Black Dog 12

Hello everyone.
Been busy packing today as we are off tomorrow. I know it,ll be alright once we arrive but right now my tummy is churning and I,m feeling very anxious. However I will do as Annie says and think I will enjoy it when I,m there. I feel very guilty to feel like this when so many have so many troubles.
I may not be able to post so if you don’t hear from me please
know thatI will be thinking of you all .
Oh a positive - last nights dinner was ok so maybe the new oven isn’t as scary as I thought.?
Take care all xxxxx

EllieAnne You are not alone. It must be so hard for you. Thinking of you.
Scaredycat Have a good holiday. I'm sure you'll enjoy it once you get there and get settled. Wonderful that you've managed with your new cooker. I hate new kitchen equipment and appliances. We get used to every little quirk and faults. I really need a new cooker myself but have been hanging on to it. You'll be missed. You'll be fine. You will. ?

Love to all, Doodle Rafichagran Annie HVDY and all BD

SweetPeaSue- thank you so much. I hope the colonic transit test goes well and gives you some answers. Xx

Scardycat enjoy your holiday, Sweetpea Sue I hope your procedure goes well. Best wishes to everyone.

Rafichagran I am not as positive or strong as you might imagine. I wish my faith was stronger. I’ve been praying for my DGC since before they were born and I’m still doing so.
Its my only hope really.
It is hard Ellie Anne you are quite right. Sometimes I feel very lost but I’ve been praying a long time. Sometimes it’s easier than others. Not even sure I’m doing it right, just keeping on going.
Scaredycat hope you have a lovely trip. I know you’ll enjoy it once you get there. The tummy churning is common when something out of the ordinary is happening. Hope it settles down and you can relax a bit.
We will be thinking of you too. x
Sweetpeasue hoping for a quiet night for you.
Sleep well all x

My positive Annie, is all the things I take for granted but I am lucky to be able to do.
Lovely about Lottie. Your carer seems a lovely lady too.

Hello all, I haven’t been on for a few days as I’ve been really busy - I look after my DGS at the end of the week but did a few extra days last week. He’s 6 and a whirlwind. We love him dearly but he’s hard work too. Anyway, I’m all caught up now.
Scaredycat thank you for your comments about my loved ones. They are doing ok. Yes, I’m thinking of getting a circulation booster but I’ve made an appointment to chat with the physio at our gp surgery so I’ll see what she says. My therapy went well last week thank you and I feel I might be finally getting somewhere. I realise you’re probably on your way to your holiday now so if you get to read this, I hope your anxiety is better and you have a lovely time.

Anniebach I’m glad you got Lottie back safely and hope you’ve had your fence fixed. Our pets are so precious to us aren’t they? I’m off to the vets with my younger dog today. I think it’s only a minor issue but one that needs sorting. I wouldn’t be without him for the world. The American tragedy was appalling. Only that morning, I had been driving past my DGS’s school and caught sight of him playing in the playground so I stopped to watch for a bit. The news really brought it home to me just how vulnerable they can be and doesn’t bear thinking out. I sympathise so much with the families of those involved. I don’t know how I’d ever get over something like that.

Doodle thank you for your suggestion of support socks. I hadn’t considered those but it’s a good suggestion so thank you. I’m sorry your DH has so many health problems. That must be very stressful. I’m glad his recents tests came back ok.

Sweetpeasue my EMDR is going ok thanks. I feel like I’m finally getting somewhere so I hope it continues. I’m sorry you’ve been in so much pain. I know a little about bowels - not a nice subject I know. A family member was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease as a teenager and has had a lot of problems. I’m glad you have seen the Gastroenterologist who will hopefully give you the right tests and help you get some relief. I didn’t realise there were so many problems that could come from the bowel but there are and treatments have improved so much. I hope you get the help you so obviously need.

Raficagran - I’m sorry you have been in pain. I hope you are feeling better.

Im sorry if I’ve missed anyone out. I hope all are well.

My positive - both my grown up children are away on holiday and I thought I wouldn’t deal with it well, but I have! Im proud that I have dealt with it ok.

Hi all x

I posted yesterday, iPad ! Enough on that subject ?.

Rafichagran yes I am so blessed with my carer , didn’t know a
thing about her, spoke to several on a list and I chose her. Didn’t know she knew my darling daughter or she had suffered a bereavement through suicide or she loved gardening and dogs, she is now my gardener as well as carer, I now have laughter in my home again. x

Scaredycat enjoy, enjoy, enjoy x

Candy so happy the EMDR is going ok and your positive is
so positive, be proud x

My friends, prayer, so personal isn’t it ? For me ‘thanks’ is as
important as requests and for those times of ‘the dark night of
the soul’ we know Christ suffered too, from the Cross,
‘My God, My God, Why Have You Forsaken Me’ , followed by
Father Into Your Hands I Commend My Spirit’.

