OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

I hope things go well today and on Saturday, lucky. You really must go away too. I think you should stand firm.

And, I hope you get a better carer today.

You are doing a great job but need breaks to be able to do so effectively.

So sorry to hear of your husbands fracture. You are doing such an amazing job being both his carer and advocate and it’s so good you’re taking time out from this routine to go to a festival. Like they say on the plane put your oxygen mask first so that you can help others. Taking time out is so important to be able to continue caring for another person. Good luck re the air bed, I had to fight the hospital to get one for my mum in hospital, it seems like you husband in a good hospital ( my mother’s the nurses were heartless ) but it made such a difference. She was so thin, beds were agony. I ended up finding a physio on another ward who agreed with me and found her one. Sending a huge hug and wanted to tell you, you’re doing amazing. Hope you can have the occasional wine and scream into pillow when it all gets to much. Xox

you must do that which is best for you and of course DH. Hope you can find someone reliable and caring for your DH.

You could do nothing else lucky. I’m sorry you have more aggro to sort but pleased you are tackling the issue. Good for you. Here’s hoping for a more experienced and down to earth replacement. Sleep well.

Things are a bit problematical - as they are bound to be at times.

I broached the subject of me going away to the music festival for 4 days and he had a "flid", as we call it round here. I simply do not know what to do.

And to make things worse, this evening, without warning, the agency sent a different carer, whom we have never met before, and she was useless. She was very tiny and rather "drippy" - the others have been sensible, down-to-earth and have just rolled up their sleeves and got stuck in with kindness and respect. This lady just dripped about the place - to be fair she did not know him - and left him in bed in a position where he would have had to sleep the night with his knees up; and she did not empty his leg bag. I asked her if she had put a new pad on and she just looked totally vague, so I asked if it was dry and she said she did not know.

I had booked care for OH tomorrow for several hours and also all day Saturday, as I am conducting and singing in two events - I cannot just duck out and leave the conductorless. I have discovered that this wimpy lady is the person who will be with him. There is no way that I can happily leave him with her.

So........on the grounds that I am paying a fortune for all this, I have bitten the bullet and just emailed the agency and asked for it to be someone different. I feel a bit bad about this - I just said that OH and her were "not a good match" - but the care has to be right. I just cannot see her rolling up her sleeves and dealing with the sort of crap that I have to deal with - and I think my OH will feel nervous with her here.

Bit awkward really but what else can I do?

Sigh.

Hoping things are not
any worse xxx

I hope that things have settled down and you are getting some respite from being on constant alert. xx

Alleluia for a night’s sleep and good carers, hopefully there may be a third good thing today! Fingers crossed. .

Oh it's so good to read that 'they are kind, efficient and concerned'. Wonderful! You must feel much happier. Glad you both slept and feel rested. Take care. x

We both slept well last night - if you don't count the soaking bed. He was knocked out by the traumas of the last few days - he is very weak and floppy this morning and carer is struggling to get him up to change the bed. Thank goodness that the carers are kind, efficient and concerned for his welfare.

Morning lucky. Hope you had a good rest.

Luckygirl I just read the recent developments and I am so sorry you and your poor DH had to go through with this. A similar situation happened to my mother in law, luckily for everybody she was in hospital at the time. Just wonder why the nurses let a patient go 9 days without giving an enema! Hope things improve a little now

Words fail me Luckygirl I can't believe the NHS is reduced to this..
I wish I could help but can only hope things settle down for you both. Take any opportunity you can for a rest and change of scenery, you need to recharge your batteries to keep caring for your partner.

I’m delighted the GP was able to resolve the obstruction and your husband is more comfortable lucky but have a deep sadness at the lack of care, understanding and compassion. Angry? Of course as you must be although my overriding feeling is that of helplessness. I hope today proves a lighter and less worrying day for you both.

It makes alarming reading and one wonders how many other families are dealing with such trauma just to get a loved one in pain treated promptly with compassion and dignity. Yes, it certainly makes one fearful of being in a similar predicament.

