Black DOG 13

wyllow

Please be careful. You can't let him suck you back in, you aren not responsible for his feelings. He is the one who should be carrying the guilt, not you.

Hey everyone, trying to catch up on the thread. Wishing you all a happy Sunday

I'm so sorry you are enduring these levels pain Whiff. if only you could get a decent diagnosis! That is worth going on struggling for.
Your last words are so true however. The world will never come along and make things all right for us, tho there may be helping hands along the way and its is necessary that it is so and we try to get it, but we can only try to get our own power in our inner worlds.

I had a simply awful night depression/anxiety/extra meds. My guess is victims guilt (the abuse stuff, I chucked him out and so did his mum after years). He isnt living well: (needs support, won't ask)
given that he gave me info when I rung him, am writing relevant bits down for his MH people. I'm not allowed to send e meals directly, but I can get my support people to send it on.

I really really need that counselling but have no date yet guessing 4 to 6 weeks after wait from June? (this is specialist counselling as opposed to the general support I get now and then)

Just a check . Had a bad week pain wise. I have been in pain all my life with my legs but 34 years ago it settled in my left arm and leg. With pain killers I tolerate the pain but have flares not always in both limbs but mainly in my arm sometimes my leg. They episodes of the flares has been more frequent lately. Bugs the hell out of me when they happen never have any warning. Over the years with my late husband tried to pin point what set them off and found nothing. The pain makes my balance worse and trip in my hall Thursday managed to save myself from going right down by grabbing the radiator but have have large bruise on my thigh. Luckily flare over now but balance still bit iffy.

Speaking to my GP later in the month don't know if I need to see my neurologist or have a referral to the pain unit. Tried pain clinic years ago and was told without a diagnosis there was nothing they could do.

I am used to pain it's part of who I am. Like many here it's just becomes a way of life. I won't give in to it but it does make life harder . But I find ways to do things I want to do but my way. Others here will do the same. You have to make the world to suit you and not the other way round.

Hope you had a good night's sleep Anniebach in your new bed.

Thank you all for your concern I read BD everyday and will check in another day.

*Wyllow *So pleased you have some news at last. Hope you have a restful night after your walk.
Scaredycat I planted some pansies in pots today. I love the violet blue ones with tiny yellow centres. They're all so lovely. Hope your Cayenne pepper works.
HVDY Your husband can make curry. Lovely.
Doodle Thoughtful of you as usual to think of others feelings regarding deleted PMs. I hope your tinnitus gives you a break this weekend.
Annie Please let us know if you find your new bed comfy. Lovely to have a visit from your MT.

To everyone on BD. Have a peaceful night. X

In bed, slept, then read a bit of "the secret garden" and it was sunny out and I said to myself GET OUT in the sun and drove to a place I feel familiar with, a high lovely ridge and walked it so it drove away the lassitude. Knees complaining now but worth it.
Now to tired to say more than lots of love and always good to hear about your days. xx

(another one with tinnitus here, had it since age 40 so more used to it, but its a regular hiss not anything screeching or high whines. Yes stress makes it worse so my personal tactics - make sure you are NOT clenching your jaw, loosen it. Number two. After loosening jaw - lie down with a hot water bottle under ears and breathe deeply with some gentle music on to distract and mine lessens)

ScaredyCat I'm waiting for Son1 to go to Goose Fair with the girls, and when they've gone I'll vacuum upstairs and make the bunk beds up. DH is making chicken curry for just the 2 of us - the others will eat out. The boy has got poached chicken smile]. Glad your foot is better.

