Black Dog 18

Evening all, back up and running now as my new cable came today so all charged up.
Whiff sorry you have been in so much extra pain. You have so much to put up with anyway but anything extra must be unbearable. I hope you are feeling better today.
HVDY your DS’s and partners sound like they had a nice day out together. I hope you and DH enjoyed your day at home too. So sorry for the difficulties your nephew faces. It must be hard for them. Sorry too for your brother. A very difficult decision for him to make I’m sure but he obviously needs a break and look after himself too.
Wyllow sorry too for the difficulties your GD has but she sounds like she is extremely well cared for in a loving home. I hope they get the extra help they so need. It’s good you get on well with your counsellor. I had a good one too. I had to pay but she was worth it. I don’t really feel I need to see her at the moment and I’ve been thinking of writing her a note of thanks/sending flowers or something which I really must get around to. I hope you get your car sorted soon. I don’t think we realise how much we rely on them until we don’t have them.
Nanny I’m so sorry you are struggling but well done for getting out to work. Normality will help. Please, like other have suggested, get some help in the form of bereavement counselling. It will help you with the various stages of grief. I’m glad you’ve got your animals to comfort you.
Allsorts such a shame your family member isn’t getting the support he needs when he needs it most. I don’t know how someone could do that. I hope there are others who can help him, bless him.
Doodle I hope you are enjoying your time away. Hope DH is ok.
Sweetpeasue so sorry you’re not feeling well. You need to come in and post if you need to. I hope you get the meds you need to help you with your pain.

Nadaterturbe Scaredycat Ellie Anne thinking of you too and hope all ok.

Sorry for short post tonight. Long stressful day which I won’t go into but I’m shattered so must sleep now. Thinking about everyone and best wishes for a restful night. Back tomorrow xx

Nanny2507 I watch that lady as well. Her name is Debs. Your son must have been quite traumatised by that, particularly given that he's autistic. Could you try talking to him about his feelings? Share the grief.

Candy6 Glad you've been able to join us again. Hope you slept well.

Brother just rang me (he only ever rings me when he's got a problem) - his wife apparently fell over this morning, at the home. She's unable to straighten her leg, so they're waiting for an ambulance to take her to hospital. They asked if she was his mum (he's 76, she's 70 but looks very much older), but good grief!!

Oh that's awful HVDY. I hope she's OK.

Candy hope you had a good sleep. Your post was not short
Hello to everyone. Have not the energy to scroll back.

Nanny your poor son. So traumatic for him.

Whiff Wyllow3 Sweetpeasue thinking of you with all your pain.
Doodle hope your husband is OK and you are both enjoying the trip.

HVDY can't think of anything nicer to eat than chocolate trifle!
Scaredycat you're right There is nothing worse than telling someone it's all in the mind. It doesn't help at all. Stops people speaking about their feelings, and very damaging.

Oh no, HVDY , thats so awful to hear, it will be hard for him not to feel bad about it. How are things?

Hi Candy glad you are now all connected. Yes a card counsellor can keep? I’ve noticed cards in offices sometimes and are clearly valued. I hope you are rested now after shattering day.

Nanny goodness you son was a star when it counted. But him being there can’t fill the hole thats been left.

Hello to nadateturbe popping in and out. I play the tease quite a bit you posted, it sort of brings BD support into my space.

Sweetpeasue I’m sorry I didnt explain things very well last night. This is what I meant.

My thoughts were that very understandably you fear not getting oramorph and its having a really bad impact on your thoughts. Your psychiatrist would be looking at overall meds use anyway in prescribing, and understanding your need to know you can get oramorph could include it in what she presents to GP as “Best way forward”.

After yesterdays very bad head I woke a bit more positive and my tummy was OK settled enough so went fairly early to the gym for a swim.

It was quiet enough to be nice not a battle. I can swim for some time but lack the confidence to do yoga or walk far, as back is out of "critical" but into "still afraid of re-injuring". Still I'm lucky to have been a lifelong swimmer.

Had a fright at lunch time
oh my!

I actually live outside the GP area of my reasonably good and of course familiar and known practice.

Permission was given ages ago by a lead GP, but I got a letter saying, "you have to move practice within two weeks".

Rung them in much trepidation and explained was in the middle of investigations x and y etc, already booked follow up with GP's in 3 weeks. Was on off in MH crisis as well.

Also- the truth - I intend to move within the year which will bring me back onto their area.

