Black Dogs 29

Thanks, both.

Book by E.M.Delafield. Grrr.

So glad its over with for you* HVDY*
Great news. You must have looked forward to the treat of lunch out afterwards.
Our book at present is 'Diary of a Provincial Lady' by E.M. Detailed. Slightly amusing but too twee by half!

Great news HVDY- so pleased it’s over and no bad newsxx

EllieAnne As others have said, tell your husband he'll need to get a taxi.

ScaredyCat Are you happy with your hairdo? I like pyjamas and love to sit about in them.

Wyllow3 Well done on going to the gym and park. It's muggy here and overcast.

SweetpeaSue What book are you reading at the book club? I started reading "Sonny Boy", by Al Pacino - his life story. It's very boring so I won't finish it.

It was very quick at the hospital - the lovely woman consultant chatted, then examined me (legs in stirrups - not nice) and said I haven't got anything to worry about, only vaginal atrophy (thinning of the skin) down there, common after the menopause. She's prescribed an eostrogen cream to apply every night for 2 weeks then twice weekly after that. I haven't got to go back, but will see my GP next week. Massively relieved. DH and I went for lunch at a country pub afterwards.

Sorry * Wyllow* I think my sentences got a bit mixed up in my post.

EllieAnne Its not right your DH making appt with people, that he knows requires your help, yet doesnt ask you at all. Like Wyllow I think you do so much for everyone- you need to put yourself first sometimes. Let others get on with it.
HVDY I hope by now youve had colposcopy and everything is ok. You are certainly - as Scaredycat says- a very uncomplaining lady.
Scaredycat I own up to being a nightie person and dont get dressed immediately. In fact I like to get into my nightie early too and have an early bath. Hope you like your hair cut.
Wyllow Your garden is beautiful- youve worked very hard. I hope your back wasnt too bad after all that bending. Glad youve got that draft all written out so you can feel a bit at peace.
It was nice for you to have a chat with that lady over coffee- these random encounters with strangers and exchange of words can mean so much to others aswell as ourselves.
I really hope the decision made is in your favour and you can finally have some peace of mind without it hanging over you.
Doodle Yes, Fluffball is extremely cuddly. Pets do take up a lot of commitment I think, and I dont think we'd ever have a dog of our own for that reason. I guess we have the best of both worlds. Hope youve been OK today.

Book group this afternoon. Was a little boring tbh but Im not the only one whi isnt really interested in the book we're reading. We've all given suggestions for our next one , to read in September which will be voted on.
First warm day in a while- could summer now have started?

Hoping all have had a reasonable day. X

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Sorry spelling grammar, on the mobile x

Hi HVDY how did it go? How are you? Xxx

Let’s be clear….. well there may be fairies at the end of the garden but let’s just say they are goose grass (That sticky stuff), nettles, brambles ivy and big couch grass fairies. Once it was like the rest, planted up. But it’s OK for now, is good enough, has taken away the feelings for now ‘I’ll have to move to McCarthy and Stone can’t cope on my own…(and the roof needs stuff too…)

EllieAnne you must be clear. DH can take a taxi. Just don’t let him pressure you.
Secondly, do what I do as regards the garden. A gardener will probably on my take a couple of hours with proper equipment to cut back and shape the bushes. Don’t let it get on top of you as it did me too. Look you do enough: set these little limits.
What can DH honestly do if you say, ‘take a taxi, I have to do x y Z
I know it’s hard to make a start on these apparently small ‘stand up for yourself’ but try?

Tut tut Scaredycat nightie girl (shhh, don’t tell anyone, I do it too)

Yesterday peace gone night from hell. I had to get out for a mini dentist visit so rushed and then went to gym. But I still feel as CC anguished and that tho ga are sort of hyper real till Friday meeting and I have to factor in there may not be a decision
Or it’s not one that is adequately fair.
DS. Gave me some feedback to alter my draft and the deadline to get it off is tomorrow lunch latest.

Psychologist too busy to help this week but will at least is updated.

