Welcome. This thread is in support of those who wish to share their mental health problems as they affect their daily lives,share aspects of our lives supportively and give and take support. And is a continuation of Black Dog 29.
It’s been going for some time, so this is a jump in at the deep end.
All are welcome- don’t be put off by some of us being here long term - people come and go
Wyllow3 I waited for DH to come in (he always meets Son1 on Tuesday evenings), so went to bed at 11. Jaffa woke me at 5.30 but I went back to bed until 7. Not doing much at all today.
My, that's a busy day, HVDY but a very sociable one. I hope you get a decent sleep after.
ScaredyCat What a shame your friend is so unwell. I hope the transfusions work well for her and that she won't need to be in hospital for long. You keep busy, which is great. Art and photography in one day!
Doodle I remember bus conductors. Things are so impersonal nowadays. How lovely to live in a place overlooking the river. Nice that you can see the tree and remember happy times with your beloved husband.
EllieAnne It looks as though you'll probably have to go to your daughter's to care for her cats - the longer you leave making a decision, the harder it will be for her to get a cat-sitter. 5 hours of driving to her place is a lot. Like you, I don't like driving around roundabouts.
It was overcast this morning, so we went to a softplay/role play place for 2 hours, then to a carwash - she hated it - then had a picnic at the park. Fed the ducks and geese (dozens of them there), then went to a garden centre that has a huge sandpit and a cafe. A friend rang me for 2 hours at teatime, then a different friend rang for an hour. Hope everyone has a restful night x
Wyllow3 Your garden must be blooming well by now. Glad you can have chats and laughs with the gardener. It's been 26 degrees here. Hope you soon get some relief from the Blepharitis.
SweetpeaSue LG usually gets driven around - mum, dad, us, other GPs - but we've taken her on a bus before. Not today, though, after all. Flaffball sounds so cute. Sometimes an afternoon nap is needed. One of my friends has a sleep every afternoon.
EllieAnne I hope your husband starts to feel better soon. Steroids usually have an effect pretty quickly.
I just missed you, Scaredycat, cross posted. It is so sad for you to see your friend in hospital, but they need to monitor the function...hopefully there might be specific drugs to fares the symptoms (my BiL being treated for cancer which affects kidneys symptomatically, and has the occasional transfusion and successful tablets). I wish her and you the very best outcome. but its a reminder isnt it of vulnerability and possible loss of those dear. (I'm always somehow worried about DGD L int hat respect after her covid intubation)
I'm glad you got to art and photography friends today. Is it hot where you are? It does affect me tho I'm younger than you and no AF.
I think she doesn't know how to cope with it, EllieAnne. You've said she puts her energy into volunteering and so on? "outside things" - not personal things?
Whatever it is, its her strategy.
That makes it so difficult to you when hoped for support. I'm so sorry it's so difficult. It puts you into the situation of having to choose, possibly.
Doodle those dreams must be very upsetting when you are coping with such sadness in the day. Sometimes dreams give you a helpful clue or insight or even a happy time, but they are a burden to cope with as well for you as well as the ever present loss. I like your memories of the canal walk, and thank God for that sharing friendship. A meant to be event.
Have a good brunch.
Having watched the lovely feel good film Amelie - (so positive) I've looked up "watch similar" so it's the Grand Budapest Hotel (Netflix) next.
Doodle I spoke to dd on the phone. She lives 5 hours away. I tried to get through to her that I don’t know what to do for the best but she didn’t respond to me and is assuming I am going cat sitting.
Hi Scaredycat yes Dh and I used to walk by the river most days. When he was fit we did about 3 miles a day or more. He loved walking. I’m not as fit as I was then so can’t do as much but I do still walk by the river a bit and my friend and I go to the park to visit the tree we bought in memory of our husbands. The river is just across the road from where I live so I can look out of my windows and see it.
Sorry your friend had to go to hospital. Hope her results improve soon. Was it art class or just a meet up? I’m meeting my art friends tomorrow for brunch.
Ellie Anne despite your differences you do take good care of your Dh. Hope he appreciates it.
wyllow i often have disturbing dreams or thoughts at night and wondered how much of it is what I watch or think about in the day. My dreams never seem to make any sense and are seldom pleasant.
Glad Quakers was good and the gym work out helped. I went to sit fit this morning. Just about made it through the hour.
Ellie Anne glad you went to see your daughter. I too don’t think children discuss their worries with their parents and parents keep a lot to themselves too.
HVDY does LG like going on the bus. I used to love it when I was young. Can’t do it now of course but used to love the ticket collector and his ticket machine. Going upstairs and the conductor pressing the bell twice and saying hold on. Or am I the only one old enough to remember all that. 🤣
No Sweetpeasue no music in sit fit, I don’t like listening to music as it often upsets me so it suits me fine. Our instructor just talks a lot and jokes with us.
Glad you enjoyed he walk and cafe with Fluffball and your Dh was feeling a bit better,
Today dh took himself for a blood test. I didn’t go because I knew he would be in and out in no time but when he came back he said that he didn’t feel fit to drive.
