BLACK DOG 8

BlueSky I was given Valium , no idea what is given to sedate
now . I wouldn’t ask my mini tornado to take me, she is only 21
and doesn’t know I have agoraphobia, the thought of having a
panic in front of her , no way.

It’s your decision my love, I would opt for a private consultation, why put yourself through even more stress and it
would give you more time to talk of your concerns x

Hello all. Bright sunny but very cold day here.
Scaredycat we will only be seeing our sons at the door to hand over presents. I will miss the hugs and cuddles and chat over the dinner table but at least I know they are close by. It must be hard for you having a son abroad that you won’t get to see.
nanny do let us know how you get on with binks. As Annie said, you only have his/her welfare at heart so don’t doubt yourself.
chrissy glad you are holding up. I have visions of you on Christmas Day like the baronial halls of old where couples would eat on a long table with one at each end. It will be lovely for you to have your DD and SIL over.
Goodness that must have been a scary time with your DGD last Christmas. I hope she’s fine now,
Nonnie I have someone that I worry about a lot who’s life is very up and down. I had a phone call last night which cheered me up and things are ok at the moment. Thank you for caring.
We do have 2 flights of stairs to our flat (as well as a lift but I try not to use that too much) but living in a flat I don’t need to go up and down like I used to when we lived in a house.
You sound well wrapped up for your walk. Enjoy your chat with your friend.
Bluesky I doubt you wanted to have the test before Christmas. Nice of your DH to suggest you go privately that should calm your mind. I don’t think you need to worry about the procedure itself. All these type of things are routine and done all the time. My DH has had loads.
Perhaps it would be an idea to talk to the GP about your concerns. They may not want to refer you to a consultant before the procedure but if you pay for a private consultation that is a different matter.
Yes it is good news about the vaccinations starting. Let’s hope things get better.
Annie thanks for letting us know about Lavender. Lavender if you are reading but not posting at the moment, hope the move goes well.

Annie I hope with the vaccinations coming on now that things will improve and you will be able to meet with a consultant. It’s about time you got some proper help.
Take care dear gang and stay warm x

Doodle thanks for your kind words. I get in a state, then eventually feel stupid for making a fuss, as my cousin told me :” It shows you never had anything serious to worry about!” and she’s right of course!

BlueSky with respect to your cousin, she is being wise after
the event ! ! ! !

So please stop thinking you are stupid x

Good afternoon all.

Annie- thank you for your kind words. I am struggling a bit at the moment but you helped me realise I don’t have to feel guilty for feeling sad or worried as they are my feelings and that’s how I am at the moment.
You are in a bit of a catch 22 at the moment but the new physio might be able to help you build up your muscles. Is there any fibre supplement you could take in tablet form that would help you?
I think of you often Annie and hope so much that things improve for you in the New Year when things get better.

Nanny- you have so done the right thing taking Binks into your home. You have shown nothing but kindness to him/her . He will be so glad to be warm and safe but as those of us who have cats know they don,t always show appreciation or cooperation straight away!!!!

Chrissy- what a worrying Christmas you all spent last year. It must have been very upsetting. I hope your GD has a lovely time this year whatever they do.

Nonnie- hope you enjoyed meeting your friend and that you kept warm and toasty.

Bluesky- sorry you,ve had some bad days. HA can wear you out so much with the constant worrying and checking. But at least now you have the option of going privately if you decide to have a consultation. Glad you feel a bit less troubled.

Doodle- yes it is very hard having my son live abroad but he and his wife are very happy and we can Face Time on Xmas Day.
I,m lucky my daughter is close by and also 2 of her daughters and GC so as you say it will be a doorstep visit. There’s always loads of phone calls too as my lovely step children and their families live away also. Lots to be grateful for.

Love to all in BDGx

Scardeycat thank you, I hope the physiotherapist and occupational therapist can help.