I went to the gym, some good natters, t he en forced myself to come here tge park and glad I did as I was getting morbid and it’s sunny with a coffee and have walked (not walking enough).

Will be in later but just wanted to wish luck to HVDY with the colposcopy and hoping it all goes smoothly. Hugs.xx

Hi all
HVDY- I would complain on my nieces behalf but it’s not my place - very frustrating though the lack of Oomph!
Yes I,m angry too about my Sisters leg too. Totally the hospitals fault but again no Oomph.
No the boys are house cats. We live in the Main Street in our village and they wouldn’t last 5 minutes out there.
I still have my Son1 stuff in the Attic but it’s not in the way and he’s not very good at getting rid of things.
I hope,the colposcopy goes safely and is not too uncomfortable for you. You are such a brave and uncomplaining lady.
EllieAnne- your DH could take a taxi back . It’s not fair to put so much on you. In fact you have so much to do he could help you with.
Try not to work too hard at your Sons. Safe journey xx
Doodle- yes my sister gets her dressing changed regularly and last week had a specialist nurse . But it’s taking so long and impeding her recovery.
It’s Church for you today isn’t it- do you all have coffee fterwards?
Wyllow- I LOVE your garden- there must be fairies at the bottom of it! What a gorgeous place to,relax in now the work is nearly done. We have a little Ryobi patio weed thing that makes the job much easier - you might like it.
Don’t listen to that little accusing voice- you haven’t got a vindictive bone in your body- you did what was right.
Chance encounters - we always say that but it’s so true. It gives,you such a boost and now you are looking forward a/ bit which is brilliant.

Now off to have a hair cut so better get my nightie off!!
Love to allxxx

Wyllow your garden is beautiful. I’m so depressed about mine. I have a man to cut the grass but the rest is down to me. Lots of weeds and bushes needing cut back. I ve had words with Dh tonight because he booked his mot on the day I go to ds1 and is expecting me to bring him back from the garage before I go to ds1 . I like to go early because it’s an hour drive and I have a lot to do when I get there. Just wish I could have a day at home to rest.

Wyllow3 Some of the books will be ok for LG, the rest can go to a charity shop, as they're all in good nick. Your garden is beautiful. I love the curved path.

DH out with Son1 this evening. I've been reading. I'll be glad to get the colposcopy over with tomorrow. Hope everyone has a restful night x

SweetpeaSue I used to be with my children all day, every day, until Son1 went to nursery when he was 4, just in the afternoons. Yes, we've got a few trees around. The squirrels come every day. Aww, lovely Fluffball sounds like such a nice little dog. Having a dog can start a conversation with strangers in the same way that having a baby can.

EllieAnne Some people can manage to put on a front to give the impression that they're nice. Your dad did, by the sound of it. Has the weather been good where you are? I hope you're getting out and about.

Doodle Yes, she now understands pretend play and enjoys playing with toy farm sets as well. Have you been out today?

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I’m glad that Jaffa seems friendly towards the new arrival, HVDY. Yes, I bet you were both tired. Well done on the aqua aerobics. It’s definitely time for a declutter there, as someone might appreciate the books. Son 2’s stuff is a different matter, if it’s still in working order.

Sweetpeasue -now that was a nice day. Walking by a river is always very special. Did Fluffball want to go in? And it seems as if he is becoming more Costa-trained. Ooo, cuddly now. It got warm today more, did it for you, near the water?

Oh EllieAnneI think there are many who understand men like that. “Hail fellow well met” to the world, a nice chap - and rubbish at home to the family.
But so hard when everyone knows him/knew him as “that nice chap”.

What it does to the family - you - gives you like 2 versions that especially as a child the brain cant cope with.

Whats the reality? Can you trust your own perception as a child, when around you others “See’ only Mr Nice guy. And eroded your confidence, as you felt unlikely to be believed.

But we do here.

I do hope today was OK for you, Doodle. Hugs.

I feel more at peace tonight after a grim start. I have managed to write more or less what I wanted as a briefing for Friday morning meeting. After about 5 attempts. It’s getting run past my son and sis atm.

