Teenage emotional melt down

Young people have had a very tough time. In your position I would ensure I kept in touch - even if he does'nt respond. Is he anxious about going to music college? He may well have something on his mind he is reluctant to talk about. Make it very clear to him you are available if and when he wants to talk. If he does confide in you I am sure your response will be non judgemental. Perhaps you could suggest he talks to someone he feels safe with ,- school nurse , counsellor or teacher.

It has been very difficult for young people over the pandemic. DD2 works in CAMHS and they are under such extreme pressure that their doctor (where she works) has left - given up medicine because of the intense workload. They have many teenagers with eating disorders and because they can be extremely physically unwell (dangerously) take priority just now so other kids are having to wait. Has your grandson always had problems with lots of people and noise? Could it be a sensory issue at all? If he is quiet and a musician might be worth looking into. So glad you are all looking out for him BigBertha.

I think a loving grandmother can be a special safe haven to teenagers, especially boys. We can talk to them gently, listen, while feeding them their favourite food or taking a gentle walk.

I had a wonderful Grandmother who was just taking on that role when she died suddenly and I have recently been cultivating my one to one relationship with my pubescent grandson. He has loving caring parents, but sometime he may want to talk outside his immediate family and I want him to feel he can turn to me. My companion grandmother is a lot older than me, and not in good health.

You've helped him already BigBertha by listening, understanding and being there for him.

Welbeck it’s not meant to be off putting it’s the way I am and it’s very heartfelt xx

BigBertha1

Thank you all for all your help and kind words. Talking to my daughter this evening she has decided to play down planned celebrations for his 18th on June 2 as he had been worrying about that too . He always has the choice whether to come to lunch or not and we don't go out every week. He usually enjoys the food but not today. I'll keep a close eye on him.

It might be lovely weather by then, BigBertha1 - would he be happy with a family barbecue or meal in the garden? At least you will be celebrating his special birthday but without the stress of coping with crowded restaurants etc.

I've noticed that DGC will often open up and chat to grandparents about things that are worrying them on a one-to-one basis. Perhaps we are better at listening as we have more time than parents who, although worried and wanting to do their best, are often busy with work and family life in general.

Santana
My 15 year old GS had a meltdown last week after his stupid father told him that he would be called up to fight Russia.
What an unbelievably stupid and cruel thing to say.
As if they aren't anxious and worried enough.

My 15 year old GS had a meltdown last week after his stupid father told him that he would be called up to fight Russia.
I have posted on here before about the struggles my GS has had recently. Abusive father, toxic stepmother, poor school not meeting his dyslexia needs, on line bullying resulting in actual physical bullying and anxiety.
He has made progress with the help of a hypnotherapist who specialises in helping teens. Home educating now is better, but gets very anxious when we talk about exams. Not academic, but more practical by nature. He has been trying to build back some bridges with his dad by working with him for one day a week, but then his dad behaves like an idiot.
When a child is sensitive and empathic, we can't suddenly expect them to man up as they grow. That's been a favourite term of his father's.
All we can do as Nanas, is be there for them. A safe place to cry, shout or swear without judgement.
It's heartbreaking to see them go through their anxiety attacks.

The last two years has had a terrible affect on most people and it’s only just revealing itself. I have recently had a very difficult time with a family member in stress. I have myself found it hard to deal with and I know it’s not over yet but time will tell.

Your are fortunate that your grandson is very trusting in you by spilling his thoughts it’s quite rare to share stress and anxiety.
With some good advice and loving ears to listen he will be on the mend sooner than you know. Big occasions and family events do put pressure on young people. It’s best to play it down and just let him relax in the company he loves.

I wish your family well and hope your grandson heals from this stressful stage in his life soon.

You may be the very person to give him a safe bit of timeout if he can be in just your company at times BigBertha1. I don't think crowded spaces are normal; they have just become normal in the last century or so. Those who like crowds have to learn to live with some solitude and those who are happy with their own company have to learn to manage more crowded occasions as they will happen for all of us at least now and again. As time goes by, we can make decisions that are more comfortable for us.

