Black Dogs 29

Evening all.
HVDY I do see what you mean. They’re not right.
Purplepixie you can say what you like here there is no hierarchy of one being worse off than another.
Sweetpeasue and Wyllow lovely photos.
Ellie Anne hope you’re feeling better today. You and purplepixie sound like you have a lot in common with your DH’s.
Scaredycat a beautiful day here too. So nice and warm as well.

Sorry all for a brief visit I’m trying to keep my iPad use low for a few days. I had a strange episode last night where I had moving circles of sparkling prisms in my vision affecting both eyes. It seems it might have been a precursor to migraine which I don’t suffer from normally. It did wear off eventually but was pretty scary at the time. Left me with a lingering headache so another early night, Take care all

Wyllow3 What beautiful views. You did well with your cycling. You should you'll sleep well tonight.

ScaredyCat I don't know what she'll do, but my brows can't be left like this. They look ridiculous. I met my SIL (widow of brother who died 23yrs ago) and their daughter. Had a pub lunch then went to their house (they share a house with niece's bloke and their girls). Have you been up to much today? It's really sunny and warm here.

Hi all
Wyllow - such wise and kind words for PurplePixie- spoken from much experience. You’re so right too it’s not a competition of woes here . About guilt too- let it go.
So happy you got to the hills and whizzed up them too. I could never cycle up hills when we cycled - I had no shame as I pushed my bike while DH pedalled. It looks like there was a Golf Course nearby.
Living in the South our bluebells are on the turn now - it’s the best blue isn’t it. I can imagine you have a painting in your archives of them.
EllieAnne- I,m sorry I seem to have missed about your GD1 . I hope she not been led astray by other girls. The trouble is they want to be part of a group dont they. I hope she’s Ok.
I hope too that today’s walk went well and that the Group has grown and will continue.
PurplePixie- Ah it’s a sad day of reflection for you- how we all wish we could talk to our Mums again.
Do you have no common ground with your DH? It can be so much more lonely with somebody who just goes through the motions of living. Is it since he retired? I think I,d rather be alone than so unhappy.
HVDY- I can notice the difference in eyebrows in your photo. I like the shape of your left one. I do hope that grumpy beautician can help in a kinder way. It’s a big thing to put yourself in someone’s hands as you have done.
Well whatever you,ve been doing today I hope it turned out to be enjoyable after all. I,ve been to the dentist and hygienist so it had to be better than that! No work need though- phew.
SweetPeaSue- your week is going quickly- it’s been lovely weather here - there must have been pretty reflections in the water.
Hope you,ve both been able to relax and DH not been too troubled with pain.
Love to all - and peaceful sleep

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Mops brow.
I cycled!!
I’m at the cafe at the top of the cycling up bit..
Ok I did have to push the bike up in bits. And there was a lot of puffing and panting.

The blue bell woods need just 3 more days for perfection.

EllieAnne I had my Marionette lines done about 8 years ago, at a reputable clinic in town. It cost £700 over 2 visits, and the results were great, but those fillers only last a year or 2. The other time was 4yrs ago, at a Pharmacy, for £200 and he injected too much, causing scarring which can't be corrected. Be careful. You help your family a lot, and I expect they appreciate it really. I hope the situation with your GD is resolved in a satisfactory manner. You going out today? It's sunny here.

PurplePixie Men, generally, aren't good as discussing feelings. I've been the same with my husband, at times. Mine is a lovely man, does whatever he can to make me happy, but is content to do noting and go nowhere, unless I arrange something (which I do), but I go out without him, too, like today. It must be difficult to know what to do for the best. Sorry you feel so low. You must miss your mum (I miss mine yet she's been gone almost 31 years). Thinking of you today.

Wyllow3 I specifically told her woman I didn't want arched brows, just a slightly rounded shape. Had the 2 matched, it wouldn't be so bad, but they don't. Wise words for PurplePixie. You've had similar experiences of relationships. Good weather for a bike ride.

Off out now, although I don't want to go. Back later. x

Sigh.. indeed one of life's big big "if only's". the things I wanted to ask but never did...

