Black Dog 30

Hvdy I don’t mind wearing glasses. I used to wear contacts but during Covid didn’t see any point and I’ve never gone back to them. It’s just seeing myself that bothers me.
Thanks for all the kind words.

SweetpeaSue Your son is braver than mine - fancy going on a rollercoaster! No wonder he feels knocked about.

EllieAnne Am I right in saying you've got glasses but don't like wearing them? I have to wear mine all the time, then have others for reading and close-up stuff, Perhaps a different style is needed? I get mine from Glasses Direct (online), using the prescription from the optician. They're much cheaper to buy that way.

Nadateturbe Wise words to EllieAnne. Hope you're looking after yourself.

Love to all for a restful night x

Nadateturbe That was a really nice post to EllieAnne.
EllieAnneIts so hard when youve no self- esteem. I totally understand the hairdressers dreaded appt- Ive avoided them for 4 yrs and my hair is not good. Like you - hate looking in mirror.
Im glad you like to contribute in the kitchen and that is very valued so please dont think its any less. Its no less than any of the other jobs.

Wyllow3 It's so annoying when washing gets so wet like that. It's been overcast here and rained for about 5 minutes, but I put some washing on a clothes horse. My aqua friend was going out with her daughter, to Trentham Monkey Forest, so I didn't stay for long. She's one of those people who knows everyone - she grew up and went to school around here (she's now in her 60s), and she also knows lots of people from going to ALL the Nottingham Forest matches (even ones abroad). I do so hope that your GD will be suitable for the surgery, and that it will be of great benefit to her.

SweetpeaSue The reason the GP reckoned they couldn't give me any extra BP pills is that I've been on 5 different ones and had bad side effects with them all. The GP actually stopped 2 of them. One caused the Vasculitis. Until I got Covid then had the stroke, I wasn't on anything except ADs. My Vasculitis is fine now, thanks. It was the heat that made it flare up.

EllieAnne Not much energy but felt I have to speak to you. I go to an art group. Some of us are terrible painters! Some are wonderful artists. We don't care. It really doesn't matter, as long as you enjoy it.
You are as important and valuable as anyone else. God made you and loves you. Don't worry what anyone else thinks. Be yourself. Express your views. And wear your glasses! Glasses are lovely.
Can I recommend a book I read years ago, Feel the Fear. Short and very helpful.Also Louise Hay, she has written about self esteem and self love.
I think you need to restore your self confidence and esteem.

Wyllow I did try art when it started but was really bad .. the people who do it are talented and every year have a theme Which is made into a calendar. And I am busy in the kitchen when they are on which suits me better. I hope your gd gets on well in London.

Scaredycat Must be so very hard to lose a friend like that. As you say , his wife with Alzheimers has been mercifully spared such grief ,and yes, I agree that sometimes its kindest to pass away when the body has to go through so much. One of the worst things of getting older is seeing others pass away. I am sorry.
Oh that leg wound sounds nasty. My aunt has banged her shins a few times and they can take so long to heal. Sod's lore the surgery being shut right when you needed it . Keep it covered in bed and hope its stopped bleeding. You're having a tough time of it at present. X
Wyllow Do hope your DGD L gets that op . It must be so hard for your son and DIL to see her going through all this as L grows.
As I said in earlier post, I try not to ever drive in the dark. I think your confidence in driving is quite good - you have driven to your holiday destination earlier too and that takes some doing on unfamiliar roads- though going to your BIL and cousins could be too much especially if you're feeling fatigued.
You have been so disciplined with keeping your body healthy - yoga and gym- you deserve the rewards.
Yes, there are times when my DH needs to find out for himself what he can and cant do. Its quite a fine line to tread-- pushing ourselves but also being realistic.
Nadateturbe Thinking of you and we know you read too. Sending love.

Got a few things in like 'travel stuff' in small containers and bought a plastic container to replace the glass jar of coffee. Trying to make things as light as possible to relieve strain . Saw son who wasnt feeling too great today. Hope he's not going to be unwell for holiday. He said he feels a bit bruised after being on this rough ride roller - coaster when he took family to theme park the other day.

Take care everyone. Wishing all a peaceful night.

