Black Dog 23

ScaredyCat You've got such a lovely family, by the sound of things. Young people have an enthusiasm for life and experiences. This was the longest we'd been without a cat (Mr Cooper died end of Oct 2 years ago), and we said we didn't want another one, but Jaffa turned up and needed help, and I couldn't have ignored him. If a stray turned up, you'd probably be the same.

SweetpeaSue Sorry you had to go home a bit early, but hope your break was enjoyable. It does sound as though you might have Fibromyalgia, but perhaps you should see a GP? Your husband must be fed-up with the arm and hand pain he's got. Not long until he is seen by someone, so I hope he'll get the treatment he needs for that. Hope you get to see your son another day soon.

Doodle The loss of a spouse is a very different loss to that of parents or siblings. The loss of a child (adult children too) must be even worse. My brother is desperately lonely and misses his son but keeps it all bottled up. I'm glad that you are able to talk to a counsellor, and that you've got good friends around. Donkeys are beautiful animals, aren't they? So gentle and forgiving.

Wyllow3 I had a day of housework/tv, DH sat at Son1's for 5 hours waiting for a washing machine to arrive whilst they were all out. It turned up after he'd left there. You matter. You matter to your family and all of us on BD. We care and would like to see the old Wyllow back one day. It can't be easy to find the motivation when you're so low. Some people use affirmations - there are examples online - and find them helpful. Is it something you'd look at?

Day centre today - I don't fancy going but will, as it's quite ok when I'm there. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a better day x

Hi all.
SweetPeaSue- Always say how it is with you - never worry about whatever you say. The lovely thing about BD is we can say how we feel . You did really well on your week away and were able to make the most of the good times. But sometimes home is the only place to be- sorry you had to leave early but the safety of home feels good - I really know how that feels.
Brave of you to get out for a walk by the sea - such a pity the pain sometimes gets the upper hand. Perhaps it’s time to see your GP - although I expect you feel a bit reluctant . Hope today has been more comfortable.
Doodle- I,m glad you like your counsellor- only time will tell if it is helping you . As long as she’s kind and empathetic.
I,m so sorry you are in such distress - you are right it’s incomprehensible until it happens . I,m so glad you have the Church and nice understanding friends.
Isn’t it lovely to contact with an animal it is so soothing to physically touch them. They don’t judge but just welcome a bit of human contact and love.
You are not at all a moany person - it’s good to share your thoughts and feelings with people who care. I can’t remember if I said that it’s ok to laugh and feel normal sometimes - it is all part of healing.
Wyllow- yes we have a cat shaped hole in our life just can’t make a decision . HVDY is right a stray would not be turned away!
I do wish there was some way to help you to recover your interest in life and to learn to love yourself again.
You say Is it worth it- who cares? We do - your family do - your friends do- if only there was something that could motivate you.
Life is a hard old road with so many hazards and dangers on the way but it can be wonderful even for us not so young anymore. You are such a clever ,kind person - please be kind to yourself we really want our Old Wyllow back.
HVDY- thank you - our family is everything to me. They are spread far and wide so some we see often and others not so much . Very grateful to have some close by.
You too have a lovely family .
Your poor brother - he must feel so sad inside. The pain of losing a child no matter what age is undescribable . He can’t even talk to his wife about his feelings - bottling it up won’t do him any good will it. That must be very frustrating for you too.
Hope the day centre was good once you got there and a meal one that you enjoyed. Sometimes it takes a big effort to socialise doesn’t it but it’s usually worth it in the end.
Take care allxx

They went to a pumpkin farm yesterday

Oooh that’s adorable.

Thankyou so much Doodle and Wyllow and also HVDYand Scaredycat- always so kind to all , your words meant a lot.
HVDY Wonderful photo of Littlegirl there, so cute.

Sorry short post - just so terribly tired I can't think straight.My GP is on Friday so try and get appt. Did blood tests and all came back normal.
MH group tomorrow aft so hoping I'll be OK for that.
Love to all and wishing you all a peaceful night.xx

Lovely photo Hvdy my wee family are going to one next weekend.
Need to phone gp this week about blood tests and X-ray. I spoke to someone at the practice last week but dr was on holiday. She said it looked ok but dr would have a look . I suppose it is good if everything is fine but it doesn’t explain why I am feeling so tired and weak.
I’m really hoping that she phones because I hate phoning anyone.
Dd still hasn’t been in touch. I’m so worried.
Will things ever change?

