Black Dog 22

HVDY Don't know how to do links but The British Society of Rheumatologists produced a report called 'Rheumatology Workforce-a crisis in numbers ' It's very long so not sure exactly why but think as Rheumatology is classed as a sub- speciality the income of graduates and Dr's is lower so doesn't attract as many into it. I'm sure that many would certainly get better paid abroad.

Oh hope you can get to your meeting with your friend. I'm sure it will help distract from the pain. You are having such an awful time. Hoping your painkillers will help you get to your lunch date.

I'm calmer now but had to call MH and got to speak to psychologist . I was in a right state telling him about DH and the state of NHS Rheumatology and so much stuff. I never went I to things before my botched Hysteroscopy and cover up but now I think I always will and so much that isn't right with my DH not seen earlier. I've suspected all along that neglect could cause lasting artery damage. So scared. Psychologist seeing me tomorrow so I can process everything as right now my head is hyperactive. Have to miss book group again today as not leaving DH and I'm all cried out.

I know you all have such a lot yourselves so hoping things aren't too bad with you all today. X

sorry-'never went into things'

Sorry, I'm a bit useless at posting at minute, but don't think I'm not thinking of everyone and sharing your good times and pain.
I am forcing myself to ring my friend as I am becoming a bit isolated with having so little energy, and I'm so bored.
"This too will pass"...
Sending love to everyone.

SweetpeaSue I saw my friend, thanks - she picked me up, I haven't driven for about a month as changing gear is too painful (DH does all the driving lately). We had omelette & chips, piece of cake, laughed and chatted a lot. There's been a lot of neglect/lack of care in your own case and that of your husband's. It's no wonder you feel so angry and hurt. I hope you manage to speak freely with the Psychologist tomorrow. How's your husband today?

It's not like summer here at all. Grey, raining and dull. How is everyone getting on? x

Glad you got out HVDY. It's awful that you're in so much pain that you can't drive. I hope the chat cheered you up.
Sweetpeasue I'm glad you were able to talk to the MH psychologist. You are right to keep pushing for your husband. I wish I could give you a big hug. You're definitely in need of one.xx

EllieAnne it isn't good to be alone too much, but it's not always easy to socialise. I too have to force myself sometimes.
U3A often have summer workshops. If you look up their website. I'm trying to motivate myself to find one.

I'm working backwards through posts.

Nadateturbe returned I’m working backwards through posts too 😊 I too forced myself to ring my cousin yesterday. Does you good to talk to people.
HVDY. Glad you had a good time with your friend. Lunch sounds nice. I’m going for a carvery with a friend tomorrow.
Sweetpeasue all this stress with your husband is bound to have an effect on your MH too. Glad you are seeing someone tomorrow to talk it through.
Wyllow I am lucky in that I have my family lose and church and a good friend. I realise I have a lot to be thankful for. I hope that soon you will be able to have more energy for yourself. In the meantime keep posting here as we are all with you.
Ellie Anne I understand what you mean about the loneliness being within. I feel that when I’m with other people. Part of me is still thinking about DH and missing him. I’m with them but not with them if you know what I mean. I do hope you get to join more things too. I forced myself to go to knit and natter at my local library today, I was in two minds whether to go or not but in the end I did, It was pleasant. I just sat and listened most of the time but at least it was company.
Scaredycat such lovely kind words from you. Of course you know how I feel and I appreciate you’re reaching out to me. It does help when I think of things getting a bit better.
Zakouma glad you had some exercise I’m sure it will do you good. You will feel better for it. I walked a bit today and it was nice to be out

Doodle that was so brave of you, going to knit and natter. It must have taken a huge effort. I know you're still feeling very alone and missing your DH, but you're doing so well. And it will have helped.
Sweetpeasue how are you and your husband today? I think there's a shortage of many specialists in the NHS. It's why it's so hard for patients to get the care we need, as demonstrated very well on BD. I was actually told there was no point in referring me to neurology as the wait was so long. Strange thing is the NHS neurologist works p/t at the private clinic I attended. It's a disgrace that people are suffering so much for so long. It's just as well you know what you are doing. Have you made any progress in getting the pills you need?

