Black Dog 17

Thanks Sweetpeasue. Hope you are OK today.
Glad you're having a nice day HVDY.
Thinking of you Wyllow3. You will feel better.x

Hello to everyone else.🙂

It's like wading through physical and mental sludge at the moment to get essentials done and post. Whats the point: not much meaning in life: going away all too much etc etc.

I am reading you all and my very bests back later. x

ScaredyCat The plants are Surfinia, not Serafina

SweetpeaSue My SIL used to have a terrific memory . She didn't have the same clients as me - I "specialised" in looking after dementia clients. I did extensive training/qualifications. Brother only went to male clients - none of his had dementia. The fox came at 10.30 last night.

It's a sunny morning here. I'm going to aqua aerobics later, with my friend, then for brunch at the pub. Hope all BDers manage to have a decent day x

nadateturbe

Just popped in to say I have been reading and thinking about you all. Posting uses a lot of my (very limited atm) energy reserves. So trying to be wise.

Me here too. x

(Things have changed hugely, Sweetpeasue re drugs in terms of discussions unless you've been sectioned and are unable to discus them at all;

just as you'd discuss drugs options for other conditions including. pain relief options or treatments where no clear simple treatment path. Psychiatrists now mostly very very different.. But going back in time often doctors didn't discuss other drugs either?

It's changed since 2002 when I first came into the system really. But I wasn't wary as such then - just desperate try whatever anti-d they tried. Lots changed since then. The more you know and look stuff up the more empowered you are too.

MIND has huge amounts of up to date info on all kinds of drugs including anti-d's

btw I dont take meds as anti psychotics not needed them, tho Ex2 did, hence know quite a bit. But with some of them small amounts are added to anti depressants or for anxiety. when those dont work to but advantage.

Sounds like the experiences you had back them have scared you off the lot.

Nadateturbe Thinking of you too Nadateturbe. Look after yourself and treat yourself kindly and gently.

Just popped in to say I have been reading and thinking about you all. Posting uses a lot of my (very limited atm) energy reserves. So trying to be wise.

HVDY How strange that your SIL actually worked in same place as others with Dementia and now tables have turned. Must have been great to all understand each other's work and kept you all in close contact.
That Fox will be placing an order soon!

SweetpeaSue You are different to how you were before, but you're still you. I think perhaps if the pain could be managed batter, it would probably make a lot of difference to your MH.

I worked for a very large company, years ago, as a Care Support Worker, and had 14 regular clients every week - I used to go to them for anything from 2 hours to a whole weekend. Every one had some form of Dementia. I loved it. I recommended SIL for a job there, and she got it. Then my brother went there, too. Son2 got a job in the office, and Son1 used to fix their computers etc. It was great for ages.

Just cooking 6 chicken thighs for Foxy

Whiff Your life has been one of much care and practical care for others. It was good of you to give the practical care for in laws that were horrid to you and much lacking in love for your DH too. Its all so unfair that after all that caring you have still not got the PIP that should be rightfully yours. I do hope you hear about that soon. As Doodle has said, your DH would be proud of you to have carried on living your life as fully as possible. I'm sure that is still carrying you on from day to day. How very precious your relationship was with your DH.
HVDY I might have told you before, not sure, but my DH's father had Dementia but died pre-maturely in hospital after getting CDiff and an extremely bad bed sore. A hospital ward is the worst place for someone who has dementia. The coroner wanted to do a post mortem and believed the hoslital had failed him terribly. He was in so much pain and failed terribly. We visited him daily but he deteriorated so much. You must understand your SILs condition very well-your brother is lucky to have your knowledge of caring close hand.
Scaredycat Glad youve had a lovely morning with your DD. My day has gone well thankyou. Bad start with pain but able to go out and mooch ariund some charity shops in a nearby village and bought some books.
Doodle What a shame your poor DHs legs have been painful again so he couldn't take advantage of the onshore walk. I hope he's not getting
the RLS at night too. Hope the nap will help him.
Wyllow My Psychology book called The Science of Mind and Behaviour and its a tomb the weight of a brick! I had to buy it when I did A level psychology as mature student( I studied for 2 yrs but didn't go for the exam! 😔 nerves) The bit that refers to antipsychotic drugs mentions clozapine and riperidone less likely to cause EP symptoms. Says 'Clozapine is first atypical drug shown to ne effective in treating patients who have failed to respond to' typical ' antipsychotics such as chlorpromazine' (1999) Ive no idea about these drugs at all. You must have been very wary of taking drugs when you were first very ill and as an inpatient. I'm not sure how much say you had in everything. I have only been an inpatient for 3 weeks and what I remember about it all seemed so scary and painful to recall.
I hope you had a good Quakers meeting.
Nadateturbe How are you today?

