Black Dog 11

How has everyone's day been? We had sleet, sun, wind, rain, a bit of everything here in Nottingham today. I had spaghetti bolognese (wore a napkin like a bib then sticky toffee pudding at the day centre. Son1 has got a 3-day trial in a job next week, so I hope it goes OK. Husband has got tomorrow and Monday off as holidays, due to not having much to do at work. GDs here tomorrow evening until Monday teatime (inset day Monday) x

Hi all x

Sorry couldn’t join you yesterday, too much to cope with but you were all in my prayers.

Sweetpeasue I was so relived to read you post yesterday evening x loved the flags x

Scaredycat enjoy your holiday x

Doodle hope the results will be positive for help x

Ellie Ann please stop blaming your self for everything, you speak of your close friend, not nice people don’t have friends and you have friends here x

HVDY* do keep with counselling, it’s surprising how much anger we store in our minds and it needs to be expressed x

How is everyone?

Oh SweetpeaSue horrendous. If I'd seen your first post I would have been so worried for you but have seen the second and am glad it was better than expected. I think medics clamp up when they hear something critical of another medic. They can hardly agree with you and are concerned that you might repeat anything they say.

HVDY after all this time I doubt if you will get the results unless you chase. There is so much incompetence about.

I think you probably have a good counsellor if you talked a lot, they are there to listen. I really hope it works for you.

So glad you spent time with family, so precious.

Scardycat two weeks away, how wonderful, I would love 2 weeks in the sun to fly and flop so hope you are doing whatever it is you enjoy.

Doodle it is refreshing to hear that you had such a good MOT for DH. I'm not so sure everywhere is so caring. Hope the results come back with something which can easily be dealt with.

Ellie Anne you are doing the right thing by staying away from family until you are sure. Please don't overthink things and blame yourself. I really don't think you see yourself as others do. By nice to you.

Sweetpeasue So glad things went well at your appointment. I think we all worry about things beforehand and then the actual thing itself isn't always as bad as we'd imagined it would be.
ScaredyCat Hope you have a lovely holiday.
Nonnie My got up and go got up and went age ago, but it'll come back, and so will yours.
Doodle Glad your husband had a full check-up, and I hope he gets some proper help soon.
EllieAnne. Sorry you had a bad day. Those of us on here understand what it's like to think about things we wished we had or hadn't said or done. Be kind to yourself and have a better day today.
Anniebach How are you?
Jose345, rafichagran, how are you both?

I saw my GDs after school last night, went to a play centre then pub for dinner. Son2 called round to see me later, after a long day at work. I'm going to the day centre today, I enjoy it there. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Thankyou Doodle and Joce345. So kind. Have a peaceful night.

Sweetpeasue glad all went well for you..

Scaredycat im just the same when going away but sure you will be fine when you get there, enjoy it relaxing sounds good to me
Have a lovely time ..
hope everyone else has a peaceful nights sleep ?

sweetpeasue thanks for letting us know you got on ok. Sometimes it happens like that, we worry ourselves so much about something then it passes without a problem.
Hope you can relax now and have a better night.

Well, I'm back and shouldn't have panicked so much.
Never saw the other Gynaecologist there. Mine was quite nice and I'm to have ultrasound to see if womb lining thickened then see him in around 2 months. Seeing as my bleeding has been stopped for nearly 3 months now doesn't think need for coil and unless pain gets worse again no Laparoscopy . Will just have to hope the pain becomes even more infrequent.
Thankyou Doodle. Although I generally did not bring up the other Dr's I had to initially for him to assess the situation and it was then we noticed the coolness. The hospital I had the problems in was a different one to this one and a different trust.
Sounds like your husband has been through 'the works'. Reassuring that they are being thorough although may have felt a bit daunting too.

Oh I'd never go out without a bit of blusher and mascara. I'm definitely not comfortable with the REAL me.

HVDY I think you've been so very brave. I can't imagine what I'd feel if I came round in hospital to find myself as you did. Completely understand you not wanting to go back in again. Such a bad mistake to make , giving you the wrong drugs. It might help to talk about it to counsellor but you should feel able to stop if you think it's having a negative affect.

Ellie Anne Sorry about your bad day. I don't know you but then, you don't know me either. I can tell you I've made some bad mistakes in my life. The worst being nearly 40 yrs ago which I'll not go into, but I feel pretty sure you're not any different to us all here. Be kind to yourself. I hope your situation gets better soon. I hope the worry about your contracting covid will be fully clear soon but the Lateral flow negative result is fairly reliable and reassuring. ?

