Black Dog 24

Doodle About the Dinosaur- there was an Animatronic one , 6 metres high ,at the Lexicon in August 2019 . I think it was to attract families with young children but it looked amazing and moved about. It's obviously gone now as you couldn't have missed it at that size!
You have so much going on around you with things to see. Behind the scenes at the theatre would be interesting. We haven't a Waitrose anywhere that I know of in the north-east. Aw those tears can't be stopped when they come can they. I was like that when my mum died. Valentines day will be another first for you without your lovely man. So many things must remind you daily. Hope you've not had too bad a day today.
The doll is the same as the other one only different colours. She has a red plait with a deep green bonnet.

Nadateturbe It must have been good to go out and watch you DHs group perform but must feel so unfair when you get the 'payback'. I think you're so brave the way you cope with the illness and no one can see what you suffer so it's so hard. Only your DH will realise your condition and how it is.
I'm nowhere near as bad but I sometimes think I'm going mad when I get the fatigue and trying to push yourself doesn't always work. Sending love.
EllieAnne It's hard seeing your little flowers trying to push up under the rubble. Not surprised you pull the blind down so you can't see it. Hope you manage to sort it with the insurance Co soon. Do get some medical advice about what seems a bladder infection- these tings can get worse if not treated.
HVDY Hope you're managing today with Littlegirl. I really hope the hospital can help tomorrow. DH is still finishing the hallway painting and then we'll be taking up the stair/landing carpet too. Not sure how long it will take us but it'll be slow ,I imagine. DH does get more arm pain though it also distracts him too. Not sure if he's doing right or not. Will try and get son 2 on board when it comes to removing carpet.
The paint colour is Antique Cream( in other words, Cream! Johnson from B&M and goes on well.
Wyllow Oh what a shock to have seen that news in an email. Emotions must be complicated under the circumstances . I had a friend who drifted away during my botched procedure and I'll never know exactly why. Please don't take it all on yourself as your ex must have affected so much of your life and you are not to blame for the consequences. Glad you've been able to tell us here- it must be so lonely to keep in all that sadness and confused feelings. Will you be able to share with your nice MH worker/carer? It's not good for you to bottle up your feelings all the time. Hope today feels a little better and sending a large hug.
Nanny2507 You have so many worries going on there and the finance side of things can narrow your options . Your head must be all over the place. Can you call Citizens advice to see if you are getting everything your entitled to or just for them to help you make decisions. Even Age UK might help to offload your concerns and give you advice. Sending you a hug too.

Hoping everyone is having an OK day.
Terrible insomnia last night and took repeated painkiller doses but have managed to do a bit of tidying up kitchen tiles with a whitening grout pen ( big job eh!)
Take care all.

Well done for getting out to church despite everything, EllieAnne. Things are so difficult for you.

Steady progress there with the bedroom, HVDY A really long job there tho before its really nice again.And al the best with the hospital if you go tomorrow.

I'm so glad you had a lovely time away, Scaredycat and clearly met some interesting friends!

Sending very best wishes for what is a really difficult pondering time, nanny2507

There are so many triggers around Doodle xxxx. glad you feel a bit less panicked about crying.

annother trigger today, a bad one. I opened my emails and found an elderly Quaker friend had died. We'd had a difficult relationship, once very close but problems. all tied up with Ex stuff. I feel hopeless about it all and scared, can't cry and no one to share with as I am withdrawn.

Night night all BD's, here and those not in today. Take care now.

Doodle The theatre trip sounds really interesting. The bedroom is going to be plastered, painted/papered (4 weeks after plastering), new skirtings, carpet, curtains, bed, bedding, lighting, wardrobes - in short, everything new from scratch. My right eye is driving me mad. It's sore, itchy and blurry. Busy day with LittleGirl tomorrow but I'll go to the hospital on Tuesday.

EllieAnne I'm glad your neighbour is agreeable. Get onto the insurance company, but the doctor's is more important.

Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

Thanks hvdy I’ve had uti many times. This is different. ore like pressure but not the terrible pain. I will phone dr and insurance company tomorrow.
The neighbour phoned today. I’d put a note through the door with phone no.
He won’t do anything. He’s been in hospital and isn’t able. He’s actually younger than we are.
He said he would contribute and doesn’t seem to mind what I do .