Bless her, she rung back in 20 minutes saying, "don't worry, you can stay, ignore letter.

Triumph of people and caring over “systems"

Woke with usual Black D hounds but been writing it all out in diary as think I've realised something important as regards staying within the MH system to discuss with psychologist next time.

Taise not tease!

Oh, forgot to say - after the call with the GP secretary I have a wave of thinking, "McCarthy and Stone" because of the high levels of support there and GP connections. Yesterday after the Bot Gardens I drove to a nearby bloke of retirement flats and they were really not good. Great place for "where" in the city but they were thin wall 70's flats all crowded in on each other looking tbh cheap and nasty and noisy and only a few tin good sunlight..

Sweetpeasue you have a diagnosis now. You have nerve pain. No longer can they question if it’s in your mind. I have nerve pain in my broken wrist. DH once had damaged nerves after an 11 hour op. Not at the operation site but in his arm where they had the canular. He was in agony.
I Hope, whilst it won’t cure your symptoms, having a name for it may help.
HVDY that’s a shame about your SIL. My brother used to like looking at an old photos. Would that be an idea?
You’re running a five star hotel for your foxes.
Oh no. Just caught up with the post about your SILs fall. So upsetting . That will cause her even more confusion. I do wish people would think before naming others as mum or dad or husband or wife without asking the relationship. Some nurses have referred to me as DHs daughter and it upsets me. I wish they would think before speaking.
Nanny I had no idea about your son when I suggested he could walk the dogs. So difficult for you both.
He did well to try and save his dad. I Hope he doesn’t blame himself in any way. He must miss his dad so much just like you but unable to say how he’s feeling.
Candy hope you had a better day today and not so much stress. Yes DH seems ok thanks just a bit bruised.

nadateturbe yes we are enjoying ourselves despite the force 9 gale today (joke) which nearly blew us off our feet. So windy here.
Wyllow glad you managed a nice swim. What a shock to receive that letter, glad it was sorted out ok.
Finding the right flat will take time. Lots of research first but good you are checking some out.
Scaredycat Ellie Anne Whiff thinking of you all. x

Wyllow3 Glad all sorted re the GP. Glad you had a nice swim.

Doodle Hope your husband is ok after his fall. Enjoy your break.

Quick update about SIL - She was apparently found on the floor in her room, by a carer who went in this morning. Care home rang for an ambulance. She was taken to hospital at 10am-ish. She has had x-rays, but an hour ago (5pm) they hadn't been looked at. I keep trying to ring the A&E department, it's engaged the whole time - as is the care home. Poor woman, she's been there all day. Hope someone has given her food and drinks, and that she's had meds for her epilepsy (or she'll have a fit).

HVDY can't brother find out, or is he too upset about it all to be there and on his mobile?
Everyone so busy...holding you all in the Light.

Doodle glad you are making the best of it despite weather challenges. I'd love to come by and walk the beach with you!

My son is definitely struggling. But as some of you are aware autistic people struggle with emotions. I cant speak to him as I start to cry and he doesn't understand the point. He understands that I am sad but feels crying is a wasted emotion. He's incredibly clever but a little odd. But boy I love him. He has been so good and has really stepped up. It's the finer things he doesn't notice....like mowing the grass, the dishwasher, his own washing

Can he understand that some people do cry when they are sad?

But I've never been in that situation nanny, just asking. Is there anything about DH you can share he does understand?

Nanny2507 I'm sure you must already know that people with Autism don't feel or express emotions in the same way that the rest of us do. Would he cut the grass, do his washing, and emptying/filling the dishwasher if you asked him to? From the little I know about Autism, people with it take things quite literally, so perhaps he needs to be asked/told to do some things?

Quick update about SIL - I got to speak with a doctor in A & E, on the 'phone, at 7pm. She's broken her hip, will need an operation either tomorrow or Thursday. She didn't go to a ward until 7 O'clock - 9 hours in Casualty.

Wyllow3 My brother didn't go to the hospital, and he had been sitting waiting for the hospital or care home to ring him. He rang me a couple of times, sobbing down the 'phone. I gave him a talking to. He's melodramatic, isn't interested in anyone or anything unless it affects him in some way. Self-centred and has no self-awareness at all (No, I don't like him but have always been there for him, although he hasn't for me) Rant over.

