Black Dog 14

Purplepixie Good to hear you are seeking some help. Thankyou for you Christmas wishes. Wishing you a good Christmas too.
HVDY Murky is good name for weather here aswell. That hollowness did lift a fair bit after morning. Sorry you get it too. We've faced the rush today - - hope you get back in one piece! Coffee and cake with friend-lovely.

I’ve had a horrible cold this week. Not Covid I’ve tested. Younger son wife and child are supposed to be coming Christmas Day but he’s messaged to say he will phone me tonight. They are saying goodbye this afternoon to a very old cat who has heart failure. I’m worried that they will not come now. The thought of Christmas Day with just him is awful. I’m probably overthinking it but my stomach is churning and I m so upset.

Sorry you missed son2 HVDY but cake and good natter sounds excellent. I'm having a day in bed as body/mind demanding rest.

SweetpeaSue That hollow feeling you have - I've been waking up with that recently. Thankfully, it goes during the day. Strange, isn't it?
Wyllow, Doodle, Annie, ScraedyCat, all on BD - hope you're all having a good a day as you can.

It's murky, grey and wet here. My friend picked me up at 11, we went to a nice cafe and had a snack, coffee and some cake, a good old yap, and exchanged presents. I've just got home. Shopping came - I got a Morrisons slot - but there are still a few things we need, so DH says he'll go to Asda later. Son2 came here when I was out, so I missed him . Son1 nipping round this evening (he has parcels delivered here). x

Annie, the change was from someone who was controlling and many subtle lies over the years and isolating and some shouting - to actively malicious, threats like "if I were a violent man you'd be dead" and similar was sudden.

Of course, it was all clouded as we both have MH issues which meant I let a great deal more happen than I otherwise might for years, and when it came to his abusiveness, "excused and understood" far more than others might, but overall would describe myself as "bewildered" as after we split suddenly his mum and brother and even friend told me things going back a lon long time - I'd been spun yarns.

Purplepixieits been so good that you have posted and "shared": I'm glad to hear of your decision. Wishing you the best for your GP contact, and the next few days.

Thank you to everyone for making me realise I am not alone. I have suffered these black dog days all of my life. After reading these posts I am certainly going along to the drs in the new year. I probably won’t be around for the next few days so I wish you all a very Merry Christmas.

No problems Annie.

I still feel a sort of visceral body/mind pull amongst the loss and anger in the abuse as relationship was very passionate. I had believed I could not live without him.

We had a long term situation where he needed to be the "big strong male"so I had to be "little helpless dependant female", and isolated/maniupulated. (masses of evidence on that)

In fact I was doing a lot of gentle "propping up" his self view and without that he is flailing atm.

But the separation was fairly sudden as levels of abuse rapidly became intense January - June 2022: I was in a state of sort of shock, dealing with police, Ex's Mental Health people to get him support. stopping joint accounts being drained and so on, coping with him being abusive to DiL and making me chose between him and my family as she wouldn't let him see the grandchildren. Survival mode.

It was all such a strain the CFS developed.

So you might say now we have passed all the stages for divorce I'm getting the underlying reactions. There were times of some genuine love in the 11 years when he let his guard down: shared enjoyments, plans and so on, tho our last year together the cracks were showing I didnt want to see it, was afraid of being alone..he could and can switch on charm.

My wish is to part with an appreciation of the positives. Why? better to move forward without bitterness, with some degree of mutual understanding.
In love? No. Still "attached" in some way? Yes. Will I get what I want? Will only find out by trying.

Wyllow forgive me for these questions, 1. Are you still in love with ex. 2. Do you have hopes of a relationship?

You're right there are a few TV airings that look ok. I have some books to read too. Think there was a programme mentioned calked Young Plato about a school teacher teaching philosophy to children (bit serious I know! Haha) New animations for children can be escapism. Going to son's Christmas Day and his gifriend's mum there. I will need to put a face on. Probs wouldnt bother most but I always get nervous about things like that. Will look up Louise Penny. Take care.

Thank you, your post was kind and not misunderstood Sweetpeasue.
Hope you have less pain today.
As for Christmas, I think many many people have problems. As you say, it's not spoken as if it were letting the side down or something! I like a lot of the music, especially early music, I like some of the special TV and decent films they put on, and I have just received a pack of 6 books from a recommended author who writes her so gentle crime (Louise Penny) and will make an effort to get back into reading.

I''m presuming gransnet is "open all hours" including Christmas anyway, we can come in.

Wyllow3 Probably overthinking but didnt want that post misunderstood. I meant I'm so sad for you, is all. Lots I can't say. Take care. x

AnnieSo good to hear from you and that you're happily settled in with company around you-that's the main thing aftet so much isolation.Hope youre still enjoying food. All of us here are so pleased for you. Just need that infection to clear up now.
HVDY Such a shame your brother never took up invitation. Wish I lived nearer, Id have come! Hope shopping goes ok. Good luck! I'll be glad when things back to 'normal' too.
Wyllow Relationships are such complex things. It seems that some couples dont appear to have to 'work' at it or at least not too much. Others.... enough. I am with you about Christmas. Have found it hard for so long but its not spoken of is it? It feels like everyone's running around trying to search for this impossible dream. Hope your day goes ok.

Had pain yesterday so difficult posting. Ok today. Just feel hollow and empty, but its ok to say this here isnt it. We can all say it, I hope. Wishing everyone as good a day as we can.

Bests with the dreaded shop, HVDY.

