Black Dogs 29

ScaredyCat That's a LOT of pets! It's good for children to grow up with animals - it teaches them empathy, responsibility, awareness of the needs of a creature, and also grief. LG and GD2 each had a ride in the trolley and enjoyed being pulled along. Hardwick Hall is in Derbyshire, Belvoir Castle in Grantham, so not too far from Nottingham. Wine tasting and lunch out - that sounds so good. Just what was called for on a sunny day.

PurplePixie Hope you've had a chat with your friend. I bet you look forward to your son's calls, too.

Wyllow3 I keep thinking of getting a cleaner to do the things I can't do easily (and that DH doesn't care about). Did you get anything done in the garden?

Son1 was 3 1/2 hours having the endoscopy and getting results. He's got Coeliac disease, a hiatus hernia, and mild diverticular disease. Advised to get different antacids from his GP and to avoid gluten - he was under the hospital and on a gluten-free diet from the age of 15 months until 4 years, but was always ok afterwards. I hope he'll start looking after himself. x

" I stand my ground but he puts that pathetic little boy lost look on his face then I feel bad inside. He knows what he’s doing because I’ve been there before"

Ex did that; but it was only finally when he literally was "mad" that I divorced him. (ie major untreated bi polar episode).

What do we do about our guilt indeed?

Well, I needed counselling help and support to get through that, tho one may have to face a surprising loneliness and lostness if you are used to living in that pattern after a divorce.

(thinks - thats basically how MrA operates 😡)

Back soon, my cleaner is due and she is helping me garden for an hour - and my brain is mush and duh.

(Yes, mejool dates are fabulous so lush)

Hi all
HVDY- I just had a quick count up of pets in our extended family - got to 9 dogs and 15 cats!! Probably missed some out as well😻 There’s also a couple of snakes in there too. Yes Norwegian forest cats are very big and very hairy- they were lovely.
I love how your girls are so kind with LG - they will all have such happy memories . Rufford Park looks wonderful - it must be very popular.
We,ve seen those carts for all the day out stuff- they look brilliant - wish they’d had them years ago . I told DH he can pull me round in one of them soon!!
Hope your Son isn’t too uncomfortable having his endoscopy- never a pleasant experience and I also hope everything is OK.
SweetPeaSue- It was really hot yesterday but they really enjoyed the Wine Tour and Tasting.we had lunch in the town and walked up,and down the Main Street. Finishing off in Waitrose to cool down in the air conditioning.!
You wouldn’t t be scared of Jaffa who sounds a sweetheart
Or our boys. Kai and Yuki are the gentlest cats We,ve ever had - they’re so chilled and floppy. They don’t even get annoyed when the lady trims their bottom fluff!!!
The long wait was worth it by the sound of it- if only all medics were like your rheumatologist. I hope his recommendations make a difference.
Doodle- We have many Vineyards in Kent now. So many of the South facing slopes are covered in Vines. Apparently the land where they went was once joined to France so the soil is the same as the Champagne land in France now.
The nearest town is a delight - how Kent used to be when I first came here. Pretty shops, well cared for interesting buildings and houses.
No vape shops,Barbers, nail bars or the tacky shops that have invaded our town.
I like your new motto- Another day Another Ice Cteam.
It’s hot again today so might have to force one down later.
The last weeks have been hard for you - I hope you and your friend can have some nice days together this Summer.
PurplePixie- Do you feel sorry for D H as he seems oblivious to your feelings towards him? Or is he just insensitive and selfish? That’s no way to live. Although you sound to be getting a bit stronger . Just because you are kind and gentle doesn’t excuse the manipulative behaviour he uses. Sounds like he needs to grow up.
Your youngest Son sounds lovely and very close to you enjoy your weekend chat. Enjoy too chatting with your friend - can you visit each other at all?
Wyllow- I,googled Rufford Park too- it looks beautiful doesn’t it. It mentioned Bolsover Castle too and also Hardwick Hall- which is fab. They must be quite close to you too or is my Geography a bit iffy.
It was a lovely day thank you and the countryside looked so pretty in the sunshine. Not dramatic like the lovely peaks but typically English.
Yes we are an animal family- was it your Sis who had alpacas?
Deffo the raisins count ! We,ve discovered the boxed Medjool dates in M and S - they are so nice.
As you say about Mr A you couldn’t make it up. It’s almost like Chinese Whispers! So glad you have L there for you. It could all have been sorted but for others poking their noses in.
Diary is a good idea - you,d get to note if there are any patterns emerging healthwise.
Nadateturbe- thinking of you.