Thankyou everyone for your lovely kind messages. I've just been /am so tired. I really appreciate your words to me. Nadateturbe I'm thinking that shortage of Neurologists too.DH has enough Prednisone to take the new dose till Tuesday which is same day the GP is on so intends to ring for appt then. She needs to know his BP bilateral measurements.
When the consultant asked for BP measurements in both arms it was end of appt so still don't know his reaction to the wide disparity. BP monitor this morning is still the same . Both arms had about 60 points diff in systolic number which is so worrying.
Back tomorrow after a rest. Love to you all. X

Followed your days and news. Dressing gown day - just getting through - and a chunk of tooth fallen out have to face ringing the dentist and somehow getting there.

Doodle you did so well x to get out and HVDY just glad you managed the lunch and chat.

Just hoping the psychologist can give you some relief of mind Sweetpeasue

Well done on the phone call Nadateturbe

thinking of all BD's and wishes for a decent night xx

It's an extremely worrying time for you Sweetpeasue. Try to get some sleep.xx
Son rang which was lovely but tiring so stopped me answering more people. Will chat more tomorrow.
Hope everyone has a peaceful night.xx

Sweetpesue yes, I am just as busy which has surprised me really. I need to find a way of making my life a little calmer somehow. I’m so sorry for the awful time you’ve had. It’s bad that people have to fight so much for the treatment they need and deserve. I hope your DH doesn’t have to wait too long for his meds. Surely if you explain the situation to the surgery they should act quickly? I hope you are feeling more relaxed now and re managing some rest.
Nadaterturbe so sorry you’ve had such a bad time recently. It must be so difficult for you to cope with low energy all the time. I hope this thread, together with your faith, helps a little when things are bad. I hope you have felt better today.
HVDY yes, it was a perfect day for me on Monday. Doing what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it, with no demands on my time or household chores. I need more of it, I really do. It was 9.30 when I sat down tonight, and it’s like that most nights tbh. Granted, I have had some time for me today, at the gym, but that’s exhausting too and something I feel I need to do. Sorry for the rant. I’m glad you are being referred on at last and I hope you get seen very soon so that you can hopefully get some relief from all this pain you’re experiencing. What a nice day you had with Chubby Chops. I used to love taking my two and then GS. I think most children like animals don’t they? I hope today has been pain free for you.
Scaredycat yes, my MiL did lose her husband last year. She was exhibiting signs of dementia before that but I think all the stress has exacerbated it. She is getting worse. DH is from a large family - there are 5 of them so at least they can support each other. Nice you enjoyed a FaceTime with your son. My son rings me every day bless him and I too have hd some conversations in some odd places! Your DH sounds lovely and must be of great support to you. You have been through so much but you seem to cope well and manage a happy life whilst at the same time coping with your grief. I hope today has been a good one.
Doodle I hope you have managed ok today after your bad day yesterday. My heart goes out to you but you really are doing so well. It never ceases to surprise me what people can actually cope with. I’ve learnt this from my own family and we are all stronger thank we think. Sending hugs to you.
Wyllow doesn’t sound like you had a good day but it’s nearly over now and another day you’ve managed to get through. I hope you get that pesky tooth sorted and manage some rest tonight.
Tired now, so off to bed. Sorry if I’ve missed anyone but thinking of you all. Night night xx

Doodle Well done on going to the knit and natter group. Even if you didn't talk much, it meant you had others around, and a bit of a distraction for a while. Enjoy your carvery today. My husband loves that but we haven't been for one for ages. Will you have a dessert? A glass of something might help, too.

SweetpeaSue I hope today will be better for you both. I know how worried you are about your husband.

nadateturbe I hope you rested well last night and your energy levels are better today. Nice that your son rang you.

Candy6 Having time to yourself and being able to do what you want, when you want, takes a bit of getting used to, but is good. I like not having to get ready and get out early in the mornings like I used to.

Wyllow3 I need to see a dentist, too - I've got a sensitive one. I hope you can strike up the effort/courage to go. We're lucky, tese days, to actually have an NHS dentist - both my sons and their GFs have to go privately, as since they (all of them) moved, they can't get in at one.