Had such bad pain this morning but later on I was ok apart from my fear inside about it could be there forever and no justice. Had a nice morning and forgot fears while browsing, though travelling back in car my feelings of injustice and feeling so 'different' from everyone else. Its like the world is turning as normal but I'm different now and I'm alone in it. I feel guilty that I feel like this. Try phoning Drs tomorrow.

Hope everyone has a peaceful night.

Doodle So nice of you to take the time to catch up with us all on here, when you're on holiday. I hope your husband had a good nap.

ScaredyCat Ooh, I don't know what those plants are then - I've lost the label but they look like Brugmansia (Angel's trumpets). How have you been today?

How have other BDers been today? I've been lazy. Watched tv, read a bit, did a bit of ironing and washing. Idle day x

Hi all.
Wyllow- So glad that your bro and sis have made sure that your trip,to visit Doc sis will be as relaxing as possible. What a treat that the decorating will all be done by the time you get home. Now you can look forward to your trip and your smart home.
Your DGD sounds delightful - 9year olds are so lovely- just,starting to grow up a bit but still love all the silliness of childhood. So nice that she has met and liked her new teacher so the new term will be something for her to look forward to.
It,ll be lovely to see her and the family in August and relaxing too as they are staying nearby and not with you. Nice that they can see their Grandad too.
I,m ok thanks- spent the morning with my DD love to be with her and have a good catch up.
HVDY- just googled Serafinas - it means Angels - you have Angels in your garden!!
Your SiL is different from our friend. He really enjoys his food still but I,m not sure he knows us anymore. There is no conversation but I,m sure like us you include her in chats. So sad and also lonely for their partners.
Sorry your legs are still so uncomfortable - it must make you tired.
Hope Baby is doing well - bet you can’t wait for Thursday.
Whiff- you have so many sad memories but have also known so much love. Also you know that you have always
done your best to do the right thing for everyone you could.
I do hope one day soon you get your PIP- you are more than patient.
Glad you can talk to us as you do.
Doodle- So good to hear from you . Great you got ashore at last but such a pity DH found it hard walking. - such a shame for him. Bless him for napping during his Crossword but you are right those restful moments are beneficial for him.
Enjoy the lovely weather - do you have a balcony to sit on with your cabin? I love to watch the sea and always hope to see some Sea creatures- only once I saw a Whale.
EllieAnne- have you been to,Church today for a break?
It must have been so difficult to feel so on edge when DD was with you.
SweetPeaSue- hope you are having another good day.
Candy,Nadateturbe, Allsorts and all hope you have a peaceful night

Hello doodle.. she only came because she was doing a course near us. It was difficult. She doesn’t communicate much and when she was in the house she mainly stayed in her room. And I find it more difficult when someone else is here as they must sense the atmosphere and realise things aren’t right.
Hope your holiday is going well.

Hoping this might reach you. Been without connection.
Whiff whad a sad story. So awful when parents don’t care for their children. You were amazing to look after your in laws even though they weren’t nice people.
You’ve kept giving your son a chance. He obviously isn’t going to change. Very sad for your grandchildren to miss out on a loving grandma. Your love for your DH comes over very strongly. You must miss him so much but he would be pleased I’m sure that you have made such an effort to get on with your life.
sweetpeasue so pleased to hear you had a good day yesterday. Nice of you to take aunt out. She must love your visits. Hope you continue a good patch for a while.
Wyllow glad you had such a good response to your letter. your DGD sounds lovely. I Hope she likes her new teacher. It can make such a difference. Pleased you will see them later on. If they are staying elsewhere it will be nice for you to meet up without any additional stress for you.
Scaredycat you are right. It’s easy to look at others and think they are having a great life but we often don’t see their traumas or worries. Glad your DDs cats have settled in well. We went for a walk onshore yesterday and DH really struggled to get back. He is having pains in his feet and legs again which may mean he’s short on iron. But when we get home.
Your pub meal sounds nice. Glad the ADs are helping. It often takes time for the effects to start being felt.
Ellie Anne didn’t realise your DD was visiting you. How is she doing? Must have enjoyed your trip to the park with the little one. Lovely to have a place to run round and play in.
HVDY. My sort of gardener. Buy what you like the look of.
Sorry about your SIL. We went through the same with my brother. All you can do is visit and keep in touch.
Hope the new arrival is doing well.
Candy nadateturbe hope you have had a good weekend. Lovely weather here. Things have picked up

Sorry all. Haven’t the time to catch up with everything. Hope you are all ok.
DH is fast asleep clutching a pen in his hand and part way through the crossword. I will leave him as the nap will do him good. Take care all. Back soon xx

ScaredyCat I bought some Lobelias and Serafinas for hanging baskets. Don't know what sort the others were (in planters), but they're pretty - I buy plants depending on the colours I like

Wyllow3 Good that you're going to visit your sister whilst your decorating is being done (it'll be all lovely for when you get back), and nice of your brother to take you - does he live near you? I hope your day goes well.

