Black Dog 17

Popped in to see if there was any news from Sweetpeasue yet. Hope everything goes ok.
Candy you work long hours on your two days. Perhaps it may help cutting down. Your problems aren’t minor and are every bit as important to us. Glad you spent time with your brother and SIL . They must appreciate that.
HVDY sorry I got confused about the slimming pills.
I’ve bought some small palm size ice packs from Amazon I use for my arm. They came as five in a pack. It might help your legs. Hope there’s good baby news soon.
Whiff nice of you to pop in with a useful suggestion. I’ve read that thread too. Hope you are ok.
Wyllow good tte sauna helped your back. I think the rest was more important for you than attending a funeral for someone you hardly knew. Would have been different if only a few people had gone. The hand made card sounds a lovely idea.
Scaredycat glad you are still going to your photography group. When DH was going, he won a prize ( not first place but novelty idea) in that month’s competition which was a palindrome. He took a wonderful picture of our DGD with an ice cream and titled it with her name which is one.
Good you had a nice meet up with your GD.
EllieAnne hope you are doing ok.

Waiting for your news, Sweetpeasue.

Thank you Whiff*, I will pop by the thread.

Back later OK just washed out x

Thankyou Candy. Hope your day goes well and that awful tiredness doesnt come back today. A change of working hrs might help with that. I'm sure your son must have felt well loved having you close by at operations and you would feel netter being there too.

Sat in room and just issued gown, socks and funny pants.
So scared but just want to get it over--I think. Oramorph this morning for pain but expecting that to be. worse after op. Hope that Consultant is ok when he comes in. Op at 12-15.
Hope everyone's day goes ok. Remember sun lotion. Love x

Wyllow just a quick in and out. Just read TENS thread wondered if one would help your back ?

Just a quick visit this morning to wish Sweetpeasue all the luck in the world today. We’ll be thinking about you. Be back later to respond properly xx

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Candy What you are going through sometimes has big blips but it doesn't mean that the anti-d's aren't going to work.

I think you have said it yourself - being so tired is a real downer and can trigger depressive feelings.

Also - what you went through recently with family grieving - that is going to have knock back effects, not something to get over quickly, something to factor in.

I think the work idea is a good one, actually. Yes its an extra day but the quality of those days matters a lot if two days a week are regularly "all to much".

(Sauna isnt a problem for me HVDY there is a choice if sitting higher up or normal height to choose heat levels. I often lie down as well -its newly refurbished and clean fresh light pine wood)

