Jaffas fur. I’ve been using wet cloths on myself, then laying with the fan on helps cool me down.
Not sure curry is the right meal for this weather although something hot may make you feel cooler.
Yes I am meeting up with art class during the holiday. I’m pleased we do have some get together planned.
Sweetpeasue do chase up the doctor about the pain injections. Good the nodules are monitored.
How is your Dh doing now day to day? Does he have a lot of pain?
Yes I worry about dogs b.eing left in cars too. And their little feet on the hot pavements. This heat is so draining.
Ellie Anne what impact does your DH’s condition have on his life? Your children will have to step up if necessary. How long will you need to be at your DDs with the cats?
It is difficult to know how you would cope if your Dh was ill. It’s different when you care for each other but more of a problem if you don’t. He’s already had a lot of impact on your happiness.

I've done very little except a pampering shower and I'm totally cream crackered. It's not that hot so it's a shame (ie walk in parliament). So cross - tho its pointless at those who failed to support me until I got so ill its stopped a lot of plans I had. Not brooding, get outbursts of frustration especially not seeing family as not able to cope.

Doodle how is your wrist today? And are you managing to get out a bit more or the weather still keeping you in and its consequences?

Wyllow3 He takes no notice - I'm known for saying daft things (I amuse myself). I'm glad you've decided to focus on enjoying life - none of us knows how long we've got left or what life might throw at us. It took me years to realise that the only opinions that matter to me are those of my husband, sons and grandchildren. (not really DILs or friends) I still sometimes go over things such as "why didn't I do that" or "Why did I say that", but on the whole, what other people think of me is irrelevant.

It's too hot to go out - Son2 is meant to be calling in to collect something he had delivered here. "After lunch" is what he said..... I'm waiting for 3 large items from Amazon to arrive (nothing exciting, just stuff for Jaffa)

I think...cultivate those relationships with the DiL, EllieAnne.

Thats a gift you have, getting on with them: its often not the case: my soon happens to be very psychologically aware, but a lot of sons are not, and of course DD has problems that you cant get past atm.
I'm useless on cat suggestions.

You are wicked, HVDY 🤣 the Affair with the Check Out Lady.

Well, so much for the Q Zoom and my first attendance at an area meeting. I was so tired I went back to bed and slept for 2 more hours.
And you know what?

It's time to stop worrying about What They Think of Me (tho I still do it even yesterday. I had 11 years marriage with EX, the last half which was coercively abusive. It took a horrendous year to get out. I went a bit hyper as a reaction, then depression, which is hardly surprising after that last year. then I was myself back into Q, and get Sexually Assaulted. FGS!!!

And it occurs, on this hot day when I am just hanging out, it's about time I focused on enjoying what life has left for me not try and be virtuous and Approved Off. why am I not concentrating on that?

(well, learning to enjoy being alone is work in progress)

I did enjoy my life back with first husband for enough years to know its possible, and certainly in my 20's went round a lot of blocks and experiences, a bit crazy, but always ran away from conflict.

Wyllow3 It's very unusual for my husband to get up early - even more so to go shopping at that time. I asked him if he fancies one of the checkout ladies . He made us a lovely salad and bought ice creams for afterwards. Good idea to join the Zoom meeting instead of traipsing into town. The tidying up can wait - it's too warm for that.

EllieAnne I've had cat-sitters several times - even when we had 3 cats, and one of the 3 needed to have daily medication. You do a lot for your family, and perhaps they take you for granted? I know your marriage is loveless, but I think your husband will need your support. It's hot here again, but thankfully not as bad as it was the last few days.

Hvdy she has had cat sitters before but when I suggested it she wasn’t up for it. Said the one she used before isn’t doing it anymore and no one would do it for 3 cats which I don’t think is right.
She doesn’t know the latest update on his condition but I will contact her this weekend. I’ve told the boys but got very little reaction. I know they are busy with their own lives but……..
Tbh I get more feedback from my two d in law.
Looks like you are still hot down there. Very mixed here today.

