Black Dog 18

Candy it's Sweetpeasue who's sons were with their father before he died. Easy mistake 🙂
One of my sons does try to keep in touch with his father but gets very little response.
Back later, just awake.

Candy6 Still having stomach cramps, but they're like period pains, so easier to bear. Son2's Eczema is worse now than I've ever seen it - on his face, neck, both arms, hands, and legs. I don't think he manages it effectively, but he's allergic to Hydrocortisone (skin patch tests in his 20s showed that), dust mites and Lanolin, amongst other things.

Do you, or are you able to, travel to see your son? Could you ever meet halfway somewhere?

I learned to swim, years ago, on a week's holiday to Cyprus. The pool was always very quiet, only 6 or so adults in it. My husband very patiently taught me, and by the end of the week, I was doing lengths. I could hardly believe it. I lost the confidence to carry on with it when I got home. Yoy've done very well to learn properly. I couldn't stand to get my face in the water.

It's a grey morning here, and windy too. Foxy didn't come last night (the food is still there, so I hope he is ok).
Hope ALL BDers have a better day today x

Evening
HVDY I hope you are feeling better now. It does sound like you had food poisoning. Food should be reheated properly and it doesn’t sound like yours was unfortunately. You’ve obviously got some energy back, getting all that housework done. It must have been such a worry for you when your son was small. I guess it’s got a little better as he’s got older? Or have the treatments got better? My DS has eczema too. Only in the past few years but it’s hard to control. Difficult condition.
Nadaterturbe yes, my son lives nearly 200 miles away now and I find it hard at times. Mostly the everyday things, family meal, watching our GS play football, etc. but he rings me every day bless him. It’s his birthday tomorrow and I won’t see him. I’m lucky I have my daughter living up the road though I know. I am glad I learned to swim, I enjoy it and it helps me mentally too. I hope your day has gone well and you’ve managed some rest. Nothing wrong with a ready meal. Takes a lot of pressure off when you need it. Your sons sound like very caring young men, they could have easily turned against their father but they didn’t and that must have been comforting for him in the end.
Scaredycat yes, the dark can be scary. My husband has a theory - that my fear is because my mum used to leave the landing light on for me when I went to bed so I never got used to it. Maybe? I wear goggles when I swim. I haven’t tried without them as I think my eyes would be sore. Shame you had to give up wine because of your AF but it’s important for your health and as long as you remain well, then it must be worth it.
Doodle sorry you’ve had an anxious day but glad it’s lifted. Mine is always worse in the morning - I wake up sometimes and thin “oh no” but I cling on to the fact that it will ease later and it normally does thank goodness. I’m glad you’ve had better news. Good luck with the knitting.
Sweetpeasue you did well today and yes, you had a blip, but you did what you needed to do. You are bound to have lows when you are going through so much. I hope you manage to collect your GS tomorrow. Hope your DH hears something from rheumatology soon and gets the help he needs. Good DH is on his AD’s again. Sorry I forget, but are you on them too?
Wyllow thinking about you and sending you ❤️ And strength.
Wishing all BD’s a peaceful night xx

Doodle It's often difficult to think positive thoughts. I expect your faith helps you. Hope your prayers help.

SweetpeaSue Glad your husband was seen and that he's back on the ADs. An urgent referral should be very soon, so hopefully he'll be treated appropriately for his foot problem. You've been the strong one in helping your husband recently, but you had a little blip, which is understandable. Hope you manage to collect your GS tomorrow.

Wyllow Hope you're eating ok.

nadateturbe We've got a Lidl about a mile away (and Aldi 2 miles away), so I'll have to have a look at their chocolate.

Going to visit SIL in the care home tomorrow - my brother says that not only have most of her clothes gone missing, but now, so have her shoes and reading glasses. I'll kick up a fuss tomorrow. Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

Missed some of your posts. Good your husband has appointment Sweetpeasue. You are a very strong person. Never doubt that.
Glad your mind has eased a little Doodle.
Talk tomorrow. Sending hugs Wyllow3.
Remembering you all in my prayers.

