OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Oh dear Lucky it's sad to read of your continuing struggles to get the best, most appropriate care for your DH and now you need some medical treatment. It worries me about patients who don't have a Luckygirl fighting for them. Hope your efforts today are successful.

Don't be too proud to accept help. Do get to the Dr as soon as you can about your knee. Sending warm wishes. xx

lucky I’m so sad to read how things are. The fact that in the past you’ll have fought for many your clients to get vital support services makes it all the sadder. All I can do is wish you well and encourage to stay strong in accepting nothing less than the best option - for you both.

I second what everyone else has said.
You must not in any way feel guilty and you can only do so much.
You are entitled to a life of your own and of course you will feel resentful if this is curtailed I know from experience.
I hope a solution can be found hopefully in respite care before your DH comes home.
Sending love and hugs.

My heart goes out to you Luckygirl. The experience you relate is so so familiar to me, and so soul destroying. All I can say is the only way to survive is finding some way to prioritise your own needs, and not feeling guilty. I don't have advice, just best wishes, and every one on here is rooting for you.

Good morning Luckygirl. Hope you slept and your knee is less painful. x

I think that if the respective situations were reversed so lucky was the one with PD and all the other health issues, and her husband were the one who would have to do the looking after, there would be no question about him doing the caring on his own at home.

Good post baggs.

Morning lucky, hope you have had a reasonable night.

That’s an excellent point Baggs.

Lucky has a psychiatrist seen your DH to advise on medication for the paranoia? If it is decided at any stage that your DH should come home please insist on a home visit so the OTs can uncover any physical problems that are likely to occur. They will assess whether it is safe to let your DH home. Try and take a day at a time and don't feel guilty. You can only do your best. x

Agree baggs.

Baggs well said!

Indeed- true for sure.

Hope things are being sorted - sending good wishes your way xx

Thank you for all your posts - I appreciate your concern and support.

mumofmadboys - the paranoia has only arisen since his fall and the surgery - he has been put on quetiapine which does seem to start to alleviate this about mid-afternoon. We already have hospital bed/air mattress and cushion/riser-recliner chair/shower rails/stools etc. etc. - and they have just delivered a wheeled commode to go over the toilet. I doubt he will ever go in the shower again now though - I guess someone (district nurse or carer) will have to bed bath him. This kit is all well and good but depends on me being able to use it - I could not wheel him on the commode for instance.

Baggs - your point is well made. The continuing care health funding has an initial checklist and he was marked "low need" on drugs administration as I would be there to do it. The assessment is meant to be based on his health needs, not on when I will or will not be there which is an irrelevance.

Today he was very paranoid in the morning, but slightly saner this evening. He is desperate to come home. His mobility is zilch without someone alongside, propping him up and maintaining his safety. He leans back when using the frame and is likely to fall backwards.

It is a catch 22 - he hates it in hospital; but I have no idea how I might cope when he comes home. What a mess.

It is indeed a mess ! the comode is a non starter , I remember getting oh on it , but no way could I get him off it , this was pre hoist days , and anyway I wasn;t allowed to use it ............ elf and safety !
I am/ was quite strong and an ex physio , so I could do a bit of lifting and transferring , but I doubt you could
The leaning back will not get better , you end up nearly carrying the poor man , and I think you are too frail
I think get yourself a stick and a few tears and tell them you CANNOT do it

Might it be possible to ask to meet his physio and O.T and demonstrate that with the best will in the world you will not be able to help him as they imagine?

Did you see the demo on how to use a commode lucky, - just wondering if you video'd it for our enjoyment!

Not sure if a bit of humour is acceptable Lucky - so hope you don't mind.

When I was first in digs in SW London. I told the family that at hope I kept my clothes at home in a beautiful walnut commode. They gave me that look - and it took me literally years before I knew why. In French a 'commode' is a chest of drawers (commode being an adjective that means 'practical and useful') xxx

As momb said you can only do your best, there is no shame in not being able to cope with your Other Half's very complex needs. You must be quite clear with the medical team about your own capabilities. Please take care of yourself too.

Morning lucky. Hope things are ok with you and dh.

Thanks kitty - I have this dreaded grilling for the continuing care team this morning. I have no wish to go through all this as I feel utterly drained, but what else can I do?

from not for. Let us hope my brain is a bot sharper by the time I get there.

Sending strong vibes to you xxxx

Wishing you well today Lucky

Good luck with the meeting