We’ll see what the accusing voice says to possibly guilty self as time goes on.

I went out to get some money to pay my gardener due this afternoon, and the hardware shop had some nice plants, so I had time to plonk myself down outside the cafe,I thought I’ll just sit quietly, at a table a lady was sitting at. But as soon as I sat down she launched into conversation 🤣.

She was nice, it was a general sort of chat, but isn’t life funny, as it perked me up. But still wobbly.

My gardener was as ever a real tonic and a laugh and at last I feel the garden is under control and not an ugly overwhelming patch. It didnt take much - lawns, big weeds out, and above all, the weed crowded patio. While she was here I wrote what I needed to at last, had a sleep, and have just gone to my regular Quaker Zoom.

Who knows what mood tomorrow will bring - or unexpected ladies in cafes. Plants, HVDY - pretty much the common bedding plants plus something bright and bold called "Indy".

Thinking of BD's in anguish or troubled right now. xx

Scaredycat I’m so sorry about your sister wound on her leg. It’s amazing how long these things take to heal. Is she having regular visits from the surgery nurse or the district nurse?
Thank you the party was fun. Nice to be with people I know well.
Can’t believe your niece is still waiting. That’s appalling.
hVDY I bet LG will love her dolls house and the little people. Does she love playing house? Most little girls do.
Wyllow no pets allowed but that’s ok I’m out so much I wouldn’t have one anyway. I do feel it’s so wrong for the Quakers not to take control of the situation with Mr A and leave you feeling guilty over wanting to protect your own feelings.we all have our little guilt selves who nag at us at times.
Sweetpeasue your walk with Fluffball sounds lovely. It’s nice how being out with a dog attracts people to talking to you. Dog walkers are normally very social people. Fluffball sounds really cuddly.
Ellie Anne please don’t keep away. You’re not moaning. You have great problems in your life and you can share them here. Never feel you can’t say how it is for you. We do understand.
I’m sorry you miss your sister. Your dad doesn’t sound a nice person at all. These things can affect you for the rest of your life.
Hope you’re spending some nice time in your garden

I’ve been trying to keep away because I feel like such a moan but I just want to comment on a couple of things.
Wyllow you are a strong articulate person and have bravely spoken up about the situation with mr a.
In doing that you may have prevented him from forcing unwanted attention on another lady who wasn’t able to fight back. So try to think that you are not only protecting your own mental health but others too.
About sisters I wasn’t terribly close to mine but I think some of that was because of our difficult home life. But she was the only one who understood the issues with our dad. Everyone outside our immediate family thought he was a nice person. If I try to explain it to others they don’t get it.
So I do miss that,

Wyllow I see what you mean about the 'so called' dull days when ,if your mind is peaceful its good enough.
Its surprising how much work and titivating, flower deadheading, pruning ect that a garden takes up. Nice of your friend N to help out a little. Your garden is lovely though.
Your head is split in 2 about Mr A and the consequences and to a certain extent, that's healthy as it shows some sort of balancing. I just wish the Quaker's decision didnt take so long and then you might have sone peace.
HVDY I remember having my DGS at LGs age and oh theyre on the go all the time aren't they? I certainly appreciated my DHs input at that time. I think we were very much left to it with our own children at that age. Oh you have a new furry visitor to your garden- its good Jaffa isnt jealous. You must have lots of trees where you are to get the squirrels.
Scaredycat Your poor neice - its quite disgusting that shes been left so long. I hope she will get a date soon to remove the growth , it must have grown quite large by now. Yes, my sis is quite different naturalised to myself but we get on fine. Can't say it was always so when we were small , though no great lasting wars! A sister shares so many memories of early years and family life and thats a bond that cant be reproduced I think. Im sorry your sister's wound has still not healed though, its taking a long time and I hope its not painful for her.
Doodle Hope today isnt as sad as yesterday for you. You and your DH had something so special and I cant imagine just how difficult it is to not have that person around you all the time. I know you feel his presence at the time you spend at the hospice and Im glad for you that you have that. Hospices are such wonderful places and the nurses there are so good with the patients aswell as their families.
EllieAnnePurplepixie Hope youve both been OK. How are you?

