Husbands dementia

We should all have a LPA, none of us know whether we will be subject to serious head injury or a condition that might rob us of our ability to manage our own affairs. You can word the LPA so that you can register it with the Court of Protection but it does not become effective until the person granting it has lost mental capacity. £500 sounds a lot to me, my mother's accountant did hers for less than half of this and it is not that difficult to do yourself. Could I suggest you both make LPAs ? your husband might acknowledge then that it is a kind of insurance that will make life much easier for your family in the future rather than something which will cause him emotional distress now.

You could take advice from a 30 minute free session offered by many solicitors. Best get advice from professionals or those with extensive experience, e.g Alzheimers Society

That's exactly what i said!

I think whilst your friends are technically correct I think they are also panicking you unnecessarily.

He can still have capacity AND be diagnosed with early dementia. There is time to sort the POAs out.

I had exactly the same problems as you Luckygirl when trying to sort out my father's POA.

Arranging the PoAs for an aunt and uncle were complicated because they had consulted their bank some years previously and as a result made all their bank accounts joint. By the time we came to sorting out the POAs they were no longer able to deal with their affairs and it couldn't be changed.

That is such good advice about not trusting advice from bank but seeking appropriate legal advice MOnica. In my experience most of the staff don't have a clue, and there seems to be only a few who have been trained to deal with PoA. I had to make an appointment with one when dealing with PoA for my mother, but know a few people who have been given completely incorrect advice by bank staff.

Excellent advice MOnica! I rechecked our POAs against your observations/advice to make sure and all seems ok.

I wonder why people are so ignorant regarding POAs. When we redid ours we needed friends who had known us for a certain time to certify we knew what we were doing, were of sound mind etc. and they could not believe it was necessary to have a POA at all! My friend's husband has already survived one stroke And is getting frailer but still sees no need for a POA as 'surely P (his wife) will be able to take care of everything'. ! Words fail me!

You both need to take out POAs. We have had them in place since we were in our 40s. Old age is not a prerequisite for sudden (or gradual) incapacity.

DH and I have had to deal with the last years of four couples in our families and the two who did not have POAs caused us endless problems.

A particular problem you will face (we did) is where all bank accounts are joint and where the couple name different attorneys. Usually couples share trustees, including each other. In your case, as your DH is diagnosed with dementia it would be unwise to name him on your POA. Make sure you both name the same second attorney on both POAs, a child, trusted friend or, if these do not exist, a solicitor. Cheques on joint accounts must be signed by someone representing both account holders.
The alternative is to have different trustees but separate your finances and have separate bank accounts.

Also make sure that your trustees can exercise their power jointly and severally. A friend had a POA for her mother jointly with her husband, but not severally. Her DH died suddenly. This immediately invalidated the POA because one of the signatories had died and it was joint only. On top of everything else associated with her DH's death, our friend had to sort out a new POA for her mother, who by then had severe dementia, so she had to go through the Court of Protection.

But as others say talk to a solicitor. Do not discuss it with the bank, as many can tell you, they are still culpably ignorant about the law and circumstances surrounding POAs.

Please remember the position in Scotland is not the same as in England. When we moved from Glasgow to London we had to make new POAs. Please check your facts rather than take/ give advice over the net. Some posters here live in Scotland, some in England and the two have different legal systems and laws.

I’m about to do Power of Attorney both for finance and health should anything happen while I’m having an operation. The last thing my daughter would need is the angst and awkwardness of going to court should I be unable to make decisions for myself, but I hope it is never needed! Here is a link my financial advisor sent me, I hope it helps. Good luck.

www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

Thanks kitty I’m not sure. We made them years ago & just thought, job done.
I’ll check up on it.

janea, if I understand correctly, your children are named on PoAs for you and DH but you are not? If that is the case, they could over rule you (or dh) in any decision making.

In reality, I was never asked to show my POA when mum was having treatment but it could happen.

Sorry if I've misunderstood your situation.

Beg pardon kitty - missed that. But someone certainly has to be deemed to have the mental capacity to make an unpressured decision for P of A. And I always think that it is better to get them done sooner rather than later.

