Black Dog 18

Sweetpeasue thanks. I wanted to share it with people who would understand and also I thought it might encourage others. I’m such an anxious person. If there’s nothing to worry about, I can invent something. Also I think being ill so long has depressed me and I was getting to the stage where I had little incentive to do anything. It’s easy to slip down further. I think my belief in God helps me cope.
But you poor thing, feeling so awful in the doctor's waiting room. I’m sure we all wish we could have been there to support you. I so hope the pain management clinic helps you cope. I thought your GP would have done some blood tests for your DH. But then my medical knowledge is very limited. Let’s see if he feels better when he’s off the ADs for a few days. I assume if he doesn’t improve, you have to go back. I remember the days when you went to the doctor and he told you to make a review appointment on the way out. Hard to believe we did that. Like Doodle I hope the doctor realises what you are both coping with and tries to help. I pray better days are ahead for you both.x

sorry I can't answer any more atm. eye strain.

Hoping for a peaceful night for all.x
Hello Hairspray100 and welcome.

Thank you for sharing your experiences.
It’s a mistake to assume that everyone that you see out and about has a charmed existence. I look at people now and envy them their lives, thinking that all is sweetness and light and I am the only one who feels like this.
I know that’s not the case but I think it’s the nature of this illness in a way.
Makes you feel a bit selfish and self centred.

Hairspray Don't worry-I see what you mean. I wasn't sure how to post and still feel unsure. I think some of us have good days and bad and just post how we feel sometimes and at others just how we've spent our days.

Depression is a lonely place to be. I wake in night and feel panicky and scared about situation and have thoughts Id rather not be here. I think nights are the worst for many.
I do feel worried when I offload negative stuff though everyone has been supportive.

I have resisted ADs but have now accepted they might help and started on them just over 2 weeks ago.
Be kind to yourself. Its hard when so many worried thoughts go through our heads and can get so tired.
You will find kindness here.

The middle part of my post was meant for SweetpeaSue

Doodle Yes, the baby, too. She's such an easy, happy baby. The eldest GD is so good with her. DH was with us all, of course. I'm glad your husband's leg isn't bothering him. Is he on anticoagulants?

*The symptoms your husband has had don't sound like a side effect of ADs, but he'll know in a week or so, I expect. Hope your MH appointment goes well tomorrow.

Hairspray100. Depression is awful. I've been on antidepressants for many years - the one I take now, I've been on for about 4 or 5 years, I think. You will get better. The tablets usually take about a month to work, but after a couple of weeks, you'll gradually realise that you don't feel so utterly miserable. I'd rather be on them for the rest of my days than ever feel like I once did.

I will read through posts so that I get to know you all.

Hello everyone, and thank you for nice welcome. It sounds as though you have had nice days.
Is the Black Dog the depression side of this thread.
This is not something that I have experienced before or certainly not to this degree.
I don’t want to make the thread miserable but would love to know how other people who have experienced this have felt.
At the minute I feel as though I would really rather not be here, life seems overwhelming and hurdles too much to cross.
No light at the end of the tunnel, I can’t control the shaking and worrying. Second day of AD so I’m not expecting to feel any better yet but it’s a very lonely place to be.

Sorry cant write too much. I fear I will write wrong thing lately so takes ages to find right words.
Doodle Your poor DH again. Hope that nasty leg gets better soon. Hope your wrist isnt causing too much bother and physio helping to strengthen it.
Hairspray100 Welcome. Everyone keen to help and offer comfort or suggestions here.
Scaredycat Yes ikwym about the nicer warm weather. I was fed up of the chill wet gloomy weather last month but found uncomfortably hot today at times. The Urologist said other things that upset too. Thankyou.
HVDY You really had such a full day. Your GDs must love coming to you with so much to occupy them. You sound so much fun.
EllieAnne Glad you can put weekend behind you again and can relax a bit. Nice to be in garden. Well done 8ml walk-amazing!
Candy You must be ready for your nice caravan weekends after such busy working weeks. Hooe been good busy today and not bad busy.
Wyllow Think of you everyday. Hoping you get more help now. x

Urologist said in letter he thought I must have had CPP for yrs ( before bothced op) and didnt believe Id had IC. This is 100% wrong and I dont know how he can say that or, what lies behind it. I had every symptom of IC starting 10 yr ago and other 2Urologists recognised that. GP said he would get addendum on Urologist letter and I have to call sec to get it amended about Hysterectomy I never had. Its set me back hugely Urologist sent this letter to Pain Management Clinic, which was/is now my only hope. They dont need wrong info. I told Urologist the op went wrong and have had severe pain since then.
GP thinks DHs symptoms could be side affect of ADs so he has to stop them and see how he is in a week. I am doubtful if it is and still think prob Fibromyalgia. I was trembling all time I was in waiting room and DH had to speak for me mostly as I couldn't speak for crying and trembling. I told GP about DHs slurred speech again as DH didnt say it in his phone talk this morning. So glad DH came with me for F2F as I needed GP to see his difficulties standing walking. Sorry to ne negative abkut so much. See MH nurse tomorrow.