Anniebach Are you OK? Have you introduced any food yet. ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

sweetpeasue there is no reason to feel weak about taking antidepressants. Mental health problems are just that, health problems. If you had a broken leg you would need treatment and the brain is no different.
Far from being weak and abnormal I think you will find that most of the people you meet with either have been on antidepressants or will be on them at some time. It is very common. Life throws some tough things at us sometimes and it is better to accept help that to struggle on without it.
Ellie Anne I’ve been wondering how you were doing.
I’m sure that’s not true. It is easy to say and do the wrong things at times and also to be misunderstood. Even the nicest of people can upset others by an odd remark or thoughtless word.
I think you’re wise not to take the chance on Covid but I bet you miss meeting with you DGC.
I can’t count the number of times in my life I’d wished I could wind the clock back and take back a thoughtless comment or an unkind word. We all do it, none of us is perfect. All we can do is try. I often say in my mind, think before you speak, trouble is I don’t always remember.
Hope things look brighter for you tomorrow.

I had a horrible day yesterday. Really struggling with people just now and today is not much better. You all seem to be such nice people and I’m not.usually go to my sons on Wednesday to do some housework and get the girls from school but not today. A close friend has Covid and I was with her recently. I’m negative but didn’t want to risk it. Not sure what the incubation period is.
I wish I could stop saying/doing the wrong things.

Scaredycat Bon Voyage! Wishing you a lovely holiday. You will be missed.
Don't feel guilty for the anxiety, please. I've always felt ashamed of the times when I've needed medication for depression and anxiety. Guilty that it makes me a weak abnormal person. You are a kind and sensitive person who happens to have vulnerabilities. Best wishes for a lovely time.

HVDY you have come through a traumatic experience so it’s not surprising it’s had an effect on you.
Glad you like your new hair cut. Hope the physio can help you.
After DH had one of his operations he had a terrible pain in his arm. It transpired that a nerve in his elbow had been damaged during the time he was under anaesthetic. It took 6 months to heal and was more painful than the operation itself.
I would have thought if there were problems with the scan they would have been in touch with you by now.
I think you’re wise to stick with the counselling as it could help….especially if you get chocolate muffins every time. ?
Nonnie when we feel tired everything can be a bit too much.
I often say that about my get up and go. I feel exhausted after the smallest exertion these days. I have to have several sits during my time doing housework to recover……especially if I happen to have a good book to read. ?
Hope you feel more like yourself soon.
Sweetpeasue my DH had a similar situation with the consultant haematologist dealing with his condition. When attending an appointment on days he noticed that consultant was on he always said to the receptionist that he wanted to see the other doctor. It was granted. Personally, I wouldn’t discuss how you feel the other gynaecologist treated you with any of the team. It is hard for them if you try to discuss a colleague and unprofessional if they do. I would concentrate more on trying to get somewhere with the one you are seeing today. I agree, insisting that your husband accompany you in the appointment is a good thing. Someone else to hear what’s going on and it’s always better to have two people listening to what the doctor is saying. Hope all goes well with your appointment.
You’ve no need to apologise to us you’ve done nothing wrong. Coming on here and saying your worried or upset over something is what we all do at times. If you’re concerned you can say it here. I would just try to avoid any contact with the consultant you don’t want to see and make it plain who your appointment is with. Will be thinking of you.
Scaredycat glad you had a nice time and your DH enjoyed himself.
You are kind but me without makeup is a scary sight. I am extremely pale and without makeup I could present a ghostly appearance quite easily ?
Scaredycat try and be brave. Practice some deep breathing and relax. You need to enjoy this holiday. I’m sure once you’ve arrived you will be ok. I have been abroad 3 times since covid started and been fine. Take your usual precautions and I’m sure all will be well. Looking forward to hearing all about it.
Annie how have you been today. Any solid food yet?
We went to see someone about DHs restless legs this morning and he had a full MOT. We were quite shocked as we’d only expected a chat. ECG, blood tests, dementia test, BP temperature, walking test, legs checked, we were there for hours. Very thorough. They are referring him to a neurologist for advice as it’s their specialty. That s fine by us we take all the help we can.
Hope everyone else is ok. x