Hi all, just caught up. Thank you for your kind comments regarding my tiredness. Had it again today, just had this overwhelming exhaustion around 12 noon so just had to have a nap. Then when I woke up I felt so low that I could have sat and cried. I felt so low and panicked at what was happening as I have been feeling ok mentally. I got up and did what i planned to do, ie go and see my brother and SiL. I visit them weekly since they lost their daughter. Bit ironic really, me supporting them but my mood did lift and I felt better when I left. Feel a bit wobbly this evening again though. I know my problems are very minor to lots of you, but like others, it helps to “put it out there” and get it all down. This is a safe space, a caring community with no judgement and I appreciate that. Work have offered me a change of hours - I currently do 15 (2 full days) I’m thinking of maybe splitting them over 3 days, meaning shorter working days which may help with my tiredness. The job can be pretty full on and I do find it tiring. I’ll mull it over a little.
Wyllow sorry about your back but it’s good you can still swim. Even though I can’t swim properly yet, I do find that that just being in the water helps me mentally. I don’t thinks it’s the endorphins from the physical exercise, but it’s definitely calming. Glad you enjoyed your swim today. I hope the increase in your meds works for you. I suppose it takes a little while for the increased dose to kick in? I hope you get the support you need from the psychiatrist, at least you’re “on the books” now and could possibly get an earlier appointment if needed. A change in the direction of your counselling might help too. I used to go over and over the same things with mine and then realised I wasn’t really getting anywhere. Don’t worry about not attending the funeral, a hand made card sounds lovely. Sounds like you had a good buy from the charity shop too. I never seem to find anything. I’ve heard about the charity shops in up-market areas where you can get designer clothes but I’ve never been - don’t live close enough to an upmarket area I’m afraid. I hope your evening is going well.
Sweetpeasue I’m glad the hospital you’re going to tomorrow is nice. Makes such a difference. We used to sometimes pay for a bed in the private ward at the hospital where my son was treated. He was treated on the NHS but you could pay for the bed so we did when he had surgery and it made all the difference. It just made things a bit easier somehow. I don’t think they do it now. Don’t worry about posting your thoughts over your previous botched op. It must be so frustrating for you and of course it will raise its head from time to time. You are probably right in not pursuing any further negligence issues and as HVDY said, they close ranks anyway and you’ll be worse off both mentally and financially. I wish you well for tomorrow and will be thinking about you ❤️
Doodlehope the temperature has improved for you and you’ve got out on deck. I hope DH’s elbow is ok too. Enjoy the rest of your holiday.
HVDY funny about aqua. It always annoys me a bit when you turn up to a class and it’s not as expected as it seems like wasted time. At least she gave you a laugh anyway. Hope DiL is ok and baby makes an appearance soon. Your story about DH’s visit regarding his diet made me smile too. Reminds me of my SiL & BiL - they go to their Weight Watchers weigh in and then call for fish and chips on their way home 😂.
Scaredycat Sounds like you had a nice meet up with your GD and your photography group sounds lovely. Photography is something I’ve thought about and may look into it when I’ve got more time. I’m sorry you are not well. Does the heat make your AF worse? I would guess that it might. At least you are making the effort to get out and about which is good. Hope you’ve had a nice rest this evening.

Hope everyone else is ok and you all have a peaceful night. Take care all xx

SweetpeaSue It's a shame you missed your book club but I hope you're feeling better now. Best of luck for tomorrow. Aqua aerobics was good, and the water was lovely. DH is going to go to the evening one with me next Monday .

ScaredyCat Your photography classes sound really interesting. My dad and 2 brothers used to go to them, and they all had various cameras/lenses etc. Too technical for me. I really must try to find out if there are any classes like yours round my way. I haven't tried ice packs, but they might well help. I'll try. I've found having a cold, wet cloth on my legs helps (same thing, I suppose) slightly. So far, I haven't found anything much to stop the burning sensation.

Wyllow3 DH likes - chicken (especially in breadcrumbs), eggs, chicken, sausages, curry, and not a lot else . You did well to have a swim. Didn't you feel hot and bothered after the sauna, or does it relax you? Aqua was good. Not sure about Leonard Cohen - the sentiments are good, though. Just listening to one of my favourite ever tracks - Pretty Vacant by Sex Pistols .

Hope all BDers are having a relaxing evening.

Scaredycat Sometimes a walk 'in the town* can help. Just looking around at the diverse people and wondering about their lives. Think I can feel a Petula Clark song coming on ☺️. Sorry you're not feeling v well. Is it the AF being extra worrying? Hope you feel better tomorrow. Everything in the garden is thriving now. My violas in tubs with lobelia and viburnum are all full now - are yours doing well? Do you just have to
present a photo of something purple or a picture starting with p--something like that? I would give a photo of my purple violas.
Wyllow Although I'm always a bit nervous, think I'm ridiculously nervous of this bladder Distention as I know initially it's going to exacerbate my painful bladder. As long as they give me sufficient p relief - - Id rather be in control with access to my own. Ive to take all my medication in but will get them back when I leave.
So pleased about your swim and your lucky find in charity shop. I think the water can be gentle on your body. (been told this but can't swim myself)
I think the Quaker friend will understand and be delighted to have a lovely hand-made card. What a nice thought.
The song was lovely and so glad the words were shown.They were beautiful and so comforting. Peaceful too. Thankyou.
HVDY Hope those legs wont keep you awake tonight. Your son's GF must be so hot and just wanting the little baby to be out now. Son 1 was born in hot summer of 76. Sweltering. I think your DH is going to find the losing weight particularly hard with the beige foods, poor man. You will have your work cut out!