Lucyd some kind and thoughtful posts. Do you work locally? It’s been very cold today. Hope you manage to stay warm at night.
Sweetpeasue the theatre trip was amazing. Really good guide who was full of interesting facts. Never seen the behind the scenes in a theatre before. It looked absolute chaos. Ropes and pulleys and lighting everywhere. We had a look in the Royal box where the Queen Mother used to sit. It was a good day despite the awful weather,.
Church today and Waitrose shopping. Doing well till I came across the Valentines meals for two and started crying. I think they must be used to me in Waitose now. I enter looking normal and leave with wet cheeks, red eyes and a runny nose. 🤣
Glad you’ve had a good day but like you I’m a bit worried about what your Dh is doing. Hope he’s careful. What sort of doll are you knitting this time?
Allsorts what a nice post. Thanks for popping in always nice to hear from you.
nadateturbe the fatigue is obviously still with you. I’m glad you made it out for a bit today even if you’re tired now. Any new treatments or therapy being suggested for you?
Wyllow had a lovely time with family last night thank you. Yes you never know when something is going to trigger an upset do you. I am gradually accepting that when I cry a lot at some point I will stop and be able to carry on again. It does help. I don’t feel as panicked as I used to although just as sad.
Ellie Anne I wish you could get that wall sorted. That at least would help a bit. Sorry your DGSs been ill hope he’s on the mend now. Worries about your DD won’t help. Have you spoken to her recently? Bladder problems are bound to bring you down. I suffer too and it makes me think twice about going out. Have you been to see the GP?
HvDY what are your plans for your bedroom. Are you having a new carpet or flooring? You’re working hard. How are the eyes today? Hope you get them looked at soon.
Scaredycat it sounds like you’re having a lovely time. So pleased for you. Your sister sounds like fun. Yes the theatre trip was really good. Lincoln Cathedral looked lovely. Have you more trips planned?
Nanny that is very hard indeed. Are you entitled to any benefits that might help. Must be hard for you to manage. How many more years do you think you might be working? Is it possible you could retire closer to one of your children?

Scaredycat I'm pleased your SIL enjoyed herself. The bedroom is going to be plastered, and waon't be ready to be painted for 4 weeks. New skirtings, carpet, curtains, bed, wardrobes, and mirrors. It's going to be a long job.

EllieAnne I had to Google transient synovitis but it is a temporary thing, thankfully. Ring the insurance company again, you may get a different person. Have you got anything from the chemist? I assume Cystitis, but if it doesn't improve soon, you might need antibiotics.

How has everyone else been today?

Forgive me for not replying to individual ideas: I am very disabled. I am unable to walk and cannot use my hands. On my right hand I can only use 1 finger. I use a mobility scooter when out with the dogs. Short team rental wouldn't be practical as I will have 1 cat left with me and the dogs. Plus no job so I couldn't afford to rent. Myself and DH were not in a good place financially and his pension paid our house off..there is no more money. I am worried if I leave my job no one else would employ me because of my disability and I'd be on benefits. Nothing wrong with benefits I'm just frightened I couldn't keep my pets or my car. Lots of pondering to do.

Hi all.
HVDY-/we had a lovely time thank you. My SiL loved her day and evening - she has some mad friends!! ( she is DH younger sister so is 20 yrs younger than me!!) It was so nice to see how well loved she is in her home area.
Think the Hospital is the best place for you to go- it’s been going on for too long now hasn’t it. The dust won’t have helped either . Have you decided what you are going to do with the room next?
NannyG4 - perhaps when the better weather comes you,ll feel more like doing some gardening again. It’s hard to work up enthusiasm isn’t it.
You must do whatever gives you comfort- cherish DH memories in your own way.
Glad you have family quite near so you can visit each other easily.
Nadateturbe- good to see you here. You really do pay a price sometimes if you do too much- although I,m sure you enjoyed getting out and listening to the music.
Have you been able to do any painting at all?
Nanny2507- it must be difficult for you thinking about what you can do for the best. Perhaps a new life in a new place nearer to your family would help you. You could maybe have a holiday near them to see if it suited you. You have a job though - is it one you could do elsewhere?
Lucyd- Disappearing posts are the work of Gremlins!!
No need to get rid of those things of DH if they give you comfort. I,m glad you have such iconic reminders of him.
Hope you’re managing to keep warm it’s been so cold and miserable lately. I do admire your resilience in what must be pretty uncomfortable at times.
SweetPeaSue- I must admit by the time Bed time arrived last night we were more than tired. But being with family are the best of times and I,m so grateful we are able to do it. I,m sure your Aunt must feel happy when she’s with you - such a shame her memory is getting worse.
I,m sorry you had that bad night but you dug in and managed a good day afterwards. I bet you were on pins when DH was doing things with ladders. You are such a determined brave pair .
Allsorts- we,re glad you’re here toox
Doodle- you,ve had a busy week- Saturday sounded really interesting. You must have learnt many stories about past shows and entertainers from the theatre. There is a theatre in Venice that is now a Supermarket but still has a lot of the trappings of its past- really wonderful.
I,m glad you liked the photo - yes it’s Lincoln Cathedral. So much history and beauty.
We had a really nice time thank you seeing family we don’t see often and then DD birthday meal back home last night.
Wyllow- I think it’s brilliant you’re thinking about your garden.
I agree with others who have said it would help to lift your spirits to get it done.
Sorry about that Facebook moment. Those memories must upset many people when they randomly appear. Perhaps this year you,ll be able to make new memories.
Dont forget tomorrows Shopping treatsx
EllieAnne- you sound weighed down. Try the Insce Co again perhaps you just got an awkward person last time. Sorry DD is still causing you concern . Your family obviously didn’t want to worry you,about DGS. I looked it up,too and it looks like it gets better on its own.
You need to see the Dr if your bladder problem persists-please dont neglect yourself.