Fluffball today. We took her for a walk alongside a small river about 30mins drive from here. A Costa visits first ( still whining- perhaps not as much) then the river walk behind it. Various people stopping to stroke her and she just lapped it all up. We have her all week now till the weekend. She's been shorn since last week so nice and silky smooth.

Hope everyone is having a reasonable day.x

ScaredyCat It's awful that your niece is still waiting. Can't someone complain on her behalf? Your poor sister is still suffering, too. That certainly could have been avoided. Your boys have a lovely life with you. Do they go out in the garden? We had a visiting cat under the trampoline yesterday. This morning, he was on top of our brick-built barbecue! Jaffa doesn't seem to mind.

Wyllow3 DH and I were so tired last night, after 2 long and busy days with LG. Neither of us would manage to have her alone. She's such a good girl, but (naturally) on the go all day. I bet your garden is starting to look really nice. What plants did you buy? Ours are all in pots and tubs, but the squirrels have been digging about in them. Of course you're not a monster. You do seem to overthink all the MrA stuff, though, and worry about what others will think about you. Don't!

Did aqua aerobics, then had brunch at the pub. DH found bags full of books in the shed, ones that we had for the 2 GDs years ago (Son1 left lots of stuff here, including 900 DVDs). We've often asked Son1 to sort it all out, but now's the time to get rid of it - Son2 left things here, too (washing machine, electric bikes, fridge).

Hope everyone is ok x

That dolls house sounds absolutely gorgeous, HVDY.

Well your Dad was rather misogynistic, wasn’t he? It’s a way of shutting girls and women up. (The trick is to make someone want to cry, then put them down for doing it)

That was a long day with LG! You must be tired and probably well in bed by now. It does help to have 2 of you with LG tho.

And Doodle is right - that bond will be strong and last forever. Of course you miss the cuddles. It’s one of the things I really miss. Unless one has little grandchildren there isnt a lot of opportunities. I’m sure we’ve asked before, but are you allowed a cat in your flat? An indoor older cat? It is rare to be able to do so.

Hello and good night xx Sweetpeasue.

Yes, I was thinking of the wound, Scaredycat. They take forever to heal one they have set in dont they as we get older. Poor Sis, she had borne so much. Is she your big or little sis? I forgot.
You clearly love each other a lot. Despite some differences. I liked the "cough cough" moment from DH.😉

Oh dear why doesn’t niece kick up a fuss? It feels so sad she wont.
Yes, I bet you have to keep a firm hold on your debit card in Pets are Us. I like the new purchase! My DS has one like that for their 2 cats, who tend to make an appearance in the living room once the children are not around, strange, that…😬…

Well, I have been productive today in the garden. And I am proud of that cos my head is in a very bad state.

After 3 hours from me, and one hour from cleaner friend N, the garden is just beginning to feel it might actually come under control after tomorrow's gardener visit, especially after a large patio has been shorn of its ghastly weeds in all the cracks, and the grass green stuff ceases to be 18 inches high in places and the weather is set fair too.

I shall be pretty stiff tomorrow, becuase the worst bit was leaning down or kneeling all the way up a very long path removing weeds from the surface. (And being naughty and spraying it with Weedol - not organic)

But the bedding plants are all in long bright in pots and on a nearby bed.....

But an old ghost had come, unsurprisingly, to visit. One of the mental health things I know the reasons for but cannot shift in my heart even if I understand it alll in my head, is that I am doing Terrible Damage in calling MrA out and asking for the meetings atm to be without him. He is old, tho very fit and with full capacity, and reason says I have every right to ask for what I have, but somewher din my head it says it will kill him off or cause a repaid decline and it will All Be My Fault.

This actually cones from some very sad and difficult childhood events,

and at least I now understand it and don’t just go straight to self hate, but its makes me very agitated and I am working out how to let people know I ma not a monster just need this, but in fact may not need to spell out out anymore, for goodness sake! But I can settle, bad anxiety, until I get a decision and reassurance hopefully will help.

