Black Dog 24

ScaredyCat How special to have 4 generations together! Not many people manage to have that. Precious times.

SweetpeaSue I took the last steroid and last antibiotic this morning - I haven't been coughing or wheezing whilst on them, and my Blepharitis (eyelid inflammation) has been clear. Early start tomorrow, Little Girl will be here at 7.30. I hope you get through to someone tomorrow about your husband.

Doodle I don't usually eat burgers, but like them when we have a BBQ. I'm glad you had a nice time with your son and his family.

Off to bed soon, hope everyone has a good rest x

HVDY I had a burger, haven’t eaten steak since Dh died. It was his favourite. Nice meal and everyone was in good spirits.
Scaredycat it helps me to be busy so I’ll give most things a go. So unlike me. I hardly ever join in things. I’m having to make myself do it just to get by. Walking group was so nice I hope it continues.
Your four generation coffee catch up sounds wonderful. Not many could boast that. 😊
Wyllow could you tackle one small thing a day. I did my bathroom clean today and change the bed. I was sorely tempted to leave it but I put on an audio book to take my mind off things and was pleased to get it done.
Ellie Anne you feel like that because of the way life has turned out for you. You can’t control how your family turn out. Mental health problems affect so many families. Hope your DD is in touch soon.
I’m sorry the insurance have rejected the claim. Does that mean you will now have to pay for someone to rebuild the wall.?
sweetpeasue I hope you get through to rheumatology. Make sure you get across how poorly your Dh is. You have so much to worry about yourself but are so caring to others.

Candy Hope you're having a lovely time at your caravan.
Doodle Hope you've had a good day seeing friends at church and your meal out with your son last night was good.
Thanks Doodle - well be ringing the helpline tomorrow.
Wyllow I think Scaredycat's words to you are so right. The brief Wattsapps are better than no contact at all. I hope your tum is better today. Sure it's worth a review so that your meds can be sorted out to be of more help. Thankyou for your concern for myself and others . I wish with all my heart you could feel your worth again .x
EllieAnn I'm sorry for your upset. You really shouldn't blame yourself for everything that's wrong. I don't think there can be many perfectly good mothers but it's OK to be 'good enough ".
I hope your DD gets in touch soon. I can understand your worries about her health too but I'm sure she'll get in touch when she's ready.
Scaredycat Your coffee and cake mornings for all the girls in 4 generations sounds just the thing. Wish I could do that with my son . I love both my sons to bits though I do miss not having a DD.
HVDY How is your cough lately? What a full day with Littlegirl- she must lice coming to you.
We used the antique cream in the hallway and extended it into the bathroom. I was surprised how well it went on and looks lovely with the white paintwork. Sage green sound so relaxing - ideal for a bedroom.

Hope all BDs have been OK.
Wondering how you were yesterday NannyG4 Hope you were all OK and could support each other.x

Trying to help DH . Headache still there and heard wheezing with every exhalation last night. Try to get through to Rheumatologist nurse tomorrow.

Wishing all a peaceful night and not forgetting those who I've not personally addressed today.x

Hi all
Wyllow- brief What’s Apps are better than none at all. Sometimes there is nothing you can do about loss but just accept it. You have done nothing to deserve this self punishment . The more things needing doing just pile up and fuel your distress. HVDY idea of a to do list might help. Just seeing those ticks would be encouraging.Nobody can put themselves in another’s shoes but from personal experience and those of many friends here , keeping busy as long as you are physically able, is so beneficial to mind and body. Getting started is the hard bit.
Shopping day has come round again! Hope it is better than last Monday and some nice things end up in your trolley. Never forget we all care so much for you and want you to get well.
HVDY- I expect you,ve got lots of nice things planned for LittleGirl next week. Hope the sun shines for you and make some nice memories.
Think you’re right it’s time to start putting the washing out again- maybe tomorrow if it’s still sunny.
While DH was at Golf this morning I went for coffee and cake with DD, GD1 and GD3 and GGD ( 12 in May) . 4 generations together - such a nice time.
EllieAnne- what a nuisance about your wall- so annoying when Insurance is so expensive and claims are rejected. Yes maybe your DS may give you a hand.
Your DD has problems but to feel that you are to blame is just not true. She is an adult and dealing with things in her own way. You beat yourself up so much . We all try our best bringing up our children but when they are adults things happen totally out of our and their control. All we can do is be
there for them and love them.

Thinking of you all and hope this Sunday is being kind to you.

