Black Dog 11

Anniebach I expect you're right. The counselling thing is over the 'phone. Somehow I don't want to do face-to-face anyway - since the stroke, I cry at anything and nothing.

Have you had any help to try to overcome your Agoraphobia? Have you tried any telephone befriending services? I think AgeUk does one.

Doodle I meant to say that I've had long-term depression and anxiety for many years (I manage to hide it well from some people) and have been on the highest dose of Mirtazapine for 3 years. I think when I can get back to work and feel I "fit in" somewhere, it'll help.

HowVeryDareYou please do have counselling and don’t hold back, let that stuff upper lip relax. You see a counsellor for a certain length of time and won’t have to meet them again.

What’s important is your mental health, it needs as much healing as your physical health. It’s great that you are going out
and mixing.

Many of my problems are caused by choosing to withdraw from the outside world, hence my almost daily nagging here -
keep walking.

I have no family living near to help me go out in my wheelchair and I have agoraphobia because I withdrew from people five years ago. I will overcome it though x

Anniebach Thank you. I have discussed things with my immediate family (husband and sons). To see all those things on my written medical notes (I requested copies of all my notes) and to have the very detailed report of the medical investigation makes has been distressing to read. I hope counselling will help, although I've never been a believer in talking about things. Stiff upper lip and all that. I'll see.

I'm glad you can at least FaceTime your daughter. Would you able to be taken out in a wheelchair? Or be helped into a taxi to perhaps go to a day centre? I never thought I'd attend one(I use to be the Manager of a couple of day centres) but I now go to one all day on a Thursday, and although the people there are all much older than me, they're all very friendly, we have quizzes, bowls, competitions, and a lovely cooked lunch. x

Hi all x

HowVeryDareYou

I think you have PTSD, you suffered a severe trauma, your mind is still in shock. Do your share your thoughts and feelings
with anyone ? Do write them here if you feel comfortable doing so, I know what suppressed anger can do, it needs to be
released when and if you are ready to do so, but don’t put yourself under more stress. x

Doodle I cope ! because of The Serenity Prayer, not easy though, I also remember when my husband died I said to my
priest who is also a friend , why me ?, he replied ‘why not you’ .

I am going to add to ‘keep walking’ ready ?

Keep bollard dancing ?

How is everyone?

Nonnie, Anniebach, Doodle Thank you all for your kind words. I was actually in an induced coma, on a ventilator, for Covid, when I had the stroke. The hospital had woken me up, then decided I needed to be put back on the ventilator, so injected me with something to put me back into a sleep - they gave me the wrong thing, Adrenaline, which made my BP go to 340 top figure (I didn't know BP could go that high), then realised it was an error, which they rectified. They insist that the stroke had been caused by Covid, not the wrong drug. There was an investigation in November, after which they still say Covid was the cause. I had no other health problems - never smoked, wasn't on any medication at all - and I am struggling to accept that outcome. Ah well, I'll need to come to terms with/forget all that, but I'm not sure how just yet.

Annie I’ll be honest, I don’t know how you cope. I’m glad you get to face time your daughter because at least it’s contact of a kind.
I hope you and MT between you have managed to come up with some ideas. I’m still cross about the way she has been treated.
Nonnie your advice is obviously welcome with your children as is Annie’s with her MT. It’s nice when the younger generation still value the opinions of their parents / grandparents.

I had to go to a meeting this morning re our roofing. It was so cold there I got quite chilled and haven’t really warmed up since.
HVDYou have you jotted down some things you want to discuss with the MHT when they phone you. It’s easy to forget things and wish after you’d mentioned something.
Scaredycat I loved Annie’s bollard dancing. Sounds like you should do a YouTube video. ?

Annie so sorry for MT, life can be so hard.

Doodle wise words about better things'

HowVeryDareYou Do you mind being abbreviated to HVDY next time?

I think you are amazing, you have achieved so much I am in awe! Such a shock and so much to have to face up to. I was bad enough being taken into hospital with a suspected stroke which wasn't. Started me into seriously thinking about death and sorting things out for my family. 6 weeks in hospital sounds to me as if you had a really bad one and here you are now almost better. Brilliant.

After a kick in the teeth like that it would be a wonder if you were not depressed. Enjoy your time out and be kind to yourself.

Please stay here and rant if you want to or any other emotion, we all have our own issues so can support you.

Annie yes, alone with your thoughts must be hard, I thought this morning about what I would do with myself without DH and the chaos he makes and I sort out! I would miss it.