There should be no guilt for feeling sad or worried, they are not a choice , if they were not one of us would be here supporting each other , we wouldn’t be experiencing these awful emotions, we could just choose not to feel them x

Annie my cousin has a chronic condition so she’s used to scans while I’ve hardly had any medical procedures so far, that’s why she thinks I’m making a fuss!
Scaredy your DC too lives abroad, we’ve just got to be thankful they are well and happy, as much as we miss them.
Have a peaceful night all x

Bluesky we all have different worries and you most certainly aren’t stupid. I don’t necessarily think your cousin is right. I have had some serious things to worry about but it doesn’t stop me worrying about the small stuff too.
Scardycat hope you’ve been ok today. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all snap out of feeling glum or sad. However, that is not the case. There is no magic answer we just have to wait until something happens that lifts our mood again.
Annie I hope you can get some help too. It’s about time someone medical (like your GP) took more of an interest in your welfare.
Take care all you lovely gang. Sleep well and peacefully x

Evening everyone
Annie Thank you for letting us know that lavender is ok although tired. Moving home is such a stressful thing.
Nonnie Your plans for Christmas Day are like ours except DD and SIL are coming to us. We are going to extend the dining table and then they will sit at one end and us at the other. We could probably do with loud hailers. They will have their allocated bathroom as well I hope you had a nice time meeting your friend in the park. Sounds like you were wrapped up well.
Annie I didn’t know that constipation can cause sciatica either. That could explain my sciatica.
BlueSky I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling low. The dreaded HA Going private for your stomach problems sounds like a good idea. I think that everyone is hoping that the vaccines work and that we’ll all be gradually getting back to some kind of normal.
Doodle That’s it exactly, a baronial hall with us shouting at each other to pass the salt etc Thank you, my DGD is fine now. It’s just a shame that there was no confirmed diagnosis so we don’t know what she had. They sent the bloods to the lab but somehow they went missing. We have wondered if she had COVID as we read about another couple of probable cases at the end of last year. I’m sorry that there is someone that you worry about. That’s good that you had a phone call that cheered you up.
Scaredycat Thank you, my DGD is fine now. We’re hoping to take her presents over on Christmas Eve but will only stand on the doorstep.
Annie I really hope that you can get the help you need very soon.
BlueSky People don’t understand my worries over tests either but I really can’t help it and very much doubt that I’ll change at my age.
lavender rafichagran Joce and anyone I’ve missed, hope you’re all doing ok.
Enjoy the rest of your evening everyone and I hope that you all sleep well x

Annie have you seen a dietician? Perhaps there is a different meal replacement which would work? I hope you find a solution. Can you buy mixed seeds in an openable pack and add some to each 'meal'? Not sure whole ones add to your diet unless you chew them a lot but they will make you go!!

BlueSky glad you feel a bit better than you did. I understand the reluctance to go for tests at the moment, I need the optician and the hearing aid people but am putting it off. I did go to the dentist and they were brilliant about Covid safety, can you get reassurance from someone that the hospital will be that good?

DH has had a couple of endoscopies and been fine, one with a throat spray and one without. Please don't worry about it or listen to all the scare stories.

'Busy' day yesterday, went for a short walk round a park with a friend and in the evening had our first Zoom call with the local Compassionate Friends. There were 9 of us and most of us talked about the death of our child. There were 2 natural causes, 2 road accidents, 3 suicides and 2 of us with unknown causes. One poor chap also had a wife with dementia. Every one was a heart breaking story. It was good to share with them all and it didn't make it worse for us, we felt a little less alone.

Today I'm taking my friend to hospital again. It may sound wrong but it is either in my car with us both wearing masks or her going in a taxi. She will be safer with me.

Hi all x

BlueSky so sorry, apologies to your cousin, I thought you meant her comment related to your worry about your health not the scans etc.

I now think I am a victim of ageism ! telephoned the dieticians
dept yesterday to discuss the fact that when I saw a dietician in
March she reported I had clinical malnutrition, I wanted advice on improving this.

I was told I was taken off their list, the same happened with the
person I thought was a physiotherapist, she crossed me off the
list in March .

Any thoughts on this ?

Sorry nonnie was writing my post x

Morning all x Annie how on hearth can they cross you off the list? They only do that if you repeatedly didn’t turn up without a reason and even then they would warn you first! Your surgery should be able to shed some light and refer you again urgently. As regards to my cousin as I said because of her poor health she’s used to have tests and scans and she must think I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, which when I think about it, I am.
Nonnie thanks for your helpful comments on endoscopies, I’ll have to justify my refusal with the GP with the fear of Covid, I was told it would likely to be a CT as they didn’t like doing endoscopies at the moment, unless in an emergency. You are right these things are always worse beforehand, I was a wreck when I had to have a MRI with contrast, then it was quite manageable.
Oh Nonnie so many who lost children, my heart goes out to you all x
Hope you’ll all manage a peaceful day x

Good afternoon all.
Bluesky- yes as long as our absent children are well,happy and safe we can deal with it in our own way.