Sending love to all- those mentioned,and those not and those who just read.

Doodle You've had a busy couple of days! I think it's great that you get out and about as much as you can. Hope you had a lovely meal with your family. I'll go to the eye department of the hospital, as the GP was hopeless (she told me to go to hospital the other week). I sometimes have 2 shakes, sometimes 1. I like the chocolate ones.

LucyD I hope you're managing to keep warm. Will you have a garden at your new house?

SweetpeaSue I only stripped 2 walls - DH did the other 2. Your husband is determined to do jobs (mine has to be nagged for months, years). What colour walls are you having? I'd think his headache will be worse after breathing in paint fumes, and I bet his shoulder will ache more. Get him to rest a bit, if you can. Your aunt is quite confused, bless her.

Wyllow3 I hope today will be brighter for you and that perhaps you might look for a gardener.

EllieAnne How are you?

We'll be taking up the bedroom carpet today. DH is going to cut it up to take it to the tip, along with rubble and other rubbish. The room is like a building site . Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

So every morning he puts the kitchen blinds up and I put them down again because I can’t stand to look at the mess in the garden. Bricks all over the flower beds just when my spring flowers are coming out. I’ve put a note through the neighbours door but no response. Need to speak to insurance but they weren’t helpful last time and I don’t really know what to say.
Haven’t managed to see the helpful neighbour but it’s not really his problem.
On top of that there’s a lot of worry about dd and atmosphere at home.
Also got a bit of a bladder problem going on which is dragging me down and making it hard to get out for walks.
My little gs has been unwell this week but they didn’t tell me till he was getting better. He has transient synovitis. I had to look it up.
I will go to church although I don’t feel like it but am getting very good at putting a face on.

Thank you for the picture and good wishes, Scaredycat.

Well done for the wallpaper stripping, HVDY when you felt under the weather and your eyes bad.

What a lovely post, NannyG4, a heart back to you.

Sending a warm hello nadateturbe I hope your experiences can help *HVDY. I think you in bed playing Taize and similar x

nanny2507 you do what you ned to, and thats best. Idont have a social life either atm, we do our best xx

You’re doing so well in the caravan, Lucyd. Well, you can imagine my garden too. Just have no motivation atm. Stay as warm as you can, it’s so chilly at the moment.

That was a tough night, Sweetpeasue, bad enough in the day, horrible in the night hugs! But then you did so well with Auntand the painting. You’re brilliant recovering and doing that.

Warm wave, Allsorts

That was an interesting visit, Doodle. I hope seeing family tonight helped a bit.

Dressing gown day, there was a difficult trigger when a Facebook page came up from the past which was very tough indeed.

Best night possible, BD’s xx

Doodle thanks for asking. I had intended to say hello to you today. But I'm afraid I was over-optimistic. I went to listen to my OHs group playing in our library for an hour and I've been in bed since 5pm. Fatigue, and pains which don't seem to have a cause. I think about you and feel sad with you when you are finding it difficult. But you are coping amazingly and enjoying time with friends and your lovely family. You really are an inspiration. I hope you have had a good evening.
Sweetpeasue Glad Nade te turbe helped. You've a good memory! I've been listening to my Comfort playlist tonight for encouragement.
Hope your DH is OK.
Sorry I can't speak to everyone, as I would love to. Haven't forgotten you.
Sending love. xx

To everyone and to all those suffering health conditions on top of depression a big hug.,I do read all your posts and glad this forum is here.

