Black Dog 22

Hairspray there are many of us on ADs. No need to feel ashamed.
Sweetpeasue hope you’re ok.
Scaredycat and Ellie Anne and Candy hope you’ve had a good day.

Doodle I'm glad you saw family yesterday, and that today went reasonably well. It must be hard to have your birthday without your husband, but you got through it, and you're coping very well. x

Hairspray100 Don't think of yourself as a failure. Antidepressants help so many people. Most people I know are on them or have been on them. Depression is an illness. I first went on ADs when I was about 30. Prothiedon, for about 10 months. Then I had depression when I was a bit older, and was on Citalopram for many years. I'm on Mirtazapine, 45mg, and have been on it for about 6 or 7 years. I've got no intention of ever stopping it. I couldn't care less if people think I'm a failure - I would rather be on them for the rest of my life (I'm 65) than ever feel so absolutely despondent as I once did. Don't be ashamed, the tablets will help you, and where's the shame in that? You'd take medication if you needed to for Diabetes, Hypertension or anything else, wouldn't you?

Hello Doodle,
I came off them as I was feeling a bit better and didn’t want to get too reliant on them.
I worry a lot about side effects of all medication and was concerned that long term use would bring more problems. I had a great reluctance to go on them in the first place.
I felt a little bit ashamed to be on them as well to be honest, as if I can’t cope with life.

Welcome back Hairspray I remember you. Sorry you’ve had such a bad time. Please don’t feel like a failure. Sometimes we need help to get through life’s challenges. Was there a reason you came off the meds so quickly? Hope you find being back on them brings you a bit more stability.

Hello everyone,
I hope no one minds me posting on here. You seem such a lovely bunch and so supportive of each other.

I posted on GN almost a year ago when I was in a very bad a place with anxiety and had some very helpful replies.
Fast forward to now, I reluctantly went onto Mirtazapine some months ago but faltered at the beginning.
I was petrified of taking antidepressants but eventually got into the rhythm and took them for 4 solid months, tapered off for another 2 and then hit a brick wall.

My anxiety came back and I have restarted them last week. I see a therapist privately and she had warned me that I was coming off them too soon but she supported me. I had seen the GP who also seemed surprised that I was tapering so soon. I did it slowly.

I now feel like such a failure for having to go back onto them. I feel like I have let myself down and that I should have persevered with the withdrawal.

I had not taken antidepressants prior to this but realise now that I probably have needed them for several years as I have always been very anxious and suffer with OCD, Health anxiety etc etc.
Would love to hear other people’s experiences of antidepressants.
I am sorry to jump in but you all seem so friendly and supportive of one another.
Thanks you

Not belated wishes Wyllow my birthday is actually today but I celebrated with family yesterday as today is a work day.
So thank you. Hope you have a good chat on Thursday,
HVDY I think it’s so lovely you care so much about that little girl. She and her mum must be so pleased to be welcomed in by your family. Hope you had a cool day,
I’ve been out today to the hospice for coffee then out with friends this afternoon. Spoken to both sons so that was nice.
Sat and cried this morning whilst hugging DH’s ashes but hoping to try and keep calm tonight.
Sleep well all. Hope all are ok.

Candy6 Missing your son when he goes is understandable, but I'm glad the ADs are helping.
SweetpeaSue What beautiful flowers and lovely garden there. I'm glad your husband was a bit bitter yesterday. He might get lucky and get a cancellation. Yes, hope is something we all have.
Doodle Sunday roast sounds good. Even better when someone else has cooked it. I'm glad you had a nice birthday with the family. I have to bite my lip when children sing, but the cast was 30 young people, 11 - 19 years old. Even though DIL's girl isn't our biological GD, we're very proud of her.
Wyllow3 You'll be glad to see your MH worker on Thursday then. It's forecast to be 30 degrees here today - I don't like it. Have you got anyone to chat with on the 'phone?
EllieAnne Hope you got out over the weekend. Did you see any church friends?
Nadateturbe I hope you have a better day today. Do you take painkillers to help?
ScaredyCat, Whiff, and ALL other BDers - hope your day is as good as it can be.

