When does a few glasses of wine become a problem ?

Jenz48 and PinkCosmos. I know I drink too much, and have my first glass of white wine at 6pm, after I’ve fed our dog and started to cook dinner. I look forward to it, enjoy it and it gives me a ‘lift’, especially at this time of year. Thank you to those who have offered suggestions on how to either reduce the amount, or stop altogether. If I just have a gin & tonic at 6pm, I think I could stop drinking the wine every evening. Or, I might try the non alcohol wine, which I understand has improved. My OH drinks zero beer and at the weekend has a couple of glasses of red with dinner. I am disciplined in other areas of my life, so should really be able to handle this. Would it help to continue this thread for those needing some support?

Suzieque66

I tried the AA meetings but it felt like I was in a cult ... I couldnt take the slavish way everyone seemed to use the same phrases ie Oh She's In Denial ...

My brother found the same thing and when he sought out other help groups working in conjunction with the addiction services, he found a lot of them wanting to recruit him to their religion which he didn't follow or want to.

I tried the AA meetings but it felt like I was in a cult ... I couldnt take the slavish way everyone seemed to use the same phrases ie Oh She's In Denial ...

I keep a small bottle of water (250ml) on my desk and one in the car. When ever I think of a drink during the week, I try to make sure I take some water and then think about making a cup of tea either black or chamomile depending on the time of day. I try to make Friday evening dinner the time for some wine, Saturday a gin and tonic, Sunday a sherry before the meal etc. So that I experience variety. I may ave a non alcoholic tonic or ginger beer during the week if 'necessary'. B

I only drink in evening when cooking ….which btw I hate! So out came wine glass and bottle! Then I realised it was the wine but the actual glass and habit …so I changed the wine for alcohol free version or a soft drink . Worked for me ….as soon as I realised it wasn’t the alcohol I was wanted but the ‘action’ of lifting wine glass to my mouth. Still use the wine glass but now with nothing noxious in it!

I used to drink every day when I was married as my ex did too. After we split up I drank less often and when my children left home I decided I would not drink alone so only drank when I went out with friends. In the early days I didn't trust myself not to overindulge. Now I still mostly drink when out with friends or when entertaining at home though I'm not strict and enjoy an occasional one at home alone. I think it depends a bit if you live alone or not. Being on my own I worried that I might drink if I had a bad day as I had no-one to talk it through with.
Now I have found I enjoy an alcohol free beer as much as the alcoholic one so always have those in. I buy wine in the little single serve bottles so if I fancy a glass I don't have to finish a whole bottle.
I think your solution may come in buying smaller quantities. You are probably able to control yourself better in the shops than when you've already had a glass! It sounds like you really need to cut down as it can't be good for your health to drink the quantities you are doing at present. Maybe also try one alcohol free day each week to give your liver a rest. I think that is what is recommended along with the 14 unit a week total. As someone else said maybe trying a spritzer to make it go further and yet feel you aren't restricting yourself too much. Good luck!

Try finding somewhere else to be at your vulnerable time; ring friends, take the dog for a walk ......

You sund as if you have not found a more worthwhile activity and so established the habit.

You have some good ideas here. Good luck with establishing a new, replacement habit.

Mwdebbie, that is so uplifting to hear. I am not a drinker because it has given me heartburn for years. I am always amazed at how others are so surprised by how I can still have fun without it. The difference between me and them is that I don't have a have a hangover in the morning and haven't made a complete idiot of myself by getting overly emotional both of which I used to suffer from!

I read your post and recognised myself in your words. By the time I made the decision to remove alcohol from my life (and I’ve never framed it as ‘giving up’, because I’ve gained so much and lost nothing, apart from - eventually! some weight), I was so fed up of thinking about drinking, going round and round about how I could moderate (alcohol-free nights / months, smaller glass, only drinking with food etc etc, those moderate games, I played them all) that I knew the only way was to remove alcohol 100%, no ifs, no buts, no exceptions for Christmas, new year etc. Initially for a period of 100 days, starting on October 1st 2015. When I achieved 100 sober days, I felt so proud and so free, that I decided to carry on and aim for 6 months, then a year, then two years…and I’ve been alcohol-freee for 8 years and almost 3 months now. I read a lot of ‘quit lit’ to learn about the nature of addiction and to build a sober tool-box of strategies to deal with social situations and times when I was triggered to drink alcohol, I joined an online support community called ‘Soberistas’ (google it if you’re interested) and met some amazing women. The support from Soberistas was beyond words. This was a very important part of my journey and I was a member for 7 years. I’m in a different place now, living alcohol-free is normal and I love my life, I love not having to think about booze, I have more money to spend on treats for myself, I never suffer from hangovers or guilt or worries about how alcohol is impacting my health. I am free and happy and proud of the best decision I’ve ever made, for me. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Things are not automatic. People do things for a reason. Why do you eat at seven? What is it about five to seven pm that make you want to look into a glass of wine?

Understanding these things help to change the habits Jenzs.
Not words of wisdom but friendly observation and open ears.

