Black Dog 10

Evening all x What a miserable wet day it has been! Still there is no such thing as bad weather only people not dressed adequately, as they say! Back to square one with my new BP medication, felt awful on it, really unusually tired, tried to persevere but when my heart started racing I got in touch with our surgery. Luckily the GP wanted to see me and did an ECG there and then, plus bloods taken. ECG fine, she’ll call me on Tues with blood results, in the meantime I’m to discontinue the new tablet. She also said not to obsess with the BP figures, keep an eye on it occasionally but don’t measure it multiple times a day as it only makes you more anxious and the figures go up and up. One happy customer!
Scaredy and Doodle Another pessimist/worrier here, but at least we are prepared!
Nonnie how are you today?
Annie tell us about your blinds!
Have a peaceful evening x

Feel awful using this thread because I have not empathised with anybody I’m just in my own insular little world at the moment and actually I do feel suicidal at the moment so,sorry
It’s actually quite pathetic because compare to what other people are going through I have not got a bad life

Hi all x

Shinamae please do not compare yourself with others, depression is depression.

Do telephone the Samaritans any time 116 123, and speak to all
here when you want / need to, we all understand.

Are you seeing a doctor or someone working in mental health ? Are you on medication? Do you have close family ?

Suicide is not a cure and I don’t want to upset you but I will
share this with you, 4 years ago next month my darling daughter took her life.
Yesterday evening her husband, son,two daughters and their
partners met together for dinner to celebrate my son in law’s
birthday. I sat alone at home hoping they were having a pleasant evening but at the same time had so much emotional
pain, she should have been there, she never met her daughters
partners, she will never hold her grandchildren, never support
her daughters when they are pregnant, never be there for them
should they need support or be there when they are filled with
joy.
Please talk to us x

Hi i am new on Black dog i have been told that you are a great support and friendly

Morning all...
Welcome Maddison you will get lots of support hear...

Annie God bless you have a lovely big warm hug from me...
My thoughts and prayers are with you, wish I could take some of your pain away.. x
wise words for Shinamae Annie you must please ask for help..

How’s everyone one else this wet weekend..

I’m still down today but hopefully turning the corner again...
Hope you all have a good day ?

You are most welcome Maddison we share and understand and never judge , depression, anxiety, O.CD. phobias, all mental health troubles , we are here for each other x

Joyce you will turn the corner my love, and you won’t believe
this, sun shining in Wales x

My Mini Tornado is coming this morning, gosh and sunshine

Scaredycat your AF is an added complication I think. Whatever starts it off it’s an unpleasant feeling and one that prompts its own anxiety.
Good you can chat to your sister. Bit brighter here today but still windy.
Bluesky yesterday was so wet and dark. Hope it’s better with you too today.
Glad you’ve been checked by your GP and off your meds. There are many different BP meds and sometimes it takes a while to get the right ones. My DH had such trouble with his that he had to go and see a specialist consultant in hypertension who eventually sorted him out,
Shinamae please do not worry about coming on here and telling us how you feel. We all have times when we feel low and bad you don’t have to be empathetic to others. I’m sure you are when you are not feeling so troubled yourself.
Please listen to Annie and get yourself some help. Samaritans or someone to talk too. You are feeling low at the moment. We have all been there. Things change and can get better. Please seek some help.
Annie it must be heartbreaking to think of all your DD has missed in terms of her children growing up and time you two could share together. I know she loved you and them all so much. Such a terrible illness to take all that away. x
Maddison you are welcome here. We all have our problems with depression and anxiety for many different reasons. No judgment here, no “my problem is worse than yours” type scenarios, we just all muddle on trying to support each other and listen to each other. Are you new to GN ?
Joce good to hear you are moving towards a better place,
Have a good day all x

Just read your post Annie. Good to hear MT is coming to bring you some sunshine ??

Yes Doodle if I am free I always listen to the afternoon play and sometimes the ones on R4extra too. They are often classics. For ironing I listen to Boom Radio and bop about while I'm doing it.

BlueSky that phrase is outside our local wine shop but it says 'No such thing as bad weather, just the right wine'

Sounds like you have a good GP, hope the tests come back negative.

