Would you willingly go into a care home .

Our next door neighbour asked her family to put her into a care home
She has a fantastic family. She was a widow but her children or grandchildren visited her every day.
She was fit, well, with no mobility issues. However, she started to have falls, falling downstairs one day. She said she didn't want her family worrying about her.
They found a lovely home for her. Her sister was in there but she unfortunately died. My neighbour is 94 now, still going strong and has just recovered from Covid!

DH and I are both quite happy to go into a care home if that time comes. I've seen too many messy disorganised home 'care packages' to have confidence in them. I'd never want to put my children to inconvenience.
Equally, I've recently had occasion to visit several friends in various care homes and been pleasantly surprised.
No rush though!

Yes most definitely go into a care home, when carers aren’t enough.
My mum should be in a care home, but flatly refuses. This means I have no peace of mind day or night and it’s truly awful.

My mother used to say 'if I ever become a bother to you just put me in a home'. I looked after her when she had dementia and one evening when I was sitting next to my husband with tears dripping off my chin he said 'it is either me or your mother'.
One of my mum's neighbours had said that if my mother ever needed to go into a home I should go and talk to her. I went round and it turns out that she goes round care homes as a hairdresser. She recommended one and it was very good.
I would pop in at different times and always found my mum well cared for.

I certainly wouldn’t choose it, but if I ever get to the stage where I’m unable to care for myself and carer visits aren’t enough, I’d do anything rather than expect dds to look after me - and have already made this crystal clear - in writing, as well as verbally.

But I know of someone, an ex neighbour of ILs in his 80s who battled so very hard to look after his wife with pretty bad dementia at home, until he fell and broke a hip, and the decision was made for him.

They ended up in separate care homes - she no longer knew him anyway - and the old chap told a visiting dh that he was having a life again, thoroughly enjoying himself. Alas, he lived for only a few months afterwards.

Like most people, I would like to stay in my home as long as possible, but if I had reached a point where I could no longer manage on my own and I was in a care home where I could still follow my interests and have people to converse with, ie, not all with dementia, then of course I would do it. If I had dementia the decision would be out of my hands.

I think it is ridiculous to say I am adament that I will never go into a home regardless of how infirm I am . Ridiculous and selfish. it puts an immense and unnecessary burden on your children and you end up spending your last years struggling to manage to look after yourself, dependent on Carers of varying quality, and, I repeat, an unnecessary burden on your children.

I had an uncle who refused to move out of his house until a hospital discharge was dependent on a 'convalescent' period in a Care Home. He never left it. and said that if he had realised how comfortable and easy life was, and free from constant anxiety, he would have moved there years before, as soon as his wife died. He was there six years and I am sure being safe and happy in his care home extended his life.

Yes I would if the alternative was being a worry for my DC.
My parents were in sheltered housing close by. He had severe mobility problems and my mum had dementia. The stress I felt at times was immeasurable.
Eventually he told me they weren’t managing and asked me to find a home.
I found a lovely place and they were well cared for for the rest of their lives.
It meant I could go just to enjoy their company.

Perhaps there is someone on GN who is in a care home and would tell us about it?

Germanshepherdsmum

BigBertha1

I won't be doing any of that. I will be taken by a more permanent solution.

I would be doing the same at the first sign that I was en route to needing someone else to wash and dress me and wipe my backside. Fortunately I get a heap of barbiturates each month for epilepsy. Job done.

Maybe the Swiss with Dignitas have the right answer. Some people's religion would stop them from taking that step and I can understand that. If it were publicly available maybe it would become more the norm.
Watching a very bright cheerful person end up in a state where they can do nothing is horrendous, goodness knows how they feel themselves.
I have two friends who care for extremely old relations, they are worn out and at the time of their lives when they should be able to do as they please. To wake up each day and hear"I wish I was not here" as they do, is something I do not want my children to suffer.

It was years ago now, but at the CH we eventually chose for FiL, there was a woman still only in her 60s, no dementia or physical frailty, who’d chosen to live there because she didn’t want the worry and responsibility of her own home - bills and maintenance, etc. She was free to go out and do her own thing, meals all provided, etc.

It was a lovely home that managed to care for FiL (who had dementia but not yet too advanced) very well.

What would have put me right off, though, was the fact that you couldn’t lock bedroom doors from inside - I believe down to fire regs.