Ellie Anne I’m sending you a big hug. I feel rotten today and can’t find the words but I know what it’s like to be worried about things. I do hope your DD is in touch soon.
Sweetpeasue hope your results are all ok. Have an early night, hope you feel better soon.
HVDY Little Girl is absolutely gorgeous. Lovely photo.
Hope you had a good time at the day centre.
Scaredycat you’re always so kind. You think of everyone and always have the right words to say. With all you’ve been through yourself you are so lovely to care as you do.
Wyllow please hang on. I know it’s hard sometimes impossible but we have to hope there’s brighter days.
Sorry all short post tonight. Sending you all love and hugs and thanks for being there x

SweetpeaSue Fibromyalgia doesn't show up on blood tests, as there isn't a test for it. Your symptoms suggest it, though. The trouble is that the "treatment" is exercise, painkillers and talking therapy. Self-help, in effect. I hope you get to see the GP and that he/she is empathetic.

EllieAnne Do you eat enough? Could you be anaemic? Would you be able to ring the GP if you wrote a note to yourself about what you want to say? Perhaps your daughter has some problems and doesn't want to worry you. Do you text each other? My sons don't always tell me about things that they're having to deal with.

It was alright at the day centre. The meal was poor - gammon (I don't eat that so had a vegetable "fishcake" thing) with new potatoes, sweetcorn and cauliflower - all tasteless, then shop-bought Tiramisu, which was very nice. The "cook" certainly doesn't do much cooking. I'm having a moan . How's everyone else been today? x

Hi everyone, yes doodle I feel your pain. Beautiful GD has PDA we think. She is 8. By the time I sort myself out will be 9 at least and not far off high school. DGS is my sons baby. I am only allowed a 15 min cuddle every few days. There is always a reason why I can't have a cuddle. I haven't had a cuddle for 10 days now but that's because I'm poorly 😔

nanny sorry you’re poorly. Shame you’re not getting more cuddles but new mums can be a bit overprotective these days.
Hope your other granddaughter gets the hope she needs.
Thanks for your thoughts.
HVDY your meal doesn’t sound to nice today. At least the tiramisu was good. One of DH’s favorites.

Nanny207 Sorry, but what is PDA? How old is the baby?

Hvdy anaemia is one of the things being tested for but the girl on the phone said all looked ok. I eat enough but not very sensibly. Dd always has problems. Severe mental health issues for many years but she won’t talk about it. I can text and she will probably answer but not really say anything.

Evening all, haven’t been in for a while but I’ve tried to catch up. Was very busy last week, struggled with tiredness/low energy then had family staying with us at our caravan. We got back earlier this evening.
HVDY Gorgeous photo, such a lovely little girl. Shame about your meal today. Your DH sounds a bit like mine. He’s a great Dad and DH, extremely loyal, selfless and very hard working but honestly, if I didn’t suggest doing things, we’d do nothing. He loves watching what I call “rubbish” on the TV but then I think well, if that’s his relaxation then so be it. As you know, I’m busy busy busy and he never makes me feel guilty about the things I do. No one’s perfect. I hope you have had a good evening.
Sweetpeasue sorry you had to come home from your holiday earlier than planned and I do hope your pain has eased. I hope your DH is well too.
Doodle I’m glad you are trying the counselling. You will know if it’s helping or not and if I’d doesn’t help, then at least you will have tried. You have a lot of people around you who care and will go on caring and in time you will feel better I’m sure. I can’t possibly know how you feel but am sending you much love and hugs.
Scaredycat sorry about your friends respective illnesses. It must be very difficult to witness. Such a cruel disease. I think I may have said it before, but you do write such lovely, caring posts.
Wyllow I’m glad to see that your support will be ongoing and it’s good you have a trusted relationship with your MH worker. I hope you can build the same with your carer when she returns. Keep going. You are going through such a difficult time but you too will get there. Sending love and hugs.
EllieAnne I hope your tests are ok. I had bloods done too and they were all ok but I get really tired too but I can only think it’s the meds I’m on. I hope your GP can give you some answers. Could you just drop a quick text to your DD to check everything’s ok just for your peace of mind?
Nanny2507 sorry for your family worries. I don’t know what PDA is I’m afraid but sending you a big hug too.