Shinamae you are welcome here so do please unburden yourself to us if you wish to. No need to comment about others, just say what you wish and know that we are all here for you.

Hi Maddison and welcome. You will get plenty of support here, no judgement and no comparisons.

Joce sounds like you are thinking positively despite feeling so down.

Annie you know I empathise with you, my GC are growing up without their father and no male role model.

So happy for you today with MT

Scardycat FaeTime is a great help, not the same as face to face but far better than the telephone.

To all who mentioned optimism/pessimism, is it possible to be both optimistic and pessimistic? I seem able to mainly look forward and not much backwards, I generally expect a good outcome for most things. However, I also think of all the things which, in reality, are very unlikely to happen and get stressed about them. Not things that might happen to me but to those I love.

Afternoon all
Shinamae- how you feel is not pathetic - they are your feelings . Please get some help or just unload here - there is always someone to listen. Your life is precious. I lost my Mum to suicide and it is the most devastating painful thing to experience.
Maddison- Welcome good to meet you.
Joce- sorry you still feel down but good that you are thinking positively. Rain stopped here and the sun is out!!
Annie- hope you have a lovely afternoon with MT.
BlueSky- good to hear that your GP was helpful and understanding . Hope the blood tests are ok.
Doodle,Nonnie hope you are having a good Sunday .
Love to all xx

Hi all x

I made it a blinds free weekend for you all !

The blinds were fitted, the following morning I opened them and for the first time in ages looked out through an 8 ft window
not a 2 ft window, the sun was shining too - in Wales. Didn’t have to put lights on by 3pm . Look at the night sky too.

But I also had anxiety, it was the same as stepping outside, the
agoraphobia struck , not surprising really, being on the sofa in
the living room 24 hours a day since February 1st.

I am now waiting for the doors to be fitted, then start recovery !

My three grandchildren and elder granddaughter’s partner came to see me yesterday, it was wonderful. They had celebrated their fathers birthday the night before, I said I was
so happy they were all together again , Mini Tornado said
‘But you weren’t there, next time we meet up I will put an
iPad on a chair and you can be with us’ .

Long post ! How is everyone?

Annie it is so good that things are finally happening for you. Yes, it is stressful but overall good.

Hope everyone else is doing OK.

Went shopping this morning, had to see the audiologist so thought I would get several bits and pieces. Couldn't get chocolate chips anywhere so bought dried cranberries instead. Our indoor shopping centre has a one way system but it appears that some young people haven't been taught to read On the whole though people were very socially conscious.

Evening all.
Nonnie I have to use headphones when I listen to the radio as we live in apartment and firstly I don’t want to disturb my neighbours and secondly my steam iron makes a lot of noise so the headphones help. I don’t actually like ironing so listening to something on the radio helps and also stops my mind from wandering too much.
That’s an Alan Titchmarsh quite too. No such thing as weeds just plants growing in the wrong place.
I think you seem to have a good mix of optimism and pessimism.
Scsredycat I’m so sorry I didn’t know about your mum. That must have been so hard for you. Was it a long time ago?
We went for a walk Sunday and I put my woolly hat on, it was that cold and blowy.
Annie at last you can see out. I expect it makes quite a difference. It see it may take some getting used to.
How wonderful to have a visit from all your grandchildren together.
What a lovely thought from MT to think of connecting with you next time. Hope you enjoyed a good chat all together.
Hope all those with troubles sleep well and feel better in the morning. Take care all x

Hello everyone.Madison and Shinamae you will find people very welcoming and non judgemental on here.
I have not posted for sometime, I have things going on and I need to deal with them, you can see by the time I am not sleeping.
I am glad you have a new tablet Annie and you have seen MT I will catch up with you all soon, I read all your posts, and wish you well.

Hi all x

rafichagran you were awake at 4am, hope this isn’t most nights , sending you a cwtch x

Shinamae. Madison do talk here when ever you want to share x

Ellie Anne how are you coping?