Annie- I too have thought about your food and agree with Nonnie about taking it gradually. Maybe very small amounts but fairly often. Tiny sandwiches might be good. What foods did you enjoy before?
SweetPeaSue- thank you we had a really nice evening - good to see DH enjoying himself too
I,m so sorry you have so much pain but glad you spoke to a kind considerate person who sounds like she will see after you well. I understand your fear though as you have had and are still having such an exhausting mental and physical time. You are very brave.
Doodle- hope you had better sleep last night and didn’t have such a busy head.
I,m sure you would never frighten the neighbours!
HVDY- it does seem to be taking time to get your scan results - hope they come through soon.
Lovely feeling after a haircut isn’t it - bet it looks great.
Cosy Cat evening sounds so nice- I really miss a furry purry body on my lap.
Nonnie- your get up and go will come back- I think you might have overdone it lately. But I know you love being busy. Perhaps you need a bit of Rand R.
You were brave over that big dog - what a good job they got off first.
Well tomorrow a day I have been dreading will arrive. We are going abroad for 2Weeks - a treat for DH birthday. I am so anxious about the whole thing but feel very guilty to be scared of something like that when so many of you have so much to deal with. I wish I could be like I used to be - I,m really living up to my username.!!!
I don’t know if the WiFi will be any good so if I,m not able to post I will be thinking of you all.
Much love to allxx

Nonnie I haven't chased up the scan results, possible because I think if it was something drastic, I'd surely have symptoms, and also because what if I need an operation - I'm terrified of ever going into hospital again, so I wouldn't want to go.
SweetpeaSue It's completely understandable that you're anxious, and mistrusting of the health "professionals" who are dealing with you. I'd be exactly the same. Could you ask to see a different doctor?

I've just got in from having my 2nd counselling session (she was off last week). I don't know if it's going to help me come to terms with what happened to me (wrong drugs, the stroke) and I did a lot of talking. Perhaps it'll do me good to get it off my chest, but I've had a coffee and a double chocolate muffin, so that will surely help

So sorry about that. Just put face on and going to do grocery shopping. Will have a Costa coffee and try take mind off it a bit. Really sorry. I'll be OK.

Really sorry but I need to get this out.
Have appt with Gynaecologist at 6. Last time I saw him 4 months ago. Have tried burying head in sand all that time but don't want to make decision. Am overwhelmed right now with stuff. Didn't sleep for worry. I know he said he'd want to do ultrasound to see if endometrium has thickened. Not worried about that. Whatever pain was from Adenomyosis not as bad. Just so many things. See Urologist next Wednesday. Have had Interstitial Cystitis for 8 yrs. He did op 6 months before Hysteroscopy - - a bladder Dilation. Haven't had flare up (where I get pain and need to pass urine about 8 times a night) though still get some bladder pain at night sometimes. Can cope with that as am used to it now. Back to Gynae appt. He has clinic at same time as other Gynaecologist, who lied to me. Even though I left hospital where I saw her, she works in this one too. I saw her when she came out of corridor for her next patient when I had appt with my Gynaecologist last time. It's just making me panic. Hope you all don't mind me writing this stuff. I've got palpitations just thinking of it. Sorry I'm in a bit of a state. Husband already called hospital to allow him to come in with me. No way will I ever see Gynaecologist again alone, I'm so scared. This Gynaecologist is very detached - - not just my feelings, husband has noticed. We try to keep off what has already happened with other Gynaecologists as its sensitive subject. They all know each other. Oh dear, sorry.

SweetpeaSue it makes such a difference if the person you speak to understands how you feel. Sounds like you had really good support.

I think my 'get up and go' has got up and gone.

Doodle perhaps it will take you a while to get used to your DH sleeping better? These things affect you both. Hope the eyes clear up soon.

'This too shall pass' has been attributed to King Solomon but apparently it was one of Abraham Lincoln's favourite sayings so probably him who made it well known. I like to think it back to biblical times but no one really knows.

HVDY have you chased up the results of the brain scan? I don't understand why it has taken so long.

A couple of days ago I came home on the bus and told DS how lovely people had been in two situations. Last night DH stopped me complaining about a group of people with a very large dog. He was in the middle of the walkway and everyone had to step over him to get out. They were in the area with the lift up seats so I lifted one of the seats and gently suggested they put the dog in there. I was ignored. Then they let the dog climb on an empty seat and walk all over it. Good thing they got off before us as there was no way I was going to climb over that dog! Feeling tired and grumpy

SweetPeaSue Sorry you're having bowel problems, that's not nice for you. I'm glad the girl who rang you explained things. Hopefully, things will be sorted out soon for you. I've always worn make-up, so I'm not stopping now
Doodle. It's horrible to be awake and thinking over things. It's tiring, isn't it. I was, obviously unaware of being on a ventilator for 2 weeks. It was only when I woke up that I was very afraid - unable to speak, swallow or move anything for about a week was terrifying but thankfully I pulled through.
Scaredycat I hope you went out and had a nice time. Little by little, you'll get there.
Nonnie I hope you manage to get some proper rest and sleep tonight
Anniebach Are you on any medication/treatment to help with the ulcer?
rafichagran Have you got effective painkillers? It's horrible to be in pain.
anyone I've missed Hope you're doing ok today.