Hope you all have a restful night. You all keep me going. Thankyou for all your help. X

Hairspray- Welcome good to meet you. You will always find someone here to listen . As Doodle says the ADs take a while to kick in but do persevere as they really do help. I only started them in March and they have made such a difference but it took quite a while - one day you just realise you feel more like yourself.
EllieAnne- it must have been lovely on the beach today - think I,d have had to paddle!!
Doodle- I,m glad DH blister isn’t painful - I expect he has to be careful not to knock it though.
You,re right - no walk for me today I don’t feel good walking in the heat. Can’t believe we used to hike in SW USA in high temps. Got a blood test tomorrow then meeting my eldest GD for lunch- GGC back at school so we can have a good natter.
HVDY- what a great park that one sounds . So much to see and do. So glad you,ve had these 2 lovely days with your GC- they will remember their times with you when they are older.
Bet you,ll sleep tonight!!
Love to all

Hello Ellie Anne you came in while I was typing. Nice message to Hairspray . Bet it was lovely on the beach. So nice to be close to the sea. I didn’t know you worked in a food bank (at least I don’t remember it) is it something you volunteer for? Nice thing to do.
DH is ok thanks his leg doesn’t seem to be bothering him however unsightly it is. I Hope you’re ok. x

HVDy nadateturbe took the dressing off DHs leg yesterday and he still has a huge blood blister. Doesn’t hurt or cause him any trouble but looks awful, like a huge bloated leech on his leg.
HVDY when you say all 3 DGDs do you mean the baby too? And you took them all out by bus to pub and park. Wow you are amazing. I would be worn out by now.
Just read what a lovely day you had with the older two today. Sounds a really great place to take them.
nadateturbe pleased you had a good day. Having one now and then helps to make you feel like things can improve.
Candy if you are sleeping a lot you probably need it. Hope you had a good rest from work and today didn’t take too much out of you.
Wyllow thanks for letting us know. I do Hope you get seen soon and hope you get the help you need. Don’t forget we’re all here with hands to hold and hugs to give. Thinking of you x
Sweetpeasue I can understand how difficult things are for you and your DH. As you know my DH has been ill for a long time but I have always had reasonable health so could cope for both of us. Must be so hard for the two of you, worried about each other. I Hope thé GP picks up on the fact you’re both going through this trauma and does something about it.
Scaredycat not so hot where we are but had a fantastic day yesterday so can’t complain. Love your description of the young like Duracell bunnies, so accurate 🤣🤣
Doubt you’ll go for a walk today if it’s soo hot. Like me you probably find it a bit draining. Be nice to have a sit out in the sunshine for a bit though. Have you got anything planned?
Hello Hairspray. Glad you found us. You are welcome to post here about how you feel. We all understand although our individual troubles are different. Don’t forget though, that this is an open forum so don’t write anything that people may be able to identify you by.
So pleased you have started ADs. They will take a while to kick in but several of us on this thread are either on ADs or have been helped by them in the past.
Hope being here and being able to chat with others in a similar position will help.

Welcome hairspray. You will find kindness on here. I certainly have.
Hvdy sounds like a lovely day.
I had a short walk on the beach did a shift at food bank , then sat in the garden reading.
Doodle hope your dh is feeling better.
Sweet pea sue thinking of you both.
And wyllow I hope you can get the help you need.

Thank you HowVeryDareYou2
I will open up in due course on various things as I feel that I will get good advice on here.
At the minute I am in the depths of a bad depression. I have seen GP several times recently with various things and reluctantly started on medication for depression after much deliberation.
I’ve had nice replies on other thread and at present I don’t want to talk to anyone so nice to be able to chat on GN.

Candy6 Your time at your caravan sounded perfect. Hope work has been ok for you today. Nice to be able to escape from it all and have a break away.

Wyllow3 I'm pleased that you're going to get some help.

SweetpeaSue Hope it's not too long until your joint appointment.