Allsorts, Candy,and all the others we haven’t seen for a long time hope life is treating you better. Love to all

I’m a soft touch and I can’t be horrible to people even though he has been awful to me in the past. I’ve been quite strong where he’s concerned lately and I refuse to take anymore rubbish from him. I stand my ground but he puts that pathetic little boy lost look on his face then I feel bad inside. He knows what he’s doing because I’ve been there before. My friend is phoning tomorrow afternoon.

Not a misty guilt feeling PurplePixie a that nasty feeling guilt.

I googled Ruffield Park HVDY lovely! Good food there, as well, and it's probably just as well you took a picnic £££ wise. Yes, the weather has been perfect here too - not too hot, and a breeze, ideal for your day out. You'll be having a good sit down tonight, I guess. Well… as regards the endoscopy….it doesn seem like being a large man makes any difference to hospital fears!

I hope they had a lovely time Scaredycat for everyone's time out. Your family sounds like my Sis's one animal wise.

I hope the mooch was pleasant not overwhelming heat wise.

Now, as regards rum and raisin ice cream. Raisins count as one of your 5 a day? It's fruit, innit?

*Sweetpeasue, how long will it take the results to come back?
Having a nice person makes all the difference in the world.
It is very important has found the inflammation - and I’m so relieved he will get a steroid injection and hope that it works to relieve the pain. I also hope it given DH a little more confidence in doctors, as of course its been a bad ride for you.

The leather seats sound lovely but you have discovered thedown side.

I like pistachio too Doodle or a good plain vanilla with proper vanilla. Or sometimes an almond magnum. But ti seems you were virtuous not having one today.

Are you still doing the drawing each week? I’ve lost touch with that.

Purplepixie The heat can be hard to cope with as its can stop “distraction” things. But why do you feel sorry for DH? Is that misty unfair emotion guilt at work and you blaming yourself xxx?

Last night was grim. Too much going on in head half resolved: I had had too much brandy really sensible with my meds so I felt sick
And I got up at 4 I did some bits and bobs: attempted to attend the 7am Quaker Zoom but it was then I could go back and got a couple of hours sleep.

I got to the gym 🙂 and did enough of a sesh to feel good about it but slept and woke later again "I'll have to ring in crisis”

But then things got turned upside down: probably not in a bad way in the end

it seems that, from a series of emails, that its not so much people blaming ME in my little meeting, its actually other Quakers outside of it whom MrA has whinged to are actually blaming the small group managing our meeting for “not letting him back straightaway backing me”

but they don't know the real story by any means at all - its still a misunderstood hug to them. .

You couldn't make it up.

I ended up writing to Quaker L as I now trust her about why I had called the Zoom, the degree of trauma, close to a sort of breakdown,

which I hadn't particularly wanted all to know, but if they are gong to get blamed for matters L at least has to know as much as Safeguarding so she fully understands any decision.

Sheesh. But I had a decent evening as well as writing that and did a bit of sewing and decided to keep a brief health diary to note stuff down.

Night night BD's...I hope, best sleeps possible if its hot where you are.

We’ve had poor internet for days. The heat has really got to me - just can’t sleep. DH has been ok but I still can’t stand him. I actually feel sorry for him at times. I miss my youngest son but he’ll be phoning at the weekend. Black dog days have been bleak lately. Arghhhhhhhh! There are people worse off than me. Hugs to all.

