OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

I did not sleep much - a bit weepy really. My every waking moment has been devoted to his needs for so long that it is hard to adapt. And I keep going over in my mind every moment when I was having a bad day and was not the quite the good carer that I might have wished. It is very quiet here, and I am still programmed to his needs and keep thinking "Oh it is time for his ......"

I am sure that some of you Gransnetters will identify with that. How do you cope?

Lucky, your situation is way outside my range of experience but I would say, please do allow your DDs to give the support they offer. I know you say that you want to get used to being on your own, but you are very vulnerable and they must be vulnerable also.

Just rung hospital - he is in theatre right now - went down first thing. So at least they are getting on with it. I hope to try and organise a rota of girls to be with him post-op.

So terribly hard for you, Luckygirl. Sending much sympathy and wishes for the best possible outcome for your poor dh. As they say on a carers' forum I still visit (dementia) give that Guilt Monster on your shoulder a good whack. You have been doing your best in often such very difficult circumstances.

Sending every good wish mentally Luckygirl

(((hugs))), Luckygirl

? Luckygirl

That's good Lucky he is getting the treatment he needs. Take care of yourself as well as your husband. Good wishes to both of you.

Very best wishes from me and I do hope that the outcome of the OP makes your OH more comfortable in the longer term.
I'm sure you've been the best carer under the most difficult circumstances, so don't give in to feelings of doubt about your efforts.
Go easy on yourself, sleep as much as possible and eat well, if only ready meals which can be quite nutritious.
A soak before bedtime (at home) can relax you enough to face whatever the morning brings.
Take care...???

Lucky there are some people who go through life under the impression that they get everything right, all of the time. I think that they are a rare breed as most of us question ourselves and re-hash things we could've/should've done better, as you are doing now. I suspect that not only were you a 'good enough' carer, but something much better than that; reading your posts I have the impression that you have had your patience tried on many occasions (every day?) and yet your care and compassion comes through very clearly. Try to stop judging yourself more harshly than you would judge others and give yourself a pat on the back for all the times you did demonstrate love and care and compassion.

Well Lucky I don't know how you could have done any better than give every waking moment to OHs needs . I just told myself that Sainthood was not my scene and had the odd spat with Jim , I am told he winked at DD1 when this happened as if to reassure us that he understood it was just me letting off steam . The operation will fix his Femur but I hope his dementia is not affected

Thinking of you, Luckygirl Hope all goes well with your OH's op.

Love to you and your husband lucky, please don’t pressurise yourself to be any particular way, just be as you are. Hope the surgery outcome is as good as it can be.

Lucky I know how you feel. I question myself all the time about did I do enough for my dad and am I doing enough for my mum. I don’t think we ever will feel we do enough. We can only do our best which I am sure you are doing that. Just try and get some rest. I hope the operation goes well.

Sending the best of best wishes to you and OH, Lucky. ??

Lots of hugs Luckygirl

Been thinking about you all as went to visit my brother.
Anno is so right, let others support you as much as possible.

Love and hugs, x jura

Long day during which he had his surgery. He deteriorated very suddenly about 4 pm - very low BP, high temp, oxygen levels haywire etc. etc. etc. - but the staff were on to it very quickly indeed . OH was in charge of the choices for treatment - he has signed a DNR declaration - but he chose for the infections to be treated. I have been having to get his meds down and ice cream etc. - but they have now put in a naso-gastric tube so that he can have all his meds without all the hassle of trying to swallow, which he has problems with at the best of times.

He feels that he may not survive all this and has talked about his funeral and the fact that he wants me to be the last person he sees; the sister on the ward is going to ring me straight away if there is a further sudden deterioration. So we just wait and see.

A long night ahead of you Luckygirl. Try to get what rest you can. I assume your daughters are with you or at least nearby.

Lucky I have nothing I can say to comfort you in this dark time, but you and yours are in my thoughts.

Oh Lucky I hope things are a bit better in the morning , so hard to watch such a frail person going through this

All our thoughts are with you Lucky

Thank you for updating us Luckygirl. I don't suppose you will rest much tonight and hope you have some reassuring news in the morning.

Such a stressful time for you and your family. Please take care of yourself.

Hold fast* Luckygirl* it may be a long dark night but keep faith in the expertise of those treating him and in the love you have for each other ?

Oh how hard is all this for you, for you all- I just cannot find the words. Hugs <3