Nadateturbe Hoping you are ok.
*EllieAnne Candy*Whiff**Allsorts**Nanny
any names not mentioned,hoping youre alright. Wishimg everyone a peaceful night.

I'm glad you did ring and check about DH Sweetpeasue.

Well..... I think it's normal to be that nervous! and being nervous makes things tense up and...have a glass of wine tonight if you are "allowed".

HVDY how I smile at the beige food. Trying to think of slimming beige foods is hard. Mushrooms? Certainly loads of Chicken? I expect you've thought of it all already tho and are on the ball. with you on tenterhooks re DiL.hope Aqua was OK today.

Scardeycat tired is understandable. I hate it when I feel "old". Thats supposed to happen when we are really old, but its arrived too soon! Town does tire one out but is as you say better than staring at 4 walls.

I loved my swim 20 mins and a sauna. Back was happy after sauna.

I'll probably swim a bit more and yoga a bit less when I get there.

(I'm ashamed to say I missed a funeral this afternoon. It was a Quaker's wife - didn't know her (she was a Methodist not a Quaker) but should really have gone, but it was a huge "do" maybe 100 people service and get together nearly all strangers when I need to sleep all afternoon, just not possible. Going to make a hand made card.

I also popped into 2 charity shops on the way home from the gym and got a lovely skirt and top. It's another step in the new get larger size and give away old size and stop wishing plan.

Best wishes to all BD's present and reading will pop in later.

I have an ear worm to share, its another Cohen song

www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA9VExCEV_k

"Come healing of the body
Come healing of the mind"

Hello all. Very warm today and feel like a tired old bat- well that’s what I am really😀😀😀
D H And I went into town today. Don’t you see some sights when the sun comes out!! I don’t feel very well at the moment but I ,d rather do stuff than sit feeling sorry for myself.
HVDY- oh your poor legs they sound almost unbearable. Do ice packs help at all ?
I,m like you I don’t like going over past traumas either- although I often go over them in my head I dont want to go over them with anyone else.
Your DiL has a great friend in you and your new little GD a will have a fun Nan.
I love your description of your DH favourite food- I hate beige food - the more colours the better .
Our photo subjects this month were the letterP, poetry and purple. So interesting to see ho2 differently we approach the same subject.
Hope the water cooled your legs this afternoon.
SweetPeaSue- wishing you all the best for tomorrow . Will be thinking of you.
Wyllow- hope your visit to the pool today was enjoyable and also loosened you up a bit.
Hope you found someone to chat to afterwards.
Good idea to change the content of your counselling. Instead of digging up painful things from the past maybe concentrate on the ways you can change your life for the better and take pleasure from the small stuff.
You will get there I am sure - one day at a timexxxx
Whiff,EllieAnne,Candy,Nadaturbe, Allsorts,and all those whose names I haven’t mentioned hope you are all having as good a day as possible.

HVDY I understand just what you mean.Ive a huge amount of papers from both hospitals and letters and scans galore. I hate to think it's 'unfinished business' and Drs will never understand the harm it can do not neing honest. It only harms the patient the more you realise how much they have had to cover and keep on having to cover.
Hope you enjoy the aqua aerobics this aft and water is coolting. Crossed fingers for baby arriving soon.
Wyllow Looks like you've had a wakeful night. Im hoping the change of type of counselling therapy will be more helpful. Great you can now go back to swimming, albeit carefully.
Scaredycat Thankyou. No thunder and lightening here but a huge amount of heavy rain. V warm again today.

Bladder pain bad this morning and during might but ok mow. Haven't gone to book group as just so tired and bladder still only iffy. Typical before tomorrow. Sorted out the visitor staying bit and nice nurse reassured me today. I would never normally be so nervous.
Hope evetyone is ok today and managing to enjoy the sunshine while not getting too hot.
.

ScaredCat Nice for you to have met up with your GD. I hope you had cake as well. Good that you went to your photography class - what did you take photos of?