ScaredyCat My legs still have the burning sensation, which is a nuisance. How are you?

EllieAnne That must be difficult, especially if you ever get it when you're driving. I hope you manage to see other people today.

SweetpeaSue My SIL in in the middle stages, I think. She barely eats anything, never instigates any conversation (speaks only when spoken to), but (at the moment) recognises us. She's quite content, though - it's my brother who is finding it all difficult (though he won't get help, does everything himself). Fingers crossed that you have a good day again.

Whiff Your life has had a lot of ups and downs - more so than many people. My husband and I haven't made wills - I suppose in our mid-60s we really ought to do that.

Wyllow Think that last post of yours was meant for SweetpeaSue. I hope Quakers is interesting.

Candy6,Nadateturbe, Doodle, Allsorts, all BDers - hope you all manage to have a decent day x

You did the right thing to pour it all out Whiff. My mum sort of made the same decision when my Dad died early. But very hard to share about the will and so on x

(HVDY just a quick note - psychiatry is moving quickly (its psychiatrists who make these kind of diagnosis and develop treatment patterns as time goes on) and bi-polar 2 is just one that has been known about more recently. a lot of bi-polar 2 people including me has a diagnosis of Severe Clinical Depression and Anxiety for years before both me and my GP and consultant saw the 'high" bits and re diagnosed and this is not unusual nor is more appropriate meds. Also I dont know if your book goes into meds but the use of some of them has altered considerably as new ones come along and they are still working out "what works for what".)

Quakers later but in the meantime best wishes BD's

Hands trembled and pushed the button.
Made our first will and kept it up to date ever since. After my estrangement with my son I changed my will and cut him out . When he was a child there where consequences to bad behaviour. He will see as as vindictive but it's not. Why should he be rewarded for treating me like crap. But then again he will never know when I die as there is no need for him to know. But because of his actions cutting him out of my will caused me complications. Because of my HPX and so little is know about it and it's more complex than what little is written about it. Had to get a letter from my GP stating I was of sound mind. Then my solicitor asked me to write a letter explaining why I was cutting him out and she wanted background information about what our relationship had been like even about my husband's cancer and death and what my life has been like since and even looking after my parents and mother in law. I wrote 13 pages of A4 this was in September 2020. At the same time took out both powers of attorney and my daughter and son in law are my attorneys. As it was cheaper to do it all at once. My solicitor cried when she read what I had written. Why I had to do all this is because anyone who thinks they have a claim on your estate can contest your will up to 2 years after you die. So his email,letter ,GP and my letter will never see the light of day unless he contests my will and they will be read out in court.

Good job I did it then as my ability to write has become very difficult. I can write a sentence that has to be in lower case and my writing is very small as I have problems controlling a pen because of my hands. And my letter had to be hand written even though it was all in capitals. As my joined up writing looked like scribble.

Life is never simple but then again it would be boring if it was.

My daughter and son hadn't been on good terms for years and she never got on with her sister in law from the moment they met in 2005. My daughter has never in my hearing made any snarky comments about her . But everything time I was with my son and daughter in law before and after they had the children she made snarky comments about my daughter. Which I ignored as until 2019 I lived over 100 miles away and was just happy to spend time with them even though it was only 3-4 times a year. As parents we put up with a lot from our children because we give them unconditional love, attention and support and instill into them good values. When they become adults we have to let them got and live their own lives.

My brother is deeply hurt by my sons actions and wanted to sort him out but he said no. It's his choice and he will have to live with it. My grandson's are growing up only knowing one side of the family their moms and that's sad.

I was brought up with a strong sense of family and knew all my great aunt and uncles and second cousins. My dad and husband didn't know what real family was until dad met mom and my husband me. Dad was beaten and malnourished . So where his brother and half siblings expect the youngest who was born with Downs syndrome. Wasn't called that in 1950. But that's the only good thing about his dad and stepmom . He was never put into a home and was cherished by all the family. He lived until he was 57 and dad's oldest half sister only said he died then because he went down hill when she had to tell him dad had died, he died within a few months after my dad. My dad was his hero his big brother. If it wasn't for my mom dad's siblings would never have had birthday and Christmas presents.