A good way of finding out of you really do want to go ahead with a divorce is that most offer a free half hour phone or zoom consultation. In the end I paid for another half hour as it needed time.
You get a chance to discuss all the practicalities without even needing to begin to make a decision and it helps to decide, and no other person need know at all.

Thank you for your reply.

It’s the anniversary today of my mams death so I’m off to the crematorium with some flowers. Talk to her and bring her up to date. She wouldn’t believe if she was here that I’m still estranged from my daughter. There will be lots of tears. She thought I was mad when I met the second bloke and by the time I met my present husband she had dementia. I wish I could sit and talk to her face to face right now. X

Oh, and by the way - because everyone here is so very different, and how can it be otherwise - we avoid the "how can I seek help for this or that when someone else is so much worse etc" guilt.
Depression has enough guilt in it anyway...

I really hope your walking day goes ahead, EllieAnne, I will cross fingers they decide it's on. After all, the group may attract a few more.
its a really difficult one with the police. It's not an easy decision. If you pretend nothing happened it can hit you emotionally later - or not! Glad you caught Son1 in a good mood.

I do see what you mean now HVDY.The right side (left looking at it) has a slightly greater arch.

Purplepixie I do see more now.

I'm 75 now. I had a first husband between 28 and until I was 57. We parted amicably: he is a good man, and a great father, but we were very unhappy together.
We now get on very well indeed and meet once a month or so to discuss family and even the past, as he is now doing psychotherapy as a choice to live weller and so has insight he did not once have.

I had a wild fling with a much younger man then which ended of course in grief, and then met the one I call Ex here (as it was very fresh when I joined BD's) at 60.

He was a coercive abuser but it didn't really come out for some time - when we'd got through my money - when his MH problems (which he had managed to hide) were so gross that they became an untenable crisis, and I initiated a divorce which was pretty traumatic because his mind was alternating between between begging and abuse - that was signed after 11 years in January 2023 when I was just 72.

You say "But I do think that I’m a totally independent person who should have stayed single after the first disaster". Well, hindsight is a great thing, isnt it?
At each point in you life you made what was at that time a compelling choice

But yes I do ask myself what is in me that made me choose these particular men, what did I close my eyes to and why. Lust? Neediness? Finding a husband so you could have a child but not one forever?

If you are independent then there is every chance you could built a new life for yourself. The newish divorce process makes it so much easier - its a "no blame" divorce, but sorting out the joint assets is complicated, and you have to decide what assets you will be left with, and doing it all when depressed is hard,

although I had a lovely solicitor and a lot of support since Ex's behaviour was off the scale.

As for the "will there be anyone else" after - well, I sort of hope there will be, but am very wary now, and you have to work out

is it better to stay and there be someone however difficult
versus
I may be without a partner

on the other hand a new partner doesn't have to be a live in one - some women prefer to be independent and have a LAT (Living Apart Together) set up.

I'm tired today after no afternoon snooze yesterday, but I had promised myself I would go on a bike ride today. It's a confidence thing and related to having been assaulted last October - far too complicated to explain why (all in the mind and not having the same energy) it should be so.

Hvdy I can see what you mean now.ive still not done anything about my lines because I am wary about it going wrong and also the family have needed quite a lot of financial help recently.
Son 1 was home early and in a good mood so that was nice. But the house looked as if a bomb had hit it and I did too much,
They’ve not heard from the police about the trouble with gd1 and she is pretending it never happened but I would be chasing it up.
Going for another walk this morning with the group then I think the organisers will decide if it’s going on or not.
It’s sunny here but still a wind.

Yes, I’ve told him I’m so unhappy. He either hasn’t a clue what to do, burys his head or just ignores it. We used to go out on a Friday but that is dwindling away. I don’t want to spend an entire day with him. To be honest I find him so blooming boring.i don’t want to get out of bed in a morning.

PurplePixie Do you and your husband go out or do things together? Have you told him how unhappy you are?

Stupid eyebrows

A full-front show of these eyebrows, then perhaps you'll all see what I mean (they look greasy because of the balm she put on afterwards)

Yes, I’m 74 and he’s 72.
I married a wife beater at the age of 18. It took far too long but I got away. Met someone when I was 38 and we drifted apart. Totally unsuited to each other. Then met my now husband when I was 53. I’ve started twice from scratch and I don’t fancy doing it a third time. But I do think that I’m a totally independent person who should have stayed single after the first disaster! I’m not right in the head to put up with these crappy men! I’m Fedup.