Night night BD’s present, not posting today, hoping to see you in soon, and those just reading .

Hi all
Doodle- glad you enjoyed the party. So nice to be outside and with friends. It’s the sharing that you miss isn’t it and being able to chat about your day. Although I,m sure you do it in your head when you get home.
That little cat sounds lovely- there is a very little fluffy cat called a munchkin but I don’t know what they look like. Kai’s fur is very soft and fluffy as you describe but Yuki has long silky fur - both the same breed though.
My sister is taking a long time to get back to normal. Not the hip repair but the wound on her lower leg is still large and her leg has to,be bandaged up
SweetPeaSue- your days are not boring or dull to my ears. It’s those ordinary things that make up most of our days. We are so lucky to be in peace and with our families.
You knit so beautifully,see after Fluffball and have your book club. That’s loads more than a lot of people do.
I,m sorry you feel so worn out- you need a rest from thinking too much.
Wyllow- Yes my Sis and I love our chats. In so many ways we are poles apart but always agree to differ and never argue. My neice is still waiting- you couldn’t make it up.
Pets at home is such a temptation- good job it’s not in walking distance!!
Yes Art is something for you personally - as you say it may or may not happen again. But your friendly and empathetic personality is ideal for a Yoga teacher not to mention your years of experience.
You’re right about those treasured unexciting days- they are the stuff of life.
HVDY- We only meant to get cat litter and kibble but somehow a scratch thing with a little hidy hole and a curved top fell into the trolley!!!
When I was chatting to my Sister I heard my BiL jokingly say in the background
“it,ll be dark soon” 🤣
LG is such a ray of sunshine in your lives- wht lovely memories you make for her.
EllieAnne- how was your weekend?
PurplePixie- do hope you are home safely now and that you had a great time.

Love to all

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Sorry, have tried several times to post but brain is just like mush.Am so tired.

Hope you all have a peaceful night. Will come back tomorrow. Xx

Doodle it's got some furniture with it but I've bought more, as well as some little people to go in it. We had LG as usual today. She's so funny and happy all the time, it's a joy to have her. Glad the weather was good for the party. Was it a buffet?

HVDY I’m sure LG will love the dolls house. I always enjoyed playing with mine. Is it kitted out with furniture and things?
Yes the party was at a friends house. Due to the lovely weather we were in the garden all the time. Lovely you get to spend so much time with LG. It will be a bond she won’t forget,
Sweetpeasue I don’t mind so much the coming home. I just miss the cuddles and smiles and handholding. DH and I were always together and I miss his company so much.
How has your day been?
wyllow sorry about your Quaker friend. Glad today’s meeting was gentle and peaceful. You need a few more of those.
Scaredycat I met my friends cat at the birthday party yesterday. Can’t remember what breed it is but it was really tiny (although 7 years old) and had a small face a bit like a Siamese. It had such soft white fur but more like cotton wool than fur. So very very soft . Sweet little thing.

Wyllow3 The doll's house is a nice wooden one from Smyths toys. I had ordered a lovely one from Asda, but they kept saying there was a delay in sending it, then said it was out of stock. Then I looked at their website and saw that the price was now £45, an increase of £15. So cheeky! I cancelled and asked for a refund. Parents can say some things without realising the effect it will have on a child in later years. My dad once said I didn't look pretty when I cried. What a stupid thing to say, instead of comforting me.

ScaredyCat You and your sister love to chat! Two hours is good. My husband, like most men, wouldn't be able to talk for that long. What did you buy from the pet shop? Toys for the gorgeous boys?

Doodle Glad you had a lovely time at the party. Was it at someone's house? The weather was nice for it. My dad was a painter and decorator, so he papered the rooms in my doll's house and made some lights for it.

It's been a lovely but tiring day - LG was here from 8.15 to 6.15 - parents went to Shropshire for an air show. DH and I went to White Post Farm and park, which she enjoyed (we've taken her before). Got her all day tomorrow, our usual Monday. Hope everyone has a restful night x