Doodle Thankyou for your encouragement, it means so much. I have this constant inner voice telling me I'm weak/rubbish/failure-really trying not to listen. Have circular bandage for knee. Can be difficult getting up from loo! Pulled son's radiator off wall a few weeks ago by hauling myself up! Hoping you can sleep well tonight too without the intrusive anxieties.

Following your times with caring and so glad am remembered. xx

Scaredycat, it's a shame you can't enjoy a glass of wine now, but if it helps to stop the AF getting worse, it's a small sacrifice. I can only have a very small glass, but you get used to it. I too am very careful with food, stomach gets upset easily. Better safe than sorry.
Same good taste in chocolate buttons🙂 .
Isn't it funny how little gives us pleasure nowadays?
HVDY getting an Amazon parcel. Now that's really exciting, especially when you can't remember what you ordered!😁
It sounds like your meal was reheated, but not enough. I've tasted lots of chocolate. My favourite is the one that Lidl sells.
My husband is still quite weak, I'm exhausted looking after him. We've just sat like two grumpy old folk doing a food delivery order.
It made me realise how very well some of you manage,supporting each other with long term illnesses, and how strong you are.
I hope you are all having as good an evening as possible and have a peaceful night.xx

Sweetpeasue yes I do think my asthma and claustrophobia are linked. Both make me think of breathing difficulties.
So glad your DH finally got seen. Good he’s got an urgent referral. I’m glad he’s back on the ADs. Hope that will help.
You’ve done wonders today. Stepped up to the mark to help your DH. Well done. Hope you are ok to collect your DGS tomorrow. You had a wobble I’m sure because you’ve been worried about your DH. Now steps are in place to help him. Hope you manage to sleep tonight. Have you got any strapping for your weak knee.? That might help. x

HVDY what an awful time youve had with such bad stomach pains. I won der if it was your lukewarm meal. I'm hoping you're feeling better now.
Doodle I didn't know you'd had such a bad time with being Claustrophobic. It would limit your life considerably. I wonder if the Asthma compounded it. Its a horrible condition. My 1st husband used to get it and had an inhaler and son 1 had a milder type with inhaler plus eczema (believe there's a link in conditions). I'm sorry about your anxiety. Do you have any breathing strategies to cope. I was given some to try but it's hard to do them in time befote anxiety gets out of hand, which it did tonight. Hope your husband's leg is improving.
Nadateturbe Glad your DH is feeling better. Its good youve had a more relaxing day today. I so agree that we can get depressed and the past can disturb. My sons father was hardly in touch and died just over a yr ago. Opened up so much for myself and them. They decided to be with him before he died and much peace was restored to troubled hearts.
Scaredycat I like Cadburys milk choc buttons but the giant caramel ones are so moresome. Hoping your daughter isnt having a bad time with the covid. When my son had it last yr he found it weird to not taste even a lemon.
Candy I would panic too if I thought my sons would be emigrating, you're certainly not alone there. It must be difficult to put it out of your mind. I expect being so busy must help with those worries amd of course the ADs. Ive noticed a definite change of mood with them but a side effect might mean I'll need to change.
EllieAnne Hoping your bad cold is improving and youre feeling stronger. Being unwell makes it far more difficult to cope with other worries.

DH spoke to different GP on phone and she wanted to see his foot. We both went and although it could be Polymyalgia she's not sure as his foot affected with swelling and hes had pain in every finger joint aswell as neck/shoulders/arms/hips. Got urgent referral with Rheumatologist and GP said should hear from him by end of week. Put back on his ADs thank goodness-hes so low. I'm having trouble driving as I use foot with bad knee on clutch. Dh is unable to drive through pain.
Ive been on top of everything today and felt could cope wjth anything. Then all of a sudden I got this strange unsettled feeling - like I had to be somewhere, anywhere, agitation and had bout of crying and feeling v frightened.
Son goes on hol for 10 dys soon. My knee getting worse. I dont know what is happening to us both. We are both rock bottom. I need to be strong but I'm still struggling. Have consented to pick up GS from school tomorrow but don't even know what I'll be like. DH worried about me and I'm worried for both of us.