Wyllow3 My DH loves all beige food . He isn't going out for his usual Wetherspoons fry-up today, so he's going to have cereal at home instead. Hope you manage swimming ok today. I can't swim (I can but lost the confidence) but am going to aqua aerobics this afternoon (virtual, not the twerking woman).

It's hot here already. DIL is scheduled to have another "sweep" on Friday, if baby hasn't arrived by then. Hope all BDers manage to have a decent day. x

I'm not quite sure MrHVDY has quite got the hang of it yet but if he keeps going that's good.

Hey, nice day there Scardeycat with GD and the photography group.

(ECG should be a quick job as its for essential meds.) I don't intend to give up the counselling, just changed it from more digging up psychotherapy to more "in the present".

Up late due to accidental snooze, hope best nights possible being had. Swim pool - I do a relaxed back stroke, back and neck friendly. Just rung DocSis tonight and she said it will be fine 7 weeks is long enough so planning to go off to the pool tomorrow.
And yes the key to this back thing is which moment exactly twigs it, will ask the physio next month.

Evening all.
Candy- I,m sorry you are still feeling so tired. Good idea to get your bloods checked . A few years ago I got very ill and tired and ended up in ITU and it was my electrolytes levels that were dangerously low. So you are wise to get yourself checked out. It’s frustrating for you as I understand the exercise helps your mental health - rest when you can though .
SweetPeaSue- I,m glad you felt cared for at the hospital it makes such a difference when you are treated kindly.
Hopefully it puts your mind at rest a bit for Thursday.
It’s a good thing sometimes just to write stuff down it’s sort of like emptying your mind onto the paper. Hope you have a comfortable night.
Doodle- lovely to hear from you. Poor DH banging his elbow- that’s a really painful spot to knock. Was the sea a bit rough?
Hope it’s warmer tomorrow and you can get out
on deck.
I,m ok thanks- saw my eldest GD for coffee this morning and photography group in the afternoon so a nice day.
HVDY- glad the “sweep” went well . You must all be on pins now as baby is going to be here soon one way or another.
Sorry about Aqua Aerobics the instructor sounds like someone more concerned with impressing you all with her moves instead of helping all of you.
We woke up to a big old storm and rain with lots of thunder and lightening.
Wyllow- oh what a nuisance to aggravate your back again but you sound like you have a good method to try and relieve it.
Yes I understand it makes you nervous about being away from home and it happening but you would deal with it and likely it won’t. Yes even walking in the water might help you or maybe there are some water exercises you could do.
I think sometimes counselling can reignite feelings best left alone and stir things up in your mind.
Will you get an ECG soon to enable you to sort out your meds.
Hope the one you use already will be ok.
You needed that sleep so with a bit of luck you,ll get proper rest tonight too.
Wishing everyone a peaceful nightxx

SweetpeaSue You need to get it all out and tell someone (us on here, solicitor, doctor, etc). Such a lot of errors were made in your original treatment, and you've suffered a lot (still are), but I don't know if you'll gain anything from pursuing the matter - we know that "they" close ranks, cover up, etc. I could have tried to get something done in my case, but facing it all, seeing all that in my notes (I've got the notes), and going through it all again would be too upsetting for me. I couldn't go over it all again. My bloody legs are still burning and killing me today. Nothing I can do except sit with them up sometimes (not that it helps much).

Wyllow3 What starts your back off, do you know? I hope the pain settles. As for your meds, perhaps raising the dosage will help. Counselling isn't for everyone - I didn't find it useful, but I know that many do. I don't like going over past traumas. I hope you manage to find a suitable solution. I really like DIL (son2's GF). I so wish they were married/living together, but it's not to be (probably won't ever be). I'll support her (and baby) as much as possible, though. Son2 will be a good dad.

DH went to his 1st NHS - run weight management meeting. He said they all did some aerobic exercises outside, then discussed nutrition. He was there about 2 hours, then came home and cooked himself chicken and chips .

