Black Dogs 29

Hi all
HVDY- Happy Birthday!!🎂🎂🎂🍸🍸🍸
Hope you have the best day and enjoy a lovely lunch with DH.It,ll be a perfect end to the day with all your family.
Your watch sounds brilliant- what a great present. Must be well charged up in this lovely sun.
Doodle- always say how you feel- the love that you had and still have for your DH is so special how could you ever forget it.
We like to hear about DH . You go out and about because that’s what helps to fill your day and to meet new friends.
Your rocking chair is the perfect place to relax and let the warmth and the sounds of the river wash over you. It must be getting busy on the river now and lots of baby water birds.
Our furries are never far from us - even sometimes they sit outside the loo waiting!!
Wyllow- well done seeing those demons off- don’t let them do their dirty work. It was nice to have the company of your lovely cleaner as you were getting ready.
I hope you have a happy time with your family - isn’t it wonderful that you can go and see them now.
Glad the car problem wasn’t a serious one and that the Sun has followed you. Relax and enjoy the sun and your GC.
SweetPeaSue- Ah Fluffball and your DH walking together. such a sweet picture in my head. Two little friends taking time out.
I,m sorry DH has had to use the spray - is it more when he’s mobile ? Hopefully this coming week will bring some more answers for you both.
Hope you had a lovely sleep back in your own bed- there’s nothing like it is there.
EllieAnne- I really feel for you and your situation. To be alone yet not alone.
Is it not possible to make small changes. How about WI or volunteering at a pet rescue or local hospital. Anything that could help give you back your self confidence.

Last week I had my routine blood tests and an extra one for possible heart failure. The levels were raised so I should have an echocardiogram within 6 weeks- I,ll believe that when I see it. This would explain how exhausted I have felt - just have to wait and see.
Love to all- don’t the weekends come round quickly.

AA came soon and it was the underboard flapping under the car, apparently not enough screws in it… its OK to drive with it off… as I don’t have AA Relay I’d have been stuck up here if it hadn’t been simple …it’s nice and sunny here and the kids have friends here which suits tired grans.

I don’t iron unless it’s linen.

Nerve pain is a tricky one. I hope the appointments get the balance right.

I like driving, and the motorway and the A road smooth sailing.
Hit a snag… strange noises developed in the car on the motorway yet the engine seems fine… so I’ve dropped stuff of at guest house (nice lady) and waiting for family to get back

And rung the AA 😬😬😬 cross fingers and toes don’t need a garage or something as out in the sticks 🤷🏼🤷🏼

Wyllow Thanks, the pain DH has in his left shoulder/arm/hand is due to him not being seen soon enough for the Subclavian Steal. He had very poor vascular flow and Vascular consultant that put syent in said he couldn't guarantee that the procedure would alleviate the pain as there might be nerve damage. We'll see what he says on Monday.
Do hope you enjoy your stay - just rest when you know you need to.
HVDY Sleeping on a park bench is exactly how it felt! Pillows were like flat boards to so DH put a bath towel under his head last day there.
DH seems to need the spray at times when hes not doing anything ( like lying down) as well as other active times.
He has also been getting pain in all his joints ( aswell as the nerve pain in his arm which seems constant). I wondered if his joint pain was due to the statin. I know they lowered cholesterol but I also think they increased dose too much from 20 to 80mg. Hes cutting tablet in half now ( at my suggestion) then after a short while going to GP to ask for cholesterol level to be checked again. He might not need such a high dose. I know the side affect is joint pain.

Been out to get some groceries this morning. Just a bit of pottering in garden - plus ironing to do.🙁

Happy Birthday*HVDY*🎈🎉🎂
Have a lovely lunch and day.
Safe journey and good stay with family * Wyllow

Back later.x

I googled it! We have one in Sheffield, I checked out the one most likely local to you, it looks amazing, classy, variety, not your one heaving plate of chips.

Enjoy.

Wyllow3 We're going somewhere new for lunch. The Botanist. Family will all be here after work, but only for cake and drinks. Safe journey today, hope you have a good time with your family.

Oh, all the demons available in my head, came a-visiting in the night. Grim. When I'm going off to do something potentially very nice. When it got to the whats the point stage, took extra tablets in the end, I knew I had to sleep as its a long drive. things have not stopped lurking.

Fortunately my cleaner is here making things more ordinary and I don't have to hurry.

On the plus side the weather is good for driving.