Doodle Of course you should be able to say how things are on here. I believe there must be many people like yourself who keep on going and seeing friends but still carry that broken part of themselves and keep that hidden . You dont need to keep it hidden here with us . Im sure all of us care deeply that you need to let it out - I wish we could do more.
Goodness ,your pacemaker lead shouldn't have done that. Its a good thing it was found out eventually but you must have felt pretty awful.
It has helped knowing people look at those prayers after all - thankyou .
Glad youve been out with friends today too.
Of course you are right that I need to practice driving in DHs car. I should have done so earlier really. My DH does so many things and always has. Its actually quite an eye opener realising he might not be able to do the things he always has- to him too as well as myself.
EllieAnne The bathroom in our house is never done by my DH but he can put washing in ,hang it out, hoover ect , not cooking though , he wouldnt have a clue. Others here are so right that you are not a non person at all and a valuable person to your DD and DS as well as your church. I think the way your DH has behaved has made you lose confidence in yourself and damaged your self esteem. The driving you have done is just mind blowing to me and full credit to you for that alone.
HVDY I hate having to drive in the dark. In wintertime , after book group , its dark by late afternoon and I drive so slowly , I hate it.
Sorry about all the faff with the BP readings and tablets. I didnt know that those pills you were on meant you couldn't take all BP medications. There just might be something else , perhaps thats why the GPwants to discuss it.
Its no fun this ageing business is it. Ive always been luck with my BP but DH is the opposite. How is the Vasculitus on your legs? The cooler weather should make a difference.

Huh, we were promised a sunny dry day. Went out to visit a friend, and it started raining heavily. So I’ve just returned to wet clothes which I had put out! (no dryer). Pah.

Tomorrow it’s thundery showers all day - so it’s the radiators on tonight. But mustn’t complain - rain all day is good.

Dear GDL aged 12is down in London at GOSH having tests tonight/tomorrow to see if she can have a vital operation - people have been very kind else thread. Feel a bit bitter. -I was to go to, and see my BiL and cousins, but all that happened over months has left me with fatigue and confidence. Hard to forgive, huh?

Your aqua friend sounds nice, HVDY. I bet she enjoys the natters and how lovely to get a visit and card:
Will there be cake?
Well done on the home made soup. Some very posh expensive ones have less nasties in, but it’s so cheap to make it yourself, well done you.
You mist go to the GP -sigh, yes it is a faff.

Waves to nadateturbe, the issue seems to have gone away.

Oh Scaredycat: a near lifelong friendship, gone with the winds of time and change. We know these events will happen, it doesnt make it any easier: xxx

Ouch, your shin! Oh, leaving it…now you make sure you get there tomorrow! Await report.

EllieAnne can I tempt you into trying the art group? Believe me, you need no skills or experience unless it is specifically a group for experienced people. Just sitting, using colour, making a line, may help you feel “someone”.
I hope you hair is all done now and its over with till next time.

Doodle is spot on, EllieAnne. Yes, I am seen as “attractive for my age”, never ever, beautiful and get help from my nice facial lady: but I put it down to 50 years now of yoga tbh.

but like Doodle says, it is my smile?, when I can do it, that makes the contact, makes people feel at ease.

Oh yes - easy to say, hard to do, but remember I went through a period when there was never a single smile..I was sallow, unhealthy, hair greasy.

. I think at our age it’s so ,much more about how we present ourselves. Unfair but the case for women.

And it did return. But it’s not right now easy for you to contemplate how that might come about. Reaching out into the hole. I think probably the right thing to go ahead with the family stuff. xx

Doodle, I am assuming the mods have disappeared whatever cropped up, I haven’t a clue.
Now that was a nice long chat with the friends. You have a gift, it says “approachable”?

Doodle It's good to chat to people.

*Doodle8 Jaff's a bit brighter today, thanks. He's eating well (nothing much puts him off his food) and breathing a bit better, although still sneezing. DH and I always had traditional roles - he's always mowed the grass, seen to the cars, done DIY. I've always done the washing, ironing, cleaning, shopping, booking things, and I used to cook every day except Sunday (now, we take it in turns and have simple meals), and I dealt with everything to do with our sons when they were children. He occasionally hoovers, only if I ask him to. Perhaps your weight gain is linked to some medication you take? I don't know what happened to that new person who posted - perhaps something dodgy?