Thanks Doodle. I really hate having to push ourselves forward all the time. It shouldn't be that those who are the loudest get dealt with sooner.
Do enjoy your ice-creams!
HVDY Thanks for sharing your experience about the steroid injections. DH has had some before but its worth noting that not all of them have the same reactions immediately.
You are so right- it matters not about being a so called big strong male - these Endoscopys are quite invasive and yes, it can be daunting for anyone - no reason why a young male should find it any easier at all. Hope your son feels better when its over with.

SweetpeaSue Yes, we've got lots of lovely parks in Nottingham. Been to all of them, over the years. The girls are great with LG. I gave them extra pocket money for helping. Glad your husband was seen ok. The Rheumatologist seems to be investigating things fully. Hope the steroid injection will help, but in my experience (shoulder and heel), the pain was worse for a day or 2 afterwards before things improved.

Doodle Picnics are always popular with the children. DH bought a trolley thing to carry everything in - it's a great idea, and it holds the folding chairs, cooler box, a change of clothes for LG, all the cans and bottles of soft drinks. We took so much stuff! It's going to be very warm tomorrow (30 degrees or more), so make sure you have some ice creams - they're almost medicinal in this weather.

Son1 has got to have an endoscopy tomorrow, so DH and I will take him - he's been told not to drive home - some moral support, etc. He's 44 and 6ft 2, but these procedures are daunting, aren't they? Off to bed soon, so hope everyone has a restful night x

Wyllow glad you got such a prompt reply from your psychologist. Yes it’s difficult getting a Drs appointment these days, I usually do an e consult and the last two occasions they’ve phoned me back within an hour. I was quite impressed with that.
Another hot day another ice cream 🍨

Just read your last message. Glad your Dh was seen by the Rheumatologist and he is looking into things.

Ellie Anne I wish you were happier at home and had some common interests with your Dh but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Sorry things have worked out as they have for you.
HvDY my DH was on that for a while. Glad it helps you. I’ve just had an ice cream. You’re right it’s too hot to diet.
What a lovely afternoon with your granddaughters.. sounds a good idea with the picnic. Hope they all enjoyed it.
Scaredycat where do they go for the wine tasting? Nice of you to give them a lift. I’ve had lots of ice cream too. Don’t like rum and raisin though. I like pistachio or raspberry.
Sweetpeasue you should get help from the GP. They may not be helpful but never feel you are being a nuisance. Don’t ever be put off from contacting them if you have worries. You’re trying to do your best for your Dh and if that means being demanding, so be it.

HVDY I think we've been to Rufford Park when we were looking after DGD while son 1 and wife were away. Youve so many lovely parks around there haven't you. Oh heat and leather together 😩 - our car has leather seats that get so hot they literally burn any bare flesh. We'll need to get covers. Its nice that older GC can help look after LG and I bet LG loves it.
Much cooler here today too. DH has had a blood test to see if inflammatory markers are raised which signifies Polymyalgia.
Scaredycat Hope it wasnt too hot for you both while waiting for your DD and SIL. I have some M&S choc ice-cream cornets in the freezer and so far haven't touched them. We have had pure fruit juice ice- lollies, though theyre not as 'naughty'. Its easy to feel a nuisance as you get older and need Drs more isnt it. I still cant think of you as being 'older' though. Never heard of Norwegian Forest cats - must look them up. Ive always been a bit scared around cats actually, as my first boyfriends parents had one and it was pretty wild and scratchy.
Doodle Hope there's a cool place in your flat if the heat gets too much. I think its much hotter where you live. It must be nice to sit and chat with your friend on her cool balcony.
EllieAnne Dont worry , we understand that you need to offload at times when things get on top of you.
Wyllow Glad youve been able to share things with your nice psychologist. Hope you had some rest today. I was awake most of the night and had bad dreams last night.
NadateturbeAllsorts**Purplepixie Hoping you are all OK.x

DHs appt was an hr and half late.We were the last ones sat in the clinic. Rheumatologist must have been so busy but he was so nice, as always, and examined DH' properly and gave us time and listened. Blood test done to see if Polymyalgia- if it is DH will need steroids again. He checked a CT scan DH had done on one shoulder a couple of yrs ago , said there was lot of inflammation so sending him for Ultrasound on both shoulders and guided steroid injection into one of them. Also sending DH to Pain Clinic.
Really tired now .
Hope all have a reasonable night.