It's going to be another hot day, so DH and I will be staying indoors (he never wants to go out anyway). It's lovely and cool in our lounge. Love to all x

Doodle I’m s glad you had a meal out with the family today and weren’t alone. Belated birthday wishes.

I’m glad you got out for a walk with DD, Scaredycat It has been very close today.

No, I wasn’t on a walk, it was shower and clothes wash today, mood not a lot better at all. Sorry cant ever say, I enjoyed”…Yes my best worker is this week Thursday so speak to someone "real life".

Wave nadateturbe nice to see you in. Things are so hard for you at the moment.

With you on the heat thing, HVDY.

I’m glad you saw DS Candy and so glad the loss reaction is now manageable.

Lovely flowers, Sweetpeasue. Sorry yesterday was horrible and thank goodness DH was able to do some DIY, ping pong and a TX Maxx visit. Cross fingers for a cancellation.

Thoughts for other BD’s not popped in today.

Night night xx

nadateturbe hoping you are just going through a rough patch at the moment and things improve soon. Nice your DH comes to watch Tv with you. Hope the pain is easier. Thanks for your birthday wishes.
HVDY thank you. I had a lovely meal out with family. Sunday roast with all the trimmings. Glad you enjoyed the musical. I always get emotional if children are singing. So lovely.
Wyllow not much fun for you today. Hope tomorrow is better.
Scaredycat thank you I had a lovely time with the family. My friend and I are making a model shop. Yes DH and I were very happy. Quite content just to be together.
Glad you and your DD live close together and can meet up for coffee.
Candy it’s so good to hear how well you’re coping with your anxiety now. Good the ADs help.
Thank you I had a good time today.
Sweetpeasue the flowers are beautiful thank you, what a lovely garden you have. I too hope that cancellation comes through soon. Good your DH had a better day today,
Ellie Anne thinking of you. x

HVDY How did that baby gate get under your feet? Ooh sounds nasty- so glad you had a better day yesterday and the concert/ show must have been a real treat. I like musicals and your DILs daughter is so talented. It's been hot here today too. Hope your pain stayed away.
Scaredycat We've thought about having a dog too- we love labradors- but we also know how much responsibility they are ( and how heartbreaking it is to lose one). Yes we are devastated about the appt being put back again. I've looked at seeing a private Vascular consultant- not many around- and only one around here hasn't an appt until November anyway. Nice to get out with your DD but sorry about your AF. Hope your walk was a morning one and not in full heat.
Wyllow Oh I'm sorry for your awful day yesterday. The days are long and exhausting when no one to talk to and you feel so dead. Is it this coming week that your care worker comes? I do hope you can get out for a little walk with her. Wish I knew what to say - just sending love.x
Candy I'm glad you saw your son though it must be so hard to come away. I hope your sadness soon goes. It's true that ADs do help. I really didnt want to take them but I've been surprised at how much they've helped me. We have had a better day thanks.
EllieAnne Hope you're OK and are coping. I'm sure you'd feel better if you had some nice message from your DD. I know if I feel distant from my own DSs and they've been very busy I feel awful.
Hope you're taking care of yourself.x
Nadateturbe Your illness is really being very bad and unkind to you lately.
Thinking of you and do hope you get some reprieve from it all soon. It's better if we can distract from pain but it must be so difficult to do that when you're bedbound. Sending you a hug.
Doodle Sending best wishes on your birthday. I knew you said it was coming but hadn't realised it was today. I hope you had a good lunch with your family but so sorry the special occasion you couldn't share with your other half. Yes, we do everything together too. Wish I could take your pain away. I'm sending you flowers -not emoji but I've put some from my garden into a vase and photographed them .(hope I manage to send it!). Sending a huge hug too.