My husband's parents where horrible they didn't negligent my husband but didn't show him any love or attention. He was the complete opposite to them but he loved them but didn't like them. So he would never give up on them. They never liked me as my father in law told me I was defective. But even after we got married went every Sunday but if they kicked off we walked out but went back the next Sunday. My husband would never give up on them. The only thing we did was have the children my father in law adored them. But my mother in law took against our daughter when she was a baby was all over son until he got his own personality. My father in law died few weeks after I came out of hospital after my 3 week stay in 1988 aged 70.

As much as I hated my in laws they where family and looked after my mother in law for 11 years after my husband's death. She had me down as next of kin so called out all hours if anything happened. My dad died in 2007 I helped mom look after him ..Then had mom depandant on me for 10 years. Mother in law died in 2915 I spent her hast 2 days by her bed since 15 hours a day and I hated her but she was my husband's mom and the child's nan. I couldn't abandon her until her own family who came out of the woodwork once she was dead. Both the children knew what she was like but always kept in touch and visited her. My son knows what a bad mother, mother in law and grandmother is so does my daughter in law and he has treated me worse than she ever did.

My mom died in 2017 and lived with me the last 18 months if het life . She had cancer and dementia. Unfortunately the dementia made her violent the last 4 months if her life. Someone called it abuse but it's not. Dementia and Alzheimer's violence is out of fear. They don't know who you are, who they are ,where they are . Mom thought I was her mom . In the early stages she liked looking at old pictures they where real to her. Anyone with a relative with dementia will understand that. My mom died long before her body did. But I couldn't put her in a home she was my mom . But everyone has to know their limits. But I didn't realise until.after mom died what it had cost me health wise but I would still do it. I am proud of the fact even bed ridden my mom never had a sore on her body. I made sure if that.

Took me year not to think of how my mom ended up . But we must do what our conscious will live with. I could have taken the easy route. But I have never done that . HPX has made my life very difficult but since having my diagnosis my life makes sense. But I would never have told my parents it was Hereditary if I had been diagnosed when they where alive. That would have been cruel. They worried enough about me.

Still had no date for my PIP tribunal. I have waited 35 years for disability benefits so have patience.

Sorry rambled on about me again .

You are all coping with so much but no matter what you keep going even on your blackest days and nights. That's why I feel able to talk to you. As you understand. Without my husband I have been half a person and will never be whole again. But it's the price I paid to be so loved and love in return. A price that keeps me going everyday.

Take care all and hope something makes you smile today.

Thank you all . It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't have any health problems that aren't age related that if you have something wrong with you whether born with it or through medical negligence or abusive relationship or some other reason. That you have to do things a certain way so that you can cope with your life. My friend who should have come the other week even though had another long chat with yesterday doesn't really understand. As she only has her cats to worry about . She has stopped letting them out in the evening and keeping them inside. The one who got attacked by the fox doesn't want to go out during the day and is very quite and fearful but is recovering very well. Vet has discharged him from her care. I told her months ago she has to make sure she puts in place protection for the cats incase she dies which she did. But still hasn't made a will. She has no one to leave anything to . But told her if she doesn't make a will she won't get the funeral she wants or her ashes out with her parents plus any money will just go to the government. Went she gets round to it she will have to make her solicitor her executor .

When we got married mad

HVDY Oh your poor SIL is in quite an advanced state isn't she. It is really sad and such an awful disease.
Its so good that you can enjoy meals out with sons like that.
Scaredycat Oh please don't.😂 While I'm far from Felicity Kendal's Barbara I'd hate to be a La Margo, really I'm not a bit like that. Haha.
I'd love to be able to sing but I'm terrible. We have thin walls in our semi and I think my neighbours would be putting a For Sale sign up.
EllieAnne Id not heard of that type of migraine before. My mum suffered badly with the headache migraine. Hope you sleep tonight.
Wyllow Sorry you had to miss your morning swim as you were feeling so bad. Good you sorted out the Decorator and coordinated the time to suit with your brother and sis driving. That will feel one less concern. I swym about the bi-polar 2.Just read a few things and I hadnt realised there were 4 types. I have a Text book I used for Psychology(Gross) but I think its well out of date now. I dont know how Psychologists correctly diagnose all of these Disorders, it must be so difficult, but I know there's a set criteria, but even that can change over time. I hope your night isnt too bad.

Hope everyone has a restful night.

