Black Dogs 29

My now husband is not my children’s dad. He is estranged from all 3 of his children and I am not surprised. Both him and his previous two ex wives were rubbish parents. I did my best when I first came along with two of his children from his 2nd marriage but they were impossible and I havent seen the daughter since 2006 and the son since 2010. He is not in contact with them. His eldest son he had with his first wife and he turned his back on him when the child was 6 months old. I have always been there for my 3 children and 4 grandchildren but it is in later life (about 11 years ago) that my daughter became estranged from me. I tried everything but she doesnt want to know and it blooming well hurts. I am in contact with her two daughters. My beautiful granddaughters.

Just missed your post, Sweetpeasue. I'm guessing that if it's arthritis in his neck then it's possible his hips have arthritis too?
They are typical spots to have it? I am really hoping, as of course you are, that the steroid injections have a powerful and helpful effect. xx

Oh, it's heartbreaking for you to see aunt and especially the related requests to go home. When I was an inpatient (it was a MH ward, but there were a couple of elderly people there, and one could not cope after her husband had died mentally or physically. She also begged to go home.

They let her go home for weekends with frequent carers 3 times, for her to try it out. Each time, she simply could not cope, and begged to go back to the ward. but once on the ward.....in the end, they found a very good care home, but she had the same response as Aunt. She wanted to go home.

You are doing absolutely everything you can by listening and caring. It's one of those life situations that you cant "make all right" and the combination of DH and Aunt is bound to make you feel all life is sad and uphill.

Yes, thinking of Nadateturbe too.

Doodle all that concrete is bad, but it's the local councils who have to give planning permission. It's up to them to demand a balance of green spaces.
(Having said that, I think it should be demanded by law so they can't do that. As well as adequate doctors, schools etc)

But I've just checked the law - they do have to provide adequate green spaces on Greenfield sites, but I suspect city centres are brownfield sites - and people need homes, but its not the right way to go about it.

If I recall correctly you a while back either you had to postpone the operation for medical reasons or its wasn't the right time for other reasons. Please do remind me of what it's all about - sorry, dodgy memory. x

Hvdy for many years now.
It used to be hard to get sausages but now most supermarkets have them.
Things are a bit more expensive but I look out for offers..
Eating out is getting better too.

SweetpeaSue I like Son1's GF but she's rather drippy, if you know what I mean. He's supported her with things - she's lactose intolerant - and she should have been with him. DH and I didn't mind at all about taking him, though. I hope your husband gets something sorted out about his chest pain.

EllieAnne thanks for that. When Son1 was a toddler, I had some tinned bread and then Juvela bread (it was vacuumed packed and not nice), as well as flour and pasta, all on prescription. GF foods weren't in shops then. Has your husband been Coeliac for long? What a pretty cat, by the way.

And since we are sharing cat pictures

My dh is coeliac and over the years it has got much easier.
You can get gf beers. I don’t think the bread is great but he says it’s ok toasted.For gravy I buy the bisto in the glass jars.
You get used to it.

I was on sertraline and a couple of others.

Wyllow Im sorry those angry/ upsetting thoughts of the Mr A fallout amongst Quakers keeps niggling you and spoiling your recovery. You are so much further on now though. Glad youve had a mostly good day today.
Doodle Sorry but I must have missed something. I didnt know you were having an op. Hope its not too serious.
HVDY Oh dear- families. It does seem a bit unfair though that your son might have been left to his own devices without your help. No DH hasn't lifted anything lately. A past scan on shojlders/ neck showed inflammation and arthritis but the chest pain ( not his angina pain) has been there bothering him for a good yr.

Doodle I had this problem before, when I was in my 40s. It was pre-cancerous cells on my cervix, which they treated. I expect it'll be the same thing. Glad your assessment went ok. Perhaps it won't be long until you have your operation. Will you be in hospital for long?