Hope everyone has had a reasonable day. Yesterday was horrible for us but DH has been better today. He's been painting the pieces of shed that was delivered last week. We've had a second game of ping pong too. Out for a coffee this morning and got some nice bath wash from TK Maxx . So concerned for DH as he was very unwell yesterday but just trying to live for each day. Hoping for a cancellation. That word ' Hope' again that we all need so much.
Love to all and to those not mentioned.
Wishing all a peaceful night.

Hi all, hope all having a decent day.
Sweetpeasue yes, air fryers are big that’s the problem. I don’t keep mine out in my kitchen as I have a small utility room and I keep it in there. Labradors are a nightmare losing hair my DD has one and he’s a lovely dog but oh the hair! Hope you and DH are ok today.
Wyllow so sorry yesterday was a bad day for you. I hope today is a better one. Koko ❤️
HVDY hope you had a nice day with GD1 and you all enjoyed the performance. Something nice to do all together.
Scaredycat nice you spent time with your DD. My DD lives close and I see a lot of her. I wish my DS lived closer too 💙. Hope you are having a good day. It’s hot here so I hope it doesn’t affect your AF too much.
Doodle Happy Birthday! Hope your day is going well. Mixed emotions I’m sure but at least you will be surrounded by those who love you. I hope you all have a nice lunch.

I’m just on the way back from seeing my DS. I get overwhelmed with sadness leaving him but those feelings don’t last as long now since the ADs. I wish I could get over those feelings but maybe they’ll always be there. I have no right to moan though, others are going through far more. I hope you all are having the best day possible.
Thinking of Nadaterturbe Ellie Anne Whiff and others. Hope I’ve not missed anyone out. Take care xx

Wyllow3 I hope today is better for you.

ScaredyCat The musical is a mishmash of Red Riding Hood, Rapunzel, Cinderella and Jack & The Beanstalk. It's a Steven Sondheim Broadway musical, and was made into a film and book as well. My pain isn't bad at all today but we're staying in - neither of us likes this heat. I'm glad my Vasculitis isn't a problem these days (yet). You (and I) are lucky to have adult children living nearby.

Hope ALL other BDers are ok today x

And thanks Scaredycat nice post to everyone. Lovely to have DD close, you are indeed lucky. Hope you have a rest now.

Just popping in to say I hope you have a nice birthday Doodle, although of course it won't be the same, but it's good to be with family who love you. Love xx

Hi all.
Just back from a walk and coffee with DD- every day I think how lucky we are to live so near each other. It’s very close and muggy today so feel really exhausted now. AF doesn’t like heat very much.
Doodle- you really did have a lovely marriage- many happy memories and the knowledge you could not have loved your D H more. It will take time before things like reading become enjoyable again as your brain is full of all that has happened and wondering about the future. I,m glad you have your friend to craft with - you can sit with her in companiable silence sometimes as you work. What have you been making?
It’s a shame you can’t have a pet- as you say they are wonderful companions . Non judgemental and loving. Yes we have had dogs before but more cats though.
I hope you have a lovely Birthday with your family- they are the best of times when all together.
Nadateturbe- hope you enjoyed your tv evening with DH. Hope this bad spell for you comes to an end soon - it’s so restricting and I,m sure frustrating. You are in so much pain yet always so kind and thoughtful. Sending a wave back👋
HVDY- the show sounded lovely- is it about Red Riding Hood?
My DD lives in a 3 story house and for years I fancied one too but oh those stairs😩😩😩 we are fully paid up members of the old codgers club too!! Chubby Chops will be exploring now I guess so the gates are essiantial for her. Hope Sunday is treating you kindly.
Wyllow- that’s my wish for you too. So sorry yesterday was the pits. Today is another day so hope you feel a bit brighter.I thought about you on my walk this morning - were you there?
Sending a big hug.
SweetPeaSue,Candy,EllieAnne, Nanny, Whiff, Allsorts and all those I haven’t mentioned wishing you a day of kindnessxx

Followed your days xx
Grim day, no wash no point, dressing gown watching the clock pass time

lots of love BD's and night night.