Sweetpeasue hope you’ve had a peaceful day. Did you go for a walk?

Ellie Anne you’ll go along with your DH’s birthday plans for your children. They will appreciate it and I expect you will too somewhere along the line. Try to make the most of being with family. I don’t think my DH ever cleaned the toilet or bathroom either, he did hoover if I asked him but I did all the housework and cleaning.
I can assure you I’m no oil painting but I smile and talk to people. Listen to them. Don’t out yourself down. If you need to wear your glasses do so. Don’t worry about what others thing just be yourself. Your opinion is as valid as everyone else’s.
HVDY so sorry for poor Jaffa. That doesn’t sound nice,
I always found bought soups had too much salt, it’s how they make them have flavour. Well done if you’ve been able to make one you like.
What’s happened to that other poster you mentioned? I can’t see anything on the thread.
I have in the past been tested for thyroid. I don’t think it’s any meds I take i think I just est too much although I can’t think what.
Wyllow just seen the thread about your DGD. I do hope things work well for her. You and your family have a lot to cope with. Hope she’s ok.
Scaredycat I’m sorry you hurt your leg. Oh yes please do have it dressed properly. Wounds like that can take ages to heal. Are you happy with the haircut?
I’ve been to the hospice and met a friend. Another friend of mine turned up and joined us the a friend of the friend. In the end the four of us had a lovely long chat. Nice to socialise with people.

ScaredyCat It always feels good to have a haircut. I hate having to sit in front of the mirror like that, though. Oh dear, did your shin bleed a lot? Glad you've got an appointment tomorrow.

EllieAnne Oh, I wouldn't be able to do those things either. The thought of speaking in front of a group of people would be a nightmare for me. Don't put yourself down, you're a nice person and deserve to be treated well.

Been making soup, since I noticed that the tinned ones contain quite a lot of salt. This one is carrot and tomato. Not bad. I had a text from my GP the other week to say that although my BP is too high (average was 150/79), there are no tablets they can add on, apart from diuretics - as I'm on pills to stop me weing so much, that's no good. Text today said they want me to make an appointment to seea GP to discuss my BP. What a lot of faff x

Hvdy Others will do the up front stuff. Short talks quizzes etc. One lady organises crafts or cooking demos. An ex home economics teacher. Someone heads up an art group. I couldn’t do these things.
I’m fine doing kitchen stuff with another lady.

Hi all
Sorry I, ve been quiet. On Monday when we went to visit my friendwith Alzheimer’s etc ( We go now with her brother and his wife they are good friends) we got the news that her DH had died that morning after a terrible few years with Alzheimer’s .
I think we all felt relief as he had suffered such a lot. She had no idea - thank goodness . But it was so sad. They have been my friends for50 odd years and took DH to their hearts when we got married. All the holidays and fun times we had together. So glad we did.
Yesterday I went to see my poorly friend and arranged some dates for lifts etc. She is feeling OK just exhausted .
This morning I too went to the hairdresser for a cut. Always a nice hour but I sure know how the mirror thing is not fun😩
I just take my glasses off. So I,m afraid my post is a bit short- for me.
Oh I forgot- I also walked into a footstool on Sunday and took the skin off my shin - not a good idea with blood thinners.
Went to the Pharmacist who was so kind and she said to go to the Docs and get it dressed properly- only across from there. So I have an appt for tomorrow afternoon as they have early closing today😩 Never rains eh!!!
See you tomorrowxxx

Wyllow3 this person hasn't posted anywhere else.

Hammondkrepsy1 Would you like to tell us a bit about yourself? No personal details, but perhaps what made you look at this thread?

SweetpeaSue It's just what you don't need, but keep taking the antibiotics. You're understandably concerned about your husband. December does seem like a long wait, but I wonder if you could be added to the cancellation list (there surely must be one). I hope you'll both be able to relax a bit once you're on holiday, and that you'll enjoy spending some time with your son and family.

Wyllow3 I dislike driving at night, too. I don't go out at night these days, though. Glad you got on well at the gym. A personal trainer is a good idea.

Doodle Have you been tested for an underactive thyroid? Or perhaps any medication you might be on is causing weight gain? Of course, you must miss your lovely husband terribly.