It's a lovely sunny morning. No day centre, it's being used as a voting station. I could have gone on a coach trip with them but didn't fancy it, to a farm park where we went a year ago. Glad I decided not to, as I'm in so much pain already. Lazy day planned for today. Hope ALL BDers manage to see a bit of sunshine. x

Wyllow A necessary visit to dentist - one of the things I guess you dreaded having do. I hope it's possible for your carer to go with you. Thankyou the psychologist appt did help .
Nadateturbe Yhankyou for your hug and I hope you have more energy today.
Candy How lovely for your son to call you so regularly. That must help to reassure you about his health too.. Sorry about your DMIL' s condition ,it's a horrible thing and I understand that great stress will exacerbate it. It's good she has plenty of family members to care for her. My DH may ring surgery tomorrow if he hadn't hear anything about his prescription or wait till Tuesday then the GP he wants to monitor him will be on. Luckily he's worked out he has enough to take the extra dose till then. You're so right -it is bad to have to fight for everything now.
HVDY I'm sorry about that damned pain again. Wise choice ,as it turned out, to not go on the trip but you must be so downhearted to miss out on things . It would help if you knew when it was going to get better. Hopefully it won't take as long as the estimated 6mths.
DH said, quietly, that he's feeling a bit better today so just hoping he notices a bit more improvement tomorrow.

Glad I had the appt this morning and psychologist's confirmation that I couldn't have done more to bring about DH being seen. He understands the huge gap between what information about treatments and time frames when I Google his illness are different to what Dr's can actually offer. (Sorry, that doesn't sound as if makes much sense)
Because I've had to find out medical stuff about my own predicament in the past ,it's difficult to stop. His confirmation that I did the right things for DH meant a lot and I don't know why I needed that. I have to believe in myself. I'm better today though still so concerned about any lasting harm delays have caused DH.
Hope everyone is coping with their own worries and pain today and are not too downhearted. x

SweetpeaSue You have been right in caring for your husband. You Google things (as do I) to get information because the medical professionals either don't know, don't care, or don't tell. I hope your husband continues to feel a bit better. Glad your Psychologist appointment went well. I had awful pain as soon as I got out of bed. By the time we went to vote (a short drive from our house), I was in agony. Got back in the car, drove to a pub, and when I got out, was walking with no pain at all. That's how I know it's a trapped nerve. The pain has returned since I've done things at home, but I'm hopeful that it will get better, in time.

How's everyone else today? x

HVDY Yes that's how nerve pain is. It's also difficult to treat with standard pain relief because of its unpredictability isn't it.
Just as I thought DHs access to new dose steroids resolved on, questioning him he seems one day short of tablets and due to run out Tuesday. He also has some of the tablets in 1mgs which means taking 40 of them for correct dose! He rang surgery to speak to them about it and got a robot receptionist and told her full situation. She talked over him so he said this is GCA we're talking about I could go blind. She said ' no exceptions' and continued to say the consultant had used the paper that said within 2 weeks'. The Rheumatologist had asked DH if surgery would be OK giving him the prescription and DH told him yes , because he had no idea it was written on form saying within 2 weeks. Now DH has rang Rheumatology dept who got in touch with consultant's secretary, who is now trying to get in touch with this Rheumatologist who we saw and is a very busy man as he's a senior position , to get another prescription that we will need to go to hospital to pick up. DH thought it best to pick up in person as he didn't want more mistakes made.
Phew! Crazy or what!!