Nadateturbe I went to bed at 10.15, slept ok until about 5. Hope you've been ok today.

ScaredyCat The GDs are 12, almost 9, and 10 weeks. The eldest is great with the baby, and was a big help yesterday, when she pushed the pram up our very steep street. We oldies struggle to walk up it now.

EllieAnne Hope you've had good weather and been able to get out.

Doodle How's your husband's shin today?

Welcome, Hairspray100 Post whatever and whenever you feel comfortable with.

Had the 2 girls at 8am, they played some games and then we took a picnic to Markeaton Park (45 mins away) in Derby. It's brilliant for children - a huge paddling pool, a play park (swings, climbing frames, slides, etc), boating lake (shallow, for children only) with swans, ducks and geese. There's an ice cream kiosk, toilets, park keepers, so it's ideal. Been a few times before. DH just taken them back to their mum. Another good day. Hope all BDers are doing alright in this heat. x

Hello to everyone on here.
I started a new thread yesterday not realising that there was a specific one already going.

Doodle told me bout this thread.

First time that I’ve posted on GN although I have replied and read forums in the past.
I have received lots of useful advice and thoughtful replies on the thread that I started.

Hello!
Phew it’s so hot today - I promised myself I wouldn’t say that but just hung some washing out and nearly melted!!
Nadateturbe- so good to hear about your lovely day- so much accomplished. Next time the ferry will be a piece of cake!!
Good days like that are to be treasured aren’t they- today you can rest and enjoy the memory. Did you take any photos?
I,m sorry you went through such trauma with your son- wonderful that he pulled through and is having a good life.
Sounds like he has the perfect partner too.
Doodle- Hope DH blister has gone down today- and you both stay well for the rest of your trip.The sea air will do you such good- and all that lovely food.
Kind of you to reach out to Hairspray- I saw her post too. Hope she is able to join us if she feels able.
HVDY- No wonder you are done in. I remember those days out when the GC were young- they are like Duracell bunnies aren’t they . How old are they all?
Hope you slept well last night and that you enjoy another lovely day today. Put your feet up when you can!!
Candy- so pleased you enjoyed your caravan break- sounds perfect. Good job it wasn’t as hot as it is today. Going back to work is not easy after a break I expect.
SweetPeaSue- what is going on with that Urologist! What a mistake to make no wonder you have lost faith.

Hope your joint appt goes well. You are both suffering such stress - it must be very apparent. The Doc needs to listen to you - the pain is likely stress related but you need answers and kindness too.x
Wyllow- I,m glad you are going to get more help- thank you for letting us know. Think of you many times a day- sending a hug.
EllieAnne- the weekend has passed now and hope whatever upset you has been resolved as best it can. Another lovely day for sitting on the garden - at least you can feel peaceful there.

Oh Wyllow I'm so sorry youre in this condition and its good you are going to get more help. We all are thinking about you and I appreciate you managing to come in and tell us. Xx

Got through this morning. DH requested joint appt. Tbh things in bad way. I have to cope for him but not sure I can. Bad night and he heard me upset. We are making each other worse I think.
Thanks all for thoughts. Cant say more now. x

Caught up with your days BD's. I think I am going to be referred to an intensive team xx

Evening all.
Just caught up. Sorry I haven’t answered personally the last few days. We had a nice time at our caravan. We did walks in the morning then the afternoons I slept a lot then we went out for food in the evenings. Didn’t get back until late last night then work today.
Doodle hope you have a lovely holiday and your DH’s blister gets better soon.
nadaterturbe I’m sorry about your son. That must have been so difficult for you. I understand what you mean about the longer side effects. I worry about my son’s too but like you, try not to think about them. I worry a lot about him though but then all mums do I know. Your son seems to have a good life now and that must be comforting for you. Sounds like you had a nice day too. That will have done you good.
sweetpeasue another mix up by doctors. It just beggars belief. I hope you get it sorted and I hope your DH gets some help with his pain too. Try not to blame yourself, your pain can’t be helped and I’m sure he doesn’t blame you. He will realise that you would do exactly the same for him. It’s what loving couples do. It may be that you are both going through a particularly bad period and once you both get the help you need you will be able to move on. It’s just taking time but you’ll get there I’m sure.
Wyllow I’m glad you spoke to your crisis team. I hope the psychologist was helpful to you. Good that you managed to see your son too. Stay strong.
Ellie Anne I’m sorry you had a difficult time. I wish you could feel happier I really do. Good that you sat in the garden. I did for a little while too. Very hot!
HVDY I would think you are fast asleep by now after such a busy day. I’ll bet you enjoyed it though. Round 2 tomorrow! Enjoy.
Scaredycat I’m sorry about your son. That must have been so difficult for you. I’m glad you have family living close by and you are able to enjoy them. I hope your day has gone well.
Wishing you all a peaceful, restful night xx