I do feel sorry for those who have lost loved ones and here’s me moaning about mine.

May I play devils advocate and ask why you don't split up, Purplepixie? xx? Is there an age where one becomes "too old?"

NB..you do not have to answer x

I'm divorced as others here know, he was coercively abusive but some of that was he had serious MH problems and wouldnt admit it,

but

despite difficulties I'm better alone, I do what I want when I do, have things the way I like, yes its lonely, but as others here know very well, one can feel more alone than with another.

You are not alone in that respect on here.

I also thought the eyebrows looked ok but if you’re not happy then you need to get them put right. I used to get my eyelashes dyed until one day the stuff stung my eyes. I asked the girl to take the stuff off immediately, which she did. I complained and didn’t have to pay but my right eye remained sore for ages. I never had it done again.
I don’t know what the answer is for me when it comes to DH. There are times when I just don’t even like him. I asked him tonight why I was even here. He didn’t answer, it says it all. I’m Fedup with him and probably him with me. I try and keep busy. One of my long distance friends phoned tonight and she reminds me of how much fun I used to be. If I was younger I’d walk out of this house and never come back. I miss my friend that died in December. I’ll never sleep tonight. My head is puddled!

Warm waves to you, Doodle.

Well done, HVDY - I didn't know they could be "undone". I shall look up Zante.

I enjoyed the Countryfile in the High Peak, EllieAnne thank you for drawing my attention to it. did it go OK with son1?

Update - I put a question on Facebook asking if anyone had had their eyebrows done at that salon. 3 ladies said how awful theirs were. The salon owner emailed me saying she was devastated, felt I'd been "slanderous" (I haven't), and that she'll ring me tomorrow to arrange for me to go and have them dissolved (or whatever they do) and she'll refund me. All my own fault for not insisting on seeing a lot of "before" and "after" photos - she showed me one, and when I asked to see a portfolio, she said they're on FB (but there were perhaps 8, none recently). This morning, she shouted me down on the 'phone and fobbed me off. I'll see what happens.

Hvdy I thought your eyebrows looked ok but if you’re not happy you will be constantly looking at them. I hope she can fix them.
Lovely photos sweet pea sue. I saw lots of lambs today driving home from son 1.
Had a tummy upset today so gone to bed early. Don’t know if whisky is good for it but am having it anyway.
Told dh I was going to bed because I was feeling unwell. He said oh.

I’m ok but eye problem. Post tomorrow x

SweetpeaSue Thanks for your kind words. One eyebrow is lighter, longer and higher than the other. I'm so fed up because of it. The scenery in those photos is stunning. Fancy seeing lambs being born! Aren't they pretty? Hope you manage to have a boat trip - the weather's due to warm up.

Wyllow3 We're going to Zante - we've been to 3 other Greek islands before. I much prefer Croatia, though, but the flights from E.Mids are only to Dubrovnik (been, too busy) and others are all from Birmingham, mostly at 7am. It's good that you treated yourself. I know Dermalogica products are excellent. It took me years to find products that suit me, as I'm allergic to Lanolin (there are 4 kids, apparently), as well as having Rosacea, so I stick to what I know now. I bet the botanical gardens are all in bloom. Lovely to see flowers at this time of year. I hope the QuakerR gets back in touch with an appropriate reply.

Meeting my SIL (widow of late brother) and her daughter tomorrow, and we'll go somewhere for lunch. Hope everyone has a restful night. x

I’m glad you made it to the group Purplepixie . A facet of depression is getting the ooompf together to go out to things. There is always “whats the point” lurking there. It does take energy up. And it takes energy to make new friends and get company, and can be complicated when one makes an arrangement and it’s hard to honour it.
But it does seem life with DH can be lonely for you. Some people don’t or just cant understand depression in loved ones and think just pull yourself together instead of gentleness. What would make things better with him?