I've finally had an appointment for physio on my shoulder (the muscle and tendon were partially torn last July when the buffoons at the hospital bent my arm (I'd had a stroke and couldn't move it) right back when they got me out of the scanner. I've got to go on March 28th. Still waiting for results of a brain CT I had 7 weeks ago though. I had my hair cut - it's shorter than I would have liked at the back - and it feels lovely now.

Husband and son1 are going out for a couple of pints later, so it'll be a cosy evening for me with the cat . Lovely x

Apparently it was Abraham Lincoln who said This too will pass. I had thought it might be Julian of Norwich.

Nonnie when I was very sick (literally) years ago the GP said plain boiled rice. Toast and bananas. I agree some healthy soup with bread could be a good idea.
How are you today?
Annie DH follows a very bland diet too. You know your own body best. I’m sure you can think of some things to try. Lots of things can be heated in a microwave. Much easier to use than the oven.
scaredycat hope your DH had a good birthday and you enjoyed your meal.
Sweetpeasue “this too will pass” is something we often use in the BDG. It is true and it does pass we just have to wait sometimes. I don’t know who said it. Annie might. I will look it up later.
So pleased you were able to speak to the person who does the test. She sounds kind and that will reassure you.
Sorry you’ve been in such pain. Bowel problems like any other can be so painful. Hope you get some relief from this soon. The sooner that colonogram is over the better. Let’s hope the results can provide a treatment that works for you.
I always put in make up before I go out. I’m afraid I’ll frighten the neighbours if I don’t.
Hope all the gang have a peaceful night. Take care x

HVDY thank you yes, another good night for DH last night. I was awake for hours. Nothing wrong just my mind was too active. I do use eye drops. I use the antihistamine ones for sore eyes. My eyes are getting better as the tablets are beginning to take effect but they are still very tired and heavy.
Being on a ventilator must have been one of the most frightening things that could happen to you. It must have had a big impact.

Hi everyone.
Anniebach Sounds like you have quite a few ideas food wise. I'm sure it must be tiring and daunting to think of changing your very strict diet after so long. You won't want to upset your tummy, but as others have said, take it very gradual and you might be pleasantly surprised at a little extra variety. Changing our habits can be challenging and it's only natural to feel more secure with what we know and trust.
Have you braved outside again--fully dressed?

Scaredycat Hope you had a lovely time celebrating husband 's birthday. Each time we venture into new situations I think we'll get a little braver. I do think it's wise being cautious though. What strange times these are.
Doodle I love that saying' This too will pass' Ive used it often on myself and it really does help. Can't remember who said it, was it a Saint somebody or other(apologies to the someone or other)
Nonnie I'm to go to dental hygienist Friday. Not pleasant really. Had filling last week. Hope you're feeling a little less tired. I think you must be emotionally depleted which can take a bit of time to feel stronger.
HVDY I admire you're get up and go, especially having been through so much. I loved that you painted on your eyebrows before your hydo-therapy. I have to put a bit of makeup on when I leave the house. Not sure it makes me look better but it gives me illusion of protection I think.

rafichagran Really hope you're not in too much pain at present. It's a horrible thing.

I had terrible day of pain and diarrhoea yesterday. Wasn't sure if to say this but thought about it and realised there's not much point if we can't be honest here is there. Mental illness and problems shouldn't be something shameful and bowel problems too. I've felt embarrassed about it all. The pain in bowel getting worse -so managed to call Dr this morning. He was worried I'd chicken out of colonogram so suggested calling consultants secretary. I've never seen consultant yet, just given appt for test. Got through and he's on holiday so called hospital again and girl that does the test called me back. She explained every detail and said she would stop any time I asked if got painful. She was lovely. I really must have this as I need to know what's wrong.
Still scared but not as much.

Hope everyone has a peaceful night and Doodle's husband too.

Another epistle Annie!

Hi all x

Nonnie thank you, it’s proving to be mentally tiring and having to avoid some ingredients makes it more difficult, I will
take it gradually, certainly don’t want the ulcer pinging. x

How is everyone?

Annie thought about your food a lot yesterday, maybe start with things like yogurt, bananas, soup? Your digestion is going to take time to accept the changes after such a long time. Think you need to do it gradually

Hi everyone else