My positives: Last week I was mortgage adviser to DS2 and this week been asked by DS3 to sort out his tax demand from HMRC - it would appear they think he has massive amounts in savings Makes me use my brain and feel needed.

Hi all x

It is hard living alone, I haven’t seen my younger daughter for two years, we do FaceTime every day, the only person I see in my bungalow is my carer , one hour a day for 5 days, I don’t
feel part of the outside world, read about what’s going on in town on line.

HowVeryDareYou your body and mind went into shock when you had the stroke, both take time to heal and depression does come with a stroke, you are certainly doing much to help yourself, hope mental health counselling will help you x

Scaredycat add bollard dancing to your day routine x

My Mini Tornado is FaceTiming me this morning to discuss what’s the next step for her re a job.

How is everyone?

I understand Annie. I pray MT will find something that brings her joy and interest. Hopefully, soon.
Howverydareyou welcome. Not surprised you are feeling so low. Being taken ill suddenly and being in hospital for a long time can have a bad impact on our mental health. My DH has been in hospital many times and had a stroke about 12 years ago. I think the shock affects your system too.
Have you seen the GP recently? Perhaps you need your medication assessed. Don’t think you are alone in this it is quite common for people to take time for their bodies and minds to heal. The aqua aerobics sounds just the thing. Join us whenever you feel like a chat.
Scaredycat we have been in all day today. Non stop rain.
Been sorting more photos and getting lost in memories. I forgot how many crafting things I used to do with our grandchildren. I miss it.

Scaredycat Thank you. Yes, I've definitely lost my way. I worked up until July, as a carer. I won't be able to return to that (not yet anyway). I used to like Zumba but it's too fast now. I like reading (although my concentration and memory have been affected) and listening to music, and I'm lucky to have a close family. I've started going to Aqua Aerobics, so that gets me out for a short time and the exercise does me good. I've done a self-referral for mental health counselling, and someone is meant to be ringing me on Friday, so I'll see what that brings x

Hi again
Annie- thank youx I cannot believe that MT has lost her appeal. It is so unfair and beggars belief that the powers that be could be so unfeeling. I do hope she can find a position using her knowledge and where she will be appreciated for the lovely person she obviously is.
Nonnie- we have been doing the dance this afternoon too!! No bollards just narrow pavements and puddles.
Doodle- i know what your neighbour means and I am lucky not to live alone. Even so my life like so many,s has changed such a lot in the last 2 years that it’s like just another loss to deal with.
HowVeryDareYou- hello and welcome. Oh what a hard time you have had and what an effort you have made to regain your fitness in the last few months. Maybe take these winter months as a chance to rest and consider what you will be able to do once the Spring comes. Perhaps try walking everyday and getting out into the light. It’s amazing how it helps just being outside. You have lost your way a bit after your ordeal. Have you any hobbies you enjoy?
Take care allxxx

Anniebach Thank you. It was a struggle but I worked hard. It's my mental state more than anything that is still affected. I've been signed off (by my GP) as being unfit for work until at least the end of June. The isolation (husband and family all work) is making me so low - I was on antidepressants before all this and still take them. I thought perhaps I could go back to work part-time and even had an interview lined up today, but after yesterday, I realised I'm notfit enough, either mentally or physically. I don't feel I "belong" anywhere. x

Hello HowVeryDareYou welcome .

All who post here understand depression and loneliness, do post as often as you wish .

It’s good you have made a 90% recovery, you must have put so
much effort into it x

Hello, can I join, please? I'm 62, had a stroke last July (6 weeks in hospital) and although I'm 90% back to what I was, the depression and loneliness are getting me down.

Doodle my Mini Tornado’s degree qualifies her for certain work, She will find a job but we don’t know now if she will be
considered for the work she studied for and wanted so much.

I won’t get a hug, she is so fearful for me , thank you x

henetha you live in a nice part of the country. Make the most of any sunshine and get in a walk to blow the cobwebs away.
Nonnie dinner was lovely. Nice to sit and chat and admire ou DGDs new clothes they’d bought with their Christmas money.
We do a similar dance to you but without the bollards. Out pavement is quite narrow and we have to go single file one side or the other quite often the people coming the other ways do the same thing. It often provokes a bit of humour and a smile.
Scaredycat nice to have family visitors. I was talking to my neighbour about this the other day and she was saying that meeting up with family was so important to her living on her own and what an impact lockdown had on her health and well-being through lack of contact. Have a nice walk.
Annie I can believe MT has had her appeal rejected. I would be angry too. How could anyone not be sympathetic to her situation. So sorry for her and you in your concern for her.
I remember being furious when my son was in his 20s and had just been offered a job. He was so pleased and excited and when he went in to sign the contract they said sorry the manager had decided to give the job to his nephew instead.
It was such an upsetting time but as it happens he went on to better things. I hope that will be the case for MT and she gets a place somewhere that will appreciate her.
I expect a big hug will be waiting for her when she visits you.