Life can be hard BDs but we all keep on going. Wishing all a peaceful night. Wyllow Peace be with you tonight and always. X

Good evening all. Been a day of anxiety for me today All sorts of thoughts going through my head and the more I thought about things the worse I felt. So stupid really. I am such a pessimist. Never think of good outcomes only the bad. Things are better this evening. I find the mornings worst. I have been praying all day and my spirits have lifted. Things have eased and my mind is lighter.
Sweetpeasue I do hope you got your DH to see a doctor today. Any news of his ankle? Sorry the walk-in clinic had such a long wait. Hope he’s been seen now.
Glad you saw your son yesterday. Is he back for a couple of weeks now?
nadateturbe yes things are better thanks. I never say thank you enough. I’m always praying for something else. I am thankful tonight though.
DH was given two different meds earlier this year that he reacted very badly too and caused severe side effects that resulted in lots of treatment. Not a mistake by the doctors. Both are things that are prescribed for his symptoms on a regular basis, he was just unlucky they didn’t suit him.
Hope your DH is feeling better and the medicine is working.
Glad you got your specs fixed.
Wish I could stop worrying about things I can’t fix. That’s sensible if there’s nothing you can do about it.
Candy you are a good mum not to stand in the way of your son moving if that’s what he wants. I know you would be broken hearted as would I if it happened to mine.
Faith is just that. Believing in something you cant prove. Sometimes I think my prayers are answered sometimes not but we never know the reason why. I don’t have the faith that some do but I wish I had.
I don’t mind the dark in fact I have trouble sleeping if there is light anywhere. We are all different.
ADs help but I think if we have anything really troubling us it will still outweigh the effect. Overall it helps. Hope you feel better soon.
HVDY so sorry your son has eczema. That must be so painful and hard to cope with. His asthma must have been a great cause for concern when he was younger. Being hospitalised for it is quite serious. Hope it’s under control now. I don’t really have asthma attacks as such. I just have to keep using the inhaler and taking my tablets every night if I stop taking them for 48 hours then I would have quite a severe asthma attack.
So nice you like your DIL. Must be nice for you all to have a good relationship. Mine are both wonderful.
Sorry sounds like you had some kind of food poisoning. Wonder if it was the salmon. Hope you feel better now.
Scaredycat I do keep an eye on my tablets I know I need them. Yes I have had better news today thanks so my spirits have lifted. Mostly it’s my own fault, I worry too much about whatiferies. Always have.
Knitting going very slowly. My hand is very stiff but I’m sure it’s good exercise. I am knitting vegetables for the harvest festival 🤣. I love dark chocolate but my weakness is Cadbury fruit and nut. I could eat a whole huge bar of it in one go…..before feeling sick.
Wyllow I’m glad you keep coming in even if only to wish us goodnight. It makes me feel like we are still in touch. Please look after yourself. xx
I think I will have an early night. I think I’ve either started a cold or it’s an allergy to something. Sore throat and sneezing all day. Take care all.

ScaredyCat It was at a pub, and was salmon with vegetables. All of it was overcooked, but strangely, barely lukewarm. Chocolate Buttons are nice. I love dark chocolate, particularly Green & Black's or Lindt. I get excited if my washing dries quickly on the line, or when my Amazon purchases arrive

Hope all other BDers have been alright today x

HVDY- oh dear that sounds nasty. It must have been food poisoning to have been so severe and painful. Was it chicken you ate? I,m very wary of anything that might be a bit ‘off’ or not cooked enough but DH isn’t a bit worried and many A time I,ve binned something he,d happily have eaten.🤢
Good decision to miss Aqua - but you seem to have been very busy so,hopefully are feeling a bit better.
Doodle- didn’t realise you had such bad asthma - you must have to be very vigilant to make sure you don’t run out of meds.
I,hope your anxieties,have lessened today- you,have had so many worries lately you must be mentally exhausted.
How’s the knitting going? What are you making?
Yes I will,always think of Annie when the snowdrops appear.