Jaffa's has a tin of tuna, but as soon as I put the oven on, he thinks I'm cooking him some chicken (we had pizza), so he's hanging about and following me to the kitchen a lot. Greedy boy. x

SweetpeaSue Son2 and DIL are angry that Son1's partner didn't take him to his hospital appointment - she'd said she didn't feel confident about driving there (she drives several miles to work though, and has a satnav). It doesn't bode well for the future if she ducks out of things like that. Anyway.... they'll all be here on Sunday, so I hope we don't have any arguments. Glad your husband hasn't got a Polymyalgia flare-up. Has he lifted anything recently? Sad about your aunt - it's best to tell a white lie such as you've got an appointment somewhere or you've got visitors arriving but you'll take her another time (she'll forget that conversation).

Wyllow3 Son1 will have to shop carefully now, and lay off the beers that he loves. I've bought gluten-free pasta and rolls, and I've paid for a year's membership of Coeliac UK for him. Glad you've had a better day. Seeing your family, if something can be arranged, will do you good.

HVDY must have been a shock for your son. Still now he knows he can take steps towards a diet that makes things better. Well done him for being proactive. Glad you’ve got your gynae appointment. Hope they can help you.
Purplepixie how lovely you’re going to spend time with your friend. Nice to have something to look forward to. How do your children get on with their dad? I’m on antidepressants. There are many different ones. I am weaning myself off them on my own. They can help. Ellie Anne I wonder if you’ve had old school antidepressants that just dope you up, maybe if you speak to the GP and explain about just feeling flat they might be able to find something that makes you feel better.
Scaredycat I remember how scared you were to start the antidepressants but what a difference it made to your life when you did. I agree pointless to build all these new homes with no increase in doctors, schools or hospitals. We need green spaces, parkland otherwise well all be suffering from depression living in concrete jungles and the Government will wonder why.
Sweetpeasue nice you visited your aunt. Does she seem settled there now? Good Dh hasn’t got poly myalgia again. Muscular things can be so painful. Hope you have a restful weekend.
Well I managed to drive myself to hospital today for my pre op assessment. Not one I’ve been to much before. Assessment fine so should be set for op soon.
Wyllow so good you’ve got a cleaner you like. When is your next Quakers meeting? I hope things get easier for you.
I’m going to see a Noël Coward play tomorrow. Not sure if I will enjoy it or not but it’s a day out.

Thank you all for your kind and positive words.

Yes you got it Doodle tho remember my own "leaders" include D who tore a strip off me but that has sort of has come back to bite?
So yes it is very much up to Safeguarders which feels at at last some progress - and they also must be aware that had they really believed me/taken it seriously well it might never have come to this. But truly it has set me back a long way and that man is not going to get off the hook.

I was naive thinking cos he was a Quaker he would want to "own it" and other Quakers would believe me but it is so classic a sort of the nastier misogyny - ie powerful, charming but failing male acts out a fantasy and expects to get away with it to the extent they convince themselves and some others its "poor little me" "she exaggerated/made it up it was just a hug".

Stats show exactly that, time and time again, BD's.

Oh my, you are well out of being at the town centre, Doodle if I am not mistaken it is being "commuter belted", and flats like that generally mean "young professionals". (My city centre has canal/riverside central town flats but not many as they only feed our own moderate size city is all.) My that was a bad mistake re the hospital meds! They will really be on the alert on that ward he could have kicked off to the press.

Are there nice out of town retail parks and other parks? I do think living by water is a good choice tho. Something about it. (note to self for a shady river walk except all get the same idea at weekends 🤔)

Yes HVDY you must be careful now with the bending down cleaning. Now a little kick up your DH's bum for that bit?
Now its so light in the morning it's an easy mistake to make that early but I'm glad you were able to get a bit more sleep. Jaffa is naughty.
There is lots of gluten free stuff now, the bread can be a bit boring but there is some nice stuff but ££££. I'm laying off it a bit, no need for a ban here is just helping is all, and have increased my potato intake.

But best of all Son has had the wake up call and is responding and taking responsibility..

Now dear PurplePixie
you say, "I should be happy but I’m not*. This is a "beat yourself up depressive putting self down thing"

" Shoulds" of this sort are rarely benign. I'm glad you are going to see your friend, have good old natter with her and a think, away from DH.

