OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Morning lucky. Just hoping you had a reasonable night. I wish we could be more help.

Been travelling last couple of days and no internet.

How hard that is for all of you - and again, perhaps you should accept (and I don't say that lightly- I am sure this would be so hard) - that you are not able to take this full time caring rôle - without adequate support- either at home or in a specialised home.

I am so sorry this is being so hard for you- what do your DDs say- surely they must be aware this is impossible for you. xxxxx

I can empathise about the on and on and on obsession , but that doesn't help , so hard to turn off or try to deflect his obsession I am afraid I used to take myself off to another room , or turn the tv up . I hope the carers are sympathetic .
I really can't understand why you have to hire them yourself , you need to get the SW to get you funding

Oh Lucky it is a horrible situation to be in. I know what you mean about the anxiety and obsession with bodily functions as my dad used to be the same. Of course the more they stress about it the worse it gets. I really hope you can find a solution next week as you need to look after yourself. ((Hugs))

I just posted a message to you lucky but it’s not here - I wonder where I put it ?.
I am so sorry you have so much to cope with and that you have been badly let down in the NHS/SS department. Trying to look after someone when you are fit and well is one thing but when you are in such pain yourself and on crutches, it must be really hard. Hope you are provided with some form of help at home soon. Sounds as though you could do with some TLC yourself. Take care lucky ((hugs))

Thanks Ginny - I do not feel very brave today; TBH I am not sure I can do this. Worse than the physical immobility and incontinence is his extraordinary anxiety. He just obsesses about the same things (usually relating to bodily functions) and talks about nothing else all day, all day, all day. I am worn out with it already.

Add in the crutches I am now having to use because of extremely painful knee and hip (replaced but always been hopeless), and I am quite beyond it all today. I am seriously considering live-in carers, which would wipe out our finances.

It's so disappointing to hear how you are struggling to get the support you need Lucky. It shouldn't be like this. You have shown amazing resolve in your efforts to get things done right, Let's hope the new aid will be operational from tomorrow. Fingers firmly crossed for you.

I listened to the enquiry into mental health care (or rather the lack of) in Leeds and it was a similar story, with families going round in circles and being left for months caring for very sick relatives.

Hugs for being brave.

Thanks Lazigirl - I appreciate your ideas.

And I endorse the hassle bit - there is help available, but getting your hands on it is such a huge challenge. I spend vast quantities of time on the phone getting sent around in circles. There is a fatal flaw in the system and it is utterly exhausting. In fact in some ways it is more hassle than the actual care.

My mother is bed/chair bound and has a similar stand-aid but your OHs looks better, and easier to use. It couldn't be used by her carers at home until they had been trained, obviously a safety requirement and my mother does need two carers. A useful tip from her carers was to get some puppy training sheets (don't laugh) for when her pads leak. They are much softer to lie on than regular inco ones. She has now been supplied with more absorbent night pads by community store, after much hassle and DN stating they were not available on NHS - they are. Everything seems such a hassle. She has only just been given an electric ripple type bed, after being at home with care for 17 months. Hope you have an easier time Lucky, and I hope your own health improves. It is so hard, more so when you are not fit yourself. Big hugs.

Ginny unfortunately Lucky's DH is not strong enough to pull himself up and there will also be a problem when he is on the bed again because it will take two to position him comfortably and properly. I cannot see it in use until Monday I am afraid.

Can't you just use it Lucky? The man in the video was quite strong though and able to pull himself up. I'd be inclined to use it and let them sign it off later! The carer's manager is having a weekend break and you need one too.

That hoist is so easy to use, it does not take rocket science. It could also be used for standing your DH out of bed to relieve his buttocks from the pressure.

I also noticed he did not apply a brake.

Lucky have you considered a conveen catheter for your husband?

It's external - like a condom but attached to a drainage tube and bag. Very easy to roll-on/off.

catheter condom

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Da9Jml2P4q8

Here it is - brilliant - but I notice the guy in the video forgot to put the brakes on first!

Someone I know had a hoist for her DH but could not have him home from hospital until both she and the carers had had training in how to use the hoist.
She said - 'just let him come home, I'll fathom out how to use it myself!'.

Sara stedy... remember to use the brake before loading and unloading... best wishes

it isn't a frame it is a sort of hoist (I think) OH had one it means the user can stand and sit on a seat while the carer pushes it over the next seat/commode/bed , lots of different versions and the Physio used to come and make sure that the carer who was there could understand the way to use it . the others learnt by osmosis

It would happen on a Friday afternoon because I am certain that nobody of any importance will be at work before Monday. What does the manager know that the physio does not I wonder?

What type of frame is it? How to waste another couple of days without really trying. Maybe you could use it in between times?!!!!

I had forgotten about that bit .. sigh , I wasn't supposed to use it either , but guess what needs must . Even the ambulance man couldn't use it nor the hoists , so I did it for them , it isn't rocket science !

Crazy rules! As if life isn't difficult enough... I am pleased to see that some progress is being made, though, however slowly the wheels turn.

It reminds me of how the carer was not allowed to use or administer anything prescribed - even barrier cream- unless it had been “signed off” on the care sheets. So I used to do it instead.

Flipping heck, lucky!!

* lucky* you just couldn’t make it up. Thank goodness you still have a sense of humour, it’ll serve you well. x

A standing aid has been delivered!!! - brand new and brilliant! All denonstrated by the physio - just what is needed! - hooray! But guess what? - the carer has just arrived and she cannot use it until her manager has seen it and OK'd it. It is a mad, mad, mad world here!

I used to buy my dad's pads from Age Uk. They were very good and have quite an assortment.