That is early. I had a better sleep till 8am but shopping at 7.30!
I cant move that fast it takes me a couple of hours to get going.

That is a difficult one, EllieAnne as you cant presently know how things will be when DD goes away. I think you and DD need a back up plan. Does she know the situation at home re the health stuff...

...he might be OK - your mind may be leaping to the "worst outcomes". Quite a lot of us are on drug regimes for the rest of our lives?

But that isn't the heart of the matter, is it? It's the prospect of having what freedoms you have at the moment and your coping strategies arising from them shrink.
If that becomes a reality, it becomes more important than ever to make your nest at home. Buy that decent lap top to watch and listen to what you want. Make your room a sanctuary

Dont do things for DH that he can do for himself.
We'll walk with you.

I'm very tired but am going to have a go at a Quaker business Zoom. They get tedious and they are in town which I can't cope with but on Zoom (it's a hybrid meeting) I can just duck out of. The way I feel now is dizzy worn out and stay in day and goodness knows bits of tidying needed.

SweetpeaSue Yes, you both need to know what is causing the pains. It seems to be one thing after another for your poor husband. Hope he won't be waiting much longer for the appointments. The weather's much better here this morning - it's about 20 degrees, due to reach 28 by this afternoon. Hot, but not as bad as it's been.

Doodle Take care; rest your wrist.

Wyllow3 I tried teeth-whitening gel about 6 years ago. The dentist took moulds of my teeth, made flexible plastic things to fill with gel and wear all night. There was a marked improvement over a couple of weeks. It all cost a few hundred pounds. I've still got the mould things and occasionally buy the gel from the dentist. We've had Hello Fresh before, and Gousto (which I preferred). We're both a bit awkward - I don't eat pork, lamb, eggs or offal, and he doesn't like offal, cheese or fish.

EllieAnne It's difficult for you. You want to help your husband and daughter. IF your husband needed help in August, could your daughter get a cat-sitter? That, surely, would be sensible. There's a company called "Cat in a Flat" that matches pet-sitters to clients (not particularly flats - that's a silly name, really), and they have all had a DBS check.

DH was up early and went to Asda at 7.30! I suppose I ought to move myself. Been up since 7 and done nothing except feed Jaffa. x

Been awake for hours. So much going on in my head. I don’t know what is going on with dh health and I m committed to watching dd s cats in August for a week. What do I do if he gets worse? She’s got no one else. It’s all going round in my head. Trying to do the right thing by Dh but the love is long gone and I can’t pretend. It’s going to be a very long day. Cloudy at the moment but might brighten up later.

Aw Doodle - that is just rotten. I hope you just twigged it not re damaged it.

It's hard for dogs, they need to drink a lot and the pavements so hot. Does Fluffball like a swim in a river Sweetpeasue? Sis's dog always goes for it.
Of course you want to know "why" the pain. Knowing, if even if it's tough to cope with, always helps. Sigh - it's like chasing around the body with uncertainties...but I hope those injections come along soon.
The teeth whitening is a new product becuase previously it was counter productive for older teeth as it takes the enamel off.

You just have to wear these little mouth measured top and bottom teeth fitted units for 1.5 hours a day for 10 to 14 days, and put a dab of the whitening stuff on it. It's not over expensive so am giving it a try. I'm starting tomorrow.

HVDY. DS gets "hello fresh" quite a lot (he's the cook). It's really good stuff and makes sense just getting the right amount and not busying large bottles of stuff like herbs and spices.
Yes, there's not a lot better than the swim pool in this weather.
and it slows all down.

Best to go with it!