Doodle- I.m ok thanks just feel a bit frazzled after another night when AF started up about 3.30. Still it stopped about 7 thank goodness so I still did my Art Class this morning and we,ve just had a walk. I,m shattered but hopefully it,ll help me sleep tonight. I do try to not let it get me down

Chrissy- your Xmas day plans sound very well worked out. I think you should wear a tiara for dinner in your baronial hall!!

Nonnie- I,m glad your meeting brought you some comfort. So many people are nervous of talking about our children when really all you want to do IS talk about them so to be able to share with people who understand must have helped.
You are so kind to take your friend to Hospital- stay safe .

Annie- how could they take you off the lists. If you need help you need it regardless of age or anything else.
You really do need some help and advice on nutrition so that you can build yourself up a bit. That will help you in all ways. I agree with Bluesky your surgery should be helping you.

To all in BDG enjoy the rest of your day and sleep wellxx

Evening all.
Chrissy your plans for Christmas sound well thought out.
Perhaps you could face time each other from the ends of the table ?
I am wearing one arm glasses rather then go to the opticians for a new pair at the moment. I only wear them for TV so it’s not too bad.
Nonnie I’m glad you felt some benefit from the Compassionate Friends group. I suppose you don’t know how people feel if you haven’t been there yourself. It is kind of you to help your friend get to her hospital appointments.
Annie physios and dieticians usually make their own follow up appointments. If they did not make follow up appointments with you then I would imagine they thought they had assessed you, given what advice they thought they could and would then write to your GP telling her what they have done.
They don’t work like specialist Consultants who keep you on their books with reviews for years to come. Many physios just see a patient once. Give advice or exercises and then expect the patient to carry on exercising at home. As soon as they have done this they take you off their list and if you need more treatment you have to go back to the Gp to refer you. I assume the Dietician works the same except for diabetics who have to be monitored all the time. You should contact your GP and ask what the physio and dietician reported to the GP and what is being done about their recommendations.
Hope you manage to get something sorted out and get the information you need.
Bluesky how have you been today. You GP may not even contact you but if he/she does just tell them the truth about why you wanted a CT scan.
scaredycat what with you and your Afib and my DH with his IBS you make a right pair. He spends ages walking around at night. It is really annoying though because it means you have interrupted sleep and if it happens night after night you get exhausted . Glad you were still able to attend art class. Hope you have a better night tonight.

Evening everyone
Nonnie It sounds like your Zoom call with the Compassionate Friends went well. The only people who truly understand what you’ve been through are people who have experienced it themselves. I think it’s lovely that you’re taking your friend to their hospital appointments.
Annie I think it’s terrible that you saw the dietician back in March and they said that you had clinical malnutrition but never got hack to you and you have only found out that you have been crossed off the list because you phoned to find out what was happening otherwise you would be none the wiser now. Then the same thing with the physiotherapist. My Dad always said that nobody wanted to know once you got past a certain age. He would come back from doctor’s appointments saying that whatever he said was met with the same reply ‘You’ve got to expect things like this at your age’.
Scaredycat Sorry to hear that your AF had you awake in the early hours. I hope you have a better night tonight. I’ll definitely be wearing my tiara and my ball gown for Christmas dinner.
Doodle good thinking, I hadn’t thought of that, FaceTime from each end of the table You could sellotape the arm to the glasses. Who used to do that on TV? I think it was Jack Duckworth in Corrie.
Hi BlueSky Joce * rafichagran* nanny lavender I hope you’re all ok.
Hope everyone has a peaceful night’s sleep x

Good night all dear friends, hope our various ailments and worries will let us rest x

So the occupational therapist and physiotherapist were not honest. No matter, I will buy a wheelchair.