Sorry haven't replied to others. Will do so tomorrow.
Night all.x

Doodle Never be reluctant or afraid to mention how you feel here. Ive done it enough.
I dont think anyone here thinks they can alleviate your pain. But I think it must be such a very lonely place to be when you are feeling such pain , yet cant express it. Its awful that we cant help, but even worse if you cant say how you feel. Just because we cant do anything to help, you need to be able to say how you feel. Hugs and love tonight and always.x

Ah, I read back, and your birthday is tomorrow, HVDY

Any plans?

I hope you get lovely pressies.

SweetpeaSue Thank you. The watch is a Citizen one. I've never heard of a watch not needing batteries. Glad you had a nice time with the family, especially the children. Sorry your husband hasn't been too good. Does his spray help much? I think it's always good to get back to your own bed and shower. Was the bed hard where you stayed? We once stayed in Prague and the bed was worse than a park bench. Hope you have a good rest tonight.

Doodle We all share our feelings and worries here. Carry on telling us about your husband. Your rocking chair sounds so lovely. You enjoyed your afternoon tea, that's the main thing. Don't worry about your weight. My diet has gone by the wayside recently.

Wyllow3 Enjoy as much as you can, with your family. Those times are so special. Hope the weather is decent for you.

ScaredyCat, EllieAnne, and ALL BDers - hope you all have a good sleep.

Afternoon the is a dangerous time, Doodle, as it nearly always involves cakes and the like.
I like it when you share your sorrow, as its "where you are now" and I can understand: and I like to hear about DH, because after all, he was with us when this series of threads started, part of a history we all know....always feel Ok about doing so....or not doing so, whatever works for you x

I'm just about packed - reflecting how much time self maintenance takes when I'm older - exercises for knees, eye heat treatment, pesky reappearing facial hairs, decent skin cream and cleansing...sigh...so much easier age 40 or so - "shower, spot of face cream....and go out.

I'll be in anyway when I am away. I have to put BD's and GN in my bag.

Sweetpeasue those days sound fab: but also quite demanding of course as in full on. Can you talk to the vascular people about what it is that particularly triggers needing the spray? How significant is needing it a lot now and then, unless it's all the time?
I can understand the time out DH took and glad there was Fluffball to take out. I wish there was a suitable painkiller for him? Or does taking it very easy mean less pain? it is so difficult - the desire to see family and spend time especially with the children, versus the need for quiet restful time.

Yes, there is nothing like your own bed, tho the bed when I stayed with sis was good: we'll see what its like in the modest B and B I'm going to, except its more than a B and B, the lady said I can come in for afternoon nap etc, she sounds really nice.

HvDY many happy returns for tomorrow. What a nice gift from your Dh. I do hope you have a lovely meal and enjoy yourselves.
Wyllow your garden sounds a nice place to relax. I should look after my hands more but I never have. Hardly ever wear nail polish although I do try to put hand cream on at night.
I’ve been in my rocker in the balcony earlier. Had to wrap up well because it was really windy. It’s lovely just rocking and looking at the sky and the clouds going by. Hope you got on well at the gym.
Ellie Anne I’m sorry you had such an unhappy childhood and that seems to have carried on into your married life. I know you love your children but your home life is so miserable. I do wish you could get a place on your own.
Scaredycat have you heard how your sister is today? She must be happy to be home now. How are your two fluffy friends? Do they sit with you and your Dh in the evening?
I’ve been to afternoon tea at the church hall. Had so much to eat I feel so full now. And I wonder why I weigh so much 😱

Sweetpeasue I’m glad you’re enjoying the break. In some ways it’s good that you have been able to watch over Dh so when you get those appointments soon you can mention the pain and the use of the spray and see what they have to say.
Thank you for your kind thoughts. I’m never sure whether to say how I feel or keep quiet. No one can help so why mention how I feel. It’s hard to know what is the right way of doing things. I don’t want pity but somehow I feel sad if people think I could forget Dh so easily. They think because I go out and do all these things I’m “getting over it” which is so far from the truth they have no idea. I talk to DH a lot during the day. Think of him all the time.
Sorry there I go again but I like talking about him. I don’t want him forgotten. He is everything to me.
Sorry all this isn’t a good time for me. I’m ok not crying just cry sad,