ScaredyCat Pizza! I think most kids like that. DH and I do, but only the vegetable ones, perhaps once a month. No, we didn't have safety gates. Son2 and his family live in a split-level house (both sos do, actually) and they've got 6 gates! All those stairs wouldn't be good for me, nor for DH with his Arthritic knees (old codgers that we are).

Doodle I hope your birthday is as nice as it can be and that you enjoy spending time with your lovely family. Family time is so precious.

Hope ALL BDers have been ok today. DH, GD1 and I saw the musical. The cast all did so very well. They only rehearsed for a week, yet everyone remembered their lines, and the singing was perfect. It was "Into The Woods", and a very entertaining few hours. x

Hello everyone, I miss chatting. I've read some of your posts, can't cope with reading everything in detail. Glad to hear some have coped a bit better, or had less pain. Lovely words, EllieAnne, very encouraging.
So sorry about your DHs appointment Sweetpeasue. Very very disappointing. Giving you hugs Doodle.
Waiting for DH to join me in the bedroom after his dinner to watch some TV. Thanks Sweetpeasue. My M E. is not as bad as that young girls but it's so debilitating. I'm managing very little each day, spending a lot of time lying in bed and continual pain. But fingers crossed its just a bad spell.
Thanks for kind thoughts from everyone. Wave to HVDY Scaredycat Candy Wyllow3 Whiff. Sorry I can't talk to each of you but sending love to you all. xx

Seetpeasue DH and I were the same. Joined at the hip we went everywhere and did everything together..held hands all the time and constantly told each other that we loved each other. Lots of kisses and hugs and cuddles. Not surprising I miss him so much.
Wyllow I struggle to concentrate enough to read the paper. I’ve given up reading books as I can’t concentrate enough.
I’m hoping with time that will come back to me but for now I need to move and do things. You’re right it is better to get out and walk rather than sit at home. Glad you made it today.
HVDY actually having a very busy weekend. It’s my birthday. Not looking forward to it at all but others have made an effort so I will too. Been for lunch with a friend today and did craft all afternoon. Church in the morning then lunch out will all our family.
Your poor MIL. 65 is Young. No I don’t swim. No pools round here really. I’ve got quite a few things going for me. I shouldn’t moan really as there are so many people I get involved with. Nice how all your family interact with each other. Hope you have a good day.
Scaredycat your words are such a comfort. You’re right I am tired because I am doing so much. At the moment I can’t relax enough to do nothing. I can’t sit and do anything during the day. By evening I’m so tired I can relax and then it’s bed. I am doing a lot of craft with my friend and we had a really good afternoon.
I would love a dog too but can’t hear in the flat. Have you had dogs before? They are such good companions. Nice to cuddle up to as well.
Ellie Anne Candy nadateturbe hope the weekend goes ok and you can relax.

Hi all.
HVDY- so glad you had a more comfortable day Thursday- I bet you,d forgotten what/that felt like!!
Hope you’re able to change your day at the centre - that salad was a bit of a let down - thank goodness for the crumble!
Yes you don’t want to miss out on seeing Chubby Chops on those 2 days- you will have lots of fun together and a bit of a rest in between. .
Flippin baby gate - we didn’t have those did we.
Hope,you enjoy the theatre - it’s always so touching to see young people singing and performing and she sounds a lovely girl who you are very fond of.
By the way GGS loves Pizza🍕🍕🍕
SweetPeaSue- oh what a shame about yet another cancellation for DH. It is so hard and demoralising for you both - no wonder you are exhausted. I,m glad you were able to rest for a while. I hope today has been better and you could spend some enjoyable time together.
It will be nice for you to have the little dog to see after - they are adorable. One of my stepsons has a Cockerpoo and she’s like a cuddly teddy bear. We often think about having a dog but it’s a massive commitment and maybe I,m too old.
Doodle- I feel for you so much in your loneliness. The effort involved in trying to keep busy is wearing you out. It will take time to get used to being just yourself and not half of that wonderful partnership you had with your DH. You are not moaning but telling us how life is for you right now. The problem isn’t so much what’s the point - it’s your heart breaking and the pain you are suffering. I wish there was something I could say to help you more . We all love and care for you so much. Remember we walk together xx
Candy- have a great time in Hertfordshire with your family. The weather is lovely today and I think will be sunny for a few days. It will make a lovely change for you and I expect you,ll be out and about. Will you go to London?
It’s so good to hear that you are enjoying your retirement- my daughter can’t wait til hers.
Wyllow- how wonderful that you are able to get out for a walk more often. You are so right it’s beneficial all round- getting up and dressed and out in the sun. Then being able to sleep a bit better.
Fingers crossed the new carer will help improve your life and become a friend. Hope you have a peaceful evening xx
Nadateturbe- Hope you and your DH are feeling stronger . Take care of yourselves.
EllieAnne- thinking of you and hope this weekend doesn’t prove too stressful for you.
Love to all and those not mentioned . Take care all