Wyllow3 Hope you managed to go to the gym. The weather's been beautiful here - warm but with a nice breeze. Same where you are?

SweetpeaSue Hope your husband's appointment went well. Is it a flare-up of Polymalgia he's got at the moment?

ScaredyCat Jaffa is ok in this heat. His fur is only short, and he occasionally flops down on the laminate flooring or patio. He's been drinking more. Men who love animals, especially cats, are always kind and good men. Both of my sons are animal lovers - Son1 has got pet rats, but adores his GF's dog (she had an elderly cat which he loved, and Son2 loves DIL's 2 cats. Norwegia Forest cats are big, aren't they? Beautiful.

Hope everyone has been ok. Had LG and GD1 and 2. Took a picnic and spent the day at Rufford Park - lots of walking, fed some ducks, went on the park, and they played in the sandpit. GD2 was especially helpful with LG. They've all gone now. x

Hi all
This morning we are taking DD and SiL out for their Wine tasting visit which had to be cancelled due to SiL Dad being poorly. We said we,d take them so they can both have some wine. We,ll go into the nearest village/ town and have a mooch - probably a hot mooch🥵 and a coffee etc. Then Pick them up when they,ve finished.
Doodle- this is real melty weather!! I confess I have had ice cream every day in this heat- that’s my excuse!! The lack of energy is awful isn’t it.
SweetPeaSue- isn’t it dreadful for us all to have that feeling of being a nuisance for the doctor instead of just being able to go like we used to. You and your DH should never have to feel like that - hope today goes as well as it can.
HVDY- how’s Jaffa doing in the heat? My boys are zonked.wish they had zips on their furry coats!
I could eat ice cream til it came out of my ears!! My very favourite is Rum and Raisin why can’t it be a healthy option!!
My GD and her boyfriend have their own little rescue cat and from never having had cats he,s besotted with her- always a plus if a man likes cats.
Wyllow. I expect you’re still asleep!! Hope the rest does you good. Being proactive as you are with getting to the bottom of things is such a strong attitude. I think you feel better if you have noted everything down and tidied it up in your mind.
My DS loves cats too and at one time had 3 Norwegian forest cats. Now he has 3 dogs!
So glad you took comfort from the caring side of the purse episode - emotionally it must have exhausted you.

Time to get ready - love to all mentioned or not and have the best day you canx

I hope you got some sleep Sweetpeasue. All the best for today.

I woke up at 4.30 too early for me as I'd gone to bed at 12, I've pottered and going back!

Thanks Wyllow. The heat has made no difference but I understand why you may have thought that as recent bilateral pains have coincided with the high temperatures. DH has seemed quite bad fairly quickly with the Polymyalgia type pains.
Wish we could make appts in advance with GP -would make things easier. So good you have such a knowledge of how the medical system -GP surgery ect works.
I feel we ( DH) are just a nuisance now if we need further help. DH doesnt want to bother anyone as he thinks ' they' can't help.( which, to be fair , by and large , the NHS haven't shown to be helpful when it was needed)
Just take extra meds as having a bad night.

Sweetpeasue this is a long shot but does it being so very hot make a difference? I'm so very glad it's tomorrow.

Oh my HVDY at 4pm there was nearly half an hour of - yes really - hailstones! I hope the meds you are on continue to be helpful and maybe even put up.

BTW to all - it was a comment other thread about heat, and a poster pointed out if you are on certain MH drugs (*possibly others as well*) then you are more likely to be affected by the heat. Its worth googling. As includes dizziness et al.