Doodle hope your husbands leg is OK.
Sweetpeasue hope your husband is OK too.
EllieAnne thinking of you, and you Wyllow3 how did today go?
Whiff Nanna Scaredycat thinking of you too. And anyone I've forgotten.
I hope you're asleep HVDY you'll need to restore your energy for tomorrow.
Wishing for a peaceful night for all.xx
Will answer posts tomorrow.

SweetpeaSue The Urologist thought you'd had a hysterectomy when you haven't - unbelievable. I wonder if a hysterectomy would help you though? Hope you get on better with regards to seeing a GP tomorrow.

* nadateturbe * Your son being in a coma must have been a very worrying time. I'm pleased he's ok now. So glad you had such a good day today.

Wyllow3 Glad you spoke to the crisis people. Hope all went well with the Psychologist.

Doodle You poor husband. I hope his shin heals up ok soon. It sounds as though you're having very good food. Lovely.

EllieAnne Have you got a shady place in your garden? It's been very warm here, 27 degrees. It's still 21 now, at 10 to 9

Hope all BDers have managed to have a decent day.

It's been a lovely, but tiring day here - Had all 3 GDs from 8am. We got the bus to a place a few miles away. Had a look round the shops, went for a pub lunch and drinks, then got another bus to a park. Back to ours, then the girls went at 4.30. Son2 came round, treated us to an Indian takeaway, then DIL came at 7.30. They've just gone. The girls will be here again tomorrow, 7.45 until 4 or 5. Knackered . x

nadateturbe sound like you had a wonderful day. So glad you went. Glad you shared it with us. Always good to hear about someone having a good day.

Hello all. Just seen a post from Hairspray on another thread, she has various health and other worries. I have invited her to join us should she so choose.
Sweetpeasue plenty of custard on board which is nice. As usual, something has cropped up. DH has a huge blood blister (and I mean huge) appear on his leg. We think it was when he banged his shin. I have put a wound dressing on it and hope it sorts itself out. If it’s not one thing it’s another.
I would be in touch with your GP and the hospital to correct the error in that letter. He shouldn’t have made reference to hysterectomy if you haven’t had one. I had to phone the hospital before we came away as they sent a letter about DHs visit which had inaccuracies in it with possible harmful effects. They corrected it and sent an amended letter.
So sorry to hear about your DHs pain. Hope he gets checked over by a GP soon.
HVDy have you had your girls today? Hope you had a good time. Yes the food here is lovely. Had Pavlova tonight. Really nice one. Beautiful day. So nice to have some sun.
nadateturbe I always envied those who had lots of relatives close by. We did when I was very young but I had no cousins or others in the family around my own age. I was much younger than everyone else.
How frightened you must have been with your son in a coma.
Must be nice to feel he has a sensible wife who takes care of him.
Sorry you had such a bad night. I get like that sometimes and can’t sleep. So exhausted the following day.
Wyllow glad you’ve been in touch with crisis. Hope you got to see the psychologist today and they were able to help, Sending love to you too.
Ellie Anne I think about you every weekend (other times too). Sorry you have troubles on your mind. I’ve been a bit like that recently where every morning you wake with nagging anxiety. Brings you down. Hope things pick up soon. Nice you have a garden to sit in. It has indeed been a lovely day.

Nadateturbe Please don't be sorry. It's lovely to hear of you having such a good day. It sounded beautiful - one of those memorable days in a lovely tea garden. I'm pleased for you that you went over on the ferry despite your fears-that is an achievement. Worth having to do less tomorrow if need be. I think the pandemic left so many of us anxious.

I've had a wonderful day. I pushed myself to do it. Having M.E. combined with pandemic has taken a toll and I have been doing less and less, mostly due to M E. But also getting depressed and anxious since Covid.. And husband becoming a bit the same due to me. We took the ferry to Carlingford a lovely little village in Ireland. I was so nervous and anxious for no good reason, (will the ferry sink? and also just doing something I've never done before) but soon relaxed. We had a great time. We had delicious homemade cheesecake in a little outside tea garden and the scenery was beautiful.
I don't know what energy I will have tomorrow but I feel I've achieved something.
Sorry this post is all about me. I just wanted to share it.
Wyllow3 how did your appointment go?