How's everyone else been? x

Afternoon all.
HVDY- so glad MrC is OK.He,s a tough old boy isn’t he and eats well for an older cat too. I love hearing about him.
You really are a Duracell Bunny- once you start there’s no stopping you!! Have a great day with the girls.
Yes it’s a lovely day here today no washing but a lovely walk this morning then sorted the freezer out - exciting eh!!
This afternoon a walk to the surgery for our flu and Covid jabs- watch this space!!!!!
SweetPeaSue- how nice to hear you have had a good day and some decent sleep. Baking is sometimes really therapeutic isn’t it plus there’s something yummy at the end of it. It’s made me happy to think of you.
Glad the counselling is going well- things are looking up.
My foot is better thank you- that will teach me to mess with Ivy won’t it.
Hope today is a good one too.
Wyllow- I hope now your mind is more at rest for a while- you have done what you needed to now and,it’s taken it,out,of,you.
Now have your restful day and try and get out and enjoy,the,sunshine.
Doodle- I,m so sorry,you were not well yesterday. When Tinnitus is bad it is so debilitating isn’t it. Mine always gets worse when I am stressed or tired . But combined with a headache and nausea must have felt awful. Sometimes when it’s so bad it seems like everyone else should be able to hear it too!! Have you had it a long time? Hope you feel better today.
Foot is better thank you so enjoying walking again.
Planted pansies in pots yesterday then sprinkled Cayenne Pepper around to try and stop Mr Fox from his digging up whatever I put in.?
Annie- no wonder you,ve had disturbed nights . It must be so distressing every time you are reminded again of those terrible times. Let’s hope the snow stays away this Winter.
I so hope the new bed is comfortable for you and you can rest properly again. It came early didn’t it.
As for the DWP letter words fail me. The totally thoughtless way these letters are sent to people is so distressing.
Hope by now you are with MT and enjoying being with her again. Xx
Love to all BDG

Deleting messages:
Over the years I have received from and sent PMs with various people on BD. Some of these have personal information on from both sides. I have decided to do some housekeeping of my account and delete some of them.
If you see “message deleted at senders request” it is not for any reason other than that. Just don’t want to upset anyone x

Wyllow that is a relief. I think you were right to instigate someone contacting him. At least you done what you can.
Have a rest today.
Thank you so much for taking the time to post the video. I will have a look at that.
HVDY up at 9 not had breakfast as DH is still asleep. 1 load of washing on. Now do you see why I feel you’re full of energy ?
So pleased Mr Cooper not in pain. Have a lovely time with the girls.
Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Wyllow3 At least you've made contact with him, and you're trying to get some help. Enjoy your day.

How is everyone? I've been up since 7.15, have stripped the bunk beds (the girls will be here this afternoon until tomorrow lunchtime), and done 2 lots of washing. Mr C is happy and comfortable. It's a lovely sunny morning here. A bright, blue sky always makes me feel better. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

(PS phone is incoming phone calls only no wifi et al)

Morning BD's.

special day for Annie

I have news - after posting last night I just decided to ring Ex's number, which has been dead for a month. Can't give details that are not mine to give but he is muddling through in not a terribly positive way and I'm still glad I've instigated a welfare check tho if he will accept it is another matter.
Felt "Weight off" tho. Now just massively tired and its an easy going day planned and mostly need some Fresh air and Sun, yesterdays mole removal looks somewhat startling to the onlooker so not the gym.

Take care all hope to "see" you in.

(No, Doodle, nice loose joggers and T tho was tempted to say "Lycra").
You could do a lot worse than this, ignore the slight woo-hoo bit at start, just 10 mins
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMps5-PIJHA)

Night HVDY night all.

Wyllow3 I hope you get some reassuring news about your ex. TV and white wine sound like a good evening.

SweetPeaSue I'm pleased you've had a good day, and I hope you sleep well again tonight.

Doodle Mr Cooper isn't in any pain, he's enjoyed chicken and tuna today, and has just gone up to bed . Sorry your Tinnitus was bad. Mine drives me almost mad some days. Hope things are better for you tomorrow.

Whiff, ScaredyCat, EllieAnn, Joce, Nanny, hope you're all ok.
Shinamae We all try to understand each other on here, and I've found yje people on BD very kind.

Hope everyone has a restful night x

Oh wyllow I hadn’t thought of that. I always assume yoga means on a mat on the floor. I will look into it. Thank you.
……………..do I have to squeeze into a leotard

I won't let you escape Doodle, chair yoga!