I think the loneliness you feel and DH matters Ellie Anne is complicated and doesn't fit any neat explanation. as you say, you used to have chunks of time alone and when the kids were at home - all very different.

DH doesnt need to be abusive to be "not right" for you right now but you know we wont nag you, but still keep expressing your feelings.

We all need support for things we cannot change whatever the reason.

Doodle yes the heat knocks one flat, and therefore limits what you can do in the going out and doing things/occupying yourself. How about on days like today just making it out to the hospice for a quiet cuppa on the cool?

I find that going out even if it's just the Supermarket or the Costa when it cools a bit helps.

But I was incredibly tired today but not surprised after yesterday ho0 wever I need to go to the gym to stay well. (people plus exercise)

Tomorrow.

I was OK after the purse thing today because the sense of gratitude of being helped sort of more then cancelled it out?

I wrote to my psychologist first thing and got a reply within a couple of hours. Its really helpful as her advice on MrA things she sort of ordinary-fies them. I am mega fortunate having had her for 6 years and realise it's only "for the now".

Nothing wrong with sitting one ones @, *Scaredycat. its so hot! but what a truly warm picture you paint of cat and GD boyfriend, I love it when young men go all gooey for cats. (DS does, first Ex did).

Slept today as ever in the afternoon. and rung the GP to book an appointment in a month with the my best ever GP to discuss energy levels and low immune system when she has the psychiatrist report. its quite simple really, yes I want any advice going on low immune system and other bits of me like digestive system all putting it together and I want it on my medical notes,
but I also want ammunition to prove consequences of MrA if there is more disbelief.

ScaredyCat You're never too old to enjoy ice cream or choc ices! I had a mint Cornetto earlier. Lovely. My diet is all over the place with this hot weather (too hot to cook) but I haven't been having too many calories. How nice that you had family there yesterday for coffee and cake. Glad your GD's boyfriend got on so well with your boy. Cats know when someone is friendly and trustworthy.

Doodle I'm taking SOLIFENACIN, 5mg, but it may be increased to 10mg when I go back to the GP in a month (doubt I'll get a urology appointment before then). I was on Oxybutynin many years ago, for about 15 years. This weather is too much for me - I've been drowsy all day, and sticking to the leather settees.

We had a thunderstorm not long ago, for about 10 minutes. It hasn't cooled things down at all. x

He can cook ok. I leave something out when I’m over at s1 and he worked away from home for a long time and had to see to himself. For some reason he couldn’t think how to cook mince.
I know it’s hard for people to understand why we are still together but he does not treat me badly and seems to think things are ok. Him working away for months on end didn’t help. Anyway I will stop talking about it.
I hope everyone is ok with the heat. It’s been nice her but due to change soon.

Scaredycat I love ice-creams, I’d have one every day if I could
How lovely you had visitors yesterday and Yuki had fun with them. Bet they all enjoyed themselves. I do go to sit fir but it’s not in this week, quite glad really as it would have been to hot for me.
HVDY good idea to have your DGDs together so they can keep themselves occupied, I didn’t realise your brother had his lower leg amputated, How awful for him. He obviously gets round well though.
Your weight loss is amazing, well done, what are you taking for your bladder if you don’t mind me asking?
Sweetpeasue oh dear more worries for you with your Dh. I wonder what it could be. Hope he improves soon. Nice of your son to ask you out thought,
Ellie Anne we all care about you. It’s awful you feel like that. Perhaps you should get your Dh to cook a few times a week so he gets in some practice. It sounds like you do all the work in the house.
Wyllow I’m so sorry. What a dreadful thing to happen to you. Last thing you need on top of everything else. So good that other couple warned you and you got your purse back. Good of them to help. I wonder how many others they’d done it to. Hope your ok
I’m just melting here. No energy for anything which is bringing me down a bit. Sleep well all

