Black Dog Gang 4

Hi all x

Doodle a walk in the drizzle? What matters is you enjoyed it.

F,utterby. Yes my tummy churned, my younger daughter walked in and I was so happy to see her. Tummy stopped churning.
Your Christmas tree sounds lovely.

I have made a positive step to tackling the agoraphobia, I had contact yesterday with a church warden at the parish church,
I explained I didn’t know anyone in this part of town and wanted to know times of services and fellowship gatherings.

There are some who live in the same Cul de Sac as me, never met them . There are coffee mornings and afternoon teas and chat.

So I am determined to work on the agoraphobia and look forward to socialising again.

Will let you all know how I progress with leaving the bungalow.

Funny old world, Annie, you live in a Cul de Sac and some of your neighbours are church goers and locals and nobody thought to extend the hand of friendship?

inkcog you are new to this thread, welcome, we support each other .

When i first moved to this Cul de Sac I chose to be isolated

Nice to support each other, really great.

Yes it is , this is the 5th thread for Black Dog. Support,listening and understanding are so important

It’s a really good thread annie. So glad you had a nice visit with your younger daughter.
Hello inkcog and welcome.

Hope everyone is ok tonight. Sleep well all x

Hi friends. Annie I hope you are having a nice time with your daughter.
Joyce are you feeling better.
Doodle I know you have given me feedback on this before but I am needing wee bit reassurance. Here goes apologies for going over same concern.
It’s that spasm, knot in tum. It really throws me. Had it when I woke this mornimg and been there most of the day although I must add I have been Christmas grocery shopping!
I really hate it as it dampens my spirit although I go about my day to day plans.
Friends please let me know what it feels like when you have it and what you do.
I know best thing is to accept it and carryon doing but does anyone else find this hard at times.
Anyway I am sitting beside my beautiful Christmas tree. It really is soooo pretty.
Going to have a nice warm bubble bath after tea. Sounds good?
Thanks all x

hello my friends how are you all? I,m a bit poorly today nothing major just a heavy cold but it caused me to call in sick on Wednesday for the first time in 6 years!! I am dreading christmas but not. My GD will be here along with DD and SIL but i wish I had gone there so i can leave. I am and have been since 30th march 2019 desperately sad without Tank. I still cry almost daily and this time last year i was wrapping gifts with him trying to stop me. i wish i knew where he was. does he know im so upset without him and i missing him so much. does he miss me. Is he warm and safe and loved. Am i ever going to kiss him, smell him again.

pathetic arnt I x

Hi flutterby. Never be afraid to ask on here it’s somewhere where we all understand. Day to day I sort of try and keep my worries at bay but last night and this morning were really tough going.
Firstly, it is anxiety. A worry that gets in your head. That starts the whole tummy thing going and the more you think about it the worse it gets. When I know I am going to have a bad morning I make myself recite my times tables over and over to make my mind as soon as I get up to make me think of something else. I have a Calm app which I use to try mindfulness which helps too (there are many about).
Whether this helps you or not I don’t know but I pray to God. Sometimes, something good happens, sometimes something not so good happens but sometimes the not so good thing turns out to be better in the long run.
I don’t know if you are religious or not. I certainly am not trying to convert you ? but I pray every day for all those in the Black Dog gang and hope for lifting of everyone’s spirits.
The old saying is true though, it will pass. Bear with it, and know that you can always come onto this thread and have the company of those who know exactly how you feel.
Take care x

nanny sorry you are so poorly. Hope you feel better soon.
annie thinking of you too. x

I just checked in and wanted to say Hello again to everyone.

Nanny
Please try to not cry over your cat. I think and hope that Tank is a cat. There is much human suffering and loneliness out there especially at this time of the year and it is that in which we must turn our thoughts, attention, prayers and energy to help try and alleviate for ourselves and for others.
Let Tank go and peace will come to you.

Good night everyone.
Dawn xx

Doodle thank you for taking the time to post your reassuring words. I do say my prayers although not every night.
I just hate this awful tum thing. I’ve been reading about the chakras and it is very interesting. It does explain how/why the anxious feeling/discomfort appears in your middle at the diaphragm.
Had it this morning was not too bad this afternoon and have it a little at the moment. I do find that a hot water bottle can help. Think it helps to relax the muscles - don’t really know.
How are you doing today? I hope Annie is enjoying her daughter visiting.
Joyce hope you are bit better.
Sorry you are having a difficult time nanny.
Going to prepare dinner now.
Love to all x

flutterby if you do pray, try and find a short prayer that comforts you and say it as you go to sleep.
I say The Lord is my Shepard I love the words. Hope you feel more relaxed now.

dawn I'm frightened to let go. If I do that I'll have nothing left of him..I have no friends or family up here (people I know but no friends) and I pour my whole being into loving my animals xx

Thanks all for your kind words xx

nanny you don’t have to let go exactly just try and let it pass into another part of your mind. I think (I could be wrong) that you are a bit like me and we go over and over things, ruminating about them all the time. It takes the joy out of life and we have to make the most out of what we have. You may or may not see Tank again but wherever he is God is watching over him. Think of Tank being loved and not in distress and try and concentrate on your family and enjoy your Christmas. x

Its so hard to put it into words when the feelings are at their worst isn't it?