Are you at work or are you retired? If you are free to choose your own timetable, can I suggest a change of routine? Part of the problem is that you have a routine where the drinking is in that pattern, and therefore it makes it harder to ignore it. So you could perhaps have your main meal at lunch time , which is not a time you think of drinking. Then try to look at ways of being out of the house at the time you would normally drink, preferably doing something you enjoy which helps you to think of something else. So this might be going swimming or to the gym if that appeals to you , or if you do your own shopping change your shopping time so that you go out for a walk or to do something you enjoy in the morning and then start your shopping at about 4 ish and perhaps go for a coffee in a cafe afterwards. My son is astmatic and we have never smoked but he let friends get him into smoking and when he wanted to stop found it very difficult. I gave him this advice and suggested that he went to totally different cafes etc (this was in the days when you could smoke inside ) it took a while but he did manage to give up and said that changing routes helped him. The other thing he did and you might do too, is to put the money you were spending on wine into a moneybox or whatever , and put it towards something you really want to do. He wanted a car and i gave him a couple of pictures to put in his wallet so that when he opened it he saw the car and he said it helped. None of this may be what may suit you but I hope it might give you perhaps another idea of what might help you. I think it is more helpful to have something to go towards than just thinking of giving up something. I am planning on taking my own advice and losing some weight so I shall have to be careful what I buy and have in the flat, and also I am definitely going to swim more. Would like to walk more but my back is not helping me do any walking so swimming will be my exercise. I hope you find something that you can enjoy doing and let me know how things go for you. Best wishes and good luck for 2024

A few glasses of wine are a problem if you cannot do without them, or as you admit, you yourself feel they are a problem.

There are other organizations than AA - the very thought of their old-fashioned "prayer-meeting" style make m y skin crawl, so in your place I would try Blue Cross or something else.

Have you tried simply not having any wine at all in the house?

It worked for a friend of mine, who said that by the time she had put on her coat and shoes and found her purse, she realised that it would be the height of stupidity to go down to the corner shop and buy a bottle or two.

I started drinking sherry when my husband worked in the city and I was preparing dinner for my children.
Started with one glass then up to 3.
I just stopped it altogether before I was really hooked.
3 glasses of wine each evening is way too much.
Try any if the suggestions above.
Best wishes with that.

There is a very thin line between habitual and alcoholic drinking so you are right to be contemplating where you are at. What happens when you don't drink for a day? If you are really on edge, shaky, or overly emotional, speak to your GP about how to get help to cut back or stop.
How about getting a zero alcohol wine for a couple of evenings a week? You can get some nice ones now so I am told.

When does a few glasses of wine become a problem ?

When you feel sufficiently driven to ask the question.

I grew up with an alcoholic stepmother for a large part of my childhood. She would do anything for a drink and I mean anything with any man. Her own 3 children taken away by SS. Very violent to me when drunk and frequently brought home by police who found her in the gutter usually covered in vomit sorry tmi. She went in rehab 3 times and was the nicest kindest person when sober. Sadly it never lasted and drunk until she died at 49 from a brain haemorrhage.
OP try to cut down now before it escalates or perhaps it already has. I always swore as a child I would never be an alcoholic and am very careful not to drink more than once or twice a week. Still very wary around drunk people too.
OP you need support with this your GP will be able to help you
Best wishes ❤️ xxx

Why do you feel you have to drink at that time? If you can't stop the habit it's a sign you have an alcohol problem. Why not reduce the amount in the glasses to gradually wean yourself off though I have heard the best way is to just stop. AA will be able to give advice on how to at least change habits. It's the "why" that needs considering.

I enjoy the odd glass of wine and occasional gin and tonic.But have found that I cannot have more than a couple of glasses as I have got older. My husband hardly drinks as it gives him a headache. I suppose we are a couple of lightweights!

Jen48 it does become a habit that is hard to break doesn’t it. It feels like a litttle reward at the end of the day! I tend to cook really nice meal and feel that a couple of glasses of wine really complement the food so we drank most days up until this year. I had a minor heart attack and just went off the taste of wine which broke the habit for me. Now I am careful because of the meds!
You probably really enjoy the first glass so try to just stick to this or alternate with water until you form another habit. I have managed to get to just one small glass which I am sure is fine!
Good luck!

Just don't buy it. AA can be found in church halls near to you if you want to go to it.

I agree with Fleurpepper if what she’s saying is as well as genetics, choice is involved.
I wish everyone struggling with drink/substances/food etc well. It’s tough but choice is involved.

Fleurpepper

rosie1959

Fluerpepper not a prophecy just a gental warning. Having spent the last 20 years around alcoholics in recovery it is quite common.
Nor an excuse nobody chooses to be an alcoholic just part of their physical make up far more complicated than many think.

Oh I get totally get that.

But there is no inevitabilty about it either.

I only mentioned it because the poster mentioned being unable to stop, hiding the amount of alcohol and blackout which can be red flags

rosie1959

Fluerpepper not a prophecy just a gental warning. Having spent the last 20 years around alcoholics in recovery it is quite common.
Nor an excuse nobody chooses to be an alcoholic just part of their physical make up far more complicated than many think.

Oh I get totally get that.

But there is no inevitabilty about it either.

Well done rosie1959 - that's a terrific achievement.
I have a good friend who has also been sober for many years now.

Society is geared around alcohol in this country. Every day is another positive achievement. 🥳

Removing temptation from someone else is easier said than done. They have to want to themselves