Nadateturbe- glad DH is feeling better butI expect the tiredness will,take longer to recover from..
You made me laugh about your ‘exciting” life - I thought it was just me !! I can get excited if then washing dries quickly!
The Choc Buttons were the Giant Dark ones 😋
Candy- I,hate the dark too it sort of envelopes you doesn’t it.
I,think you are really brave with your swimming - can you open your eyes with your head under water or do you wear goggles.
Having a glass of wine is one of life’s pleasures and to be enjoyed without regret. You have a very sensible approach to a drink so just relax and enjoy. I miss it very much since having to give up alcohol cos of AF.
Hope the increased ADs will help you.
EllieAnne- hope your cold is not so bad now
Wyllow- sending you a big old HUG.
Love to,all

HVDY that was such a worrying and stressful time for the family. You must have all been exhausted
Very productive morning, you must be feeling better.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing. -sending food back.
I feel sorry for my husband, but more for his children.
I depressed myself yesterday, joined a thread which took me back to the past. Not a good idea. Lesson learnt.
Hope you are all having a good day.
Sunny here and cool
Husband still tired, as I'm I. Pains from managing alone. Small problem 🙂.Ready meal tonight.
Hello to Wyllow3 hope you are all right and all others on BD xxx

Candy Hello. Oh goodness, a son thinking of emigrating. You wouldn't tell him not to go to Australia, even though you would hate it. But it would be extremely hard to bear. Mine went to England, which was bad enough. Of course it's not far, but having M E makes it very difficult to visit or have visitors. How I long for children who can pop in for a coffee. And gc who know me. But you do get used to it.
I must have a look at Radio 2 in the park.
I love sleeping with the curtains open, especially on a clear starry night. But it must be awful to be so claustrophobic that you have to.. I hate the dark. Good for you, learning to swim. That was an achievement considering you don't like putting your head in the water. Doesn't it make you feel strong when you manage to do something like that?
I hope the ADS are helping and it's only a temporary fall back I didn't know you could increase them. Nothing wrong with a few glasses when you're in control, which you clearly are. It's relaxing. Enjoy!

nadateturbe Thanks. I shouldn't have eaten the meal, but I never send anything back - I should have refused it and not paid (done that before). Son2 used to be in hospital a lot with the Asthma and Eczema - he had his first inhaler (with a spacer) when he was 2. In that year alone, he was an inpatient 12 times. I used to stay with him, of course, and sleep in a chair. DH used to have to take time off work to look after Son1. Yes, I'd love them all to be living together. We'll see.

What a shame your children haven't had their dad around. He's missed out on a lot, I expect. Some men really don't deserve to have a family.

I've had a productive morning - vacuumed, mopped, polished, all through downstairs, and done some ironing. That's it for a while.

I hope all BDers are ok x

Scaredycat you have certainly made progress -looking out the window on the plane. I simply cannot do that. Well done you!
I’m sure it’s lovely chatting and seeing your sister looking so much better.
Sorry your daughter has Covid, it’s definitely on the rise again. My daughter said it was very strange not being able to taste food. I hope your daughter recovers soon.
It sounded like you really enjoyed your walk. It’s good to be out in the fresh air and not too hot.
Rubbish tv and chocolate buttons -good combination. I love Cadburys giant dark chocolate buttons.
Yes, with a big family there’s usually something. Although I try not to worry too much. I do what I can to help, and if someone has a sudden illness I do worry until they are better. But long term things, that some of them suffer from I just think what is the point, I can’t do anything about it. I’m only going to harm myself worrying. I just pray. That might sound uncaring, I care so much and try to make up for the fact their dad has not been in contact for many years, so I feel I’ve got to be two parents.
Sweetpeasue how are you today? Such a shame you couldn’t wait. I don’t know how people who are so ill that they need to go to these places are expected to sit in uncomfortable chairs. Some don’t even feel well enough to sit. It makes me angry. I think weekends are particularly busy at centres and A&E, because of surgeries not being open. I hope you get some help for husband today. So difficult caring for your dear husband when you don’t feel well yourself. Sending hugs xx

