Hygiene or Politeness?

There is a bottle of hand sanitiser in the porch and also a supply of masks. Only the family have visited indoors so the masks are only used by me when heading to the shops.

When visiting a friend, who is more nervous than myself, we meet in her garden, I maintain social distancing and use the hand gel put on the table.

It seems that life has become one long risk assessment, but now I do it as a matter of course. I have been impressed with all the efforts put in by shops and the local swimming pool to allow life to continue as safely as is possible in the current situation.

Covid is not going away anytime soon and so I think that we each have to find a way of continuing our lives, whilst minimising all possible risks. I personally believe that quality of life is as important as quantity of life.

If l should go into someone's house, l would out of courtesy ask them what precautions they wish me to adhere to.
She should have just asked you.....

The rule in most parts of England is visitors should stay 6ft or more away from you even when in your house. That's why I can't see my youngest grandson yet, because he's too young to remember that. It's 3ft with a mask - but only if you cannot keep to 6ft because it would be physically impossible (for instance in a car) Your sons are coming too close to you, at 3-6ft, unless they are giving you personal care in which case they should be wearing masks.

NB talking about England here your rules may be completely different.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jillybird let them call us paranoid, we know we're just cautious and rightly so.

Nobody has been in our house since March. I have visited my daughter in her garden, but I stayed on the drive of my son’s house as my granddaughter works in Aldi. Can’t afford to take risks for my DH’s sake. It is not being paranoid. I have been to Aldi myself, no other shops, but I can go when it is very quiet.

My son and daughter wouldn't dream of coming into my house and only visit when we can socially distance in the garden. One time there was a quick shower and we were all standing there under umbrellas.

I long to see my GC and to hug all of them and I know I'm not alone in that, but son and daughter are keen for me to be very careful due to asthma, M.E. and other health problems. Many of the people, even young people, who catch Covid are suffering with M.E.-type symptoms for several months afterwards, maybe indefinitely. As I already have M.E. I don't want to add to it.

Sounds like you're trying to be very sensible and careful, and your sons are in your 'protective bubble'. Seems like your 'ex sort of daughter-in-law' (love that!) is not in the bubble, so maybe shouldn't be visiting you just yet or just seeing you through the window. As she is 'very nice' she will understand that and act according to your wishes.

Masks are unnecessary if we are keeping as much distance as we can but we all need to be following the same guidelines. We need to choose carefully who we spend time with, knowing that they will behave appropriately. My DD has decided not to meet up with one friend again after going for a walk with her and finding that she kept getting too close. If people get too close we need to speak out, though it isn't easy, especially when we relax with family and friends. If people get too close for our comfort we need to say so.

I’m trying to support our smaller businesses and wanted wool yesterday. Went to our indoor market fully masked but felt deeply uncomfortable at the proprietor who insisted on standing much too close to me while only wearing a visor. Wish I’d gone to Hobbycraft or ordered on line as I had been doing. So much for trying to help!

My son and family come into my house and I wouldn’t dream of asking them to wear a mask or social distance . We have large rooms and usually end up 6 feet away from each other by accident but it wouldn’t bother me if we were packed in like sardines. It’s all getting ridiculous to be honest . I’m 67 and a type 2 diabetic and as far as I’m concerned , if I get it I get it . I opened a letter two weeks ago to tell me to stay at home for 12 weeks ( it must have been delivered in March and I hadn’t opened it ). I’ve not been out a lot but have been to shops and the chemist and ive visited my brother in law and sister in law once . I don’t know why people would expect a visitor to wear a facial mask. It’s not a magic shield and it’s not really going to protect them from anything . As a previous poster has said , good hand hygiene is much more effective

A visitor who for all we know might be a carrier of a deadly disease can stop droplets from their nose and throat being sprayed into the air that everyone is breathing. This is not magic, it's the sort of science competent children are taught in biology class.

Thisismyname1953

My son and family come into my house and I wouldn’t dream of asking them to wear a mask or social distance . We have large rooms and usually end up 6 feet away from each other by accident but it wouldn’t bother me if we were packed in like sardines. It’s all getting ridiculous to be honest . I’m 67 and a type 2 diabetic and as far as I’m concerned , if I get it I get it . I opened a letter two weeks ago to tell me to stay at home for 12 weeks ( it must have been delivered in March and I hadn’t opened it ). I’ve not been out a lot but have been to shops and the chemist and ive visited my brother in law and sister in law once . I don’t know why people would expect a visitor to wear a facial mask. It’s not a magic shield and it’s not really going to protect them from anything . As a previous poster has said , good hand hygiene is much more effective

You got a letter in March ? You just opened it now ? Hmmm, not sure I believe that.