EllieAnne. So will you have to pay for the repair of the wall? Could your son or anyone help to build it back up? Why would you think you haven't been a good mother? My Son1 had MH problems, but not because of me, it was to do with his ex. Your daughter might have things going on that she doesn't want to share. Don't put yourself down so much. What are you doing today?

Hvdy the insurance have rejected the claim.
Yes dd has mental health issues but it still hurts.
Then I think if I’d been a better mother things would be different.
My whole life I have been a failure.

EllieAnne I'm sorry you feel so low. Your daughter has got some MH problems, I think? Perhaps she's going through a phase of not wanting to talk? (I've been like that at certain times myself). Hope she gets in touch soon. Are the insurance company going to sort out the wall?

Doodle Hope you had a lovely evening. What did you have for dinner?

Wyllow3 We had LittleGirl all day on Monday, but it was nice to see her again - we're having her a lot next week. Would it help if you made a list of things to do and ticked them off as you do them - gardener, boiler, etc?

It's another bright morning, so have got washing on the line - DH still in bed, he stays up late at night, unlike me. Not doing a lot today. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Another hoping you have good weather and a nice time in your caravan, Candy.

I like the idea of those colour combinations, HVDY. It feels like some time since you’ve seen LittleGirl so glad to hear you’ll see her.

EllieAnne it’s so hard comparing oneself to others where there isnt the shadow of Mental Health. I’m sometimes a bit like your DD not keeping in touch, all I can say is, I love them, but the illness gets in the way, and I just hope things get better for you with DD.

I hope you’ve had a nice night out with you son, Doodle well done overcoming the wobble.

I’m glad a resolution was reached as regards the meal, Scardeycat

Sorry your yesterday was really bad Sweetpeasue

I’m not well at all really, sunny out but stayed in dressing gown just passing time and hating myself for it, plus tum stuff. Brief WhatsApp exchanges with family just reminds me of loss. Boiler playing up and have to act on it soon, and the garden…Doodle mentioned my meds re a review.as they are causing tum problems, but I just dont get around to things.

Wishing BD’s the very best for best nights possible.

Hi all.
Doodle- yes it’s easier to do physical things than those that require thinking or concentration. Even now after all this time it’s not so easy to read a book.
When you’re ready the sea will be waiting for you. If you like history Bath is lovely too isn’t it.
I,m glad the walking group was friendly and being able to socialise afterwards was great. I love how you give everything a go- it does help doesn’t it. Have a lovely evening with your Son.
HVDY- red polish - lovely. I used to have my nails done but I kept mucking them up doing stupid jobs.
The colours for your bedroom are lovely calm ,relaxing ones and go so well together. B and M is brilliant.
Your day sounds good altogether- lovely finish to it with Little Girl. Hope the open mic evening is a success.
Candy6. - We went into the pub as it was open again and had a bit of a moan. They arranged for us to have a free meal and wine so we booked it for later this month.Alls well that ends well.
It must be lovely to be back by the Sea again in your caravan.Such a beautiful place to be able to spend time at. Glad the weather is good too .
SweetPeaSue- sorry you had a bad day yesterday. DH had been very busy hadn’t he. Hope you,ve both been able to rest today and DH headache has subsided. I agree with Doodle that a call to Rheumatology on Monday would be a good idea.
Wyllow- I hope you,ve had a better day today and that brighter days will be with you soon. Wishing you a peaceful sleep.
EllieAnne- Maybe you could leave a message next time.
Sorry the garden is still a mess - when you feel as you do it’s just another source of anxiety.
Love to all

Evening all. Quick post for me tonight. Our son is picking me up and we’re going out for a meal soon.
Red nails sound nice HVdY never understand how anyone can do anything with long nails. Love the sound of the colours for your room. Relaxing and soothing.
Thank you Candy being busy does help. As do the antidepressants. How lovely you’re at the caravan. So nice to be able to walk by the sea. Hope the weather is kind to you.
Sweetpeasue sorry about your Dh. Wonder if he overdid it yesterday. No matter what tomorrow is like I suggest you ring the rheumatology dept on Monday anyway and tell them how he’s been. What a worry for you both.
Wyllow hope today has been a bit better for you. I had a big wobble this morning but feeling a bit better now.
Ellie Anne might be worth leaving her a message asking her to contact you. Just so she hears your voice. Hope she’s in touch with you soon. Wish you could get your garden sorted. One thing less to worry about.

I tried to phone dd twice today but it went to voicemail. No point in leaving a message. She can see I have phoned so it’s up to her to call back or not. I don’t know if I’m worried or upset.
I see friends whose daughters actually want to spend time with them and feel so low.
Garden still a mess . Spring flowers coming up among the bricks.😢😢😢

Candy6 Lovely, enjoy your time at the caravan. Hope it stays dry and fine. The weather's been very spring-like here today.