For me he experienced the darkness followed by the light.

My positive - my Mini Tornado is coming to see me this week

Hugs to all x

Rafichagran hope you are getting on ok.
Hello Candy nice to hear from you again. I bet you have fun with your DGS. Yes it is tiring but such joy too.
Glad your therapy went well. Hope it helps.
Good the EMDR is helping.
My DH is very stoic about his health problems. He seldom makes a fuss. We lead a quiet life so that helps in a way.
You should be pleased with yourself. To overcome or cope with a worry no matter what it is, is a good thing.
Annie not more iPad issues. Hope they are fixed now.
Your carer sounds just what you need. How lovely that she knew Catherine. She has obviously suffered her own losses which must make you have a good bond. I am so pleased you have someone to chat to and laughter again. Could she help you get into the garden?
I must confess I don’t say thank you often enough. My prayers are more about help than anything. I like your thought. Thank you for sharing. A visit from MT wonderful news.
Has she started her new job yet?
Sweetpeasue hoping for a pain free night for you.
Take care all.

Hi all x

I would like to say I was not saying how others should pray, just sharing my praying.

I am sad today, my grandchildren no longer want to come home, they love their father but not his lady friend, I have
mixed feelings about this. It’s good that he has moved on, he was lonely, I know what he really wants is Catherine but he has to live his life. The children have made their homes 50 miles away , they moved way when Catherine died.

When I was widowed ,I did meet someone but refused to marry or live with him because I wanted to keep my home
for my daughters even when they married. The result , I have lived alone for 30 years. No problem, but now I know such
loneliness . We are all victims of a mental illness.

How is everyone?

I appreciated your thoughts on prayer Annie
I’m sorry for you and your DGC. It’s as shame they don’t like their father’s lady friend. I think you are very kind to understand his need for some companionship even though you would wish he still had Catherine with him.
I wish you were closer in distance to your DGC but hope MTs visit brings you happiness this weekend.
Will you be watching the Jubilee celebrations?
Hope everyone is ok.

Doodle thank you for your kind comments. There’s absolutely nothing wrong in leading a quiet life as long as you are content and comfortable with that. Everyone is different and each must do what makes them happy. I hope you are ok.
Anniebach I am so sorry you are lonely. I hope you try and engage with others as much as possible. Social media can be a great help making connections and I hope you can take full advantage of all that’s out there. I am so sorry for the bereavements you’ve faced too. Life is hard at times but you seem to have a strong faith and I hope that brings you some comfort. Your carer sounds lovely and I’m glad you have a good relationship with her. Are you an animal lover? Not everyone is I know but I believe they can bring so much companionship and joy but like I said, it’s not for everyone. I’m sorry your grandchildren live a distance away but they will hopefully visit you as much as they can. Sending a big hug your way and hope you are feeling better soon.

Hope everyone else is ok.

Annie I took your post about how you pray kindly and everyone is free to say how they feel on here, whether about their faith or lack of. I'm so sorry that you're feeling of loneliness is so strong right now. It's a very dark place to be in when one feels truly alone. I don't think having a faith actually protects us from that or how would we be able to empathise with others who are feeling the same. We do what we think is best in life at the time. There are always thoughts about the various roads we choose especially, I find, as we get older. I hope you find some joy in your MTs visit and it cheers you. Thinking of you.
Doodle Hope you are OK and your tummy problems are not so bad. Also that your dear GS is managing OK. We too lead a quiet life and Tbh I don't think I've the mental energy to do much different. It's nice to see family and if they're OK then it's so much easier.
Candy6 Glad the EMDR is going well. I too have a DGS who's 7. I've not been able to look after him lately but they're certainly very energetic. The picture of stopping by your DGS school and catching sight of him in the playground made me feel quite sad. Isn't that strange? I would feel quite helpless in that situation when they're out of reach. I hope he was playing happily.

To all I wish you a peaceful night. X

Hello all, I haven't posted on here for a little while but I'm plodding on (quite literally)

Anniebach Your Lottie had quite an adventure! You must have been shocked but then relieved that she was ok. Loneliness is awful. Have you heard of Re-Engage? I ring a lady (she's housebound) every Monday and we get along very well. AgeUK also provides call companions. Your carer sounds lovely. I'm glad you've got someone understanding.

ScaredyCat You must be on holiday now. I hope you have a lovely time. Whereabouts?

Doodle Your husband has a lot of health concerns, and seems to be so brave. Nothing wrong with a quiet life. My DH actually says he doesn't like going out but is fine when we're out with the family.

SweetPaeSue I wish you well and hope you get the colon transit test asap.

Candy6 Rafichagran and anyone I've missed, hope you're all getting on alight.

Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Hi all x

When I said I was lonely I was speaking of missing my large extended family, my three grandchildren and my dead darling
daughter.

Of having to have cataracts removed and no one to accompany
me. No laughter , no hugs , one hour of face to face conversation five days a week ,paid for. Travelling 40 miles to
see a rheumatologist by hospital car without support ,

We were not thinking of the same loneliness Sweetpeasue

How is everyone?

Annie I'm so sorry. I hadn't meant it to sound as if I KNEW your loneliness. I couldn't possibly know that. Neither of us can imagine what someone else feels unless we've walked in another's shoes. But I do feel for you and your own situation even though I can't know your own personal loneliness. I wouldn't assume to know that and didn't mean to sound as if I did. I think it was Doodle who said once that we can't compare our own problems with each others. I perhaps didn't express myself clearly enough. I do apologise if I came over sounding as if I knew your situation. I'm deeply sad for all you have been through. I hope you can see your grandchildren soon. I don't have any words to lessen your pain and that makes me especially sad. x
HVDY Thankyou. I very much hope so too. Glad to hear from you and I hope the plodding on is not too hard. Its all any of us can do. Hope your day goes well.

Candy DH and I reached a point a few years ago where we realised we aren’t as young as we used to be and even the smallest event needed planning and thought. Even a Sainsburys delivery is a major event for us ?. We live life at a vey quiet pace. Last night DH informed me his tooth was falling out. He has to spend the night sitting up in case he swallowed it. Quick trip to the dentist and a pair of pliers sorted the problem for now.
Have you any plans for the weekend?
Sweetpeasue yes, for many of us, if family are ok then so are we. My son has just messaged to say he wants to come for lunch on Friday so that will be nice.
I know what you mean, none of us know exactly how others feel do we but sympathy, empathy, caring are all things that we can feel for others and can feel inside for their pain.
I don’t know how you feel about all the problems you’ve been having but I can feel sorry and concerned that you are suffering. That is something we can all do for each other.
I hope all have a peaceful bank holiday weekend.
Annie I hope you have a lovely time with MT and hear about her new job.
Take care all x

Hi all x

Sweetpeasue no apology needed, I posted in a rush before internet went down again, work is being carried out on lines, I
don’t understand it, just get emails to say internet May be down , thank heaven for bank holidays, x
Candy I love dogs, have two, have had 17 . Loved everyone of them, I tell Lottie and Rosie everything, have just been explaining about Trooping The Colour, they sat and looked as if they understood, bet they are thinking - ‘how boring ‘ x

Doodle my Mini Tornado has been cleared following vetting
by the force, now she is waiting to be cleared by the Home Office. Before your husband had cataracts removed did he have
any other treatment Such as eye drops ?

HVDY I have a lovely telephone friend, we both love the history of historical Welsh buildings , I suggest what to visit ,
he goes and sends me photographs, I can’t go to the Town’s party by the river this evening so he will take photographs for me and photographs of the lighting of the beacon on my mountain x

Anyone going to an event this weekend, have a great time

How is everyone?

Annie I hope you’re having a lovely day watching all the Jubilee celebrations. Wasn’t the parade wonderful.

DH didn’t have eyedrops before his op at home. He had to clean his eyelids every day for 1 weeks with a special preparation to get rid of any bacteria. On the day he had 3 lots of eye drops. One to get rid of bacteria, one to dilate the pupil and one was an anaesthetic. He said the process was painless.
Good to hear MT is getting on with things. Must be a special job with all this vetting. Clever girl I would think and kind too.
I’m glad you have that friend who takes photos for you. That’s really nice.
Have a good day all x

Doodle Oh your poor husband, with his tooth. He seems to get a lot of things wrong with him. Poor man.
Anniebach You Mini Tornado is doing very well, isn't she? The son of a friend of mine works for the Home Office, and had to have checks done on his social media (Facebook etc) profiles, even questions about people he'd been dating etc. Good that you've got a nice telephone companion. I hope he manages to take some lovely photos.

How is everyone else today?

The day centre I usually attend on Thursdays is shut today, so they had a Jubilee party on Monday, which was really lovely. There were about 50 people there, most of them dressed up (as did I, in a tiara, Union Jack scarf, and red, white and blue outfit), and the place was decorated with Union Jack flags, bunting, tablecloths, etc. We had salmon for lunch, then scones with cream and jam, and an assortment of cakes. A couple of the helpers took photos of everyone. Nothing happening on my street - we live on a steep hill .

Evening all.. just popped on to say hello to you all...
I’m doing my usual plodding like I do.
Not caught up on everything I do keep trying.
I have my new puppy she is beautiful, taking all my time she needs a lot of cuddles.
Hope all my old friends are all doing alright
Annie, Doodle, Scaredycat, Sweetpeasue HVDY.
Hope I haven’t missed anyone.
To all our new friends wellcome
Have a peaceful nights sleep all
???