Lovely, lovely people ?

Trust me Wyllow as someone who can only walk at a snails pace, I think you’re fit ? I wish I had started yoga when I was younger. I’m sure it’s beneficial for many health issues. If I got down on the floor now I’m more likely to fall asleep than exercise and you’d need a crane to hoist me up again.
So pleased you feel someone is now getting involved in looking for your ex. Hope this makes your load a little lighter.
HVDY you are very kind to your SIL. What a lovely day out you two had. Hope Mr Cooper isn’t in a lot of pain. Good news about his thyroid.
I have heard of other writing letters to get their feelings out. Hope it helps you.
Shinamae hello. Nice to hear from you. Hope all is going well for you and yours.
Annie how insensitive of DWP. What are they thinking. Sorry all the news has brought back the sadness yet again.
Well I do hope your new bed is comfortable and helps you sleep better. Hope MT will help you get everything sorted out ok.
Scaredycat that’s a nice thought. I’ve not been too good today. Had really bad tinnitus last night and woke with it again this morning. Headache and nausea too. Took some painkillers and stayed in bed for a while. Felt better for a while only for it to return with a vengeance about 5pm . Really loud. We went for a walk which seemed to help although we got absolutely drenched in a sudden downpour. How about you, have you had a good day? How is your leg?
Sweetpeasue that’s a nice post. Thank you. You are right, we can get through the day with little interaction. I felt sad when they introduced self checkout at stores. It always used to be nice to chat to the people on the tills.
I am so, so pleased you’ve had a good couple of nights and an enjoyable day. We need those to lift the spirits. That brought a big smile to my face. ?
Ellie Anne did you get a chance to go and see your little grandson. I do hope so.
Whiff Joce hope you are both ok.
Sleep well all.

Sweetpeasue I felt reassured by them but till then was a tormented day. thank you for your kind remarks.

Just seen your post Wyllow3
So hope you get some good news soon. Your mind must be tormented. Hope there's something on TV tonight to distract. ?

Good to come into BD’s

HVDY - Pilates is your friend re “core” and pelvic/bladder care as a starting point. I hope you get on well writing your letter and it helps next week. I’m so glad to hear Mr Cooper news.

Hi Shinamae lovely to meet you.

Annie no wonder your days have been down and you had a rotten night.
What a stupid - if I might say so - totally insensitive letter from the DWP. I hope tomorrow with help you have a better day and set up properly and have a hug too.

Hi Scaredycat thank you for your thought for the day. Being open to hope even if much of the day is over, be ready to be surprised.

Last night I couldn’t free myself of the worry about disappeared Ex. First thing this morning read an online friend had lost their DH (and he was a very beloved one) suddenly overnight. I cried for her and it also really raised my anxiety about Ex (who has had suicide attempts previously)

My worker eventually ring and had flagged it up with his MH workers but no news. I had a tough day, the Covid jab was OK, had a minor op on face together rid of benign blip.

Got home and…

one of his team rung ME - because they had tried telephoning him …not had time to read notes etc…so was able to give them chapter and verse in brief including stuff I cant reveal here but is of great concern. Anyway they are going to get onto it and do a welfare check. What a relief.

He may have been an abuser, but an ill one, and you don’t stop loving them entirely despite all.

So relief and just watching TV with some white wine.

Last thought…Annie again…for a better day tomorrow.