SweetpeaSue Best of luck for getting the steroids increased, hope your husband improves soon.

Wyllow3 How have you been today?
ScaredyCat. Whiff, EllieAnne, Elvoral, LucyD(, Doodle, *Nadaterturbe Nanny2507, Allsorts (hope I haven't forgotten anyone but sorry if I have) - how have you been?

Went to B&M, got paint in preparation for DH doing the walls next Tuesday - Sage Green on 1 wall, Antique Cream on the other 3. Bought Easter toys for the Grandcats and Granddog , went to see my aqua aerobics friend for a couple of hours. Little Girl here 5 - 10pm tonight. Her sister and parents are going to an "open mic" thing somewhere, she'll be singing and playing guitar x

Caught up, lots of love to BD's

May you have the best nights possible xxx

Been quite a bad day. DH has had more of debilitating headache. I really don't think the 10mg Pred is going to be enough. DH is so tired . I think Monday we'll be ringing the Rheumatology helpline again.

Hope everyone has a peaceful night.
Thinking of you tomorrow NannyG4. X

Evening all, not been in for a long time but have finally caught up.
Wyllow sorry you are still struggling but glad you’re still koko. Like others have said, a med review might be a good idea? Do you see a specialist for a review at all? I know these appointments an be a long way apart but at least it’s a link. It was probably the talk with your MH worker that triggered you. My counsellor used to say that bad feelings needed to be felt before they can pass and I used to be triggered by some things too and suffer immediately afterwards but they always subsided and I hope yours have too. Hope you have had a better day today.
Sweetpeasue glad you finally got through to rheumatology, they are obviously very over stretched. At least you now know what time of day is best to try. I hope you get some answers.
HVDY I can resonate with you having to spend a lot of time in hospital with your DS. I was pretty much the same. It was hard. Hope your wheezing hasn’t troubled you today and hope you too get some answers soon. It’s the waiting for these things that is stressful too. You seem to be sticking to your diet and keeping up your willpower. I have a family member who needs to lose a lot of weight (pre-diabetic) but has no will power at all and likes food/alcohol too much but don’t we all? We just have to be adult about it and help ourselves.
Scaredycat shame about your booking but not good practice not to let you know and then to get soaked like that! Just not your day. Seems like it all worked out for you in the end. The dine-in deals are so good, especially the quality of the M&S ones. We used to eat out a lot but have cut back a bit as everything is so expensive. It’s a nice treat though. Hope you have had a good day today.
Ellie Anne sorry you are low too. Hope your choir group helped and you are feeling better. The weather has been lovely here today so I hope it’s been the same for you and you got out on that lovely beach of yours for a walk.
Doodle I’m a big believer in keeping busy too. You seem to have a lot of options open to you and that’s a good thing. Yes, stress does make you exhausted but the sleep will do you good. I’ve had many periods when I was so anxious that I couldn’t sleep but now I’m on the meds, I think it’s those that make me sleepy but I’d rather that than anxiety. I hope you have done something nice today.
NannyG4 sending strength and support for you tomorrow. At least you will all be together and be able to support each other. Will be thinking of you.

We have come to our caravan for the first time this year and it feels good to be back. Weather is cold but sunny and we had a lovely walk on the beach. Need to do some spring cleaning tomorrow to spruce it up ready for the summer. Thinking of you all and Elvoral LucyD Nadaterturbe Nanny2507 and anyone else not personally mentioned. Night all xx

ScaredyCat It's so humbling when children with disabilities stay so cheerful. They are very special. I had my nails cut as they were too long (impractical and unhygienic) and had a nice red polish put on. How was your day?

Doodle Red nails but short. You had a good day, by the sound of it. Nice to have company.

How has everyone else been? x

NannyG4 i don’t think I have ever been so tired except when Dh was in hospital. Yes it is ok to be not ok. We all hold in the tears till we get home but sometimes they just overflow and we can’t stop them, People understand. Keeping busy is key for me. Less thinking time. Hope you are managing to get by one day at a time one foot in front of another.
I will be thinking of you this weekend. I hope with the support of your loving family you will get through it.
HVDY glad you’re feeling a bit better and enjoyed a good meal at the day centre. Your Dh is progressing well with the decorating. What colour are the nails this time?
Wyllow do you have regular medication reviews. Perhaps some of the drugs you are taking don’t agree with you. Glad your mood was a bit better. Keep hold of the better days and I hope they get more frequent.
Sweetpeasue perhaps keeping active is your DH’s way of coping with his problems. I haven’t been able to sit and relax during the day since Dh died. Not read a book or do much else. I have to be on the move. Maybe it helps him keeping busy.
Scaredycat friend and I have discussed going to Bath or Brighton for a few days. I would love to be by the sea. I’m not ready yet but maybe when the weather improves. Today we went for a walk with a new local group that’s just started. We enjoyed it very much and we all went for coffee together after and had a nice chat. Hope it keeps going as it was very good.
Hope all have a good weekend. X