I have returned to being the person who loved lying in the grass and watching the clouds rolling, not now lying in the grass but on the sofa watching the clouds rolling

I was concerned that my Mini Tornado would get down looking for a job so encouraged her to exercise, she is now walking to the badminton courts most days and loves it,
I am not suggesting everyone takes up badminton but - - - -
keep walking x

Morning all just got back from a windy but sunny walk after a very rainy night!!
Doodle- yes it’s definitely getting near woolly hat weather. I really dislike having to wear winter clothes and all the faff of dressing for the cold weather?still go though.
Thank you for your kind words. My Mum died 29 years ago but the horror of that day is like it was yesterday. She developed bi polar late in her life but then it was called manic depression. Yes it was awful for my sister and I - she was a lovely Mum.
Rafichagran- I hope your worries ease soon and you are able to get some peaceful sleep. You must be exhausted
Annie- glad you are enjoying watching outdoor things again- the start of your recovery I hope. You will enjoy the seasons changing again.
Glad MT is enjoying the badminton - I used to play when I was younger it’s great exercise. I hope she finds a job that will make her happy.xx
We are going away for a couple of weeks on Friday. Although I love where we,re going I am getting very anxious about being away from home. I need to do it though or I could lose my nerve completely.
Love to allx

Anniebach

Hi all x

rafichagran you were awake at 4am, hope this isn’t most nights , sending you a cwtch x

Shinamae. Madison do talk here when ever you want to share x

Ellie Anne how are you coping?

I have returned to being the person who loved lying in the grass and watching the clouds rolling, not now lying in the grass but on the sofa watching the clouds rolling

I was concerned that my Mini Tornado would get down looking for a job so encouraged her to exercise, she is now walking to the badminton courts most days and loves it,
I am not suggesting everyone takes up badminton but - - - -
keep walking x

Hi thank you i have Anxiety that is caused by noise, the area i live has slowly this past 2 years changed it used to be a nice quiet street but the road outside has got busier due to more food delivery vans other delivery vans more cars and it's a 20 mile an hour road but no one sticks to it we also have a night hum which is coming from a new sewage works that has opened so that's my story i don't feel my home is my home anymore and slowly Anxiety crept in and i can't get away from it because it's the area that causes it i have just been for a long walk and feel better when i am out and never want to come back in but i am glad i was recommended your group

Maddison how awful, you surely feel your home has been
invaded.When I married I moved from a house in a country village to a police flat in the main road of a town, traffic all day and night, flat was next to town hall so the wretched town hall
clock striking echoed through our flat, a newsagent and fish shop directly opposite so delivery of newspapers and fish in the
early hours, I really can understand how you must feel, our flat
was temporary but it’s happening for you in your home, I do
harp on about walking but I firmly believe it helps x

scaredycat your Mum and my darling daughter didn’t take their lives, Bipolar killed them , hugs x

Do go on the holiday, my home became my safe place and hence the agoraphobia, we will be waiting to hear what a lovely holiday you had , go girl x

rafichagran I am sorry you are having problems again. Worries can keep us awake and then when we’re tired it always seems worse. If we can help at all you know where we are. Hope things improve for you soon.
Annie I love watching the clouds too. Glad you can indulge your pastime again and dream of a flower filled meadow.
Good idea to get MT exercising. When my son was out of work he used to go in long hikes every day which helped I think.
Scaredycat your poor family. The fact you say she was a lovely mum means she was a caring person. Sorry things got so bad for her that she couldn’t cope any more.
Glad you have a sister to share with.
Well funny you should say that but we too are going a way for a couple of weeks on Sunday (COVID tests willing) . I am looking forward to it. Sorry you feel anxious about it. I hope that fades when you get there and you can relax and enjoy yourself. Hope you have a good time.
Maddison I too am affected by noise. The smallest repetitive sound or even music quietly in the background gets into my head and irritates me. I suffer from tinnitus too which is quite bad at the moment. Sometimes it’s caused by stress and other times, like now, it’s due to tension in my neck muscles. I get jaw pain too which doesn’t help.
Sorry you feel your home is not your own. I expect the night hum is what’s really triggered this anxiety. Have you tried contacting the council to ask them about the noise disturbance?
Could you buy some noise cancelling headphones? They come in all shapes and sizes and can reduce considerably the outside noise. Going for a long walk is a good idea but try not to dwell on feeling bad about going home. The more you think like this the worse it will be going home. Try and find something to do in your home that gives you pleasure. Do you have a garden?
Perhaps some time there with gentle soothing music in headphones may help. Take care.