Hi all
Wyllow - What a dreadful experience for you especially as it must have taken an effort to rally and get out.
What wicked people to do that to you - glad you had kindness from strangers too. It must have been very scary but also must have made you really angry.So glad you got your purse and contents back - don’t let it ruin your confidence at being out as there are far more nice people around than the greedy scum who think they can take whatever they want but never ever give.
Quakers was and still is a big part of your life. Mr A has sullied that for you but time and support from your fellow Quakers will gradually heal the hurt- Safe guarding need to make a definitive decision without pussyfooting round MrA.
HVDY- we raided M and S freezers this morning - ice lollies and choc ices and peppermint ones on sticks. Time we grew up eh!!
So glad your tablets are helping you.
Your brother must have some lovely holiday memories but his leg must hamper him quite a bit now to go on his own.What a terrible thing to happen to him.
I,m glad he has Norwich to visit- it’s my home town . Such a beautiful city and slower ,kinder pace of life.
Wow that’s a lot to lose in that short time- well done.
Tomorrow will be lovely with all the girls - LG will be very happy.
SweetPeaSue- It’s a huge learning curve with our loved ones who are suffering with Alzheimer’s. I,m sure that your Aunt will be happy to know you are close by - even though she,ll forget 5 minutes later!! We, e learnt not to make a big deal when it’s time to leave - just a quick hug and a see you later but not goodbye!!
Ah life can indeed be so difficult - but there is always something to be grateful for even in the darkest hour. Remember- one day at a time.
Hope the Rheumatologist will be kind and understanding tomorrow and also answer all your questions.
Doodle- I don’t for one minute believe you are lazy.
It’s not easy trying to motivate yourself to exercise if it’s something you don’t enjoy much. I guess the thing is to do something you enjoy- or as Wyllow suggested the chair yoga with your friend- it,ll make you laugh if nothing else.
Yesterday my DD and GD3 and her boyfriend came over for coffee and cake while DH and SiL went to Golf. It was boiling hot.Yuki fell in love with GD boyfriend and they played together for over an hour!!! It was so sweet. After they’d gone sat on my B…. For the rest of the
EllieAnne- Next time you go away and leave DH behind just leave rolls ,cheese,ham etc and let him make his own food. He could always get really creative and open a bag of crisps!! Also now he knows how the dishwasher works make it his job to load and unload. You don’t have to do everything - unless he is poorly.
There is so little feeling on DH part towards you or what you are doing no wonder you feel uncared for. In reality it is him who has made you feel like that. Your DC and GC love you and your friends will love you for your kindness and we all care a great deal for you too.

Love to all -xx

SweetpeaSue that should have read "hope his pains soon go"

Wyllow3 My brother had to have his leg amputated above the knee, when he was 36 (long story but a car ran into him). He's had the artificial one longer than he had his own leg but still gets Phantom Limb pains occasionally.

SweetpeaSue It's too hot for mooching about. Hope your husband's go soon go. If it is Polymyalgia, I expect he'll be given steroids?

Been up since 6.30, and feel so lethargic that I've been dozing off. Must liven myself up. x

Wyllow What a horrible thing to have happened to you on what should have been a pleasant walk to help you take your mind off the fall out from Mr As assault. Its despicable how these thieves can plan a theft like that. Im so sorry - youve enough to deal with. Glad you got your purse back but it must feel really horrible .
Such kind words to EllieAnne
EllieAnne I just dont know what to say but, like others, perhaps leave your husband to do more for himself. Its such a sad situation. I just cant imagine how uncomfortable it is to live like that. Surely your husband must be aware of the day to day atmosphere- Im so sorry.
HVDYThank goodness that medication has helped the bladder situation. Its so tiring having to keep getting up for wees in the night too.
Yes, aunt has many longterm memories and things she's told me from years back that can open up conversations.
Well done on losing some of the weight gain.

DS wanted us to accompany them to a garden nursery today but wont be going as DH not well - both hips, shoulders and finding it painful to open ip both hands. Not sure if Polymyalgia come back. Will see tomorrow.
Hope everyone has a reasonable day. X