NannyG4 You're right- fresh air is certainly good for the soul. It made me think when you mentioned your DHs shaving things - that's so very sad. We're all used to seeing the shaving toiletries in the bathroom from our DHs ,I think they are something personal to them and I'd want to keep them too. I hope you have a better day today. Sending❤️
Nanny2507 Some ideas worth thinking about there from LucyD. Renting short term ,if that's possible, until you get the feel of the area and to see if it works out. I do feel for you . Doodle has some good ideas too but I do understand how very difficult it is to join things as I'm a much introverted person myself. Take care of yourself.
Scaredycat That was a lovely thing to do , to light candles for us all. Beautiful place ,thankyou. Hope you've energy left for your DDs birthday get together tonight.
Candy Have an amazing warm holiday in the sunshine.
EllieAnne How are you ? Hope everything is OK.

I woke in the early hrs and worries crept in , took some meds and the song 'Nadat-te-turbe' came into my head and stayed a while. Felt much better today . We took aunt out ( though she rang this afternoon to see if she'd dreamt it) and set about painting walls on stairs/landing. DH put ladders against top third stair and rested front on wall above and over stairs. Wanted him to wait for son coming back next week but no... Grrr. Anyway half finished now. DH has started with headache and shoulder pain( before he painted) so crossed fingers it doesn't get worse.
Knit a cloche hat for next doll.
So quite productive day in all.

Hope everyone has a peaceful night.ove to all and warm hugs for those who are sad or lonely. Hope you feel a little better tomorrow. X

HVDY I'm so sorry about your eye -it must be really painful. You always keep going and it must be difficult at times . I hope the dust from the wallpaper stripping won't affect that eye- have you an eye patch or something? I've no doubt you'll meet your weight loss target in the end - you've done amazing. I'm going to really try hard to lose my extra padding now!
Wyllow Glad you've got the tum business sorted out again. I sometimes feel a but sick after the movicol but I've stuck with it as I know it'll work for me. I think you'll feel better once you've got a gardener arranged, I really do. You are thinking about these things and that's good. You've been able to get a hairdresser in too. You'll make it but just at your own pace when you feel you can.Hope tomorrow is better.
LucyD Herons are lovely aren't they- so still and can easily be missed. I didn't know what an Egret was either until my DH told me. Cold again here today. I think of you when it's cold and hope you're OK. You'll be so glad of your new home and you'll be able to get it how you want and make it comfy. You deserve that.
Doodle You made me laugh about the dinosaur missing from your Bracknell! I don't know what picture I've been looking at but the Dinosaur was definitely outside an M&S though not Bracknell. Will have to take another look. Your feet don't touch the ground - you're like a whirlwind. The old theatre must have been interesting. Enjoy your lovely family dinner together.

Back in a bit.

Part Three!
Nanny G4 - I am sorry to hear you had a bad day on Thursady. Some days are just awful. I hope you are feeling a bit better today.
Sweetpeasue -I don't think I have ever seen an egret. I shall have to Google what one looks like. Plenty of herons around here.
Getting really chilly here even though the heating is on. Am glad I am working tomorrow as at least the building is warm and it fills in my time. Take care everyone. X

Part Two!
Nanny2507 - could you spend part of each month ( maybe a week?) with each of your children rather than moving permanently? Or maybe rent something short term near one of them? They both sound pretty busy and you don't want to end up in an unfamiliar place without your job. Do you ever see your work friends outwith work? Maybe they would be happy to meet up? Loneliness is so isolating. I spend most of my free time on my own and often long for company which is the opposite of how I used to be. When DH was alive I was happy to spend time on my own when he was away working but the difference was I knew he was coming home again and my parents were still alive too.
Wyllow - I do hope you find a gardener then you can enjoy pottering about in your garden once the better weather comes. If it is overgrown it is just totally overwhelming - I know, my house had been unoccupied for 18 months before I bought it so nature truly had taken over. I didn't know nettles grew that tall! It took a gardener many days to chop the grass and nettles down and together we raked it all away - that was only the drive verges and a couple of bits of "lawn" the rest is still a wilderness.