Doodle You were together with your DH many years and you had a such a lovely between you. I can only say how sorry I am for your heartache and longing for him. I know you will always miss him but I hope today is a little easier.
Thankyou we've had a lovely time with son, DIL and the 2 children . Separate lodges but together mostly .
* HVDY* I should bother with my hands more. Ive age spots on them and I should use sun screen on the backs but I think nothing gets rid of them now. I actually put nail varnish on for our little break - I should care more.
Hope you have a lovely birthday lunch tomorrow. It was so nice of your DH to surprise you with the watch. Ive not heard of the ones that charge themselves with daylight. Have a livy day tomorrow.
Scardycat Pleased to hear your DSis is home from hospital. You must feel relieved and its good shes having follow up at home to keep check on the wounds.
Hope you feel more rested today after the gardening. The weather was gorgeous wasnt it- if we'd been home I think we would have done a bit of gardening. It gets harder though to bend over and if I get onto my knees I need DH to hang onto to get up!
EllieAnne Im so sorry for your situation and it makes me sad to think you have such a futile future feeling so alone. Some good posts here from our friends - I know whatever you choose will be hard, at least at first. Take care of yourself first.
Wyllow I was really impressed with you sorting that drain out-- I just couldn't do that , you are a strong lady.
I do hope you manage to enjoy some of your stay away. I think its good you have your own place to stay and it allows you to rest when you need. Lovely post to * EllieAnne* .
Allsorts Nice to see you in. Hope you can still have and look forward to better periods. Take care of yourself.
Nadateturbe Often think of you and sending love.

Well the last 3 days have been very lucky weather wise and it all went very well. Good to have those little times playing with the DGC . There was an open sided barn with table tennis, pool table ect and we spent little time with that. Animal's to visit too and they formed a couple of friends to play with.
DH has not been himself but didnt show he had pain to family. He disappeared with Fluffball a few times to walk quietly. Hes needed spray 3 times today alone. Monday we go to Scarborough for Vascular appt and the Thursday phone appt with Cardiac nurse. Hoping to get his problems investigated further.
Just so tired now but think we'll sleep so much better in our own bed- the bed in lodge was torture!😩 xx

Sending love to you all. ( nice to be home)

Wyllow3 Nice to relax like that in a private part of your garden. Shame the weather's changed today (it's rained on and off here and is cool). It's my birthday tomorrow (67), so DH and I are going to go out somewhere different for lunch. We don't ever buy each other presents for any occasion, but he's given me a lovely watch (I had 6 very cheap ones that all needed batteries). This one is just right and apparently charges itself by daylight , which I don't understand. Are you all packed to go tomorrow?

I lie down in my garden, HVDY, there is an area that is not overlooked at all. I've a well padded mat for this. I find it more comfy than a chair, but I havent got a proper recliner chair for the garden, and anyway like lying down.

I use a hand cream called Neutrogena, it's great, and keep one in my handbag. I do the glove thing in the evening.

Hey, is it your birthday !!
Have a good one if it is. Great cupcake idea.

Today is gym as missed 2 days and tomorrow day 1 of three without it and generally trying to take it easy as going tomorrow.

Wyllow3 I keep a tube of hand cream in my car, so I use it then. I've got a tub of O'Keefe's Working Hands cream, too, and find it good - when I remember to use it. Hope it's another sunny day again today. Do you sit in your garden?

Doodle Thank you. There are dozens of colours to choose from, but this one is summery. GD1's mum very much favours GD2 (who lives with her), and openly tells people that. What an idiot. I've never had a problem with Vinted, so I don't know what to do with these trainers - I'm waiting for a reply from Vinted. You will always miss your dear husband, but you are determined to push yourself to go out and see people - I wish my brother would, but he won't.

EllieAnne your childhood wasn't happy, you possibly married in haste, and your life now is very unhappy. You could change that by looking into ways to get a place on your own (a furnished flat, perhaps, and Pension Credit). Otherwise, do you really want to spend the last 10- 20 years of your life with a man you don't love or even like?

It's the day centre place today. It's usual for people to take cakes or sweets for everyone when it's their birthday, so I've got 40 cupcakes (that will include the staff & helpers). Hope ALL BDers have a decent day x

I hope for many more T shirt days too, Scaredycat Sounds a good one for you, what a difference the sun makes. Good to see SS1, and yes, it is lovely to have them nearby, but credit to you…they clearly want you to be part of their lives. Yes, an early awakening to catch the news. Grim stuff, balanced only by realising the limits of what we can do now and ‘handing the baton on’ and, well, by loving as much as we can in our families and communities do we “do our bit”.
Yes you did overdo it, yes who can blame you on a day like this to tackle the garden. No, we will never learn. 🙄.

