Black dog gang 2..

Be back later, having a disagreement with younger daughter by message ?

I like this

Life is unpredictable,
It changes with the seasons,
Even your coldest winter
Happens for the best of reasons,
And though it feels eternal,
Like all you'll ever do is freeze,
I promise spring is coming,
And with it, brand new leaves”

What a beautiful poem Anniebach. Thank you for sharing it

Annie
Mind yourself around disagreement with your daughter. These things are never easy.
Take care from Dawn

Salsa your mind is tired and that you are thinking people don’t like you is possibly depression. Anxiety and depression cause us often to turn in on ourselves. This started my agoraphobia, I avoided people , at my elder daughters funeral someone said ‘where were her family’, this stuck in my mind
even though I had done everything to protect her. I adored her. Year and half later those words don’t trouble me x

Thank you Merseybelle, I like it very much. I find poetry can reach me deep inside, if that makes sense.

Dawn no problem with my younger daughter, just a mix up, all sorted now , enjoy your holiday x

Dawnthank you. It helps to know that others understand.

Anniethank you. I know you have had real sorrow, and I admire your strength.

Nonnie My GP kept on about Talking Therapy, so I signed up for it, in May, and am on a waiting list.

Salsa anxiety and depression affect us regardless of the cause , x

Annie thank you. I had a decent night's sleep but feel bad again this morning. I don't want to talk to anyone, see anyone, as I feel I can't trust anyone other than my own family.... and I'll be glad when my husband gets home from work {smaile}. Eldest son has gone away for the weekend, so I'll be off to his house a couple of times later today, to feed his cat and guinea pigs

Salsa, I really can understand. My younger granddaughter drives 50 miles to see me every week, she does some cleaning
which i cannot do because of arthritis. I have never told her
I don’t want a local cleaner but I would be fearful if I had to,
my bungalow is my ‘safe place ‘, I only want my family to come here. Could be your family is your ‘safe place ‘ ?

Recently her car was off the road for 3 weeks, I let the recycling stack up in the hall and put the wheelie bin bags in the garden rather than have a stranger come into my ‘safe place ‘.

Just a thought but it could be the same for you, it’s the anxiety

Annie. Like you, family is everything to me. My sons don't know about me being like this - the eldest son is on antidepressants, and he knows that I am too. I don't tell anyone about the feelings I have. I must say that all of this started up again on Tuesday, when the job I've loved was suddenly stopped (long story, but it's a charity, funds run out in September, trustees were told in April, have done nothing) and the treasurer ent off sick (she's pretended to have stress and managed to get signed off, she told me that was her plan) so the day centre has closed. Now, she's given in her notice - but won't have to work it, as she's off "sick"- a strategic move on her part.

All in all, any change makes me have one of these low sessions, and I overthink every single thing.

I'll be alright, I just can't cope very well with uncertainty. Thanks x

For me it’s all about family. I worry constantly about my DGC especially my autistic DGS who has such a tough time and his mum and dad who support him so well. I constantly think what if this happens, what if that happens. I seem to think about it most of the day. I am constantly praying for help for them. I try to be firm with myself but don’t manage it very well.

i suffer terribly from paranoia. I cant go anywhere local in case people who know me sees me...odd isnt it I can happily walk around a town or park or street in a totally unknown area.

so update on the cat...I have borrowed a trap from the local CPL. I will take it to the couple who are helping me tomorrow and hopefully have a cat by the end of the day. Last night i was left in floods of tears but a local cat rescue place, They had called the gent who is helping me and were quite rude to him. The lady. She was asked to help me by the cat rescue!!!! So he was a bit snappy with her and then they refused to help me. I cried for an hour.

nanny2507 I know what you mean. When I'm having these low times, I assume that anyone I pass in the street/people in a shop/everywhere is thinking derogatory things about me, like "isn't she (me)fat/ugly/got crap clothes, etc. I know, when I allow myself to think rationally that other people are all going about their daily business and don't even notice me (I hope), and when I look at a lot of other people around, I actually look decent - I colour my hair, wear nice enough clothes, always wear make-up.

The brain is a very complex thing.

ah salsa i am different. I am a "tomboy" i wear jeans all the time , some days i forget to brush my hair i wear no make up ( reasons are i think i look like a drag queen if i do these things) the only thing feminine about me is my nails

nanny2507. My nails are terrible, I bite them until they are so short and sore underneath. Filthy habit.

Salsa I remember you talking about your work with the charity and how you enjoyed it. It will leave a void in your life. Will you look for similar work ? X

Doodle it’s natural to want to protect our children and grandchildren, it starts when our first pregnancy is confirmed
doesn’t it ? X

nanny I am sorry you can mix locally but your love for Tent
was stronger than your fear , you went around your village with leaflets and you have sat in a neighbours garden x

My problem with meeting people has only been for a year and a half, it’s to avoid anyone speaking of my elder daughter, I use to love meeting people, I hope this will come back.

awww annie i hope so too. Yes you are right I have put myself right out there for tank. I even over came my fear of trains to join my DD in central London for her 30th birthday as there was a surprise meal at wahacca

i hadnt been on a train for 32 years

Nanny I am looking for something else - I can't get a state pension for another 6 years and have never paid into a private one. I worked in the care sector for 22 years, as a Carer, Care Coordination, Scheme Manager and also private Carer, so I'll get something.

Well done on going on a train after so long!

thanks...the first train ride was for 6 mins lol. the 15 mins and so on...it was great. I,d like to do a long train journey now as to london was only 30 mins as i went from my DD after picking up GD so maybe 60 or 90 mins but on that stops a bit just incase!

So I think we all agree how important family are but some of us hide things from them. I helped DS with refitting doors after new carpets yesterday and after not sleeping the night before. I was exhausted but didn't tell him and when I came home told DH not to tell him. They worry about me so much since they lost their brother so I always try to look like I am fine and able to do everything.

nanny the search for Tank or the other cat is giving you a purpose which must be therapeutic.

I have 2 phobias but neither affects my day to day life so cannot really connect with those who do but I have heard that you need to take tiny steps towards doing whatever it is and not look at the bigger picture. I wonder if starting with a list of how you plan to achieve it or making a target sheet where you can write each tiny achievement, a bit like giving a child a gold star. Just musing again

There are two ways to try to overcome a phobia,

1. Flooding

2. Gradual exposure.

For me it’s gradual exposure, I tried flooding , most embarrassing, I vomited on the road . But it does work for some.

Gradual exposure for me , step outside the front door, keep doing this until there is no anxiety, then walk half way down the path until no anxiety, always allow yourself to be exposed
to some anxiety, not a full blown panic.

Oh annie I don't like the idea of flooding, too intimidating. I suppose if some emergency forced a person to do whatever it is the shock of succeeding could work but the 'idea' of jumping in head first sounds horrid! No, I really wouldn't ever actually hold a snake but I could anticipate actually watching one on TV!

I think many of us grew up not liking spiders (not really a phobia) I overcame that when I didn't want my sons to be frightened of spiders. First I just put a glass over them and left for DH to deal with it but now I am really brave and put a card under the glass and take them outside!!!

I used to have snakes..well they were my sons but when he went to uni he left them with us for 4 years and while he was moving to london we had them again for 3 years they dont bother me at all....frogs on the other hand.....