Lovely thoughtful post, Scaredycat, you are very insightful and caring - how are you? Disabled DGD whom I chatted to is now 9. she was very excited as she is changing teaching group next year into "Yellow 6" and met her new teacher. I think they group them by need rather than age but she loves chatting. I'mll be seeing them late August as they are all coning down to the area for a week and can see me and Ex 1 on and off.

Do you ge them when you are very tired and been under strain, Ellie Anne?

good night to all BD's posting and reading.

Silent migraine is a lot of visual disturbances but no headache. If you are reading the print starts to jump about then I see bright coloured flashing zigzags. If I am driving I have to stop. It usually lasts less than half an hour. Don’t usually have after effects but today I kept falling asleep.

Hi all.
Wyllow- I,m so pleased you were able to write your letter and that you had a caring loving response back. Lovely to chat to your DGD too- how old is she?
You have dealt really well with a lot of the moving stuff and that time was not wasted as you still have got them done. It doesn’t mean you,ll never complete those plans just that you need time to recover your confidence and also your strength both mentally and physically.
Hope you have a restful night.
Whiff- the pain you must feel at such harsh unkindness from your son must be dreadful but you will always have those early
years to remember and know you gave him a loving start in life.
I used to think one of my friends had a charmed life but now it is far from charmed and don’t think many people go through life untroubled. I hope you are able to have her visit later on - but for you to be able to plan for it. I am exactly the same and have to cover all eventualities in my head before any one comes to stay. I,m so admiring of you and how you,ve built your new life.
HVDY- I,m sure there’s a cat out there somewhere that has your name on it. There must be so many that were acquired in lock down and now people don’t want them - my daughter is loving her 2 adopted cats and they are settling well.
What sort of plants did you get? It’s amazing how much difference it makes to the garden when you do the pots isn’t it.
How have your legs been today?
EllieAnne- Glad you had some family time today - DGS must have been happy to see you. It was rainy and windy here too in the morning but then the sun came out.
Are silent migraines the ones where you get the zigzag patterns in your vision?
Hope the rest of the weekend isn’t too stressful.
SweetPeaSue- lovely to hear you,ve had a good day.
I have visions of you pottering in your garden with a straw hat and a trug - a La Margo!!! I look like a bag lady in the garden!!
Brilliant too you got to play your music- do you sing along as well?
Hope you have a pain free night.
Candy,Nadateturbe,Allsorts and anyone I,ve missed hope you have a restful night.

Dire? but "Beck" is on BBC 4....around now....I like quality scandi/world cinema crime drama...its all down to tastes isn't it! HVDY a really nice day there.

EllieAnne that must have been a very challenging week. Glad you got a bit of grandchild time today and I'm glad you opted for a break.

Sweetpeasue I'm so glad to read you've had a better day. I had to smile at Auntie's "new" stories. I loved that you were able to let music "speak" to you.

I got up feeling so very bad and very beside myself I dropped my plans that I'd go for a swim...
I knew I needed help to interrupt the downward slide, so took some extra meds and had a morning sleep.

Then I managed to sort out something that had been bothering me, trying to cope with the decorators coming early morning start mid July and the same day my brother picking me up for a 7 hour drive to my doc sis. Decorators doing both bedrooms so no space or retreat and I cant really "do" early anything. anyways both sis and bro are happy with travelling the day before so I can take my time and leave nice decorating woman the next day to get on with it so very grateful to bro and sis.

Just doing that left me all in so went and had another sleep in the afternoon this time more natural.

(Sweetpeasue there is a big difference between bi polar 1 and Bi polar 2.

I have 2. there are far more detailed psychiatric codes for different kinds on an F scale of diagnosis

But basically bi polar 2 has periods of hypo -manic or "high" feelings but NOT the severe Mania of bi polar 1 which is the better known bipolar.

and it has longer and deeper depressions.

But a "mixed episode" is where they can fluctuate more rapidly, and with less severity, which is where I am now.

www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-2-disorder)

EllieAnne Nice that you saw your son and grandchild. It's been very windy here, but sunny. I've never heard of silent migraine before. How do they make you feel? I used to have migraines and felt terrible with them.

SweetpeaSue It sounds as though you had quite a good day. Good, I'm glad. My SIL tells the same tales again and again (she told me one story 7 times in one hour the other day, although I've heard it many times before, and each time I have to feign interest/surprise). We went to see Son1 today, for a change, and the 3 of us had a lovely lunch at a country pub (we always pay although he tried to).

Hope ALL BDers have been ok today. Saturday evening on tv is dire, as usual - think I'll listen to some music x