Thinking of Nadaterturbe Whiff and others. Night all xx

I've caught up with everyone's days, (happy photo) good to see people in but hugs for the tough bits. Did big shop, just not up to posting properly tonight

night night all see you tomorrow

xx

Nanny Sorry you're poorly and I hope that will not be a long lasting thing. Everything seems much worse when you're not well yourself. I hope you will get more cuddles with your little DGS in future - it's a joy to hold a little baby . Perhaps his mum is being extra vigilant in early days but might feel more relaxed about things soon. Sorry not sure about your DGDs condition but hoping it's not too serious. Sending a hug and hoping you feel better soon.
Candy Nice to see you in and hope you get a quieter week to top up energy levels.
EllieAnne Sorry your DD is still causing worries. She probably doesn't want you to get worried so is holding back but of course we worry more when they can't tell us. Blood tests are done quite a lot aren't they but usually to rule serious stuff out. Mine showed low ferritin but not enough to cause anaemia. Perhaps your tiredness is caused by depression? Hope you get to see or speak to your GP this week to settle your mind.
HVDY 'Vegetable fishcake thing' doesn't sound v appetising ,I agree. Hope it's better next time.
Yes, there's no actual tests to diagnose Fibro , just like M.E. or Interstitial Cystitis and so many other things. No magical cures either. Not what anyone suffering wants to hear I'm afraid. Hope to see GP who's on Friday so crossed fingers. See Urologist Thursday but not expecting much help there either. Solfinacin she prescribed only caused urine retention so I stopped after a couple of weeks.

Hope everyone has a reasonable day and so sorry for those struggling each day . We just hang in there and hope . Hugs to all. X

Hi all.
SweetPeaSue- you need to rest if you,re tired- just happy you,ve popped in. Good news re the blood tests but if you can see your GP on Friday there might be an explanation for your pain that puts your mind at rest.
Hope you are able to join your MH group this afternoon- good to talk with others who understand.
EllieAnne- will you go to the Pumpkin farm too? They look so beautiful when there is a lot together. I,m sure your bloods will be OK - you use a lot of nervous energy and maybe don’t always eat healthily so that probably doesn’t help .
🤞 you get a call from the surgery.
Just text your DD whether she replies or not- she will be glad to hear from her Mum and know you’re there for her.
Doodle- Ah so sorry you had a bad day yesterday. Sometimes there just are no words- try and rest your mind and keep yourself well nourished. Today is another day.
Thank you for the kind words . I really care about you and all here- you feel like friends and although we don’t see each other it is still a friendship.
Take care dear Doodle.
HVDY- oh that sweet little face in the Wheelbarrow- what a lovely little girl she is.
Didn’t fancy your day centre meal either- except the tiramisu. Never mind it might be better next week . It’s not so bad if the company makes up for it.
Hope you’re having a good day today - it’s Little girl day isn’t it.
Nanny- I had to Google PDA. What a complex and difficult condition for your DGD and her family to deal with. I understand why you want to be near her.
What a shame the baby cuddles are rationed but I guess all new Mums do things differently.
Sorry you,re poorly and hope you improve soon and get a nice big cuddle.
Candy- good to see you. Thank you for your kind words.
What a nice few days it must have been all together in the caravan- hope the weather wasn’t too bad.
Yes you are very busy but I think it’s how you like it. Nice that you are able to do your own thing and be relaxed about it.
I think you’re right - lots of meds make you tired I know mine do . Just don’t forget to put your feet up sometimes!!!
Wyllow- well done with the big shop. I really admire how you get out and do that. The effort must wear you out. But at least you are in the world and seeing other people.
Hope you got to sleepOK and today is a brighter one for you.

Sending love to all .

No I ve not been asked to the pumpkin farm but I m ok with that. They are going with d in l s brother sister and partners so all youngish folk.
I will text dd later today and hopefully she will respond.

Scaredycat The feeling of friendships here is mutual. It is a kind place isn't it.

Couldn't do a thing this morning and really pushed myself out for MH group though felt like walking through treacle.
It was just awful as it took so much energy to listen and I could feel myself 'draining away'. My DH drove me as he knew I wasn't fit to drive. He waited for me in the library though I came out half n hr before session finished. The tiredness is unexplainable and it doesn't go away.Moan over.

Hope everyone has had a decent day and ❤️ to all and those struggling.