Other BD's have said all that I would re anti depressants, which is we will always support you whatever

but let me ask you
what is wrong with being dependent on a drug that is life changing? Or giving it say a 4 month try? (it would need that long to judge imo?)

Today was mainly a good one for me. I have been better at parking thoughts aside despite wobbles and it was nice at the gym socially and then a Costa. And trying to get together ways to see my family more ie focusing on that not the usual (tho always welcome feedback here of course)

You are as ever lovely with all Scaredycat, but how has today been for you (except perhaps very hot and cats lying about somewhere cool).

Wyllow Thankyou for the Vaughn Williams piece- it was just what I needed.
HVDY Hope your son is able to adjust to the gluten free diet - that must be hard for a young lad ( I still call mine young lads) to change. Glad your Gynae appt has come through - youll be glad to get that over with.
Doodle What you say is so true. When my DH was in hospital a nurse came round and said here's your inhaler. He said I dont have one. She insisted it was his. He said Well I didnt need an inhaler when I came in! It was meant for a man 2 beds up. I hope you have had a reasonable day and been accompanied by good friends.
Purplepixie How you describe those inner thoughts must make you feel quite lonely. I seem to have those not wanting to get out of bed days lately. I think we've all had them here. Glad you have your friend to have some good chats with and you can look forward to seeing her soon.
Scaredycat Hope youve been OK today. You always seem to manage to sound optimistic and Im sure you must feel otherwise at times. How is your lovely sister? Hope her wound has healed now. Yes, Jaffa looked so cute with his tongue out.

DHs blood tests dont show high inflammation so not Polymyalgia. When Rheumatologist pressed his left side of chest lightly DH had strong pain so Dr seems to think it was something muscular and might need v carefully guide injection there. Also waiting gor ultrasound guided injections in shoulder. Thought it was cervical arthritis ( neck) thats causing pain in shoulders and even chest. Can't think why that should affect hips aswell. We'll see.
Feeling low. Visited aunt again yesterday. She was surprised and wondered how we knew she was there. Same scenario when we left- tears and and pleading for us to take her back home.

Hope everyone is ok and thinking of Nadateturbe too. X

Purple pixie I have been on a few different antidepressants over the years. I wasn’t addicted but they made me ,very flat. I don’t know if I am genuinely depressed or just unhappy. There is no pill for that.

PurplePixie Antidepressants aren't like they were many years ago. I'm been on mine for about 8 years and don't care if I never come off them. Life throws some sad and bad things at us all the time, and the tablets give me the ability to cope with them.

ScaredyCat Son1 has got to adjust his diet accordingly, which will be quite difficult for a while. He knows he won't feel better (although there isn't a cure for Coeliac disease) unless he does. The dentist appointment was a waste of time - she asked me a lot of questions (I've answered them all before), took some photos on her mobile, of my underbite, and suggested I pay privately to have an operation to correct my jaw (I won't be doing that). How's your day been?

Bought some plants and potted them in troughs and hanging baskets. Son2 nipped here for a chat. Got a gynaecology appointment through (the 2-week pathway) for next Tuesday. I'll be glad to get that sorted out. How's eveyone been? x

Hi all
Purple Pixie- glad you have been able to arrange a visit with your friend soon. Something to look forward to.
I was like you about anti depressants for many years- worried about addiction. But only a few years ago I decided to try them after a chat with a kind Doctor. I will never ever come off them they made me feel so much better.My children said they had got their Mum back and I,m so grateful I took the plunge.
Doodle- our village is joined to the local town which has changed so much in the last few years and is nothing like it was but the one we went to for the Wine place is really lovely.
They have and still are building thousands of new houses with no new infrastructure - madness.
So glad you have your lovely river close by.
Your story of the man with the wrong meds makes your blood run cold doesn’t it- means really we have to check everything ourselves.
HVDY - that was a lot for your Son to take on but it sounds like he ,s willing to make some changes .
Sometimes life just seems too short to worry about skirting boards and such like . I get dizzy too bending my neck up or down.
Hope the dentist visit went well- never a fun thing to do is it!
Still nice to get the plants afterwards- we saw nice plants at B and M this afternoon.
That was a bit of an early rising,- Jaffa must have been; pleased though!! He looks so sweet with his little tongue sticking out.
Wyllow- so good to hear of your happy time gardening with your lovely cleaner. She is just the sort of friend you need- reliable,kind,funny and obviously likes you a lot too. She was sent to you for a purpose.
My Sis would love to be like yours and have space to have animals although she hasn’t the strength any more to do the work.Alpacas must be quite hard work though. Does she use the wool?
Hope you,be had a good day today.