Hi all
Doodle- I hope you have had an enjoyable lunch with your friend. A carvery is always nice isn’t it as you can have just what you fancy- hope you had room for pud.
You feeling thankful for the good things - that really resonates with me. It was something I had to do too after what happened. I couldn’t get the word ‘ Widow’ out of my head. Then realised that I was also a Mum,a Sister,a Friend ,a Daughter and didn’t feel so alone.
I,m glad you are getting out and seeing people- it requires a great deal of effort . But it is so important even when the effort seems almost too much. Wish I could pop in and see you.
Take care of yourself.
SweetPeaSue- you,ve had a difficult few days. Sometimes it doesn’t do to delve too deep into what we think is wrong . But this time it has been so necessary. I admire your persistence and fighting spirit , but you also need to rest your mind sometimes. You have fought so hard for your DH and hopefully now the Drs have got the message- you,re not letting go until you feel he’s getting the care he needs.
You must have felt lifted to hear him say he’s feeling a bit improved- please let it continue. I,m glad the Psychologist confirmed you had done the right thing- you needed to hear that as your confidence had another knock.
Nadateturbe- I know how it feels to force yourself to phone people. The silly thing is you always feel pleased afterwards that you,ve done it. Even though it is so exhausting sometimes.
I do hope you energy improves soon. I remember my Dad saying’ this too will pass’ when he had a bad breakdown.
A Summer workshop sounds good- maybe outdoor painting would be nice for you.HVDY - Glad you had a day with your friend - sounded a fun time and good lunch too.
Good to see the sun out again isn’t it- but so sorry your pain is restricting you such a lot. Well done voting with such awful pain - hope you enjoyed the pub.u
Wyllow- oh what a pain- why are teeth such a nuisance. Maybe your carer could go with you.
Hope today is better for you- you are one day nearer to the day when you feel yourself again.
Think of you every day- as I,m sure we all do.
Candy- you certainly need more Mondays in your life!! You have worked so hard and still do but you have earned some time for yourself. My DD can’t wait to retire next year- she’s another one always on the go.
Glad your MiL has good support and that your DH has siblings to share the load too.
I cope a lot better since the ADs- likeHVDY I,d rather take them forever than feel like I did.
Hope you’re having a good day.

Well tomorrow we are off for 2 weeks holiday. There is no flying involved - hooray. We are ,by coincidence ,
visiting the same 2 areas that SweetPeaSue and Whiff did earlier this year.
So will be able to keep in touch.
EllieAnne,Whifff,Allsorts,Nanny, Zakouma and any I,ve forgotten take good care of yourselves.
Sorry HVDY I got in a muddle typing!!!

Scaredycat You hit nail on the head about the confidence knock. Thankyou for your understanding. It was nice to hear how much DH appreciated my standing up for him . Kind words for Doodle and coming from such sad experiences yourself. Do hope you have a lovely holiday. Lovely places you've chosen.

SweetpeaSue Did you and your husband manage to get the tablet situation sorted out?

ScaredyCat Hope you have a really lovely holiday. Nice words to Doodle.

Scaredycat that’s so lovely. Yes I wish you could pop in and see me too. I did have a nice lunch with my friend. She is a widow too and has been a great help to me. Trouble is I feel so tense all the time. When I’m out I just want to get home and when I’m home I want to be out.
Your kind words are so supportive and helpful. Thank you.
So pleased you’re going for a holiday. How far you’ve come since first being in BD. I do hope you have a lovely time. Good places to visit.
Sweetpeasue I’m sure you did all you could for your DH. You’ve been concerned for a while and have tried so hard to get through to the GP what you thought was wrong. Pleased you got on well with the psychologist and he could reassure you that you’d done all you could.
What a silly situation with your surgery. Making your DH go through all that trouble just to get the meds he needs. Glad he persevered though.
nadateturbe knit and natter was ok. Just sitting listening to other people chatting helps. I just wish I could relax more at home. We were so happy here it upsets me that now I can’t relax. Hoping that will resolve itself soon.
Wyllow what a shame about your tooth. I suppose the last thing you want to do is have to go to the dentist, Hope your help when you get it makes things easier for you.
Candy life quite often seems to be busier after retirement than before. Hope you get time for yourself to do things you enjoy.
HVDY I had a small roast dinner but then ice cream with chocolate sauce, am having the wine now as I was driving.
I’m glad you had a bit of relief from the pain today. It must be awful not knowing when it’s going to be bad.
Have a good night all

HVDY No she didn't- but perhaps she'll call back tomorrow. It's all so ridiculous.Id be prepared to go to our surgery manager but DH doesn't want me to. This is all so v wrong .
Hope you manage a night's rest without pain. x

Doodle Just seen your post. I so appreciate you saying I have done all I could. I'm trying so hard though DH doesn't like a fuss. I'm beginning to finally believe I have a voice.
Anyway ,enough about me. I think you are trying so hard though I hope you are not expecting too much of yourself. It's so early , you've only just lost your other half. I think of you every day and I find it difficult to accept this outcome. So goodness know how you are processing it all. I'm glad you have your faith but it doesn't spare you from the gut wrenching pain. Much love to you Doodle and a warm hug. x