Ellie Anne perhaps your DD feels she can’t talk about her feelings. It’s hard to do. I’m ok with the counsellor but can’t tell my family how I’m feeling.
Hope you get a response from your DD. Sometimes I text our son and don’t hear back for days.
Sweetpeasue sorry you’re feeling so tired today and couldn’t finish your MH group. I spoke to my bereavement counsellor today and she said that grieving people are suffering from trauma and stress and it affects you physically a lot too. Like headaches, stomach upsets and pains in your body and tiredness, With all you’ve been through recently it could be that’s what’s making you so tired.
Scaredycat you are such a good friend to us all. I have had a better day today, not right and still very emotional but apart from the counselling session I have kept the tears at bay.
Went for a walk with the MH group this morning. Not much in the way of conversation as we all have things on our mind but a companionable walk. Have you been out?
Wyllow glad you popped in and managed your shopping today, That’s a big plus.
Candy hope you had a good time with your family at the caravan. My counsellor seems good to me. I find our chats helpful. I was in two kinds to begin with but pleased now that I’m doing it.
Nadateturbe Whiff and Nanny hope you’re keeping ok. This dark weather doesn’t help does it.

HVDY have you had Little Girl today? Was it a new playgroup. I can remember taking my sons to theirs years ago. I expect they’re a lot different now.

EllieAnne Do you eat at regular times? Missing meals can make you feel off. I like sweet stuff, but my actual meals are pretty healthy (and I never miss meals ). Has your daughter got anyone she talks to about how she's feeling? Counsellor, doctor, friend?

SweetpeaSue I'm sorry your MH group felt so difficult.
Do you sleep ok at night? Being awake a lot in the night can make us feel exhausted, but I wonder if it has to do with the Fibromyalgia.

Candy6 You like to keep busy. I hope you make time to relax, too.

Wyllow3 Well done on the shopping. How has your day been?

*Doodle. Glad you had some company to go for a walk. It's been grey, still and cloudless here all day. Strange weather.

Took LittleGirl to this lovely playgroup at a care home for dementia residents. They love watching and talking to the children. She's happy wherever she is, she just gets involved with all the toys and whatever she can investigate. DH out with Son1 this evening. Hope ALL BDers have a cosy night x

Hi everyone. PDA is called pathological demand avoidance. It's a form of autism. You can't "demand" they do anything so things like putting toys away need to be phrased as if they are doing something for you rather than being told to do something. You can't give too many choices either otherwise it totally overwhelms them. She is also incredibly violent to my daughter.
How DGS is now 14 weeks. They sat in the front room tonight so I could speak to him. He's so delicious. Can't hold him just yet as I'm still coughing a lot

Dear Doodle Thankyou for explaining about how trauma can affect your body. Perhaps it could be that , I don't know. Fibro not actually diagnosed yet. Just know pain throughout all body started about 3 mths ago and worsened with tiredness, like you've had no sleep.
I hope your walks with MH group helps you. Sounds a great way to heal where no one talks about their own disablement but gets you all in the fresh air with no forced talk. Quietness amongst others with no need to talk. Just a gentle 'companionship' as you put it.⁶
HVDY Must be lovely to see Littlegirl having a great time and the other dementia residents responding. What a wonderful thing to do and a great thing to be part of. You're continuing your caring role in a voluntary way - must feel so rewarding.
No , nights are difficult regarding sleeping. I get very restless because of aches and they seem to heighten- don't know why.
Nanny Thanks for explaining about the type of Autism. Sounds incredibly difficult to handle for your DD..
So glad to hear you were able to be with your little DGS tonight. Hope your cough clears soon and you can get to hold him again.

Wyllow Would like to think you're out there reading BD right now.
If you are , just want you to know I'm thinking of you and willing you on. Keep going and you will eventually.get to a better place. It's so good you did your big shop. You alone are deciding to koko and I hope we are a small part of that.
Big hug tonight and love x

May you can get more cuddles soon, nanny. Thank you for explaining PDA, I'd neverr heard of it.

I also hope you will be able to catch up on energy levels soon, Candy*.

Sweetpeasue its a shame your urologist cant help more….if it’s your nice GP I really hope you can see him/her Friday…..there may be a local Fibro Clinic? You and DH have been through so much….sorry today was so difficult and the group just made the tiredness worse.

LittleGirl sounds like a little happy bundle spreading it out to others in so many ways, HVDY. I’ve a picture of her in my mind and what it means for those just sitting - but watching something young and spontaneous.

I agree about the texting, Ellie Anne. Little bits and bobs that she doesnt have to respond to, just hope she does. I dont respond well always to my own son on WhatsApp but trust me I would miss it if he gave up.

Yes Scardeycat your meds would do that to you…tough accepting there isnt a choice x

Well done on going with the group, Doodle. It’s not great the nights are drawing in, is it?

I had a dressing gown day today. Too tired, wet and dark out, not sleeping well. My microwave has blown so I will have to use the carer visit tomorrow to go to Currys instead of walking . I have to try and break through the resistance for us to phone the mobile hairdresser she found.

xx Night night.