Black Dog 23

Scaredycat what a lovely encouraging post to everyone. Your planned Christmas sounds wonderful. I hope your niece doesn't wait too long for her op date, it's very worrying for the family.

Sorry everyone I had planned a long post...

HVDY Cristmas is a very nostalgic time ,I think, and we often remember when we were children and our parents and those family Christmases. My dad died on 12th December and we had presents for him. I can't imagine what it must have been like to lose your brother at such a young age in those terrible circumstances. I'm so very sorry.Can understand about the Bohemian Rhapsody too. Yes ,all little children with their wide eyes and innocence singing carols and performing nativity stories. Such hope in their little hearts ,always brings a lump to your throats and tears.
Well I hope you managed get some warm comfy boots- just the weather for them.
Doodle Knitting can take mind off troubles for a little while when absorbed. Used to knit many yrs ago then restarted last Yr. Not sure how long it'll last but not been able to get myself into reading books lately. I really like a carvery dinner - I'm a plain eater and not into hot spicy flavours.
Well done for writing those cards out - that must have been extremely hard and I'm glad those are out of the way for you. Doubly hard writing to those who didn't know about your DH. Hope today hasn't been too bad for you and you've seen friends or family. Wish I could take away your heartache .Another hug coming your way.
Scaredycat I'm another who feels as Doodle does about your kind words to everyone. Your posts often have such a light, gentle humour and so lovely to read. Lovely words to Wyllow too yesterday. You are such a warm- hearted person. Do you go to your DDs at Christmas? You will have so many family members to see.
Wyllow I don't believe I've any talents for little figures at all , but thankyou. I'm only following instructions and I don't mind knitting but hate the sewing up fiddly bits. It's helped me take my mind of DHs health problems for short times.
You are so right about Christmas expectations and all the hype and pressure for everything to be 'perfect' - family relationships, food, presents .
You were spot on about chatting to family about what you've 'done'. Even I find that difficult and Im able to get out of the house more. I think some people are natural 'doers' and others more 'thinkers'. Hope you got the plumbing prob sorted. Sorry if I've waffled on!
Nadateturbe Oh Nadateturbe-so sorry for your sore throat and pains. You must be so low as it seems never ending. What meds do you take for the pains? It must be difficult to take any opioids when you have ME . It can be difficult to know how long a pain will last plus if you have multiple areas of pain. Don't worry about replying. Take care of yourself and hoping the sore throat is soon better. Hugs all round today I think.
EllieAnne Oh you must feel so miserable if you're cold too on top of everything else. The strong winds here blew all the snow against the back windows and they were completely covered this morning- couldn't see a thing. It must be like the north pole up where you are. I'm sorry you're still feeling so bad. I don't know what to say but you're right about keeping going for family. Sometimes that's all we can do but it's not enough is it. Sending you a hug too.x

Ventured out for a shop in supermarket and straight back. Didn't take aunt today.
DH's breathing helped somewhat by inhaler even though we don't know cause. We've had a lazy day today. DH done some painting and I wrapped my knitted figures up with the choc oranges in cellophane for son n fam. Will probably give gift cards as never know what to get. Painkillers so couple of hrs on sofa and hottie. Will watch Strictly tonight.

Sending love to all BDs not mentioned and hoping you're all as well as can be. Keep warm.

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Scardycat I missed your post. I see you're going to your GDs for Christmas day and your DDs gamily are going to. Can't remember, but hope you don't have too far to travel. Sorry about your sister's virus. There's all sorts of bugs about lately - hope she gets rid soon. Your poor neice too , it seems like everyone is being scrambled about and waiting for appts. DH rang secretary yesterday as he'd been give a Rheumatologist appt for August when he'd told him it would be 4mths. Luckily she's trying to sort it. It's horrid to think everyone is fighting for their space. Hope your neice isn't in too much pain .
Take care of yourself. X

Sweetpeasue you've got the problems with M E. spot on. Not many people grasp it. My siblings think it's all in my head.
Well done you and your husband , doing so much in spite of pain. Not what I would call a lazy day. I hope the hottie helped.

How awful being given August for rheumatologist appointment. So sad and worrying - the state of the NHS. I hope it gets brought forward.
I imagine it would be much too cold for your aunt to go shopping.
Your little figures are lovely. I'm sure the family enjoy getting them. I too give vouchers mostly.