nonnie how wonderful that you got to speak to people who can understand how you feel. Much love xx

binks update...still no idea however...he has ventured out from under the bed today and my sons business partner ( who is a lovely young lady and i had hopes of a relationship for the 2 of them but alas she likes women too) has been spending time in the room with him and he adores her. he rolls around the floor purrs away and pads into thin air. i got many many strokes in and he was loving it...she left the room and he took the opportunity to launch at me and scratch me!!! so ive told her he has picked her so hes all hers ha ha ha. she loves binks so much so its all good

nanny sorry blinks scratched you. Please take care he’s still nervous. I’m sure that underneath he knows you are looking out for him.
Annie I’m a little confused. I think I’ve got hold of the wrong end of the stick. You had a visit from an OT and Physio recently when they talked about helping you. Surely these aren’t the people you say have taken you off their list. That cannot be right. If they made suggestions or promises then your GP should make sure these are carried out. I didn’t realise it was the physio who visited you recently that you were talking about I thought it was one that you had seen a while ago. I would ask your GP if you can have copies of their review of your situation that you can refer to them and see what was recommended.
Sleep well all x

Annie I think NHS admin is very poor (see how polite I was there . You need to be pushy, DH has just learned this after he waited for 6 weeks only to discover that one part had not answered a question (what did he weigh?) and the whole thing had been ignored. Now he is chasing because he can't see on his notes that he has been referred for possible cancer! Keep on their backs, I think they ignore those who don't.

Scardycat good for you carrying on with everything after yet another attack and a bad night. You sound like a fighter.

Doodle you made me smile, I know that wasn't the intention but the thought of one armed specs made me imagine amusing wonky viewing. I clearly have a strange sense of humour. More seriously, your glass sounds half full in that you realise it is not so bad.

Chrissy I totally agree about the age thing. I feel that many times I've been judged before being listened to. One of my babies had an allergy but the GP put it down to me worrying because of what I had gone through to achieve my children. A common sense health visitor knew straight away and then 2 years later the GP had read a paper about it and told me I was right! Current GP has told us both to try to get out for 10 mins walk a day! He must think we sit on the sofa all day watching TV.

Oh Nanny what an achievement to have brought Binks into your home and that he/she has learned how to play.

For those worrying about hospital tests I don't think the one we went to yesterday could have done more to keep us safe. I was allowed to go in with her, I didn't need to touch anything and there were hand sanitisers everywhere. We were put in a cubicle away from others and the treatment and advice were great. Quite happy to take her again next week.

Hi all x

I am uncomfortable that I am speaking of my problems which
are not related to mental health.

I don’t have a GP, our surgery has 9 doctors, 4 part time doctors and several locums ,You get who your given !

I saw a G.P . in March, before that I saw one in 2017 when I moved to the bungalow. Ringing the surgery for a telephone
appointment is a nightmare, have to tell the receptionist why you need to speak to a doctor, then your passed onto a clinician who decides if you need to speak to a doctor and when.

I telephoned a few weeks ago for advice about pain killers, spoke to a locum who said he was very busy so be brief.

The physiotherapist was told me in March she had crossed me
off the list ? I found out recently she wasn’t a physiotherapist.
She was part of a reablement team , she was the one who told me if a fell on the path someone would look through a window and see me.

nonnie pointless being ‘pushy’ , I have always been strong,
when I couldn’t get help for my darling daughter I drove 50
miles to the Senydd ( Welsh Government) to complain about
lack of care for the mentally ill .

Enough about me x

Good afternoon all.
Doodle- I had a better night thank you .it must be awful for your DH to have to walk about at night he must be so tired in the morning sometimes. I don,t walk about but just lie still and try and relax - easier said than done!!
Nanny- Binks sounds like he is behaving like a cat who is feeling at home . Just sometimes they can be unpredictable can’t they. Well done he is a lucky boy/ girl.
Nonnie- it’s very reassuring to hear how well your friends hospital visit went . She must be so grateful for your help. I hope you are feeling ok.
Annie- glad you are so determined to get your wheelchair it will be like growing wings! Something to plan and aim for and I,m sure your MT will be pleased.
Please don’t feel uncomfortable - all your problems affect your mental health and welfare. Your surgery could do with a good shake up . I feel very fortunate to be with my surgery as although we are allocated a Doctor we can ask for any of the doctors. When my specific Doc retired this Summer I felt like I had lost a friend as well as my Gp but his replacement has been great with DH so must give him a chance if I need to. That person who said that about if you fell over should not be dealing with vulnerable people at all.
Bluesky,Lavender,Joce,Rafichagran ,Chrissy Flutterby and any I have left out take care xxx