Got a dentists app in 3 weeks - OK except for sharp bit of tooth cutting tongue ...had walk with MH worker...makes me tiny bit better outside then hits me, wish things made a difference given up on hope a lot.. No news carers at all, I think MH will be onto it if nothing happens soon. Their resources so limited its hard for them to see me weekly (in one way I prefer this to unknown carers, but OTOH I need more frequent support - if its the right person)

Doodle understand the wishing else where - so much loneliness in your grief well done for KOKO xx

Sweetpeasue glad psychologist made things a little bit better. good idea to go and get those meds in person for DH.

Scardeycat have a good holiday, you'll be missed.

I'm so sorry for the continuing pain HVDY, must get you down, you love to be active with family.

Candy, its great DS rings a lot. Maybe keeping busy is your coping thing - and necessary for now.

Night night dear BD's

I drafted this last night but didn't manage to post it, i know its already out of date but Iwant to post it while I can. And hopefully get back later.
Hello everyone. Thanks for all the kind encouraging words.
Wyllow3, What rotten bad luck, your toothbreaking. . You could have done without that. Did you manage to get to the dentist? (Sorry, just noticed update. That seems incredibly long)
Doodle, Did you have a nice lunch with your friend? (You did, ice cream and chocolate sauce- delicious). I'm glad your family are close and that church is helping. I don't get to church much, but my faith is very important. I watched an episode of Songs of Praise yesterday and they sang Be Still and Know that I am God". Lovely hymn.

Scaredycat what a lovely helpful post to everyone. And yes I felt better and as today was a "good" day I forced myself to visit my sister. And we had a lovely cheerful chat. Its so easy to end up depressed and isolated and it's a downward slope.
I hope you have an enjoyable and restful holiday with plenty of sunshine.
...so funny, facetiming in John Lewis. 😁

HVDY it's a good sign that your pain went for a while. It's encouraging. A lazy day resting your hip sounds like a good idea. I've had sensitive teeth recently, it comes and goes. but the dentist said it was just gums receding (age thing of course!) and to rub sensodyne toothpaste round it.
Candy I hope you've had an easier time today. You sound just as busy as when you were working. Perhaps you need to have a think and plan some "me" time, not just for the gym, but to relax as well.
It's lovely that your son rings every day.
Sadly dementia is exacerbated by bereavement. We've experienced that too. It's good there's a big family to support your MiL. It makes a difference.
This thread really helps me Candy, reading about others experience and days, and getting understanding and encouragement. . Although sometimes I can't post, which I feel bad about. And it helps me not to feel so lonely when I'm stuck at home so much.
My husband and I have different interests and we don't mind at all. I'm glad he has his own interests as I often can't do anything with him.
Sweetpeasue what a flipping palaver to get pills that you need. Receptionists have too much power imo. Hopefully the GP on Tuesday will sort it quickly. Isn't it strange how we been other people's confirmation sometimes. We don't trust our own judgement enough. I understand what you mean about the time frame not being what medical people are offering, but it should be.
Zakouma66 glad you managed some exercise. How are you?
EllieAnne how is your hand now, did it heal OK? I'm sorry you feel so lonely sometimes.
What possesses people to do stupid acts of vandalism. It has happened in our lovely new playground too, which has only just opened. Hard to understand.
Apologies to anyone I haven't mentioned. Chat later.

Doodle I'm glad you had a nice lunch with your friend. She must understand how you feel. Don't expect so much of yourself - it's not long since your dear husband died, and your emotions are still a bit all over the place. You're doing so well.

SweetpeaSue I hope you manage to get the meds arranged soon.

Wyllow3 Glad you managed to get outside with your MH worker, it's good to have some fresh air. At least you've got a dental appointment, even though it's a while away. I haven't yet bothered to ring my dentist.

nadateturbe Nice that you saw your sister. I wish I had a sister - my brother hasn't been to my house for 3 years, doesn't want to meet or even talk on the 'phone, unless it's something about his worries. Ah well. I hope you have a good day today.

I've been up since 6, all packed for the trip to York. Feeling sick and anxious about how I'll get around - Son2 suggested I hire a mobility scooter! (it's not going to happen). Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x