HVDY DH seems fine today thank you. Your Jubilee party sounds lovely. So glad you had a good time. I’d love to have seen you all dressed up. Enjoy the weekend.
Joce you and I still plodding I see.
A new puppy. How exciting. What sort?
I love cuddling puppies. They are so sweet. Yes you will have your hands full for a while. They need lots of care.
Have a good weekend all x

Morning all, hope everyone is ok.

Sweetpeasue I thought my EMDR was going well but I’ve had a setback so now I’m not so sure but thank you for your kind wishes. I know what you mean about seeing my grandson in the playground making you sad. It was quite poignant and made me a little sad too - I wanted to give him a big hug. It doesn’t look as if my daughter will have anymore children, quite a long story, but it just hasn’t worked out unfortunately. She feels a lot of guilt and sadness about that and it makes me sad too but she’s different to me, far more resilient and is getting on with life. She starts a new job on Monday which is good. I wish I was more like her and didn’t dwell on things so much.
Doodle I’m glad your husband’s tooth is sorted now. Must have been very difficult for him to have to stay up all night. These things always seem to happen at night don’t they? I hope you are alright too. We have come to our caravan on the coast for the weekend but it’s currently pouring with rain! We are lucky to have it though.
Anniebach I hope your dogs enjoyed the trooping of the colour! I speak to mine like they are human too! I love them both dearly even though the youngest one had me up early this morning wanting to go out! I suppose I’m lucky he asks. I hope you are feeling better.
Joce345 lovely that you’ve got a new puppy! I hope you are enjoying her. They are hard work but well worth it I think.

As I said above, I’ve had a bit of a setback with my EMDR as I’ve been triggered by the main thing I was working on with it. This is hugely disappointing as I thought I was getting there. I’m sure others have had similar experiences too. I feel so alone with it. I have a good relationship with my husband, we have been together a long time and I hate to be disrespectful, but I’m afraid he’s not very good at dealing with it and just never seems to say the right things which triggers my anxiety more. Sorry about moaning as I know others really are alone but I just wish I was more resilient. Can you build resilience do you think? I really would love to know how.

Anyway, enough about me, I hope all those on here are ok, not struggling and have a good day xxxx

Doodle Oh no, I wonder how long your husband's tooth was loose before he told you it was falling out! It must have happened quite fast. First restless leg syndrome then a dodgy tooth to keep him from a night's rest. I hope he gets a period of peace for a while. I'm sure you do too. I ordered a book yesterday that Nonnie recommended about depression, written by a consultant psychologist. Hope she's OK lately.
Anniebach What an awful problem you have with your Internet where you are. It's such a nuisance for you when you rely on it more than others. It must make you feel quite isolated when it's down. Hope the photographs turned out well of the lit beacon on your mountain. I watched it on TV last night from Brecon. I thought the Queen looked delighted at the Red Arrows fly past as they stood on the balcony. I hope you managed to see some of the celebrations, though you couldn't from outside your bungalow.
HVDY Your day centre sounds a great place. Glad you enjoyed the celebrations there. Hope you are OK today.
JoceLovely to hear from you. You will certainly have your hands full with a new puppy. I'm sure she's beautiful and cuddly as well as being a mischevious bundle. They give unconditional love don't they?
Candy So sorry about the setback with the EMDR. I hope it's temporary and you'll feel better soon. It must be exhausting for you to have traumatic thoughts brought to the fore. Take it easy and be kind to yourself. I too had a child who appears to be so much more'together' and is quite different in nature to myself, which I'm very happy about actually, haha.
Your post resonated with myself a bit.
I feel for you. Sometimes when we are feeling very low we can't always feel others around us trying to help and that is a lonely place. Thinking of you. Also hope the rain has stopped for you where you are today!
Great question you have about resilience. Be interesting to know what others think. Life always seems to present new mountains to climb.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Hi all x

Candy please , never think of sharing your worries, problems etc as moaning , snd moaning is my prerogative, re the Council , wait for my next battle with them , you will then know what
moaning really is . Your EMDR, it was a blip my love, it happens, we can’t erase the past but we can accept it without it
causing fear, panic, depression. I know what reliving a trauma is but you will work through it. X

Joyce great you have a puppy , now I have no need to tell you to keep walking x

Sweetpeasue i enjoyed watching the celebrations yesterday, seeing so many happy people. I did take a break and watched an episode of Larkrise to Candleford, my one weakness! ?

HVDY gosh the vetting is unbelievable, they have now cleared her parents, thank heaven they haven’t done grandparents, I would have to tell her I was once arrested ! hasten to add not charged , I would do it again x

Doodle enjoy your son’s visit, yes, keep plodding, better
than coming to a halt x

How is everyone?