Is my DHs attitude to tax driving me into ill health

What sort of things do you arrange, Stansgran?

If your DH is being a pain the butt, could you just stop 'arranging' things at least as far as he's concerned?

Do you need to go into a care home or are you just (possibly justifiably) fed up?

If your DH would spend some of the money on house repairs, it wouldn't be taxed, would it (other than VAT)?

What sort of things do you mean when you say your DH does things with no reference to you?

Are you saying that your DH actually needs personal care from you or is he so fixated on 'doing sums' that he has no regard for anything else?

Either way, why has your home fallen into such a state of disrepair? There are no pockets in a shroud so spend the money and be comfortable now. Perhaps you could get your AC involved in the matter - surely they would want you both to be healthy and comfortable rather than struggling on simply to leave them money when you die.

Meanness is so difficult to tolerate as it sucks every bit of joy out of life. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this in later life. I don't think people who value money more than people ever change so I think you need to find a way to look after yourself. If you have access to money of your own why not treat yourself to something nice every week, book a little trip or a holiday with a friend. Trouble is I suspect he controls the money and expects you to account for every penny you spend. I really do sympathise, my first husband had a mean side to him. He'd say he was just "careful" but it was a cover for a mean spirit and an opportunity to try to control. He picked the wrong woman as I left him but that's so much easier to do when you are young. tbh I'd try to get out of the situation as it won't change but you may feel that's not an option for you.