Wyllow3 It's not Christmas for another month, so you've got plenty of time to sort out cards/presents. Online things are simple to arrange. Flowers, food items, gift cards, etc. I'm glad that at least one of your Quaker friends is in touch. Perhaps you could get in contact with the others over Christmas?

Nadateturbe Sorry to hear you're not feeling well. There are a lot of viruses about at this time of year. Kepp warm, drink plenty, and rest up.

Scaredycat Your Christmas Day plans sound lovely. How nice to all get together. I hope your niece will get her operation soon (does the cyst have to get to a certain size?)

SweetpeaSue Losing your dad so close to Christmas must have been especially sad. Not an easy time for many people. I'm glad the inhaler appears to be helping your husband. I hope he'll be less wheezy the longer he uses it. August is too far to wait for your husband, he needs things sorting out before then. I hope he somehow gets an earlier appointment.

Doodle, EllieAnne, Candy6, and ALL others - hope your day has been ok.

All the snow has gone here. It's rained all day. Didn't go out, couldn't be bothered. Did some housework, some online Christmas present shopping, and chatted on the 'phone with a friend for an hour. Just waiting for the curry that DH is making. Hope everyone has a cosy evening x

Nadateturbe To have a painful condition without anything that actually 'shows' can make you feel as if people don't understand. That's so isolating as you need that understanding but I know what you mean as you don't want to keep spelling it out and reminding them why you can't make arrangements ahead. It has made me feel a right bore and you tend to keep it to yourself mostly. I wish there was more education about these conditions. I'm lucky that I can get about between pain bouts but for yourself it must be terrible having to have long periods of resting.
Oh I'm not at all certain that one of my knitted figures won't end up being carried away by Fluffball!
I hope it won't be long before your body responds to the rest and you can enjoy some time at art perhaps. x
HVDY I'm really hoping the Vascular appt in January won't be changed as that's more important at the moment.
It's a long time since my dad died-48 yrs. He was much older than my mum when they married. He was 56 but of course we still miss them.
Hope you enjoy your curry. Your DH is good to be able to cook.
By the way -- not sure if you're near a Pavers shop but they often have nice boots on offer. It's not all 'old'fashioned' shoes I've found. Just a thought.

I meant my dad 56 yrs when he died- not when he married my mum.

Willow Im glad you get on with your cleaner she sounds good. I don’t like housework. I find these days I do it to keep busy but don’t enjoy it. You really need a carer more than once a week. Sorry I’ve forgotten do you have to pay for the one you’ve got?
Nadateturbe nice to hear from you. Sorry you’re feeling so bad. Hope a restful day will help.
Scaredycat pleased to hear you have good plans for Christmas. I will be with our sons and their families.
It’s really too bad your niece is still waiting for a date. What a worrying time for her and your sister.

Sweetpeasue you’ve had a busy day getting some of your Christmas presents sorted, Glad the inhaler is helping your husband a bit.
Appointments are being cancelled all the time. Hope your DH gets one much sooner than August.
Thank you for the hug. It’s appréciated. I’ve been out all day with our son and it’s been lovely chatting with him. Now I’m home again and it’s so quiet here. Cold and windy outside. Think I’ll go to bed soon.
HVDY curry will be good and warming tonight, good idea to stay in today. I enjoyed my trip out but got very cold on the way home. So much rain.

Doodle Glad you had lots of time with your son today. Must feel such a change when you get back home after the distraction of being out. Hope you sleep well - enjoy a glass of wine perhaps. So much rain coming down here now- it's bouncing. Keep warm and goodnight God bless. Xx

Goodnight Doodle HVDY Sweetpeasue Scaredycat Wyllow3 EllieAnne Candy Whiff and anyone else reading. I'll try to write more tomorrow. It was good being able to read your posts. xx

Sending hugs back nadateturbe, just take care now. Good to “see” you, no worries about post length. Nice how you popped in as the day went on.

It was wet and windy here too Scaredycat but did clear the snow/ice. Sorry to hear sis is under the weather, but I really think it’s awful that your niece is still waiting, a bug concern.
A good Christmas to look forward to. Sympathies from one non cry person to another. Yes, probably pick up cards at the supermarket.