Hi all x

I posted yesterday, it didn’t send, realised this morning I had used my old iPad !

Doodle I keep putting off going through photographs, I have
photographs of previous generations, a g grandfather on his motorbike! and many wedding photographs! .x

Nonnie I had visions of the bollards twirling x

henetha I understand your bond with your grandson, my
Mini Tornado was thought to be on the spectrum, this caused me to be so protective even though I love her sister and brother. Yes this time of year causes so many to feel flat,try
to get out for walks x

Scaredycat at times being positive can be a struggle my love,
I know I keep repeating this - keep walking, I speak as one who
loved walking but withdrew from the outside world with grief,
I so regret it. It’s great you saw your daughter and son in law yesterday, I miss my grandchildren. Sending a cwtch x

Well, I feel a mix of anger and distress, my Mini Tornado had her appeal rejected, she is coming to see me this weekend x

Hello all.
Doodle- hope you had a nice meal out on Sunday. My daughter popped round with SiL for a cuppa and chat that day.When nice ordinary things like that happen it makes you realise how much we have all missed these last 2 years. I still feel nervous even with them but I want to see them so much it’s worth it.
I,m glad things are better for you now - good to hear something nice.
Henetha- yes this is the worst time of year for feeling flat and the last 2 years are taking their toll on everyone I think. Your GS sounds a lovely young man and no wonder you treasure him.
I can see a blackbird having a bath from here- he looks so sweet . Yesterday I had to melt the ice in the bird baths!!
Struggling a bit with positivity but will walk this afternoon and hopefully things will look brighter.
Annie- how are you today?
Love to all

Doodle how was your dinner? So good to spend time with family.

I have been to the local shops this morning to pick up prescriptions for us both and thought it might amuse you all to hear about the dance of the bollards. There are nice black bollards between the shops and the side road with plenty of space on either side. People round here are so nice that as we approach we each move to one side, it seems I always pick the same side as the person coming towards me, so we do the dance of the bollards until we are on opposite sides. Funny and it reminds me that most people are lovely.

Hi Doodle, everyone.
I expect many of you are feeling flat, like I am. It's often the case at this time of the year I think. We are promised sunshine tomorrow in south Devon so I shall make a point of going out.
Yes, I am close to my grandson. He is incredibly lovely and I treasure him. Being autistic makes him special.

Evening all. Been a chilly day today.
Spent most of the day sorting photos. Looking back some happy memories some times when things were not so good. At the moment things are better.
Hope you’re all ok.

Scaredycat sorry I missed the bit about your DGD until I’d read Nonnie’s post. So sorry for her and you too Nonnie .

Henetha I hope you get to keep in touch with him often it sounds as though he trusts you with his feelings.
Scaredycat sorry to hear of your friends loss. Something only someone who has been through it can fully empathise with although many of us have fear of losing loved ones the reality is something I cannot bear to think about.
I love books too. Both reading novels and landscape picture books.
I wonder whether it’s just slowing down that makes older people feel the cold more. I go out wrapped up from head to foot in warm clothing and see youngsters with short skirts or t shirts and no jackets. Mind you there was a time when I was young enough to want to be fashionable but these days it’s comfort for me every time.
Annie your poor daughter and all those failed attempts. What a lot you have been through together. Pets aren’t the same as children but they are such good and loving companions, I’m not surprised your daughter took comfort from them.
That’s a thought provoking poem and true. We keep going on.
Nonnie always good to feel a task had been completed. I feel the same after I’ve given the whole flat a once over then for a day or two I think I can do the things I enjoy like my sewing.
Out to dinner tonight with DS1 and family. We will be walking to the restaurant so hope the rain stays away. It poured all day yesterday.
Have a good day all. x

Scardycat there is a charity for those who have multiple miscarriages, think it is called Tommy's. Please tell her there is hope, I miscarried twice before each success although the last one was twins and one didn't make it. Don't tell her that last bit.

So sad to lose such a lovely friend, I'm sure you will support your friend through this and on-going.

Yes, Annie somehow reminds me of 'fake it till you make it'

All you clever indoor gardeners, well done. I am very good at the aloe veras but nothing else. They all come from one plant which was in DS's kitchen when he died. Think I may have told you this before.