One of the reasons we could no longer have FiL at home was that he was constantly wandering about at all hours of the night, coming into everyone’s rooms and waking them - wanting to know who was sleeping in ‘his’ house! - and we had dds coming up to important exams - it just wasn’t on.

If it was like my mum's Care Home
Yes please.
It was on par of a 5 star Hotel, with outstanding care.
I certainly don't want to be a burden on my children. My mum was heavy going at times but happy in her final days living in a caring luxury environment, she deserves the best.
So what if we spend the kids inheritance, that's what we told our Mum.

Katyj

Yes most definitely go into a care home, when carers aren’t enough.
My mum should be in a care home, but flatly refuses. This means I have no peace of mind day or night and it’s truly awful.

My mum was the same.
The last part of her life was just awful for her (and us!)

No. Never.

I'd already made my mind up never to go into one as my house is going to go to my children, full stop.

When my daughter worked in one for a year and told me the ins and outs of it all, that just reinforced my determination never to go.

I think there are good and bad homes, and it's the bad ones that people always think of first.
Bad enough having to go into care, let alone being stripped of all dignity and autonomy.

It doesn't have to be like that, though.
The last big care home I worked in, we had some wonderful times.
I have a picture of us all sitting outside, a variety of old hats on, all eating icecream, and laughing like drains.

My mother aged 90 won’t contemplate moving out of her house where she they lived for 60 years. The house is falling to pieces and in desperate need to everything. She is unable to walk without a frame, has just had a stairlift installed that she can’t operate as she can’t follow more that one instruction at a time. My much younger sister refuses to contemplate moving her (mummy’s blue eyed child) one brother throws money at problems and the other, who lives closest, occasionally turns up. I am the eldest and least favoured child but as I am retired, I am expected to fetch and carry.

And I love her but don’t like her.

Definitely go into Care Home. My children should not have the worry of caring for us.

My husband and I have agreed that neither of us will go into a care home. If the day arrives that we need care, we will pay for it in our own home.

I would go into a sheltered accommodation, I would not like to rely on family. My mother lived in a residential home for 8 weeks after she broke her shoulder in hospital. She then went home and was allocated carers 4 times a day she saw 16 different ones in one week. A terrible experience. She died 5 weeks later after a fall.

If I needed care, I'd rather not live, can't bear to be a burden

I gave up work to care for my mum (am only child) when her dementia progressed. All went well until, in the space of 2 weeks, she had a fall and started a fire (accidentally I must add).
Having said I would never put her in a home the relied when I did was immense
In the space of 3 years of caring for her I had a shoulder impingement(L) a frozen shoulder (R), my gallbladder removed and shingles twice!!
Never judge anyone who has to put a relative in a care home and when the person themselves expresses a wish to do so, please listen to them.

This post is running very close to my heart at present as trying to care for my 91 year old mother who has dementia and she wags her finger at myself and sister "Don't you put me in a care home Lady" The pressure we feel is huge and doing our very best to keep her at home but big problems due to her dementia. Having seen the problems this has caused myself and sister have said to our immediate family we would agree to a care home as don't want to put your immediate family through this. BUT it has to be a nice one!

In all honesty, though, it greatly depends on why, and what type of care a person needs.
I have had to try and encourage a violent, 6ft 2 inch, physically fit lady to let me help her have a wash, and it was impossible.

I hope to stay here and be independent for a while yet, but, yes, if that became too difficult I would willingly, but reluctantly, go into a residential home as I do not wish to become a burden to either of my sons.
My hope is to stay ok for a few more years and then just drop dead.

Hate the idea of going into a Care Home after seeing what my poor Mum had to go through being moved around through 3 different Homes before Alzheimers killed her poor love! I will have no choice as I have no savings due to disability medically retiring me from work many years ago! As I get DLA I do not qualify for Care at home I have to pay! My commitments apart from rent & food are not taken into account so I am considered to have enough money to pay nearly £1000 per month for AM &PM visits of half an hour! Found this out after a few days in Hospital! Very scary so will have no choice but to go into any home that I am put in regardless of location or state of the Home! The last one that DM was in was good the first 2 were diabolical! Something to look forward to - NOT!! Only hope will be if Dignity in Dying succeed! Lovely life if you do not weaken - Ha Ha!!