You dont waffle on *Sweetpeasue, you write as if you were talking, and why not. Good you both took it easy today including sofa time but also achieved little things, I know DH likes to “achieve”.

HVDY I just cant reach out to people. Coming on here is maybe the most I do or the most honest! You understandably didnt want to go out today, those boots will just have to be another day. Nice natter and online purchases there.

Doodle yes I do pay, and it’s not cheap, but I dont spend money on anythings else really. I’m going got have to push the agency because I cant rely on one person. I’m glad you saw your son and chatted. But yes that coming home and its quiet…..

Dressing gown, didnt achieve anything. I stay up v late so I dont wake too early also have an afternoon sleep. Things feel hopeless but koko and just try not to feel or think too much but distract, chat on GN. The other morning GN wasn’t up for some time, I hated that!

Night night all you lovely honest people.

SweetpeaSue Your dad was only young when he died. Gosh, he's been gone a long time. You were only a girl when he died, really. My husband is a great cook, although there are a lot of things he doesn't like. He taught me to cook when we first moved in together - I couldn't even boil an egg . Not too much longer (though long enough) for your husband's Vascular appointment. Fingers crossed it doesn't get cancelled. Thanks for the Pavers idea. I'd forgotten about that shop.

Doodle Glad you saw your son yesterday. Did you go for lunch? Hope you slept well last night.

nadateturbe Good to know that you're reading, and hope you have a better day.

Wyllow3 The thing about this thread is that we can all be honest. We're all friends, and that is so nice.

It's a dark, wet morning. Woke up too early, but I'm going to tackle the ironing. Back later x

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- Ah you lost your Dad near Christmas - that must have been awful. My Dad was 56 too when he died- that’s so young isn’t it.
Thank you for your kind words. I,m so fond of you all here.
Our family is scattered all over so it’s the ones who live close by who we see Xmas Day. Lots of FaceTimes going on Xmas morning though!!
Glad the inhaler seems to be helping DH- what has he been painting? Hope he gets the Rheumatology Appt brought forward it’s too long to wait. 🤞that the Vascular appt isn’t changed.
Ha ha hope Fluffball doesn’t whizz off with one of the little knitted people.
Nadateturbe- thank you for your kindness.
My niece has been waiting since before Spring for her Op. Bless her she is so uncomfortable and fed up.
It must be very difficult for you when people doubt your pain is real. It’s bad enough to cope with without them being ignorant.
HVDY- I,ve just read online that ovarian cysts 5-10 cms should be removed - my nieces was measured at 21cm several months ago. It’s like being pregnant.
Bet you were pleased to see the back of the snow- once it’s messy you just want it gone don’t you.
My Saturday was pretty much the same as yours including a DH curry!!
Pavers is a good idea- sometimes they are in garden centres aren’t they. Today our weather is sooo windy but ridiculously warm . Went out early to the paper shop with hat,boots,gloves etc and was boiled🥵
Doodle - I,m the lucky one to be here with all you lovely people- friends indeed.
I don’t like housework either. The very first time I did my own HW (married at 18) I hated it and I still feel the same. I do it because it has to be done and I love our little house.
How nice to spend the day wit( your DS- so good to chat. The contrast of the quiet on returning home is hard to cope with for you. But it’s clear your Boys look out for you and love you very much.
My DD came over for coffee this morning(no more Covid) and at the same time DS FaceTimed so we were all together for a while- one happy Mum.
Hope you were able to get to Church this morning despite the wind.
Wyllow- I,m so sorry things seem so hopeless for you. Yet you still keep on and that shows strength even though you don’t feel strong .
Do you enjoy watching tele or videos? There are lots of good series on at the moment- it’s just a distraction from those all pervading thoughts. What about games on your iPad or laptop- they are fun and keep your mind occupied.
I didn’t like GN being off the other morning either- I always want to see if you are OK. Shopping tomorrow isn’t it- don’t forget to have a look at the cards and what about a treat for you- you deserve one.

Thinking of all those who post or just read occasionally and all BDs old and new .