ShinamaeWhat a lovely thing to say. Bless you too. I hope you're OK. Lots of nice people on here, I've found this too.
Anniebach So sorry about the Welsh news coverage, that's so upsetting for you. I've found there's rarely anything uplifting about any news lately. How ridiculous that you're expected to remember DHs wage so long ago. Reminds me of when we were trying to claim for our shortfall on wrongly sold Endowment mortgage. Wanted to know our weekly expenditure 30 yrs previously, including our weekly grocery bill back then! Really hope you get a comfortable night if you're sleeping in new bed tonight.
Scaredycat Hope your leg is on the mend. You wouldn't have expected ivy to come out easily as we have lots at bottom of garden and it NEVER does.Beautiful words about a sunset, thank you.
Wyllow I do hope you hear something of your ex's welfare soon. It must be such a worry for you. I've often wondered about yoga. Don't think my back would let me do it these days though. I think there used to be a Lynn Curry yrs ago that had a slot on TV about it. Incredible contortions though! Yrs ago I was told by a GP I was very 'bendy'. Do you need to be 'bendy?' I know what you mean about the 'no one's coming' thing. I guess in certain circumstances we need to try and take action.
HVDYI love to hear about Mr Cooper. I hope he's around for a good time yet with as many teeth as he can hang on to. Glad things are OK so far with CBT.
DoodleIt's so kind of you to send up prayers for us here, for believers are none-believing. You have such a good caring heart. I hope you and your husband are managing OK. Your riverside walks sound so good. Its nice to see 'regulars' on walks. We live in a world where day to day things - shopping' paying bills, ect don't seem to involve much personal interaction if any.

Ellieanne, Whiff, Joyce, and everyone on BD hope you are all OK and have a peaceful night and decent weekend.

I've had a good day today. Done a little baking, had a nice coffee out after shopping. Shared a little chat with Auntie. Had a good counselling session yesterday. 2 good night's sleep. (Touching wood right now) Thank you for all your thoughts. X

Anniebach So pleased you've got your bed. I hope you sleep better tonight. DWP are ridiculous - what relevance has your late husband's wage got to do with anything anyway? x

ScaredyCat I can't swim (I learnt some years ago, my husband taught me, but then I lost the confidence to continue with it). That's a nice saying about the sunset. x

There are so many of us now on BD, but I hope you're all doing ok today.

Mr Cooper was a good boy at the vet's, and his thyroid is ok, no treatment is needed. Good for an old boy . x

HVDY- glad you are finding the virtual Aqua Aerobics enjoyable- do you also like swimming? What a nice day you had with your SiL. It must do her so much good to have interesting things to do with such a nice companion.
Are you finding the CBT counsellor is helping you or is it too soon to say? The letter exercise may help you to ‘write out’ your feelings - a good thing I think.
Hope Mr Coopers check up went well..
Wyllow- how wonderful to be a qualified Yoga teacher and to still be able to help people without the stress.my daughter nd I tried Yoga years ago and really enjoyed it. I also did Tai Chi for a while and liked that too.
I like a bit of Denzil too- he’s usually in good films and very easy on the eye as well!! Hope you enjoyed the film.
Annie- Is today Bed delivery day? If so you must have been very busy.
The poem was lovely and yes Kindness is to me a wonderful quality in a person. If only we were all kind to each other.
Have a wonderful time with MT at the weekend- she will have lots to tell you I,m sure.
Doodle- we would love to bump into you and DH while out walking - a smile and a few words just make such a difference. That lady must have felt comforted and comfortable with you and your kind words. Hope you are having a good day.
Shinamae- Thank you.

A thought for you all.
People ask why she loves sunsets if they mean that everything has their end.
But the colour of the sun is what makes her happy.
It reminds her that whatever happened the entire day,you can still get a beautiful thing at the end.

EllieAnne,VioletSky,Whiff,Joce, SweetPeaSue and all hope you,ve had the best day you couldxxx

Hi all x

Shinamae you are welcome to post anytime x

HVDY glad your counsellor contacted you, do write the letter x
I have had a few down days, always watch BBC Welsh news at
6.30, this week they celebrated 60 years, first evening they
covered the Aberfan disaster, brought back much pain, second
evening they just had to cover the 1963 winter showing the
digging out of the snow, some here know my fears.

Had rotten night sleep last night, new bed was delivered at
7.30 this morning. Then a letter from DWP, to discuss my
husband’s wages, he died in 1976, how the hell could I remember that.

How is everyone?