Lucyd so annoying when that happens isn’t it. Hope you’re ok.*
Sweetpeasue sorry I’ve never seen a big dinosaur in Bracknell. I suppose you might have been looking at an old picture but it’s certainly not there now. Marks is a big store at the end of the mall. We often go there for coffee or a light lunch. It’s about an hour or so away from where we live . Lots of shops and a good place for a day out,
Been to Windsor today to do a backstage tour of the old theatre. Over 114 years old. Amazing place and we really enjoyed it. Had lunch now back home but I’m off out again for a meal with family so can’t post much tonight,
nadateturbe nice to hear from you again. How is the tiredness going? Have you managed to meet up with family at all?
Candy how lovely to be going on holiday. Hope you’re going somewhere warm and have a lovely time.
Wyllow I’m sure getting your garden done would lift your spirits especially with summer coming. Could you start looking round for someone who would be suitable and get things going. Hard I know but I do think it would help you.
Scaredycat thanks for the photo and the candles. Looks a lovely place is it a cathedral? Hope you’re enjoying yourself and have another lovely evening with the family tonight.
HVDY sorry to hear you’re still having trouble with your eyes. Hope you get seen by someone soon. Could the GP see you Monday? Yes, that’s the one thing about grief. No one size fits all and we all have our own way of handling it. When I came home from the hospital I asked our sons to move out of our flat all the things associated with DH’s disability in the last 12 months. I didn’t want to see anything that reminded me of the pain he went through but as for everything else, it staying here with me. In our home.
Your weight loss is amazing, well done for persevering.
Do you have slimfast twice a day then a normal meal?
Which ones do you have, I used to like the banana one.
NannyG4 so lovely to see you posting here. Sometimes it’s hard to get enthusiastic about things but hopefully when spring comes you can get out it to the garden again. I’m not particularly enthusiastic about shopping but it’s a day out with friends so I go, we usually have a nice lunch somewhere .
Nanny I’m sorry you feel so low. I’m on antidepressants too and think they help a bit. Are there no local groups you could join to meet others. Ramblers do some slow walks in some areas. A knitting or art group. Sit fit exercises which I go to is a new one for me.
Lucyd I agree with you. People should only get rid of what they’re comfortable not keeping. I wouldn’t part with DH’s things now and although I don’t know how I’ll feel as time goes on I personally can’t see that changing.
Must dash all or I’ll be late for dinner,

Evening everyone. My second attempt. May well post this in two parts!
HVDY - your eyes must be so painful. I have had conjunctivitis before and that was bad enough so I really feel for you.
Doodle - my DH has been gone for over 6 years and I still have some of his things - his shirt and tee-shirt are still under the pillow and his Barbour is hanging in the utility room at my son's. His army uniform is in the wardrobe and his sword is in the vestibule. I use his socks and handkerchiefs and still have other clothes of his. I don't think I will ever be able to part with it all for exactly the same reason you give. I had to part with lots as we also had a flat that I had to sell and then I moved house then I decamped to my static caravan so couldn't keep everything. If it helps you and gives you some comfort then why not?

nadateturbe The conjunctivitis is very much better than it was but still isn't right. The blepharitis calms down and then flares up. I also have Rosacea and that can affect the eyes. I'll go somewhere on Tuesday. Thanks.

doodle my DH stuff is still where it was the day he died. Nothing has changed. If I move/give away his things I'll have to finally admit he's not coming back.
candy I am on AD have been for many years.
I have no social life what so ever.

That's a long time without improvement HVDY.
I would definitely go on Tuesday. Maybe need antibiotics?
I've stopped using mascara, which I miss. and I use warm water or blephasol for bathing. I don't think it matters too much what you use as long as you massage the eyelids. Maybe difficult with conjunctivitis.
It took a long time for bleph to improve. But I wouldn't wait too long to get the conjunctivitis reviewed. I'm sure you're fed up.

nadateturbe Thank you for that. This Blepharitits started early last Dec. I changed mascara, then stopped using it altogether (never wear any other eye make-up). I bathe my eyes with diluted baby shampoo and use Cerave on my lids. I had my eyes tested not long afterwards, and they found nothing wrong, apart from dry eyes. I got conjunctivitis a few weeks ago, used drops then I saw a specialist at the eye hospital the other week, she said it was a severe case, exacerbated by having flu at the time. I'll have to go back if it's no better by Tuesday as it will be 2 weeks since I saw someone at the hospital by then.

was OVER 30! should have checked....