Hi all
EllieAnne- sorry even the therapeutic waves didn’t help your low feelings. I hope the choir raised your spirits a bit.
SweetPeaSue-Nice to think of your DH buying his cap and looking a bit jaunty. Sometimes it’s the little things that give us the greatest pleasure. Keeping busy must help him deal with his problems- such a determined soul. I guess doing more physical stuff makes him feel happy that he can still do it.
Your beach sounds so nice- I think when we read the memorial plaques that it brings that person alive to us for a moment.
Must be time for a Fluffball day again- I really am missing having a furry friend.
Doodle - You need to have a rest sometimes or you,ll make yourself poorly. I totally understand though the need to keep busy it’s as if you stop the grief will take you over.
It would be nice if you had something to look forward to. Perhaps you and your lovely friend could plan a little break for when the weather is brighter.
Yes it was nice food from M& S - we got a bit of a mix of things so tried it all. Thank you so much for the BD wishes.
NamnyG4- such true words about it’s alright not to be alright. There are certain times in our lives that just overwhelm us.
Saturday will be doubly emotional for you - all the ‘ firsts’ are difficult hurdles to get over. How wonderful to be on the beach - your DH will be in a beautiful place that you can visit and sit and remember the lovely times.
HVDY- you’re another exhausted person . The health problems of late have taken it out of you.
Your nephews daughter sounds a sweetie. My DS who died had several operations and once a lovely nurse said to me that children born with a problem have special characters bestowed upon them.
Sounds like you,ve had a good day today - what colour nails did you get? Don’t mess them up with too much housework!
Wyllow- You are such a warrior. Well done with the getting dressed - SPS put it exactly right.
Glad you had a better day yesterday after that horrible one. I think sometimes when you have to take a lot of meds they contribute to not always feeling right physically.
It’s so nice to hear a brighter tone in your thoughts- it’s the old Wyllow trying to get out. Think you better have another hug.

Hoping all BDs both mentioned and not have a weekend with some bright moments. Thinking especially of NannyG4

Wyllow3 Did you feel any better after having an afternoon nap? I was so fatigued yesterday but resisted the urge to fall asleep at teatime. Your little GD has been through such a lot (and still is). She sounds like my nephew's daughter (15) who has severe Cerebral Palsy - she cannot do anything at all, however (sitting, standing, swallowing etc) but is always grinning and laughing. Children like those make me realise how very fortunate I am. Be kind to yourself, you are worth caring about.

SweetpeaSue I hope your husband doesn't overdo things today. How are you?

It's a beautiful, bright day here. Had blood tests done, had my nails done (trimmed and new nail colour), got a few bits of shopping, and will do a bit of housework soon. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Doodle I do feel for you. You say most bereaved people feel so very tired most of the time. All I can say is I wish you peaceful times when you can just stop- perhaps in hospice walks or at special times at church. Special 🫂 hugs.
NannyG4I will be thinking about you on Saturday. There are seats all along a part of the beach a few miles from us. Many have flowers and plaques to remember loved ones. I'm so sorry. Special hug for you too - even though I don't know you. x
HVDY Oh you are being so strong with the diet -giving away your desserts. I wish I could get onto the right track myself - I so want to lose my extra weight yet I darent even step onto the scales and face the reality. My DH can relax and he used to do crosswords and his painting - but not lately. I don't like to think of reasons for this spurt of DIY.
Hope your cough continues to improve.
Wyllow Glad your mood was a little better yesterday. Getting dressed might seem so easy for us when we are well yet I know it's a big thing for yourself. Give yourself a little reward every time you do it. You are a brave person Wyllow. Wish you could believe it. X

EllieAnne, when times are like they are, you are right about having the courage to plod on. Well done for getting out, however.

Today I got dressed but didnt go out, felt queasy, my mood had been so bad yesterday it was a bit better today, had an afternoon sleep.

HVDY That is a lot for a little one, your son. As regards my GD, well it a lifelong committment by parents, so many disabilities, thank goodness she is mainly a happy soul. Well done yet again diet wise with those puddings.