EllieAnne how are you? Is the cold any better? I’m sorry you’re feeling so miserable. If you feel history is repeating itself, is there anything you can do at all about that? You seem to be stuck in a very unhappy situation. Sending hugs. How did the son’s visit go?
HVDY It sounds like you had food poisoning, happened to me once from lukewarm chicken soup. Silly me, like you, went ahead and drank it. Vomited all night in the hotel. Maybe go easy on your stomach for a few days.
I’m glad your asthma is milder, and you can control it mostly without medication. It must have been scary having such a young child with asthma. My son developed it as a teenager, but it’s not too severe, although he does use an inhaler. Just read your son has eczema too. Poor guy, So unlucky, I know it’s difficult to treat too. It sounds like your son and DiL are making progress, having an definite weekly arrangement, taking it slowly! Good news! I do hope it works out, I know you would like it to.
It’s not great that your specs broke after such a short time, I hope you don’t wait too long for them. I sometimes use old ones that I keep upstairs. We shouldn’t, but if the prescription doesn’t change much, I’m sure it’s ok.
Hope your legs aren't too troublesome today.x

Doodle good morning. I hope you are ok and the anxiety is perhaps lessening a little. Or you are maybe coping better with it. I too pray and talk to God, not just about problems. Sometimes I want to say thank you, and it’s amazing how many little things I can find to be thankful for. But yes life is difficult and when you think it is ok then it takes a backward step. I was listening to Hagar’s story yesterday, a perfect example. God works in mysterious ways.
It’s actually therapeutic in a way, (probably sounds weird). I assume the knitting is for exercise, is it helping? As Sweetpeasue said, maybe it will distract you for a little time from worries.
I was shocked to read that you couldn’t do those things for forty years. How wonderful that you have overcome most of it. It’s good you had a supportive husband, not always the case when one has that kind of problem. Interesting about your husband’s medication causing the cough. I don’t think doctors take enough account of possible side effects. My doctor gave me a pill a few weeks ago to take 4 a day. I took one for the first week to see how I fared and had really severe side effects. Glad I didn’t take 4.
And you have asthma too, which sounds severe. So much to challenge you. I hope today is kind to you.x
It’s nice of you to think of everyone who has ever been on BD. I too miss Anniebach. We used to private message.

nadateturbe Glad you got your specs repaired. I've had to send mine back (Glasses Direct) as the am broke off, 3 weeks after having them. I'm using my old ones, but the prescription is different.

Wyllow Hope you're looking after yourself.

Candy6 Infection and COPD have been ruled out. He had Covid 2 years ago, didn't go anywhere for any treatment. I was in hospital at the time, for 6 weeks, or I would have dealt with it.

I haven't felt well all weekend - had a pub dinner on Friday (which was very nice but barely lukewarm), and a few hours later started with awful stomach pains (just below L breast), which lasted all night. By Saturday morning, the pain was down near my naval. I've heard of people being "doubled up" with pain but never experienced anything like this. It was agony to walk about the house. Thought of SweetpeaSue No diarrhoea or vomiting. Pain has lessened but is still there - lower down now. Not going to aqua today.

Hope ALL BDers manage to have a better day today x

ScaredyCat DIL is lovely, we're extremely fond of her. Sorry your daughter's not well, hope she soon feels better. Nice that you were able to chat with your sister. She seems to be doing well now. ADs can be a life-saver.

Doodle Son2 has also had Eczema since birth. It's extremely bad now. Your Asthma sounds very serious. What triggers an attack? Well done with the knitting. It's good exercise, I'd imagine, as well as a distraction.

SweetpeaSue I hope your husband gets to see a doctor today.