Sorry I’ve not posted for a while. Last week my daughter was bad and everything got too much for me. I had an appointment with my hygienist and she was so kind I nearly broke down. Tonight I’ve had a glass of wine and really want another one.
Annie I am so pleased about your blinds and your visitors.
I’m worried I might have upset my sons partner with a tactless remark yesterday. It’s going round in my head.
Welcome new people. You will find lovely people on this forum.

rafichagran so sorry to read about your lack of sleep. I've tried most things and the only one which helps is to distract my mind by thinking up things to go with a particular topic, fruit and veg, occupations etc for each letter of the alphabet. Stops me doing that middle of the night thinking.

Annie makes me smile to think of the improvements happening for you.

Scardycat I've got out the bedsocks

Enjoy your time away. Hope you forget about your worries during that time.

Maddison I hope that, in time, you will find a way to cope with that, such a shame to spoil what was a happy place.

Ellie Anne good to see you back, maybe you feel slightly better if you are able to talk to us after a break? I do hope so.

I have some very positive news, DH found my 'lost' earing in the car. So happy because it is sentimental. He thought it mattered that the clip for the back was missing, it doesn't. On the strength of this I did some baking this morning!!

Hi all x

nonnie great to learn you have found your earring, oh how I
miss baking, and my grandchildren miss my baking too ! x

Ellie Anne lovely to see you back, we are all here for you x

How is everyone?

Good morning all.
Annie- thanks for your encouragement . Yes we,ll go away and I know I,ll feel happy to be by the sea and revisit all the beautiful places again. Ah it must be sad not to be able to bake any more - can MT bake? If not maybe you could teach her.
Doodle- what a couple of gadabouts we are- hope you have a lovely time too. Is it your cruise?
Ellie Anne- hope your daughter is improved this week . Glad you had some kindness shown to you it makes such a difference. Please try not to worry about something you,ve said- So many times I have worried myself sick over something I,ve said or done and nobody even noticed the thing I was worried about!!! So hard to switch your head off though isn,t it.
Nonnie- I do the alphabet game too it really helps distract you doesn’t it.
Ha Ha my bedsocks are already out and the hot water bottle!
Thank you for your kind wishes - it’s mainly being scared of having AF while away. It always happens and I deal with it but the fear is getting worse. Just spoke to the Doc though and he was very kind - will be able to see him face to face when we get back ,for reassurance really.
So pleased you have got your earring back- perhaps it’s a homing earring! What did you bake?
Love to allxx

Ellie Anne I thing those of us of an anxious disposition quite often are afraid we’ve upset someone by a casual remark. I’m sure things are ok. Do you have her mobile number, perhaps you could text her and say sorry. She may well have not even noticed.
Sorry your DD has been in a bad way again. Is she coping at work. I can’t remember if you said she had any mental health support. Hope she and you are feeling better now.
Nonnie I too try thinking of other things. Usually trying to count backwards from 100. Wow I’ve just read your lost earring has been found. So very pleased for you I know how attached you were to it (just read that back ? obviously not attached when you lost it)
Annie did you do a lot of cooking when your DGC were younger? I’ve never been much of a cook by my mum made lovely meals and baked really nice cakes. Any clouds in your sky today?
Scaredycat being by the sea will do you good. The sea can be a place to meditate and just enjoy nature and peace.
Yes we are off on a cruise again. These are all the cancelled ones we had booked during lockdown which have been re scheduled so coming close together.
I do so agree with your words to Ellie Anne we always thing the worst of ourselves and worry ourselves sick.
Make sure you have all your meds with you and remember you can cope with your AF. You’ve been through bad times with it and come out the other end. Hope you have a good and relaxing holiday.
Take care all

Doodle my daughter had a psychiatrist in her previous area but she moved a few years ago and I’m not sure of her situation now. She doesn’t tell me and hates being asked. She has a gp of course for her medications.
I texted sons partner about something different hoping she’d respond but she hasn’t.
I am a worrier I know.
So I went to the dentist to get my crown fixed but it turned out that I’d stuck it in so well with the stuff from amazon that she couldn’t get it out. I have to wait till it comes out then phone her. What a carry on!