Sorry all. I seem to have hurt my right wrist. The one I’ve got to be careful with. It’s too painful to type so just popping in to say I’m not posting tonight,.
Hope all are ok xx

HVDY We never took F out at all as she was panting and son had said she didnt want to go for a walk early this morning. Put a cold damp towel on her for a bit. Can't believe people who take their dogs out in the temperatures you're having ,its ridiculous. Or those leaving them in cars- its so cruel. Pavements are too hot for their little feet too.
Im not worried about the lung nodules. They just want to monitor them yearly. Shame it wasnt about the other things that are concerning but DH has no more appts with the heart people. Rheumatologist has referred him to a Dr to do injections for pain relief but not heard a thing. Id really like to know why he has the pain in the first place. 🙄.
Aww LG would make a lovely Flower Girl.

ScaredyCat That's a very sad anniversary. . I hope the journey back home goes well.
Whiff Hope you're keeping well. Have you been on any more holidays?
EllieAnne Son2 and his partner will get married at some stage. LG will make a cute flower girl, and her big sister will be a bridesmaid. All we want for our children is for them to be happy and healthy. I hope your husband gets on alright with the steroids. 18 is a lot. I had to take 10 a day for a month, then decrease it. I had a lot of side effects, but as he's only doing that for 5 days, he should be ok. I hope so.
Wyllow3 It's too hot to do much at all, isn't it? I feel worn-out.
SweetpeaSue I've also got nodules on my lungs (5 of them) but don't have any symptoms of anything. Fingers crossed his results will be fine. Enjoy your time with Fluffball. It's too hot to take dogs for walks - RSPCA keep warning people but there are still some idiots who take their dog out in this heat. Aqua aerobics was so nice - cool water, cool shower afterwards.

DH cooked a curry tonight! It was very nice, though. It was a Hello Fresh recipe. I wet all Jaffa's fur to try to cool him down. He loves it. I'm buying a paddling pool for Son1's dog - she's a Husky/Collie and must get unbearably hot.

Scaredycat Enjoy your last days an d hope your journey back is comfortable. Your return home will have mixed feelings due to the emotion of that so sad anniversary. Xxx
Purplepixie There's a lot going on for you right now. Just come in when you're ready.
HVDY I hope the aqua-aerobics did turn out to be in nice cool water and not warm. The heat is stifling.
DH got feedback from Xray on hip today on his phone. Showed Spondylitis in his lower back disks. We knew this as he had op for slipped disk about 25 yrs ago and he also later had steroid injection for back pain too not long afterwards. Hes never suffered badly with back pain since then really. The chest CT he had focused on the lung nodules that was found nearly 2 yrs ago and was told they just needed to be monitored for any change in their size. Not got results for that yet.
Doodle Hope youve managed to keep out of the sun today. Much love. X
Wyllow I do read the N and P threads to find out what people are thinking and it can be interesting. I just never take part. Hope the teeth whitening is effective . I should get mine done - have noticed theyre looking a bit yellowish with age. Let us know if it works.
EllieAnne Hoping your DH is OK with all the steroids. You must have very mixed emotions . Take care of yourself.
Whiff Nice to see you in and kind to us as you always are.

Got caught up today between son's request to look after Fluffball for a few hrs( We're having her tomorrow anyway)
I didnt mind but other half did! 😩
Went for costa this morning and back home to cool.
Hope everyone is ok.

Oh EllieAnne I hope the steroids work....I looked it all up...
so difficult for you given the emotional situation.

Yes, marrying after a child (what I did too)...was for tax and pension and me and DS well being etc, should anything happen. It wasn't unusual in the circles I live in.....

I like the small celebration sort, for me, being the centre of attention noooooooooooooo.

I have got some proper teeth whitener equipment suitable for older teeth (ie gentle on the enamel) from a visit to the dentist today, it was hard! concentrating in the heat, and my mouth was stretched every which way I just want them to look a bit nicer for a treat.
Then the gym - yes, aircon, but most people were not doing a lot. Anyway so tired after last night.

Lying on the bed nattering online like and disinclined to move.

It's going to be a hot drive for Scaredycat and hoping the crossing brings cooling breezes.

How's all?

Dh platelets down again. He’s to take 18 steroid tablets a day for 5 days then go to clinic.