Wyllow Thankyou. How you put it me reopening legal route that it means reigniting - - that was so powerful and I know you understand as you've had circumstances in the past where you've been hugely let down and tried to redress it. It can end up consuming you.
Oh no, so sorry about terrible back pain. It sounds excruciating. Thats all you need. Ive said to my DH sometimes I think someone has a voodoo doll of me and sticks pins in it. You seem to be having one thing on top of the other. I hope that the extra meds decided on with Psychiatrist will help you and be a move forward.

Thinking of other BDs and hope you have a peaceful night. X

That bodes well for Thursday, Sweetpeasue. Kindness and caring go a long way. Reduces the fear? gives a bit of confidence? Certainly an important part of the jigsaw. I'd assume he can come in as its possibly a situation not ask formally where strictly speaking its discouraged but in practice "let happen"?

It is good that the that the Adenomyosis pain is fairly consistently less.

You've come as long way as regards the past and the complaint, a bit of a sort of moving on, because it is my direct experience too what you say, "I think it would upset me too much to fight and then be let down again." After a certain point, it just re-ignites it all.

Well done for the aqua, HVDY . It says a lot about your efforts with "diL you feel close enough to say that. So far - so good - expect news.

It went as well as with the psychiatrist.

Unfortunately just after posting here I only went and twigged my back again - agony - ibuprofen and tramadol straight away but really the best way to treat is to take meds and rest for 12 hours then fades. so no gym again and it reduces my confidence about knowing its OK to go far from home or a car as still haven't worked out what triggers it. But might be better when I can swim (arm op fully healed)

However, this was something I really wanted to 1 2 1 not Zoom.

No support worker possible. it's clear they are totally overwhelmed. and I do suspect me paying a counsellor makes a difference.

But I raised that concern with her head on - the lack of contact and information flow between counsellor and them. Unlike the psychologist, she said she welcomed input and would even write a request. This means a lot when I only see the psychologist once a month and she doesn't always have time to read my diary

But counselling has been very triggering and have wondered if its good for me or not or we need a change in approach and this can be addressed by them having contact.

We had a choice whether to raise on a med I'm on or a change and atm I chose raising the med. That depends on an ECG as the med can threaten people with vulnerable heart stuff.

But I know what the alternatives are to look up (tho one is a very well known serious sedative that works but side effects very undesirable).

I have an appointment in 3 months to look at progress. This is far from trivial - it means I'm now on her overseeing list.

Unfortunately then so tired I slept till 8pm. Any one up for a chat at 2am.....

Very best evenings and nights BD's Keep on keeping on x

HVDY Ooh 'baby mightarrive in the next 48 hrs'. Hope so and everything goes well. 🙂
Just imagined the scene at pool. You all looking on while she 'twerked and jigged about'. They do say to dance like no one is watching. 😂
I feel concerned for your rashes - hope your legs are not still burning.
Pre-assessment fine apart from BP but that was because I was nervous. Ive normally low BP.
Doodle Oh dear your DH doesn't have much luck lately. Even so if it had been yourself thst had banged your injured wrist... Hope the bleeding has settled. Its been fairly cool here today with lots of rain. Hope it gets warmer for you. Nice to hear from you.

Mind keeps drifting onto the Adenomyosis and I know it was caused by the botched fibroid removal. Ive read that one of causes is 'trauma' to uterus as in cesarean or fibroid removal. My fibroid, (sub-mucosal) meaning v deep into myometrium(the muscular wall under endometrium) was not fully resected.This was partly because on his actual op note he'd put 'polyp - then' evident fibroid'. He'd mistaken a deep fibroid for a simple polyp. The other reason was he hadn't much time to deal with the fibroid as hed also done a 'false passage' into side of uterus, absorbing the medium used to inflate womb. None of this is meant to extend an hr. The op was 1 hr long exactly. When I got to the ward about an hr after coming round I had a huge gush of blood and the bed needed to be changed. This does not happen, Id had 2 hysteroscopys before.
I'm sorry but I just need to get all this out. I then had a month of the dreadful pain and constant bleeding before going on to have monthly 5dy bleeds for 10 mths with the further pain. Further cover up and not allowing the vag ultrasound by experienced sonographer(who is able to detect Adenomyosis) that stand-in Dr sent me for. The one I had in Newcastle was experienced Radiographer.
There was no Adenomyosis on MRI 8 weeks after botched op but after final complaint I was begrudgingly sent for MRI with contrast which showed Adenomyosis. My last Gynaecologist would not believe this. I think he didnt want me to go to solicitor.
Its late, now to restart all that with new solicitor. Have thought about it last few dys again but I think it would upset me too much to fight and then be let down again.
There's so much hurt there by how Ive been treated.
I need to stay focused on getting the IC sorted and I know I'm lucky that the Adenomyosis pain has retreated, partly I believe from stopping HRT.
Please skip over this stuff - - it just helps myself I suppose to lut it down.