Joce345 Your friend's wife will be lonely, and will be glad of your company.
ScaredyCat We didn't go shopping after all - putting it off until tomorrow.
Anniebach It's great that you've got company and plenty of people around. I'm so happy for you.
Doodle. My brother IS strange. It's good to have a few drinks now and then.
Wyllow3 I'll be glad when Christmas is over with. I like being in a routine of some kind.
&SweetpeaSue*, EllieAnne, hope you're ok.

DH didn't want to go shopping tonight. I tried to get a delivery, but Asda, Tesco, and Sainsbury's are all booked up. Even the click-and-collect at Aldi is booked up. I started doing the Morrisons via Amazon order, but the website is useless, half of the stuff isn't listed. I'll need to actually GO to the shop (which I hate and avoid all year) tomorrow. Hope everyone has a good night's rest x

it is manic indeed, Doodle. I hope you have recovered from last night.

Have been car-less which makes me very anxious (I cannot cope with public transport) but got it back and went to the gym.

Yes the roads are heaving Scaredycat' I expect your neighbour was grateful for that extra help.

Yet again realise its my "home from home", indeed, feel less anxious there than home probably because so many familiar people around after years.

Annie so glad you feel "back to a routine" of belonging and able to post, hoping the extra meds you need are temporary.

Joce nice to meet you, that was a very sad story to tell and hope to hear more from you x

HVDY ..sigh..oh my... no accounting for some family things, however much one tries to "analyse" and understand. good lunch there

Sweetpeasue" hope you are "hanging in there" and *Ellie Anne

I have just burnt 2 mince pies and know really I'll just be glad when christmas is over. its hard to be honest about it on most threads. I just like things to run "normally" tho goodness knows the people who help us need breaks.

I had a chance to have a good diary catch up after tuesdays counselling which was very deep and acknowledged that 16 "counselling sessions" would not help enough to get back she sense of self after 11 years. Er are basically doing psychotherapy - hopefully not for too long. she is excellent, but then I did know her from before when she worked in MH in the NHS so was fortunate she had space and was affordable.
On the abusive Ex front, I have arranged to meet - first tine for months - to actually see Ex, with commitments for boundaries discussed , on Boxing day.

Whether that happens OK is another matter, but separation is a process I'm working through and only experience will tell me if I'm on the right track.

Can we retrieve what was good?

Therapist is doubtful, or at least on a short time scale, but Ex has a bad record as regards processing his life. Ie, he blames, invents scenarios, not attempts to accept understand and make good, which is my way although I often get it wrong.

Joce Robyn is a lovely name I think. Bet she’s very special.

Annie lovely to hear you sounding so happy. You need company around you and I’m so leased for you.
I see you have popped into the other thread too. I hope you realise now how many people you have helped over the years and how many care about you. You are a very special person. x
HVDY bit of an odd reaction from your brother considering how kind you are to your SIL. Glad you and your DH had lunch. Hope you had a pleasant time.
Joce I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. 60 years is a long time to have known each other. Hope you are ok. Take care.
Scaredycat we had to wait so long for our food last night that we ended up drinking more than usual. We were quite merry when we got home 🤣
We’re having a Waitrose delivery tomorrow. I’m hoping I haven’t forgotten anything as I don’t fancy going shopping. Car parks are full and it’s a bit manic round here.
Sweetpeasue, Ellie Anne hope you are ok.

Hi all x thank you x

It is still a thrill to hear and say good morning and good night to people, I love it . Be thankful when this lung problem eases, the wretched medication makes me woozy.

Will know tomorrow which parts of the treatment will stop and which will be permanent.my love to all x

Hi everybody.
Rafichagran - thank you and Happy Christmas to you too.
Doodle- lovely to have an evening with friends - intoxicating in more ways than one!!
Hope you slept well afterwards .
Joce- thanks for Xmas wishes and the same to,you too.
I,m sorry you have lost your dear friend so sad after so many years of friendship. His wife will be glad of your friendship in the weeks to come. Hope she continues to get better.
HVDY-= Shame about the Day Centre but it does sound like you have had a good day after all. Pudding and Vodka - thats the way to do it.
I expect it,ll be busy food shopping - we went this morning and took my neighbour as her husband can’t drive because of his broken arm and it was already buzzing.
Wyllow, SweetPeaSue, EllieAnne,Whiff ,Annie and all BDG hope you have had some happy moments today.xx

How's everyone getting on?

It's been a foggy, miserable, wet day here. DH's sister turned up unannounced this morning, with some Christmas cards. She stayed for a cup of tea and then went shopping. DH and I went out for lunch (and pudding and a couple of vodkas for me) and have just got home. Got to do the food shopping this evening. Hope everyone is ok x

Hello all
HowVeryDareYou I’m plodding on like I do thank you...
We lost a very dear friend on Monday been friends for 60+ years so say, should not have happened.
His wife is also poorly but thankfully she’s getting there.
So sad..
I’ve not read all posts will catch up when I feel up to it...
So pleased for Annie long time coming onwards and up Annie x
Hope every one else are plodding on ok..
I will wish you all a Very Merry Christmas sending you all hugs and love xx

So very pleased for you Annie, should have been sooner, but you will gain strength both physically and mentally in vouch a lovely place. God bless.

rafichagran and Joce345 Happy Christmas. Hope you're both ok.

How is everyone this (grey and misty) morning? Just had a call, no day centre today as the boiler isn't working, so not heating or hot water. I asked my brother if he and his wife fancy meeting DH and me for lunch somewhere - he said no, he's got plans at teatime. He's so odd. A day of faffing about here, then............

Wishing you all the best going forward Annie. Hoping you are getting settled and soon recover from your chest infection. Happy Christmas