He can’t concentrate and is unsteady. I’ll drive him to the hospital tomorrow but I don’t like the road . Horrible roundabouts and very busy.
It's a lovely jolly her, Sweetpeasue, with dyed red hair and a huge belly laugh.
Oh please don't feel naughty about daytime bed, "that one should be a-doing" is imprinted in us somewhere isn't it: and of course frustration that one can't go out and do more, see more to contend with.
I met an old contact at the gym, who has had fibromyalgia since she was in her 20's and always pain tho she somehow exercises through it (but I think gets not so tired?)
It really opened my eyes how bad it is. x
That cafe sounds really nice and 18 degrees you are right is perfect. I hope it can be repeated, its sounds a good place to be.
Hi all
Wyllow- I,m glad Monday was a better day for you. But the following bad night wiped it out a bit. Yes what you do or think in the evening influences your night time emotions. Maybe try and think of the good things in your life if possible - or watch something you love on tv.
It’s good to hear you have had kind reassurance from some Quaker friends . That’s what you really need is to feel believed .
The company of your lovely Gardner will be very welcome today I think.
HVDY- I don’t drink alcohol any more because of my AF etc but I loved red wine and almost any drink except Gin when I did.i have elderflower tonic now- how exciting!!
Loved your photos- what a great room with a view.
Cromer Crabs are famous. When I was little the fish man used to come on Sunday afternoon with his horse and cart laden with Crabs,winkles,cockles,shrimps etc- what a treat.I loved the crab and shrimps.
Hope you,ve had a good day with LG and a bus ride.
SweetPeaSue- your forest walk with Fluffball sounds perfect. She must have felt happy now it’s a bit cooler. It’s always nice when there’s a cafe involved too.
How lovely to be able to sit and watch the waves so near to where you live. I could do that for hours - it’s mesmerising.
Don’t worry about your extra weight- it’s more important to try and enjoy your days and relax. If you could manage a little walk each day it would help you.
Doodle- I remember when you used to walk in the park with your DH. Do you walk with your nice friend? The river is close by isn’t it - is there a river walk you can do?
I,m sorry you feel down - some days it just gets the better of you doesn’t it.
Today hopefully was better- a bit of exercise and then coffee and a chat.
EllieAnne- you,ve done nothing wrong. Your DD has her own issues and sadly is not able to share her feelings. But nothing is your fault.
You have made your decision re the cats so now you have time to prepare DH for his week. Some easy food and maybe a book or 2 . Then go and try to relax - he is only a phone or text away and must realise that your DD needs you too.
Sunday my friend was admitted to Hospital as her kidney function is very low as a result of her treatment for the cancer. It’s such a shame as she was starting to get out a bit more. She doesn’t feel poorly - just really fed up. Today she’s had transfusions of one sort or another and has a scan tomorrow.
Saw my Art ladies this morning and Photography this afternoon so a bit tired. But I feel lucky to be able to do these things when others can’t.
Love to all and thinking of all our oldfriends
Wyllow Its been 18 degrees here so just nice.
Cafe is a lovely place with simple foods ,healthy and 'unhealthy' with great prices.
DH not too bad today though hip pain quite nasty yesterday.
I was up more or less the whole night so after walk felt dizzy with headache and went to bed-- still feels naughty napping in daytime but I sometimes, like you, need to.
You seem to recognise some reactions may be extreme so thats self aware and good.
Your gardener sounds so nice - glad you can have a fun time with him.
Ah, a nice shady walk on this sun is a cooling treat, especially with Fluffball having sniffing fun. What was the cafe like?
And how have you both been?
I'm pretty sure the triggers for the 'life not worth it cant stand it"
is some very nasty unresolved business with D the one who was the "deny my reality person over a long time " (and a lot more I now know).
I will try to get a strategy in hand since my reactions are both over done for the situation, and ones familiar but not got good strategies for.
Garden looks fab, tho, and we had fun and natters.
I hope other BD's have not melted in the heat.
Doodle Aw I hope those feelings of loneliness and the sad thoughts have retreated. Hopefully being with your friends today will give you a bit of a lift.
Do you have music while you're doing the sit fit? That alone can make exercise more enjoyable I think.
Scardycat Hoping youve been OK.
We had Fluff today - took her to the forest walkway about 5mls from here and she enjoyed the walk and sniffing at things. Little cafe there too.
Wyllow Sorry youve been having bad nights lately. I hope you get some relief from the blepharitis symptoms from antibiotics and you're able to try .Minoxidil. So nice to have some support from that zoom Quaker - it means so much to be believed when others show doubts and that stress will be doing you no good at all. It always seems to result in bad nights.
HVDY Lovely photos thankyou. The weather is better here today - hope its been OK for you to be out n about with LG too. Has LG been on a bus before?
Id put the 4lbs on between weighing myself a month ago and staying off them a month. Oh 5lbs ! Why is it that its so much easier put it on than lose- cant understand it.