No one to hug. No one who quite gets it.

Too much crying, and lonely isolation.

My mind cant stay on one subject for more than a milli second, so I'm finding it difficult to distract myself from self destructive thoughts.

Although I managed to read all of the posts on page 15 to try to get a perspective on my situation.
That took 3 attempts to finish reading, and I haven't developed a strategy yet, but at least I've found 4 mins of concentration from somewhere to type this much.

Doodle and Dawn …. your replies were so kind and thoughtful even though they weren't meant for me I took a little peace from them.

nanny2507 … can I suggest something that when I'm feeling stronger I do?
Would it help if you wrote down how you are missing and worried about him (tank), and maybe put the note near a photo of him if you have one?

If anyone is feeling badly commiserations and hope that things settle down for you soon

I have a splitting headache from the misery of crying too much, so as I've made the positive step to post here, I might be able to use it as a rocket up the backside to go make myself a cup of tea and take an ibuprofen.

I haven't had the gumption to leave the sofa yet today,

Hi all x

flutterby a suggestion, when the knot starts jot down your thoughts just before it starts.

nanny you are unwilling to let Tank go ? You can accept he has but still hold the memories. Did you contact the cat
bereavement line ? They may help you to let go.

Namsnanny you can talk here whenever you wish, if it helps your concentration then that’s great , but we are here to
listen and talk to each other.

My younger daughter went home yesterday, I miss her, all so
quiet again.

The quiet can be deadly cant it Anniebach The let down feeling and then the readjusting back to normal.

Concentration probably wasn't the best of words to explain, but I know you'll understand that nothing can be done when all there is in ones mind is incoherent sadness.

I felt/feel out of control. That is, I have very little control over this mindless misery.

As I say though, reading and leaving posts for others had the desired effect of moving me out of my torpor, if only temporarily.

So Thank you Anniebach for talking to me and giving me something other than that awful buzz in my head to think about.

And if there is anything I can do for you to take the edge off of the silence....?????

Hi Namsnanny
It sounds difficult what you are going through right now but all things pass with time and paitence and perseverance.
Distraction and keeping myself as busy as possible is what l find to be the only thing that helps my "monkey mind that is when my mind is overthinking. You are not alone; l think alot of women are prone to this.
Try maybe and set yourself very small achievable goals most days and that may help you too.
Human connection is so important and this forum here is a good help in the battle against isolation.
Am thinking of you Namsnanny. Dawn xx

Hi Annie
So glad you had a lovely time with your daughter. You really deserve that as you are so encouraging to everyone else.
Even if days are quiet we know we can have other good times/days again. I call a good day- a day in my pocket- to help me through more difficult days.
Thinking of you Annie and very best thoughts from Dawn xx

Hello Dawn22 … Thank you so much for your kind thoughts
Yes the isolation is just another layer to the black dog, and your post is a little foot hold back to normality for me tonight.

I do appreciate your observations and of course you are so right. Distraction and setting goals is very good advice.

I just let myself slip too far today.
Until I found the wherewithal to read Annibach's black dog thread, I was exhausted with trying and failing to make a difference, so I was in what I've called before a depressive torpor.
And as I'm sure you all know, with depression, the less you do the harder it becomes to anything at all.

But I'm grateful this thread exists because its given me a chance to talk to you Dawn and Annibach and maybe make a start at digging myself out again.

Hi Nanny
Think how lucky Tank was to have all that affection from you and there are other little cats or dogs out there who could bring joy to your heart.

Another idea is to buy a litre of milk and a really nice Danish pastry in a shop and if you feel up for it give it to someone on the street or in a doorway. The joy you will be giving out Nanny.
Take care Nanny and you will be ok. Dawn xx

namsnanny I have been where you are too. As I expect many of us have. There have been times when I thought I was going mad. My brain on overload, unable to think of anything other than the thing that was worrying me. It will pass. It will pass. Remember that.
Please keep posting here. We are all with you. Despair is one of the worst feelings in the world. Take hope from the fact that others here have been there and we are still going. Try and make yourself eat and have a drink. Read something or watch the Tv. Give yourself a break.
We are with you x

Well said Doodle

Namsnanny
Acceptence of what is - is a huge help and can bring relief. What else can we do but accept. This is Eckhart Tolle YouTube type of thinking. Each day is a fresh start and we are not to be hard on ourselves.
Dawn xx

namsnanny share here, we all understand, someone comes on the thread every day so you will not be alone.

Doodle how are you ?

Dawn how are you ?

I have said in earlier posts, Dr Claire Weekes believed acceptance was the answer but yes it can be difficult at times.

Distraction is important to me, if it’s playing Killer Suduko,
Crosswords even when it’s difficult to concentrate. And genealogy.