Scaredycat So glad you enjoyed a FaceTime all together with DSand DD. It must have been so good to have them both at the same time.
Oh I'm sorry you lost your Dad quite young too and exactly same age as my own. My Dad had a heart attack. I think there's so much more can be done now.
Oh that ovarian cyst is so large now - that's so bad- she must feel so awful with it. I hope you hear something soon ,it's dreadful she's had to wait so long.
DH has painted a monkey looking thoughtful holding a paper which says 'I'm still thinking..'
HVDY Ah , that's a great story about your DH teaching you to cook.Haha. It must be lovely to have a meal cooked for you.
Yes I was 20 when my Dad died. Son 1 was tiny so both my sons never knew him.
Hope you got the ironing out of the way.

Back later.

Wyllow It feels a safe space here and we have all become real friends.
To be honest is vital to getting better isn't it. Honest with ourselves too and to ,at least be as kind to yourself as you would be to others you care about.
I'm sure that one day you will feel more yourself , though I expect that must be so hard for you to believe right now.
Hoping today has been a little better. I always look at GN on a morning as soon as I get up to see if you've managed to post.

Thinking of everyone today and hoping you're all OK. X

Willow Im really hoping that by the time spring comes you are able to have more help and start getting out a bit more often. This weather is so depressing I’m not surprised you don’t want to go out*
HVDY both our sons cook too. They do quite well (didn’t get it from me 🤣)
Yes I did have lunch yesterday with our son and granddaughter. I had a steak and ale pie with mash and peas and it was delicious. The pastry was really thin and crisp. So nice.*
Did you get your ironing done?
Scaredycat yes got to church ok and lit a candle for us all.
As you say it was surprisingly warm. I had on my thermal vest, jumper , scarf and coat. I too was boiling.
That cyst sounds worryingly large. Poor girl must be so uncomfortable.
How lovely to be able to have a get together with your son and daughter. Face time is such a helpful thing when people are too far away to visit often.
Sorry you lost your dad so young too.
Sweetpeasue your dad died young as well. Must be hard for you both. Hope your DH has been ok today and you too.
I’ve had a busy day. Been out for coffeee and lunch.
Came home and decided to tackle Christmas decorations. I haven’t put the tree up but have decorated another tree we have in the lounge all year, I put baubles and lights on it and put up some tinsel and little wooden figures we’ve bought over the years. The black fluffy dog that DH bought because it played the Slade Christmas song is out too. That’s all I’m doing this year. I decided to tackle it rather than keep thinking about whether I was going to do it or not.
Hope everyone is ok. Thinking of you allxx

ScaredyCat Your dad was young when he died, too. My 2nd brother (I had 3, got the eldest one left) was 54 when he died.
I see his widow and daughter (she was 18 when he died) sometimes, and we keep in touch via WhatsApp a few times a week. How nice that you saw your daughter and had a FaceTime with your son at the same time. Your niece must be very uncomfortable. I hope she'll get an operation soon. Have they given her any reason why it can't be done yet, other than NHS waiting lists? I still haven't got any boots - they're either too flat, too high, or have got big clompy soles.

SweetpeaSue I only ironed a few things - lots left. Do you buy Fluffball a Christmas present? I've bought toys for the GrandCats and GrandDog . How's your husband been?

Doodle Glad you got out and enjoyed a nice lunch yesterday. DH & I had a roast dinner at a pub today. You did well to decorate the tree like that. Our Xmas tree stays in the loft until about 23rd, and we take it down on N.Y Day.

Wyllow3, EllieAnne and ALL BDers - hope you've been ok today.

I've wrapped quite a few things - mainly presents for LittleGirl and GD1. Early start tomorrow - DH has a hospital appointment at 9, probably to get a CPAP machine. Hope everyone has a peaceful night x

Well done doodle and thank you for the candle.
It’s been a very long day. Been to church and did some baking for our club on Tuesday.
I really want a drink but won’t have it until he has gone to bed.
Phoned dd but no answer.
Will message tomorrow instead.

Oh Doodle You've got it sorted -all the preparations-and well done. The black fluffy dog your husband bought, on display - so lovely yet so sad but very wonderful. Understand that it was all playing on your mind so you just got it out of the way. Also you want to celebrate the real meaning of Christ being born.

