OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

How does that work if you opt for live in care? How many carerers are needed to provide 24/7 care? Does each carerer work a 24 hour shift or several days and another works nights?
Just curious as I've never had to think about this. LuckyGirl's situation has been a real eye-opener for me.
And of course there have been many other GNers in the same situation. I have a lot of admiration for all of you. I can only hope when or if I have to deal with this I will be as strong as all of you are and not fall apart.

Indeed he cannot stay over about 2 weeks - there are so many others in need of this care; and I was quite surprised that he was offered this bed. They will not discharge him till care is organised; but I will obviously do my very best to sort this as speedily as possible as I want to play fair with them as they have been so kind.

If only we could replicate that level of care in a residential or nursing home, but I doubt this would be possible.

Was just wondering, if he is content and settled- thanks for clarifying MB.

Hospices really don’t have the bed space for protracted stays and I am delighted Luckygirl was indeed fortunate enough get respite care for her DH.
Our local hospice is excellent but even with terminally ill patients, cannot usually admit them -except sometimes for pain management - for longer than two weeks, which can sometimes mean that a patient is only just able to be admitted for the very end of life care.

Yes - it is good; but there was also a sense of sadness that in a way he is now ready to detach himself from normal home life and to become a "patient", a "cared-for- person." Such a huge move away from the man I married; and the man who has been fighting his corner to be normal again.

Some of the changes that come our way with time seem so harsh sometimes.

But he is happy and we can all rest easy knowing that he is not unhappy for the first time in a very long time. He is a different man - but he is a content man.

Great news - could he really not stay there?

That's great Luckygirl. What a relief for you. I hope there really isn't any pressure for him to return home too soon. The staff will be able to carry out a good assessment of his care needs from having to meet them rather that a private company trying to assess by form filling or according to what staff they have available.

I have just returned from the hospice and he is very settled there - I think he feels secure that his needs will be met as soon as they arise and by kind people who really care. I was talking to him about what care we need to organise for when he comes home; and he said that he would like to stay where he is - that is reassuring in the sense that I know he is content, but of course he cannot stay there and I need to be starting to sort out what happens when he comes home - probably in about 2 weeks. He is veering towards the idea of live-in care, as he has had an opportunity to see how much better it is when his needs can be met when needed rather than when a carer is due to get here.

Lots of thinking to be done, but it is a great relief that he is happy there.

Guilt serves no purpose here Lucky- glad you have had a good sleep and rest. Perhaps you can miss a day every 3- and then every other day. xxx

Enjoy yourself Lucky!

It's lovely to hear (see?) you so relaxed, Lucky.

Have a lovely day, enjoy your time, and it sounds a bit naf but live in the moment. Guilt doesn't go away, we have a lifetime of practising it, but it does ease. I try and think of myself in the third person when I'm feeling guilty, and what would I say if it was a friend who was in a similar situation. It's sunny here just now, good for deadheading .

Thank you all.

I have two lunch dates in the diary for Monday and Tuesday, and I will go to book group tomorrow evening - all things I have not been able to do and it feels good to have the freedom to do this.

Lovely to hear you've had a lie in. I bet you're feeling all the better of a good night's sleep. Have a lazy day. Spoil yourself. You really do deserve it no matter what that little nagging voice of guilt says. You've done your absolute best.
I thought Merlotgran was spot on saying that now he's rested and looked after he's able to see that you need a rest too. Enjoy today. Just bask!

Just woken up at 9.20!!! - lazy lie-a-bed.

I have set myself the goal of dead-heading the roses between showers. And various tidying jobs that have been left for some time.

I will talk to OH on the phone to day and see how he is. He is very impressed with the food there - I only hope he does not expect a similar standard when he gets home as I am not the best of cooks!

lucky, corner, merlot and ginny have made very valid points. You can't look after your dh if you are not on top form yourself.

Luckygirl you've needed this for a long time, now just enjoy the freedom to do absolutely whatever you please tomorrow. Call him and chat, then do something for yourself. That's not being selfish, it's recuperation and it's vital for your own wellbeing. xx

Try not to feel guilty, Luckygirl. Your OH is in good hands and is probably missing home because their wonderful care means he is more relaxed and able to think which means he is bound to miss you.

Have your day off tomorrow. You deserve it and then you will all have Sunday to look forward to.

Yes, lucky it has but you know exhausting yourself won’t make it any better for your husband. Hard though it is. I feel bad for writing that, I don’t want to upset you. Guilt is a human but often un helpful emotion when it can’t change a situation or move us forward. Your husband is being wonderfully cared for, it’s only reasonable that you care for yourself too. He knows that, is being honest when he says he misses you, how much harder if he didn’t, but also honest when he says stay home, somewhere he knows you need to. Stay home tomorrow, rest, recuperate and then visit on Sunday with your family and a rested self. Respite is for you both, please take your share of it.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I know they are looking after him well at the hospice - they are certainly kind, the food is excellent and he is enjoying that, and someone is there instantly when he needs help. He has a lovely room - big with a large private wet room adjoining,

But he would still rather be at home - and I feel guilty about that. Don't know how to make that go away and I have visited every day. I feel as though it would make sense to stay at home tomorrow and just have a lie-in and a rest day - which is what I have wanted and needed for some time. It does feel hard on him though.

I will be there Sunday as we are all going over for Father's Day.

And I can speak to him on the hospice phone. But he just says he is missing me; and also, to his credit, that there is no need to go in every day. Poor chap - life has dealt him a rotten hand.

I'm a bit late catching up with the hospice news Lucky. So pleased to read this, such a welcome relief for you and so good to know that he has a lovely room and is settled there. I do hope you feel rested today.

Now it's time to concentrate on yourself and get your knee better, knowing your DH is in good hands ?

Hope you had a good rest, lucky.

Welcome respite for you, Luckygirl. Your DH will respond to their care and you will hopefully see a positive change in his mood.

I can't praise hospice care highly enough.

Lucky, so glad to hear the news that your DH has been found a Hospice place. You do so need the respite that this will give you. Try and slow down and concentrate on getting yourself better.