Hope all BDers have had a decent day x

Candy- good to see you back. It was a good post especially after a difficult day. Hope you were able to sleep and that the days stress didn’t spoil it.
HVDY- so sorry to hear of SiL accident- your brother must have felt so worried. I do hope she’s been taken good care of as I expect she can’t explain very well how she feels . Such a shame both for her and you and your brother who needed a
rest. Those assumptions regarding age and relationships can cause distress - there are ways of saying things if you consider feelings.
Nadateturbe- hello to you too- hope you,ve had as good a day as possible.
Wyllow- it’s wonderful that you can enjoy your swimming as you do- it will be so good for your back. I think that having always been a swimmer your body is happy with it.I think that’s why although I can’t go so far or as fast I still walk physically well just exhausted.
Oh gosh that call must have given you the heebie jeebies!! But common sense and empathy prevailed- so glad for you.
Was it the M and S flats you didn’t like or just some others? Good you felt like looking though.
Doodle- hope DH isn’t too badly bruised- he doesn’t need to get blown away !!! There must be some lovely waves to watch.
My FiL who had Alzheimer’s used to like looking at photos like your brother did. Can I come on the beach walk too!!
SweetPeaSue- you have been right all along about your pain - definitely not in your mind.
Hoping they can help you now to deal with it without having to fight for everything.

Nanny- your son was very brave and must feel much more than he can explain- your love for him is all he needs . As for those finer things lots of men don’t notice those!!!
Hope your day at work today has not been too stressful and you,ve been treated kindly.
EllieAnne,Whiff and all wishing you a good night

Wyllow3 I'd love to come by and walk the beach with you!
Wouldn't we all love that?!
So much I would like to post. Hopefully tomorrow.
I have had better weeks! Just have not felt good.
Hope everyone has a peaceful night.xx

Best to be upfront about your brother, HVDY - realistic given whats to come (some difficult times!)

Have you managed a walk, Scaredycat today? Not that you should have, it's just that the weather has been a little kinder - well up here it is.

No the flats I drove and strolled round were another provider - the M and Stone stuff have very high building specs - quiet, big safe lifts, 24 hour on site manager and assistant, always clean and fresh everywhere etc, sound proofed, been inside a Quaker friends flat there - but thats how they manage to have a "how much!?!! monthly charge

Yes nadateturbe - magic carpet to destination, magic carpet back as soon tired....the places I'd go (vary from sunny beach to the V and A)

I can see us all walking along that beach together!
But I get what you're saying Wyllow. So many places I would like to revisit. A magic carpet would be essential. Still, we have memories.

The M and Stone apartments sound very good. Worth thinking about.

evening all
HVDY Wishing your SiL well. Hope everything goes well for her. Bless her. 9 hours such a long time. Horrendous. You are so good being there for your brother. Proves blood really is thicker than water.
Nadaterturbe * yes I had a good sleep thanks but it wasn’t long enough unfortunately. Was tired today but I very often am. I know you know the feeling but I realise yours is much worse. You do very well to cope with it. I hope you are ok today.
wyllow yes a card might suffice. I thought of booking an appointment with her say once a month but it’s expensive and I don’t think I’d get much from it. I’d like to “leave the door open” if I could in case I need to go back. I feel a bit guilty not going but she’s very busy and doesn’t really need the business. hope you enjoyed your swim. I’ve been this evening. I’m so glad I took the time to learn, I love it. Glad you can stay with your current GP, must be a big relief. I think if you’re thinking of moving to retirement living then you need to be comfortable with your choice, I would like a nice place and I don’t think you can compromise on your living space. If you can afford MS, then go for it.
Sweetpeasue I hope you get your oramorph. I know they have to be careful with controlled drugs but they can use their discretion and should look at each case on its own merits. You only use it when things are extreme and they should recognise that.
Doodle glad your having a nice time. It will do you both good. Glad DH is ok too.
Nanny your son is lucky to have such a loving, caring Mum. He will come through it for sure with your care and help. Proves a mum’s love is unconditional.
Scaredycat thank you. No My stressful day didn’t stop me sleeping, I slept well, just not long enough! Hope you are ok.
love to Ellie Anne and Whiff and anyone I’ve missed. Hope all have a restful night. Night night xx

Candy I went to a counsellor for a while after my mum dad. Then once or twice for other reasons. She told me to feel free to come any time. As you say, they are quite busy.

I have just killed 2 giant spiders (using I know I shouldn't) in my bedroom. Afraid to go to sleep.

Do the same - bedroom is a no no, unless I think I can get them with a cup, card and open window, all quickly enough.