I didnt know that verse until I looked it up, Ellie Anne. The trouble I have with it that it apparently gives back those years without our own agency in getting them.

Any getting back that I have done has been at great effort and with substantial help: but I do seem to be gifted with hope in better times. Or learnt of its existence, something like that.

But you seemed also to have learnt you cannot change things.

It was pretty grim escaping Ex and divorce but imagine I hadn’t done it, tied to a controlling man, and your husband sounds pretty controlling by using anger or silence against you. There is a degree of abuse in that, you know.

You had a s*itty childhood and it’s all too easy to model choices of men on them.x

Went to one of my groups tonight.
One of the verses was about god giving back the years the locusts have eaten. Some of you will understand the reference.
But I don’t believe it.
Didn’t have a good childhood because of my dad. Got into lots of bad relationships and married because I wanted a normal relationship and children.
And you know much of the rest.

Dear Doodle I think the sun, people around happy, when you were, doesn't help. Not for a moment you begrudge them it, but....
and you bravely keep on for it is all that you can do, and I am very glad you have such a good church, and it does give a frame and what meanings you do have, and indeed, you put in a lot too.

HVDY my hands currently encased in lots of hand cream in latex gloves, leave them on for a couple of hours (I'm even typing in them - softens them up nicely.

Wyllow you are brave. I wouldn’t stick my arm down a drain.
Glad Mr Pebbledash is being useful. Reminds me of all the pebbledashed houses there used to be years ago.
Glad you had a call from the psychologist. Some sunshine will do you good,
HvDY the nails are stunning. Love the colour. I agree with Wyllow GD1 is lucky to have you in her life. Her mum doesn’t sound too great, mums shouldn’t play favorites.
Oh dear, men’s trainers. I imagine things don’t often go wrong as you deal with Vinted quite a lot don’t you?
Sweetpeasue I’m so pleased you’re having a peaceful time. Hope it does you both good.
Scaredycat church was nice. Lovely to have a service mid week too. So pleased your sister is home. Hope she recovers well now. Please don’t overdo things in the sunshine. You need to rest more.
Alllsorts nice to hear from you again. Hope you’re getting by ok. I know what you mean about feeling alone. I seem to have sunk into a sadness at the moment. I’m ok, still doing things and meeting people but missing Dh so much.
Take care all. Ellie Anne thinking of you

Wyllow3 Thanks. My hands are really wrinkly (I forget to use hand cream). GD1's mother didn't invite GD1. She's a horrible person - I could write a book! Well done on unblocking the drain. Not a pleasant job. The weather is glorious here.

ScaredyCat I'm glad your sister is home now. She'll be happier in her own place. You're always doing a lot. Have a rest!

Hi ll
What a beautiful day it is . First day wearing a T shirt - first of many hopefully.
Doodle- so very sad to lose one of the well loved GN posters. She sounded a very lovely lady.
Nice for you to have friends round- hope,there was cake involved.
My SS1 popped round this morning to pick up his Birthday pressie for Friday . He lives about half an hour away and was working locally. I am very lucky to have such nice SC.
Hope Church was companiable today.
Allsorts- so nice to see you here . Wise words for Ellie Anne.
HVDY- my sister went home yesterday evening. She has to have home visits as her wounds haven’t healed up yet. We,ll chat at the weekend when she has caught up with her sleep.
You really have good parks where you live - always somewhere different to take LG. You give your GD1 another perspective on life and a realisation that family life can be trusted and loving. What a pity she doesn’t have a kinder Mum.
The Vinted episode must have been a surprise . Maybe there’s an old chap somewhere wearing a nice pink cardie!!
Love the nails - what a lovely present.
SweetPeaSue- so good to hear that your break has gone so well.
What wonderful weather you have had - you so deserve it.
Wyllow- my friend sees her DH when she is strong enough to cope with a visit.
What good news about your eye. They are so precious aren’t they and you must have been so scared. Thank goodness you are now being monitored.
I felt like you over Mr Trump last night. What a relief to turn on the TV news this morning.
You and Mr Pebbledsash got really stuck in - nice clear drains now.
May there be many more sunny days for you to enjoy.
EllieAnne- I too wish you had a life without all the pussyfooting nd inability to be yourself.
Life goes by in a flash - please think about ADs if nothing else.
Glad you got to the beach. On a nice day could you take a little seat and sit in peace . Maybe it would help clear your mind.

I,m feeling so tired at the moment but the sun called to me and we did an hours weeding etc. No I don’t think I,ll ever learn.
Love to all - present and pastxx