Not the best day (or the worst) .Tried to take a walk along seafront, when I already felt bad. Thought it might 'get me moving'. Only walked a few mins but aches all over and was painful putting one leg on front of other, so walk abandoned- but I tried.
Off to hospital tomorrow. Poor DH has nerve test where they test muscles in arm. Hope it's not too horrid.

Hope everyone sleeps well. X

Oh dear --hope I wasn't too honest!

I’m so glad that this is a place to be honest. I don’t want to go on like this.

Scaredycat my Dad too, at 56, I was just 20 like Sweetpeasue

You’re going to have a busy. Christmas. I just cant believe your niece is still waiting! Can the family contact your MP or something? I’m glad your DD is Covid free so’s you could meet up and make it an “altogether” occasion.
Yes, it’s shopping tomorrow and I shall try and steer myself to the cards, too.

Sweetpeasue That monkey pic made me smile.
Being kind to myself is harder than the honesty….yes it is hard to believe
it’s lovely that people check in on me xx
Well, you gave the walk a try, but dearly you did the right thing coming home. May I wish you both the very best for DH’s appointment tomorrow morning.

(No, you weren’t too honest!)

Doodle this time of year….except for ice and snow, this time of year - as it being dark early - I expect a lot of us feel that,
Glad you got to church, and your so-thoughtful candle can picture it.
Good to hear of coffee and lunch.
It sounds like you have found the best choices for Christmas. Just…good for you, for tackling it. Thank you for sharing the black fluffy dog.

HVDY I dont iron, so a BD ironing badge….I smiled at your GrandCats and GrandDog pressies! Nice roast lunch there at the pub. I hope that it goes well with DH’s appointment tomorrow morning.

Hi Ellie Anne I hope you manage to chat a bit at church and glad to hear about the baking. Messaging is always good if DD set up to picking up the phone.
Honesty bit - its so hard to koko

But we do
And come in here.

Did a wash, had a shower, haven’t seen anyone been out since last week, maybe I’ll get out now snow ice finally melted.

Night night all BDs in and reading xx

Hi all.
SweetPeaSue- ah my Dad had a heart attack too. No time to say Goodbye.
That painting your DH has been doing sounds a really difficult subject- he does interesting work.
So sorry you had to abandon your walk but it was a sensible idea to try moving a bit. Your legs didn’t want to cooperate- but you tried as you always do.
Hope DHs nerve test isn’t too uncomfortable but at least it,ll be done.
Honesty- you stay your lovely honest self.
Doodle- How clever of you to have 2 Sons who can cook- mine wouldn’t have a clue!!! You must have happy DiLs too.
Thank you for the candle - such a kind,generous thought
Yes I can’t believe that Cyst has been allowed to get so big- she joked she’d be pushing it round in a pram soon. No joke though eh.
It took courage to do your Decs- DH would be so proud of you. The lights will be cheery in the evening. Love that DH bought such a great Xmas puppy- I,m imagining it going “It’s Christmas!!!!!!”. It was good thinking to get it done now so you don’t have to think about it any more.
HVDY- so sorry your other brother died so young too. One reason I guess why you persevere with your older brother despite his sometimes awkward ways. Nice that you have regular contact with his wife and your niece.
No my niece has been given no reason for the long wait but she and my Sister are not pushy at all - most people would be tearing their hair by now!
Hope DH Appt went well - if he gets a CPAP machine it will help him enormously.
Hope the family are all well at the moment.
EllieAnne- Glad you were able to get to Church- do you have coffee afterwards? Well done with the baking too.
Perhaps DD was asleep- messaging a good idea.
Hope you enjoyed your drink eventually. That was an honest thing to say but please keep trying koko - remember we are all wit( you.
Wyllow- yes Xmas will be busy and I realise how lucky we are to all get on. The GGC(11&9) will be bouncing off the walls by Xmas day. My GGD loves to cook so perhaps she will be put to work.
It would be lovely if you could give being kind to yourself a try- it’s not selfish and you don’t have to punish yourself- you are a good human being.
Hope you got out to shop - being in the world is good for you . I know it’s a massive effort for you. Of course being alone is not easy but if you are able to sit and have a coffee out one day you sometimes get to have a chat that really brightens your day unexpectedly.
Your post was a lovely one- our old Wyllow is getting closer.

Hope all those who haven’t posted lately are doing ok and kind thoughts to those who aren’t.