Thisismyname1953 I’m 67 and a type 2 diabetic and as far as I’m concerned , if I get it I get it

Well, I hope someone more caring about the general community and less selfish than you will feel like nursing you.

I have a relative living with me, who does not have good health.
I'm concerned on her behalf, as well as my own.
I'd have no problem saying to an unexpected visitor "I won't ask you in, as I'm a bit neurotic."
If they think I'm silly, too bad.
Luckily, we don't normally get visitors so it's unlikely to crop up.

All you can do is to ask her nicely to wash her hands, keep a suitable distance away and wear a mask.

If she feels this is ridiculous, she is welcome to stay away until the threat of illness is past.

The tone of voice is more important here really that what you say.

Thisismyname1953

My son and family come into my house and I wouldn’t dream of asking them to wear a mask or social distance . We have large rooms and usually end up 6 feet away from each other by accident but it wouldn’t bother me if we were packed in like sardines. It’s all getting ridiculous to be honest . I’m 67 and a type 2 diabetic and as far as I’m concerned , if I get it I get it . I opened a letter two weeks ago to tell me to stay at home for 12 weeks ( it must have been delivered in March and I hadn’t opened it ). I’ve not been out a lot but have been to shops and the chemist and ive visited my brother in law and sister in law once . I don’t know why people would expect a visitor to wear a facial mask. It’s not a magic shield and it’s not really going to protect them from anything . As a previous poster has said , good hand hygiene is much more effective

So if you get it you get it, I hope that you are able to tell the staff in the icu that you don't require a bed.
If you get it badly you make take up a bed that would otherwise have gone to a young person who has done their best to avoid it but has to go out to work to feed his/her children.
It's this me me attitude that is pushing the r rate up again.
I hope you don't get it of course but gosh you're being selfish.

'may take up a bed' not 'make' apologies for not checking.

Grandetante, there is as usual a back story to my problem as I stated it.

I usually do what I am told to do by people I respect. However recently I have detected that help has become more like control. On the occasion the lady visited, I did not expect her but I suspect my son, her ex, had invited her. They all went to their fav pub afterwards. I knew nothing about her presence in my house until I heard the two dogs skittering together on the hall floor , when I got up from my chair and went into the garden where she had gone to se my sons. Do you think she should first have said hello to me after all it is my home?

I am firmly of the opinion that, with a deadly virus, I will politely ensure that I am comfortable with what happens in my home. Having a vulnerable relative staying with us since lockdown began, I’ve had no hesitation in keeping other visitors at a very safe distance in the garden. Even without our long-term visitor, I would not be allowing other visitors inside at this stage. I’m not sure how I will cope as we approach winter.

There appear to be three groups of people in this country today. Those who follow the guidelines rigidly, who might appear paranoid about Covid 19 but want to remain healthy and safe. There is another group who know the guidelines and follow them most of the time but bend the rules slightly to suit themselves - they might allow more people to visit them, sit indoors with them if it rains, have a sneaky hug, have more than one household in their bubble etc. I see a number of posts here from such people. Then the final group ignore all the guidelines, are not bothered about catching Covid 19 or even deny that it is serious and go about their lives regardless, potentially spreading the virus as they go.

I'm not passing judgement on any group, each to their own but I am concerned about how the virus can be contained with some of these actions. In the meantime, I am now living in the Greater Manchester area with the new lockdown.

Personally I hover between groups 1 and 2, I try not to be paranoid and obsessive but I follow all the guidelines, not even allowing both my adult children to visit me at the same time in my house but I am trying to get some normality into my life again with garden visits and very rare shopping trips.

Sometimes when people say "if I get it, I get it", they don't entirely mean that.

If you're isolated or feeling lonely and depressed, I can see why you might make an off the cuff remark like that.

It is easy to say things like that when stressed.

From a personal point of view, I try very hard to obey all the guidelines and be sensible but I am providing personal care to elderly relatives and have to go hospitals, pharmacies and all manner of places on their behalf. Much as I obey all the guidelines, I cannot afford to get too paranoid or I'd be of no use to them.

I snapped at a woman in the local Sainsburys last week. She got too close to me a few times, then in the queue kept getting right behind me, no matter how much I moved. In the end, I snapped, ‘Can you keep your distance please!’

She claimed to think I was browsing, but it doesn’t really matter WHAT someone is doing. Don’t walk right up to them!

Tangerine, won't the pharmacy deliver the meds to those you care for.
they do around here.
it's one less thing to deal with. just ring the pharmacy for repeats; they liaise wih GPs, dispense and deliver.
i thought they did it for anyone who asked, cert the disabled.