Doodle My husband's parents did everything together (she didn't drive), never went anywhere separately). She was bereft (naturally) when he died. He had a heart attack on the NYE, died instantly, aged 65. She made friends with a neighbour and took up swimming, several times a week. Can you swim?

Wyllow3 Glad you went for a walk. You're right, getting dressed and having a bit of exercise and fresh air certainly helps. I expect you've got lovely views wherever you go (Derbyshire?) near you.

ScaredyCat, Whiff and others - hope you're ok.
Nadateturbe and EllieAnne Special thoughts of you, hope your weekend is as good as it can be.

Hope ALL BDers have a decent day. GD1 will be here for lunch, then with DH, we'll go and see DIL's girl perform in a musical at a local theatre. She's a bright, interesting, engaging and lovely girl . It should be good. x

Candy6 How nice that you're spending the weekend with your family. The weather will be good, so I'm sure you'll be able to get out and do things. You seem just as busy as when you were at work, but you seem much happier, too.

SweetpeaSue How disappointing for your husband that his appointment has been put back again. Hopefully, he might get a cancellation. Fingers crossed. I was ok all day but then we babysat last night and I stumbled over a baby gate! It was open but I tripped over the bottom bit somehow (clumsy mare) and it set off back and hip pain, which lasted all night.

Doodle Will you see anyone this weekend?

Chubby chops will come first, HVDY, you want to make the most of her at that age.

I can remember your unhappiness at work Candy, glad things have improved. Have a nice family time. Care worker 2 weeks away for 2 weeks then she goes on hols so its a wait and see if we get on.

Oh Sweetpeasue-so very difficult for you and DH with these changing dates! Glad you went and had a rest together.

Doodle your caring always comes across and its mutual, from BD’s and I understand the “whats the point just doing things to keep going” (as its fairly constant for me for different reasons). xx

Sending best wishes to our absent BD’s - to all but Nadateturbe and EllieAnne thoughts as you’ve been in recently and it’s been really tough.

Walk today - bit better than sitting at home all the time and makes me get dressed and better sleep..

Nadateturbe Hope you're OK and coping. You dont need to post , but I've just listened to the father of a DD who suffered from extreme ME on Sky News.
He said there's a huge 'black hole* in the health service for ME sufferers. I really hope that knowledge of ME will get much better and can help people like yourself. Sending you love and hoping you're ok. Xx

Doodle If I say the wrong thing, I'm sorry but it's not surprising you can't feel any joy for all your effort. You were together such a long time and your DH is the one that has shared your very soul.
I don't go anywhere without my DH. We do everything together. Just as you said before- we like it that way. The only place I go without my DH is the book group and I've not been there on a regular basis. When we step out of the door it's together. I don't know how you carry on day to day, never mind having any joy for your efforts. Please don't expect too much of yourself. I'm not sure I could do as much as you are. You are an amazing lady and you're human. Please keep coming in and telling it how it is. There are no words we can say that can make your pain go away, but we are here to listen to you and I wish we could do more. We care so much. Sending another very sincere hug Doodle. Xx