HVDY Vinted has certainly given you a lot to choose from. Just 3 weeks now to go - remind me, was it Croatia? I’m glad to hear that your eyebrows an be ameliorated - meanwhile mute them? But truly, to an outsider, they do genuinely look OK xx
Well you did well to get your brother connected to the Mens shed, and hope he takes it up. As for “checking the diary” - well….???

Cycling and bluebells are for tomorrow Scaredycat. I’m really really glad to hear that you got out today! Coffee, cake, DD and bluebells sound good.
You can supervise DH. Important role..he could get it wrong!

Sweetpeasue, you do lovely little knitted figures, on the crafts front.
More lambs and more sun - yes, the bluebells are rapidly coming out. Stay well both now - it’s been good for you so far. Loved the photos.

At my facial I decided to buy the products she uses - they are Dermalogica. Not for all products but 3 key ones. BUT I buy them from her in big units ie what she uses in the salon because we’ve known each other for 12 years, and like her for her own use has tricks using cheaper products for some things - like I use CeraVe for body too. As I dont use make up I dont spend money on that and never go out for anything it’s my treat.

Then I went to the Botanical Gardens, which were lovely. Like others here I was frustrated on how little I could do compared with last October and the madness and everything following being assaulted. But I keep telling myself, just be glad you can still walk for an hour or so! And have the money for a car! And can buy one of their 6“ scones.

Sometimes I can be sufficient unto myself tho I don’t think without BD’s and one more small non BD but small group other place and my key psychologist woman who will respond to “help” emails if I dont plague her too often, and music, I would have got to this place.

Waiting/hoping for reply from QuakerR it will take him some time: I know Ive put him in a tricky position, but don't ask don't get.

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Just a few photos from back of house

Purplepixie Glad you had nice time at your knitting group. Sometimes Im not in mood for socialising and not going to book group but once there I can feel better for going.
Your rug is just amazing- what a great piece of work. I cant crochet to follow a pattern at all but learnt to just go round n round in a square- 😂.
Used to make corned beef pie and pasties for family when sons were at home - good idea putting leeks in ,will have to try it. Thing is baking now hasn't to be too regular cos of DHs arteries. Plus my blooming weight.
HVDY I honestly thought your eyebrows looked pretty natural in the photo. I might have needed to put a bit of brow liner on mine to make them darker. Its awful if you dont like them and the girl that did it should surely try and correct what you dont like. Im so sorry - youve done so well with your weight. I know what its like to feel horrible about oneself but I must agree with Wyllow- what a beautiful complexion. I could do with the spider veins all on my face being lasered, Im always trying to cover them up.
Great idea the men's shed for your DB. I hope he keeps going for a while.
Wyllow Sorry about your bad nights. Its good you made up with your DS though. As sisters we're like chalk n cheese and our ways quite different. Be nice for you to keep 'lines' open with your son - sounds like you and him would both like that. I really can understand what you miss about that 'close friend' though. I cant just pick up the phone to have that special person listen and understand. Im lucky I have my DH ( though we're chalk n cheese too 😉) The neighbour is worth a try - just keep it light. Hope your facial was relaxing. Id need more than cream , I think though- sigh.
Scaredycat The blossom looks gorgeous doesnt it. There are bluebells at the back of the house here and Im hoping theyll all be out by the time we leave on Saturday. Yes its so lovely here and we saw 2 lambs being born again this morning. It wasnt pretty! I was getting in a right tiz because it seemed a long labour and felt so sorry for the mother. Then after the second one came out they eventually , with difficulty stood up . Now one of them has been doing little jumps- its amazing.
Doodle Hope youve had a good day with friends and are less tired now. You put so much into each day . I hope youve been distracted a little from those 'anniversary memories ' by being with friends. I think of you sitting above the river and watching those birds - all of them quite busy now. Sending love.
EllieAnne So glad your cat came back - I wonder where he was and what he was doing.
Nadateturbe Hope you're OK too. Think of you.

Its been so lovely here and we're just immersed in the beauty and quiet. Yesterday had walk ing the river at Kendal - intended to follow this footpath to the castle. We'd parked over nr the art gallery but the path kept climbing - each time we ascended another climb came into view . We had to turn back in the end. Just spending a lot of time relaxing . Hope to get a boat on Windermere before we leave.

Sending lots of love to all .x