I think many children/young people feel a loss of control of the everyday and this will bring anxiety with it. I just wonder who you could ask about some tools to help him with this. Deep breathing helps as does writing your worries down but I imagine he would need more than that. I'm sure someone who knows the system will be able to point you in the right direction

Thank you all for all your help and kind words. Talking to my daughter this evening she has decided to play down planned celebrations for his 18th on June 2 as he had been worrying about that too . He always has the choice whether to come to lunch or not and we don't go out every week. He usually enjoys the food but not today. I'll keep a close eye on him.

i don;t think saying you are welfare checking will make most people feel happy.
it sounds off-putting to me.
as if you are a case on a social worker's desk.

I’d say because he allowed you to go out with him and shared the tears and the few words he gave you an in. So try to keep close to him. If it was me I’d call him or message him often and say you’re just welfare checking, no pressure just a quick one xx

How nice that you were able to comfort him. I would be more surprised if a 17yr old wasn't affected by all that is going on both in their own worlds of school, exams, friends, adolescence etc and the outside world with talk of war, mad leaders, climate change and of course the small matter of a pandemic.

maybe he didn't want to go to that lunch at all, but felt pressured into it by family expectations.
in future could his parents say, we are meeting gran next sunday for lunch in the toby inn. if you'd like to come, we will be leaving about 1pm.
then just leave it to him to come or not as he wishes.
no pressure and no asking him to make a commitment.
maybe remind him of the event on the day, but that's all.
he may well prefer to stay home alone, and have some peace and quiet.

paddyanne it won't matter where we live.

Callistemon my GC live literally in the shadow of the two bases Faslane and Coulport ,They know if a strike is made we'll be vaporised or as my GS says left as a shadow on a wall.Its very scary ,thats why we are all CND members and campaign for these abhorrent weapons to be taken out of our country.

All it takes is ONE madman who has control of one button .It isn't and never has been a deterrent ,we 've just been lucky there wasn't any nutter in power who would use it .
If we get through this episode we'll be taking to the street again and doing all we can to make Westminster take notice of us .OUR government is anti nuclear its just the chief clown who is holding us hostage

Both my teenage grandchildren have gone through periods of mental anguish. Not brought on by covid worries or threats of war but by events much closer to home/school.

Both found it extremely difficult to cope and like your GS BigBertha1 found gatherings almost impossible. Even small ones. Anxiety is not something that can be 'cured' over night.

As much as we can be there for them and listen, more support is needed for our teenagers. However, as grandparents and parents, listening to them is the key. Not to push for reasons but given them time to talk.

Both my two found excellent support through their school with counsellors. It is so important that the school is told about his anxieties. Both my GC and my DD have also found this website brilliant with it's advice and information. www.youngminds.org.uk/

I hope none of his family try to "encourage" him to be more outgoing. Plenty of us find large numbers of people overwhelming and it needs understanding rather than "encouragement".

Hithere

Easy!
Tell him that next time he picks a place he is comfortable with.

Not that easy, and your comment is very dismissive, I have anxiety and depression you can think you are ok anywhere, but the feelings can come on like a tidal wave, and you just feel alful like Bertha's Grandson did.

We've had to reassure an even younger DGD that Putin is not about to bomb and invade us.
I feel so sorry for them, we thought our DGC seemed relatively unfazed by Covid and its restrictions, thanks to their parents, but anxieties are beginning to show. Lockdowns have affected friendship groups at school too, very important for teenagers..

And now this.

Can anyone offer some words of comfort/help please?
Some seem to have lost their confidence during Covid.
Would it help if he could talk through his worries with someone outside the family eg a school counsellor?

Easy!
Tell him that next time he picks a place he is comfortable with.

You’ll have helped him, more than you know, being there and listening and loving him.
Hugs to you both.

I think his home and his family should be his sanctuary in these upsetting times. You did the right thing just taking him to a quiet place. Keep the channels of communication open in whatever way he chooses.

I think it is wonderful that he has Granny he can talk to.
Was it recently you were worried about him not eating or was that your nephew?
He does sound very sensitive and the situation in the world at the moment will be affecting him.
All you can do is listen and let him know you are there when he needs you.

One of my GD's and several of her friends have been battling mental health issues since the start of Covid.,
GD wont go to school ,there are too many people she says. The school is very understanding and helpful we're lucky she gets help from a mental health worker who is based at her school and she's still working from home
.Her results are brilliant as always so its not affecting that but its very hard to deal with when we think she needs to be around people .
Its a new and troubling result of the past two years that a lot of teens are experiencing .Just be kind to him and let him talk when he needs to