Hope everyone has managed a decent day today. X

SweetpeaSue I'm glad the nurses were kind and friendly. How did the assessment itself go?

Cnady6 Having blood tests sounds sensible. Underactive thyroid or anaemia could be possible factors. (or perhaps you're doing too much/the hot weather may be to blame)

Doodle I wouldn't consider taking any slimming pills - the side-effects I posted were for EllieAnne, who had asked about Orlistat. Yes, I'll start the diet seriously when the steroids have finished (although we're going away for 5 days then). Oh no, your poor husband.

Well, it's been very muggy here all day. Did aqua aerobics this afternoon - instructor-led. I didn't much like it, the woman was late arriving, then the exercises weren't structured at all. She played some great tunes, but twerked and jigged about at the side of the pool and just made up the moves as she went along. . DIL (I'll call her that now) had a "sweep" and said it went fine, wasn't as bad as having a smear test - so baby might arrive in the next 48 hours. Hope all BDers have managed to have a decent day x

Wyllow3 How did things go with the Psychiatrist? I hope you found the session useful.

Hello all. Quick visit from me. Hope this posts ok.
Sweetpeasue glad the assessment went well and it’s a nice hospital. Hope they look after you well Good luck for Thursday.
Wyllow hope you manage to keep up with the exercising but not so much that it wears you out. I Hope you appointment was helpful and you felt listened to.
HVDY your poor DIL. She must be so scared (sorry I know she’s not actually your DIL but you know what I mean) I hope they manage to reassure her and all goes well. Is it worth waiting till you finish the steroids completely to see if you can get your weight down by normal methods.
Scaredycat hope all is well with you. Not ventured on deck for a walk yet it’s quite chilly.
Ellie Anne the most important thing to think of in your Bible study group is that you are as important as anyone else there in the eyes of God. And if the rest of those in the group study their Bibles property they shouldn’t make you feel in any way not part of it.
Candy good thing to be checked out properly. There could be many reasons for feeling tired but it’s important to know if there is a root cause that could be treated. Hope you feel better soon.
DH banged his elbow in the shower when the boat lurched. He grazed it on the door and it’s been bleeding a lot. I’ve patched him up so hopefully it won’t come through onto his shirt. Another sea day tomorrow. Be nice if it was a bit warmer ( only last week I was saying it would be nice if it was cooler 🤣). x

busyness not buisness.

Candy Seems good idea to habe appt with Dr to make sure the tiredness isn't a physical thing such as anaemia or something that can be rectified. It will give you peace of mind at least. You must be so tired as the business physically that helps mentally must be difficult to keep up. I understand it's your strategy that helps to keep you well. Dont worry about how often you post ( I worry about posting too often at times!)
You must have neen so exhausted and needed that cat nap in car.
Thankyou for your words to me. Take care.
Wyllow I'll be thinking of you especially at 2 when you have have appt. Dreams are such a mixture and really affect you. Wish we could just dream 'happy' dreams without the fly in the ointment. Hope the gym visit helps.

Had v early start as assessment at hospital about 45mins away. Its a private hospital (though I'mNHS) Ive never had treatment in and the nurses this morning were so lovely. The whole atmosphere felt warm and caring. Was told DH could stay in my room throughout, though paperwork says not, so not sure if to contact them about that. Always concerned not to come over as a nervous wimpy person.
Hope everyone having best day poss
and hi to Doodle if she gets a peek in.