EllieAnne My husband has never once cleaned the toilet. Aside from that, though, has your husband always been so cold towards you? A good haircut always feels nice, and I fully understand the mirror thing - but the lighting in salons isn't flattering. Would you have a mobile hairdresser come to the house? Your feelings and ideas are valid. What are the "important" things others say or do? You're a good person and deserve to be included.

Not up to much today - it's my aqua aerobics friend's birthday, so I'll nip round and take her a card and present later. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

I wish there was a way of helping you to believe every soul in our world is someone and counts equally, you "have a right to be here".I think you need a lot of love and its sparse in your life, but it can only be up to you to just say wee uncontroversial bits and bobs in groups so you do as it were "exist".

Wyllow I felt invisible with nothing useful to say. When I am at group I mainly serve tea and do dishes other people do the important stuff.
I don’t put my glasses on either. But you are attractive and have personality.I feel I am nothing and no one.

I really hope when your referral comes through you will find some support and help, nadateturbe. You are too isolated x

Just what you dont need right now, Sweetpeasue Sigh. Do take the anti’b’s.
I love that feeling in churches, the light through the windows…and it does bring some comfort. There are so many memories in older churches - births, marriages, deaths, lives lived, family lives lived.

Yes, I know that the prayers are noticed and furthered in ones that I do know. Ah, old churches have strange spaces. Could be where the vicars have dressed or prepared for a service. Clearly they have to b locked nowadays?

Try and go with DH’s wishes?
Easier said than done. There are always emergency services - check them out where you are going for reassurance?

Yes, do give bio-oil a go, HVDY. Tell you what its very good for - top up on the arms during the day. Gently pat in enough for the skin to mop up, wait a bit, oily, light wipe.

I googled Messonghi - looks just fab!

Hey well done there Doodle. Yes, that exercise, difficult as it was, will make you fee a bit better as its a body mind thing…do it whether you are losing weight or not? It does seem so hard for you, well at our age our metabolism (fat burning) does slow down.
Of course you long to be with him. X

I’m a confident driver - difficult roundabouts or motorways are not a problem where I live but if I lived in M25 territory
- I don’t think so.
but tonight coming home from a friend in the dark realised - no more night driving except when its cant be avoided.

Neither of my Ex’s cleaned the toilet. First Ex would immediately if asked tho. But maybe we are more fussy.
EllieAnne - he has got used to you running around after him, hasn’t he - buying the right food…well, practically I’d ask him to do anything you possibly can. Tell him it’s good to move around!
My, I’m tempted to say, “arrange your own B. birthday” or at least he has to have a role.
I cope with hairdresser mirrors by not wearing my glasses -I cant see a lot.

But it’s good you are getting shorn. You say you didn’t say a word. Was that because you wanted to but couldnt, (confidence), or all had been said anyway?

Thoughts for Scardeycat facing the loss and friends problems.

Today I did get to the gym and had a really nice one but easy session - lots of aquaintences in, had a laugh, did manage to help leg quite a bit, but I am going to to book the best trainer for one hour to help

- for me, if climbing ordinary stairs hurt, well thats not good!

Funnily enough, a short tough cycling session helped and of course there sits the exercise bike at home. Nice meal with friend, all the family have gone, a bit of peace and quiet. Just got washes on to hopefully put out tomorrow and a magnum to help me along.

I typed out a reply to everyone earlier, but I've no idea where it went. Perhaps I didn't post it? Jaffa went to the vet - he's got Gingivitis (again - it's more or less permanent due to the FIV). Antibiotic injection and another for pain relief. Meds to treat him at home (stuff I've used before) for his snottiness/wheezin and sneezing.

I'll be back tomorrow. x

Dh will hoover . Have a cordless shark so really light. But he never cleans the toilet or shower.
And he’d definitely been to supermarket because he’d bought Turkish delight and magnums. But nothing sensible.
So I did a shop today.
I’m getting hair cut tomorrow which is a strain because of the mirror.
I thought after the last week I’d really appreciate being home and in a way I do but his lack of care has really affected me.
Tonight he was asking if anything was his at the weekend ( it’s his 80th)
So I had to tell him what is planned. And tbh I can’t be bothered with any of it.
Went to a meeting this morning to discuss next session of our Tuesday group and I don’t think I said a word.