OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Nobody could possibly say that you haven't done your absolute best for your poor husband.
If he was his old self what would he want you to do? If that room is still available, even for long enough for you to really organise care at home and have a rest yourself, then surely it makes sense to snap it up?

Have you thought about your local housing associations who may run flexicare schemes.We have one locally and they take people in for recouperation after being in hospital. The person's SW usually insitagate this for you if it is available in your area. .Might be worth looking into.It is not a permanent situation but may help short term.They deal with everything in the way of personal care, medication, laundry and deal with meals too, you can just go and visit for all day if you wish. It would mean you can go home and rest properly knowing your DH is well taken care of. for you.

I have to say I agree with those who feel you should see if that room is still available, even if only temporarily while you sort this horrendous care muddle out. It is clearly too much for you to cope with Lucky - anyone with half a brain can see that. I also agree with the suggestions that you seek legal advice to help secure the care package that your OH needs and you deserve.

You and your OH have been catastrophically let down by all the services that should be there to care for you both. All our lives we've believed that we would be able to turn for help to the NHS and other agencies as we age and fall ill. The reality today is far from that image we've carried in our heads all these years. It seems that as long as there is someone - anyone - to take over the care, no matter how unwell, unfit or downright physically unable to do so - then these authorities turn their backs and do all they can to shrug off any responsibility to provide help.

Please keep fighting Lucky and don't for one minute worry about "grumbling". Dear God, you've got every right to be screaming from the rooftops. Hugs and

Lucky I hope you get whatever help you think you need and help , especially physical help , not namby pamby promises , to make your Husband comfortable and help your care as well

The carer came for the first time today - a lovely quietly spoken man of a bout 50 and my OH really warmed to him. He tackled all the necessary jobs - just quietly getting on with it all. OH is very quietly spoken so they fitted well. A woman is coming tonight and I hope she too will be as good.

I am still reeling from what the costs will be, but already there is a sense that I can just let go of the caring tasks and their attendant worries; and it is good to think that our DD's can relate to him as Dad again, rather than finding themselves helping to change his pads - which they did very willingly; but it is not a job for them really.

How lovely to hear some good news. I don't expect it will be all plain sailing from here, but I do hope that the improvement in general will continue and that your lives will be better. Shall be thinking of you.

Great news that he accepted the carer well, and even warmed to him and felt comfortable. So much better for professional carers to deal with all the 'physical' care- allowing family and yourself to care and love for him as a person.

Let's hope that the system will work and become easier day by day. xxx

That is really good news, I continue to send kind thoughts and wish you a quiet and peaceful night

The male carer sounds ideal lucky, the relationship with your husband is so important. I hope this evenings experience was as positive and you will both rest tonight.

What a relief that your husband now has someone who can deal with his needs and who he can relate to.

I think it's all summed up in your final paragraph above Lucky. A happier outcome all round.

I'm so glad to hear good news for you and your dh, lucky. I hope it is the start of a more positive period for you.

That is good news Lucky. I found with my parents when they had carers that the ones they got on with the best came more often. They tried to match people up. They all formed quite a relationship in the end.
The cost is nothing compared to yours and your DH's well-being and it is a lot cheaper than a care home.

Thanks you for your messages.

Yesterday worked out well with the carers, but also had a bit of a downside! I went to doc about hp and knee pain and he gave me codeine. I took one dose and an hour later I was in the most extraordinary pain in chest and stomach and upper back - I was beside myself in agony. To cut a long story short, codeine can cause bile duct spasm, and boy does it hurt! I am taking them back to the surgery today.

I have had two other occasions when I have had similar pain and lost consciousness (the last time for 40 minutes). I have googled it and am sure that I have Sphincter of Oddi Dysfunctions (SOD!!) which is rare but happens in people who have no gall bladder.

So....it never rains and all that. But I am sitting here waiting for the carer and happy that I am not the one who will be changing the bed etc. - I leave the room and leave them to it. Phew!

Oh blimey lucky you didn’t need that. I hope the GP can suggest a different pain relief for you.

Here’s hoping today goes well.

Sorry to hear that Lucky. I also have no gall bladder and didn't know that. I also hope the doc can find an alternative.

It must be such a relief to have the carers taking over all the difficult tasks, leaving you free to just be there for your OH. So good, too, that your OH warmed to the male carer - having a bond with someone so involved with your intimate care is so important.

But oh Lucky what an ordeal for you with the codeine - that must have been very frightening, and something you could have done without at a time like this. I remember your episodes of losing consciousness, and how scared you felt. Thank heavens that didn't happen this time! I do hope your GP can prescribe other pain relief that doesn't affect you in this way.

Sending hugs and positive vibes. And and instead of as you must be awash with them now

Just popping in to see how you are xxxxx

Crikey Lucky, that sounds like a very nasty reaction, talk about is never rains but it pours (which it has been doing quite a lot here today). I hope soon you'll be able to take time out for yourself and not just to go to the doc! Something nice like a catch-up with friends. xx

Seen GP and conclusion is that I have SOD - hmmm! - which is Sphincter of Oddi Dysfunction. It fits with all the problems that I have had (acute pain making me lose consciousness and liver function tests up the spout) and it is good to have an explanation - it has happened independently of the codeine as well. But it accounts for the agony I was in when they gave me morphine and codeine after hip replacement. She has given me anti-spasmodic to try and prevent it happening again and is consulting gastro bods about latest treatment.

OH very weak today - not able to stand really. Waiting patiently for bureaucracy to grind slowly towards getting him a night catheter. Has to be a specialist team apparently!

Thanks for the update lucky. Hopefully your DH will get a catheter quickly and your meds can be sorted out .

Midnight wee debacle! - oh joy - I had to get the washing machine going and am running out of drying space - bring back the sun please! Carer had been and everything was neat, tidy and clean before she left - and then..........!

Now on crutches with b*** knee. You have to keep a sense of humour here! It is a bit of a mad house.

Oh Lucky I remember the scenario well . I hope you get a nanny nap during the day to rest that knee (((((hugs))))))

Thank God for your sense of humour Lucky ???

Oh Luckygirl, those midnight ‘lavatory’ issues are enough to finish you some days aren’t they! Do hope you got some peace if not sleep afterwards. Fingers crossed that bureaucracy gets off it’s arse today.

((((Hugs)))) lucky.