EllieAnne Its so awkward being torn about what to do when it seems you're between a rock and a hard place. You cant be everything to everyone though. Hope your DH improves with the steroids . Id have thought he will notice a difference fairly quickly.
Another very bad night, but my cheerful gardener is coming soon and that will help.
Some little ones love bus journeys, HVDY, it's a great idea. Especially if they are a double decker and you can get at the front.
Long day ahead with LG. She'll be here at 7.45 and collected at about 5.30. Not sure what we'll do, but we might have a change and get a bus somewhere. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day.
SweetpeaSue I've gained 5lbs!
Hvdy I don’t know how long he will be on them. I suppose they will be cut down gradually.
I am glad you are going down, Ellieanne. I think it’s interesting that DD didn’t make alternative arrangements knowing the situation: she may say nothing, but you coming down has a significance of its own. It’s hard to navigate however, when she isn’t given to talking about it.
You can only be open to listening should she come out with something.
I think you would be very good at that.
I think it’s interesting generally what Adult Children will or won’t say to their parents. Expectations rarely meet reality….families are so, so different.
As an adult I did not share any painful or difficult feelings with my mother. She never knew just how ill I was in the late 90’s and early 2000’s, and one strong reason why is that I didn’t want to land her with negative vibes so “kept Mum” and pretended.
(The other reason was that her answer to depression is “chin up”, but that’s her story, and I know/accept why, now)
Yet other families “say all” and its not necessarily a good thing!
Warm thoughts to you tonight, Doodle. It’s coming home, after being with others, mixed blessing and something hard to cope with.
Oh, it was a short trip, HVDY, but what a nice little break. Is LG with you tomorrow?
Today got better as it went on. what a Zoom Quaker wrote was so nice: and as a group they believed me
Took long list to GP.... chances of the anti-b for my nose helping blepharitis slim.....he is looking into minoxidil to see if tablets clash with my other meds and having a think. ... he did accept it was stress related but that the stress tho less is not over yet and wants to help a lot. ringing me in a week to see how anti'b's have done and answer on hair.
To my surprise I went to the gym incredibly tired but the magic thing about yoga in a cool space is that it actually raises energy a bit - and a cooler evening.
I never know what the night will bring. I am thinking hard what I read or do late at night that could affect it etc etc - or what I have avoided thinking about during the day that might hit me.
This delayed reaction has its origins in my teenage years of blocking all feelings was they were "dangerous" and lurking
Took a lot of my life to finally come out with a breakdown -
..but then, that's not unusual.
I hope to see other BD's come in when its right and that your days have not been too bad xx
EllieAnne How long has your husband got to take the steroids for? Yes, I believe it is known for fresh crabs (not that we tried any).
I came home yesterday teatime. Only went for the weekend.
Wyllow “living in a flat I don’t have my own garden, there is a park further down the road which DH and I used to walk to a lot. The hospice is my peaceful place it’s only about 10 minutes away. Church too. Lovely skirt. Quite a bargain.
Ellie Anne you didn’t necessarily do anything wrong. People including our children are individuals. Sometimes they get so caught up in their own lives that they don’t think about other things. Sadly, you can feel lonely in a room full of people.
I’m glad you had coffee with a friend though.
HVDY what a lovely view. I love the sea. Have a good time.
Scaredycat and Sweetpeasue hope you’re both ok.
I’m a bit down tonight. Just sad thoughts and loneliness.
Sit fit and coffee with friend tomorrow
Wyllow I think you are right about dd and Dh. I spoke to her today and have agreed to go down.
Hvdy he takes the steroids in the morning but still affecting his sleep.
I think I went to Cromer once when we had a holiday in that area. I think it is famous for crabs?
Super photos, HVDY. I've been to Cromer a few times as my Sis used to live and work in the big Norwich hospital for years and lived to the North West of it - just 40 mins to Cromer. Lovely beach and nice place. (lack of hordes, generally, as it's out of the way) Enjoy!!!
I had a very bad turn in the night. Thoughts I couldnt take anymore et al. It is clearing now thanks
(ironically, as it was the not being believed by little group of confused - and some hostility by my own Quakers that set this situation up)
By a quiet a loving Quakers zoom where I didn't go on at length but was believed and a very quiet soul chipped in on the chat section she had gone through it too, not being believed.
Still I am on the lookout, it was a scary thought, but do consider I have to do less - exhaustion and trying to gym et all most days - something has to give, but of course loneliness on not seeing people - the usual conflicts.
EllieAnne - this is very tentative indeed, what I'll say, as I might be completely off mark: DD may - just may - be having trouble taking on board her Dad is failing in some ways? Very, very tough for you of course as she is not able to communicate too well xx
The view from our room
Pressed the wrong key!
SweetpeaSue a big meal can cause a gain of 2lbs. I dread to think about my wight gain but I'm back on the diet today.
Doodle The Peace Garden sounds perfect. We all need a quiet place at times. Glad you've been seeing friends.
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