Evening all
Sweetpeasue happy belated birthday. Sorry it’s so late, I haven’t written for so long. Read but not had the chance to respond. Nice gift off your son. I hope you’ve not been in any pain.
nadaterturbe totally empathise with being sad/having a little cry about family not being close. I do it too. Sometimes just out of the blue. And you’re right too about us getting on with our own lives, no other option really. I think my son would really like to go to Australia. A lot of people he knows are going. He knows it would break me but I hope it’s not stopping him. I’ve told him if he feels he needs to then of course he must. (He’s right though, it really would break me). I hope your DH is recovering from his pneumonia and the antibiotics are helping.
HVDY sounds like your DH has a nice car. My DH likes classic cars too and would love one. I hope his cough is sorted soon and they get to the bottom of what’s causing it. My DS had one and it turned out to be a lung infection. If he needs an inhaler, I hope he gets it soon.
Doodle I envy your faith. I wish I had it. I was brought up a Christian but my faith has waned sadly. I’m glad you are managing your claustrophobia. I have it too. I’m ok on planes and lifts (although I would HATE to be stuck in one). The dark makes me claustrophobic. I hate the curtains drawn - I like to sleep with them open. When I started to learn to swim, I didn’t think I would be able to put my head in, but I can thankfully because that’s the proper way to do it and my instructor (and friend) wouldn’t let me do it any other way! Nice of your DH to support you too. These things can be hard to understand and it’s so easy to be dismissive.
Ellie Anne we don’t judge you, don’t worry. Fully understand where you’re coming from. I hope your infection is better and your low mood has improved and you managed to enjoy your son’s visit.
Scaredycat you write such thoughtful posts. I’m glad you’ve had a good weekend. Nice to catch up with your sister too. Shame about your DD. There’s a lot of covid around I’m afraid. I’m glad your ADs are helping you. They can be a godsend I know. I’ve fallen back a bit and I don’t really know why so that’s why I’ve upped the dose. Been low most of the weekend and it’s been a struggle but I’ve got through it thankfully, mainly because I’m relying on the wine more. It’s not the answer though I know and I don’t indulge to take the anxiety away, it’s mainly so I have something to look forward to. I know when I’m well mentally I can take it or leave it but I’m a bit reliant at the moment. I’m sure it’ll pass 🤞. Hope you enjoyed chilling and eating muffins! I’ve been watching BBC Radio 2 in the park - it’s a festival for oldies. I’m not a massive music lover but I like live acts. Kylie was amazing! I don’t know whether she’s had work but she’s not one of those celebrities who looks like she has. Anyway, I’d like to be bit more like kylie but absolutely no chance 😂.
Doodle I hope you are managing with your worries. You seem to be doing well persevering with your knitting. Is it a case the more you use your wrist, the stronger it will get? Hope it works out for you. Knitting is one thing that occupies the brain so it will hopefully help distract you from other things.
Wyllow Thinking about you and sending you big, big hugs ❤️.
Hope everyone has a restful night and thinking of all those not personally mentioned too. Night all xx

Good evening everyone.
Have read your posts.
Husband is good bit better, still very tired. I had to go and get my specs fixed today (literally hanging by a thread for a week)and of course couldn't resist having a look in 2 shops. My life is so exciting🙂. So too tired to write much.
Thinking of you all, coping with so much, and doing it so well. I hope you have a peaceful night.
Will talk tomorrow. xx

Another never takes it for granted and reads but too much to write Bests BD's x

Nadateturbe Hoping your husband is a little better today and you are ok. You have such nice words for everyone. Take care of yourself.
Scaredycat Just hope your DD is not too bad with the Covid and it doesn't last long. I did see my son today for a short time. So pleased your sis is so much better.
HVDY Hoping your DH gets more help with his cough. Sorry but I cant recall what is being done about it at the moment. So much waiting for everything.
Wyllow We are all here and sending you a hug and just hoping you will start to geel better soon.
Candy*Whiff * and others not mentioned take care.