It's very wrong and should be reported to the health care authorities and to the political decision makers, but poor Luckygirl is exhausted from the fight, how can she take on a battle? She would need a PA to catalogue the neglect of her DH's care and the shocking lack of support she has endured.

I'm sure we are all angry about the way she has had to shoulder the bulk of the caring for her OH. Perhaps we can let our MPs know of our alarm at the state of the NHS as experienced by people like our friend Lucky and that it's about real people who are struggling to provide nursing care for loved ones at home, not merely an exercise in economics. It's shameful and I would be embarrassed for other nations to know that this is how we care for the sick in this country.

Luckygirl perhaps we should rename you Pluckygirl because boy have you shown some backbone throughout this awful time, especially as you have been in pain too. Warmest wishes. x

The medical staff must be aware of the problems that people with Parkinson's have with bowel movements and neither of you should have had to go through all that.

Perhaps your GP surgery needs to be shown this thread and see exactly how your DH's care is lacking and how you are struggling.

I agree with everything Day6 says and I feel very on your behalf too.

oh my, just catching up as been away to Leamington for a few days. What a ** nonsense and so awful for you all. Hope the B situation (no not that B) ... will be taken seriously and kept ‘moving’ now they realise how quickly things go wrong. Hugs xxx

Where does the buck stop, with community care? Just wondering, because nobody seems accountable.

It seems all problems are passed on and carers have to be persistent (even when tired and stressed out) and knowledgeable as well as somewhat forceful/articulate to be listened to. Even then the response is shamefully lacking.

Oh dear! Am so sorry you and your OH are having to go through all this hassle. If anyone reading this thinks that Luckygirl's situation is unusual, I can say that it unfortunately isn't, and unless you experience first hand the farce that is laughingly referred to as "community care" nowadays you couldn't believe it. Is there any med he is able to take Lucky to prevent a replay of the situation?

And people wonder why I think I am going mad - is it me, or is there some serious flaw in this system!?

Luckygirl I am tearing my hair out for you!!

I am so angry on your behalf, and your circumstances must make all of us (getting on in age) fearful of what may happen should we find ourselves caring for elderly loved ones. I did it years ago, for over three years. for my mother, and at the time I know I was fuming because only a diagnosis of terminal cancer seemed to get us any proper and timely help for her. If someone at home is conscientious and reliable they are allowed to carry on caring with minimum assistance. If and when they report problems and distress the system is either very slow or it fails. It really isn't good enough

Your circumstances are dire Luckygirl and you must let people know that (with the best will in the world) you are not up to giving your OH the amount of care that is needed.

It is deplorable that you are being left to do this with minimum assistance and when there is an emergency like a bowel obstruction the system sends signals all round the houses but nothing actually happens to alleviate the problem! It is incompetence beyond belief! The situation is passed from pillar to post.

It really is a very shabby system when care is not immediate. Your OH is frail, agitated, in pain, yet it seems getting the medical care he so desperately needs will only happen if you call for an ambulance.

I am so angry on your behalf. There has to be a better monitoring system for those with nursing needs discharged from hospital to home. I am appalled by the slack and useless system you have encountered - long term , since your OH's operation. It's is negligent.

I'll catch up with the rest of the posts now. I am so sorry you are going through this. Do all in your power (yet another uphill struggle though ) to get that break you so richly deserve.

This is beyond ridiculous. Your poor OH, he must have been so uncomfortable. And poor you, Lucky.

I want to say this really can't go on, but realistically, it probably will...

It was probably a relief too!

Thank goodness it's dealt with for now. Maybe it'll be flagged up on his records and the situation will get more attention in future.

So glad to hear this news. If OH refuses to take an aperient would he eat prunes or drink prune juice? Or could you crush Sennakot tabs and add them to something? Sometimes you have to be devious.
Hope you both sleep well.

That's must be a releif all round - in all senses.