We took action on ours when my mother had dementia and we saw the struggle that Dad had. He went even further than a PofA and set up a joint bank account with my brother - he put a substantial amount in it, that fully covered the funeral and assorted expenses that appeared between then and the will being sorted - e.g. service charge on his sheltered flat whilst it was being sold.

Someone above suggested that PofA not needed between married partners, but I think the need for this has been amply demonstrated by Saxifrage

Sorry Lucky it was me
I stand corrected.
We have a Lasting POAs with the DCs. I will have to check whether they are valid between me & DH.

I will repeat what I said above.

A diagnosis does not mean that someone is deemed not to have capacity. Although it is important to get PoAs done it's not vital before a diagnosis.

Someone above suggested that PofA not needed between married partners, but I think the need for this has been amply demonstrated by Saxifrage.

We did ours years ago - we are the first named on each others', and the children are also named.

I have had a problem when discussing financial things as the credit card company, for instance, needs to speak to my OH and have him OK them discussing things with me, as he is the first named on the account. My OH has no clue at all about our finances and cannot use the phone very well, but so far, when needed, he has come to the phone to confirm that they can deal with me. It is only a matter of time before I will need to invoke the PofA in such circumstances.

Please get them done asap - and certainly before any diagnosis is reached. I did ours myself without a solicitor and had no problem doing it.

We have just done this for FIL. It cost, I think, £160 for both health and financial. The forms were not massively complicated, FIL aged 90 filled them in without difficulty. You really don’t need a solicitor.

The Office of The Public Guardian are really helpful and I believe you can save the online form as you do it and print it out at the end.

Age UK are really helpful for lots of things and have brilliant downloads on the website.

It cost us about five hundred pounds to get an enduring power of attorney (Scotland ) . We nominated each other then if this is not suitable the children step in. This covers all care money etc . It is worth maybe making sure all untilites like power also insurance for house etc. are in joint names. I also feel happy having an amount of money in my name only and a credit card in my own name . Make sure you have a knowledge of all income and outgoings and investments etc..

We've used a law firm and indeed they are expensive but I believe age uk can help and I don't think they charge that much. It's worth asking. I may well be wrong but I was told they charge a reasonable fee . They were still sorting it out so we went to a law firm who had our wills.

If you are ok with form filling it's reasonably easy to download forms for LPoA and save money on solicitors fees. You do have to make sure you fill forms accurately as they will refuse to register if any mistakes at all. You can get forms and information on how to complete on www.gov.uk-power-of-attorney.

Elenkalubleton I'm late to the party here but I'd reiterate what everyone else had advised. Do get professional advice. Setting up Lasting POA is as essential as a will, which I imagine you already have.

You can try presenting it to your Dh as it giving you yourself peace of mind and allaying your own fears. Also, tell him that if you don't do this it could end up costing a lot more than £500! My IL's didn't have any such set up and the state powers took thousands and thousands of pounds from them over the years.

We are also supporting friends, younger than your Dh, one of whom has dementia. They have been muddling along for a while but the dementia went over a cliff edge in the space of two weeks over the summer and he is now in care. The POA has made a difficult period of life somewhat easier, as it's enabled rapid decisions to be made without having to go through a long rigmarole.

Having said which, I need to set up POA for ourselves. New Years resolution, I think.

Why not suggest that you both get both kinds of LPAs which as others have said makes good sense, and he won’t feel it’s just him.

Thankyou all for your advice,I have just showed him your posts,and of course he dosnt think it’s necessary,and it cost £500! I’m still working on him.

Lots of good advice above but as my husband has dementia, diagnosed 2 years ago, I just wanted to add a word. There's no question you should get Lating Power of Attorney now for both of you, ideally with a couple of other people as Attorneys as well. Eg your children or other close friends or relatives. My husband still has good understanding and helps with financial decisions but I have already used and needed our LPOAs. For instance I needed to check on a savings account which although it was in joint names he was the first named on the policy. They wouldn't give me internet access without the LPOA. Also all our credit cards are in joint names but they will only talk to the main account holder. He hates talking on the phone and is no longer very coherent. Good luck with your appointment, as others have said you may still have years of still having good times. We are just preparing for a dinner party we are giving tonight with lovely old friends and life feels pretty good.