What a tale, Scaredycat! One meal cancelled, soaked through…glad it had a happy ending with nice meals and DH’s son.

Thank you for my hug you lovely peeps.

Thank goodness today was different Sweetpeasue and you got through..but not a lot of help so far…I really hope the 10mg works.
Glad you got out despite all and the hat is a lovely story. Perhaps if DH only does a wee bit everyday (but try telling him that?)

Yes Doodle on shedloads of meds and have been for some time. I can imagine just how tired you get.

Warmest waves NannyG4 Aw, extra hug for Saturday coming up.

Night night BD’s

ScaredyCat Sorry, my mistake. It's your GD3 who's moving into a place soon. Oh, I'm glad your GD2's FIL is at home. I think that's where most people would want to be when ill or coming towards the end. Being caught short for the loo is horrible, isn't it? Good job we can laugh about it afterwards. I can often go hours and hold a wee, then other times must go immediately. Yes, Asthma and Eczema go together. My MIL said it was my fault as we had a cat - although her own daughter had both and they never had any pets. MIL was a silly woman. That was poor of the pub not letting you know they were shut! Then getting wet as well . Glad it all worked out well in the end and that your husband had a happy birthday.

SweetpeaSue I always stayed in hospital with Son2 when he wasn't well, had a camp bed or easy chair. DH used to have to take time off work to look after Son1. Yes, thanks, the wheezing and coughing has eased off now although I'm out of breath going upstairs or doing any jobs. Glad you eventually got to speak to someone. Let's hope the steroids work soon for your DH, but if not, at least the dose can be increased by Monday. He doesn't seem to like resting or relaxing much, does he? Wouldn't he sit and read/do puzzles/a bit of housework instead?

Nice at the day centre - roast turkey lunch, lemon meringue (I gave mine away again). DH cut and fitted the architrave and skirtings in the bedroom. He's currently snoring . Hope ALL BDers have been ok x

HVDY …Thankyou for your kind words. Hope you can find out whether you have COPD. Once you know what you are suffering from , you can move forward with what you know.
Yes we have to leave our AC to make their own decisions, although sometimes it’s hard to keep smut!!

Wyllow3…👋 a wave to you. Keep going as hard as it sometimes.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling so low and tired, I think the two go together sometimes. 💐.

Sweetpeasue..Thankyou for your kind words. Yes I’m blessed to have my family and of course they are grieving too. I’m feeling particularly anxious about Saturday….😢.

Doodles ..Yes, busy is the key at the moment…I try and save my sad face for when I get home, but am told it’s alright not to be alright and sometimes I just can’t hold back. I think we are so tired because it’s emotionally exhausting. It will be DH’s birthday on Saturday, another first for us all….dreading it.

EllieAnn… Keep going 💐. I love being on the beach. Both my DS and DD live by the sea so have spent many a time walking along the beach, very therapeutic.

Scardeycat…Yes the hospice is a wonderful place and the walk and talk mornings are so helpful just to be with likeminded people. We scatter DH’s ashes on our nearby beach. There are benches there, so in time I will take myself along and dream about my DH…

I know I’ve not mentioned everybody but please be assured I’m thinking of you all. Sending love, strength and prayers. Much love.❤️💐

Evening all. Yes I am tired. I’m tired most of the time. I sleep ok but I’m physically and emotionally tired. I have other bereaved people report the same.
HVDY I’m sorry about your son’s eczema. It’s a horrible thing. Asthma too. He must be highly allergic to certain things. Glad he’s improved with age,
Sweetpeasue so glad you got through to the nurse, at least you’ve made contact and can phone back Monday. That’s a start. Glad your husband cheered himself up with a hat. Hope he doesn’t over do things but I can understand him wanting to keep occupied,
Wyllow sorry you got shivery but glad you managed a walk.
I wish we could cheer you up. Feeling low most of the time is not good for anyone. Sorry I can’t remember but are you on antidepressants?
Scaredycat your dine in meal with family sounded much better than a night out in a closed restaurant. How bad of them not to contact you. Glad your Dh enjoyed it. Belated birthday wishes to him.
Ellie Anne another who feels so low. It’s such an awful feeling. Sorry even the sea didn’t lift your mood. Hope you enjoy the choir.

Scaredycat Just seen your post. You are so thoughtful ,your words to me brought tears. You have such a way with words to us all, thankyou .
What a shame about the birthday meal out for your DH - plus a soaking into the bargain. Lovely end to the day though with your family coming round and your delish M&S meals. Belated Happy Birthday to your DH. Take care of yourself.xx