Love to allxxx

No, not tried antidepressants because I’m worried about addiction.

PurplePixie It'll do you good to go and see your friend. What would make you happier? Living alone? Sorry if you've already said before, but are you on antidepressants?

Cosy boy

I slept well after a week of not much sleep. Still in bed and don’t want to get up yet. I heard DH get up around 7am. I’m not in the mood to face the world and him yet. I had a lovely chat with a good friend on the phone yesterday. She lives 200 miles away and I’m going to see her in two weeks time. A fleeting visit but it will perken me up. Youngest son will be phoning at the weekend. I should be happy but I’m not. At least it’s not raining. Hugs.

I woke up at what I thought was 6:30, so I came down and fed Jaffa. It was 4.30! I went back to bed until 7. Dentist today, then buying plants to go in tubs and hanging baskets. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Wyllow3 I've got plenty of time to do cleaning, but struggle with some of it - skirting boards, particularly as ben I bend/look down, I'm very dizzy (to do with the stroke - the Consultant told me I'll probably always have that). I'd love to have the ironing done, too. DH could help with those things but doesn't. Yes, Son1 needs to look after himself.

Doodle He eats normally, and only got diagnosed with those conditions yesterday. He's had indigestion for a long time but the GP kept prescribing antacids, telling him to cut out coffee. Son1 thought he'd got something wrong with his oesophagus but didn't expect the hospital to put the camera all the way down into his bowel. He went shopping last night and stocked up on some gluten-free foods. My GDs are fine, thanks. The younger one (11) lives with the mum.

HVDY do you think your son doesn’t follow a proper diet for his conditions? . How are your two older granddaughters now? Which one lives with her mum? It’s lovely they get in with LG.
What a brilliant idea of your Dh with the trolley. Carrying chairs etc in this heat is too much.
Sweetpeasue the NhS is in such a state at the moment you need to push to get seen and get things done. Saw a man today who when he was in hospital recently was given the meds for the man in the next bed, Had he actually taken them he would have had a very bad allergic reaction. His good sense to check but it isn’t good is it.
purplepixie I’m sorry you and your Dh have such an awful relationship .. I can’t imagine how difficult your life is feeling like that about him.
Wyllow if I read your post right, it is not the group of people who you attend Quakers with that blame you but others not from that group who are blaming your group for not allowing him back. Is that right? If so, it must cheer you to know that your group are with you on this, Surely the decision should be made by the safeguarding team and others shouldn’t overrule this. That’s the point of a safeguarding team isn’t it?
Scaredycat that’s a lot of animals. We only have three dogs and one cat. I’m not allowed pets.
Your local town sounds lovely. I hope it continues to be. Ours is about to be demolished and turned into flats (even though we’ve got hundreds already). No Green areas or parks just blocks of flats. All because the Elizabeth line will bring in new Se of us who live here won’t have any shops. I’m lucky I live out of town by the river.

Yes a lovely hour gardening. I'm glad she's in my life, just one of those fortunate serendipitous things.

Scaredycat that soft rolling countryside, at this time of year is so...(imo)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWz-Hfw4fnk&list=RDoWz-Hfw4fnk&start_radio=1

yes sis is Alpaca person (+Dog, 2 cats, chickens)

My cleaner is lovely ...I think it's a good idea for releasing time to do what you want, if energy is short or there are other calls on your time, like enjoying life.

Son1 really does have to take care, doesnt he? That is quite a list of the sort of problem he has to keep on top of. Definitely go gluten free, its easier these days.