Mother of the bride nerves

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This was our toastmaster - very easy to google one - just toastmaster+ county

We hired a professional Mof C - he was utterly wonderful - the wedding venue recommended him. Everyone else could relax and his ‘instructions’ in his lovely but loud voice were always immediately obeyed

Cheesecake, I'm sorry to hear about your anxiety in the run up to what everyone assumes is a wonderful, happy business.

I experienced similar feelings, waking up every morning for months beforehand with queasy dread. On the actual day, it turned out that the parents of the happy couple were NOT, in any way, the focus of attention! Which was good!

I do recommend Bach Rescue Remedy, available from chemists. The front of the bottle says "To comfort and reassure", which I find it does. I also decided beforehand that I would only have two alcoholic drinks during the day, as I couldn't bear the thought of being the worse-for-wear so publicly and in photos. I'm glad I did, as I felt very in control. No one commented if I chose a soft drink - and in the end I did enjoy a cheeky third one later in the evening!

I hope you'll feel reassured by the experiences of the other grans here who have 'gone before', and can wear a nice outfit, a big smile and know that This Will Pass.

Talk to your daughter and see if there is a family member who will act as a”Master of Ceremonies” - he/she will act as host and direct everything. Wear something new that you are happy wearing - don’t choose a BIG hat ( I made that mistake once! ) you can then appear in the photographs - smile and shake hands with everyone and enjoy your day. It’s easy to sign the register! I’ve been the “Mum” at one son’s wedding and at three daughter’s weddings. They shouldn’t need you to organise anything - you must tell them how you feel - how about asking the bridegroom’s mum to take a leading role, she’d be flattered. It doesn’t have to be you. Have a lovely day

Cheesecake, so much good advice already posted. Look gorgeous, beam at everyone, relax and ENJOY. It's all you have to do and everyone will think you have been absolutely gracious and charming - as you will have been. ??

On the day I don't think you will be nervous or panicky once it starts as you will be "In it" and enjoying it. If you find you have panic attacks before hand or sleepless nights, talk to your Doctor or use Kalms or similar. There is also Rescue Remedy which you just put a few drops on your tongue and it works.

You seem to be hearing the good advice re relaxing and letting the feelings go as described by other posters and if you can put that or similar into practice I think that would be very helpful. Look on You tube for a video on relaxation. Emotional Freedom Technic (EFT, tapping) is very good. When you watch it you might be a bit sceptical as I was but it worked for me.

Weddings, are such lovely occasions cheesecake that I'm sure on the day you will be swept up in the happiness of it all. Most attention will be on the bride anyway.
But I know how you feel. I will be the only grandparent at the wedding of my grandaughter later this year, and by far
the oldest person there, so hope they`don't expect me to turn cartwheels or something!

Sorry it's about them.

I was at my sons wedding last year and I was a bit nervous for various reasons however on the day it was so quick and busy the nerves just went. You won't centre of attention so get that into your head.nuts about them and their day enjoy and start feeling excited x

I hate flying and have beta blocker to take in case I feel panicky. Didn't need it on last long haul flight but loved knowing it was there
Try to work out exactly what it is that worries you - if clothes, get them. If social stuff, do a family tree of new family and give one of yours to your d's future m-in-law.

I got into exactly this kind of state about a big family event where I was one of the main players although not the 'star' as it were. A kind friend pointed out that nobody was likely to be looking at me; I had a discreet outfit that I liked and felt comfortable in, and she talked me though it, asking if I particularly noticed anyone at another event a few weeks before and, no, I hadn't. If I had been dressed in glittering lurex or a crinoline it might have been a different matter of course but on the day everything was fine. It's always the anticipation, isn't it, that gets you? Reality is often so much less stressful than we imagine. Breathe deeply cheesecake, concentrate on the young couple and I'm sure you will have a lovely time.

My main fear at my DD's wedding was that I would wet myself (I'm a tenalady) and I did while enjoying the Ceilidh dancing. But I had come prepared with a full set of underwear and soon rejoined the party. I also took a migraine, though I hadn't had one for years. Went to reception who produced a couple of soluble aspirin and a glass of water, sat quietly in a dark corner until the worst had passed, then back to business.

No one noticed these absences. Proof that MofB is NOT the centre of attention.

Whatever happens you won't ruin the wedding. Something always goes wrong and usually everyone is very entertained! The band we had arranged went to the wrong hotel-in a different town! It didn't matter at all. It was a lovely day and yours will be too.

My DS and DIL asked me to do a reading during their wedding ceremony. Altho I was used to public speaking with my job, I am such a cry baby at weddings, even more so when it’s my own babies ! So my nerves were on high alert..... However, I felt so privileged that they had asked me, I just took a deep breath and went for it. I did have a contingency plan for DD to take over if I faltered, but luckily just a couple of tears emerged .... then all went fine.

Hi Cheesecake you will be fine As other’s have said you will not have to be a host at all At my daughters wedding they had arranged it all themselves I just went with her to choose her dress and have a few tears same with my daughter in law
At daughters wedding I was their to calm her nerves as the bouquet had darker white roses in with the red ones and she had a panic so I got the photographer a friend of the family to take her photo with her holding it and he said it was actually better for the photos as her dress was Ice white She was running late so just her and her new husband just stood in the line of p and us and his parents just went through to the top table as there was plenty of times afterward to talk to guests At my sons wedding it was a shorter ceremony and it made us all laugh when my son was saying his vows and when it came to his middle name he turned to us and stuck his tongue out after he said it as he had never mentioned that he had never been keen on it LOL so that was a talking point afterwards Others are right the day goes too fast so take in every moment and enjoy

All the eyes will be on the bride. Not you so don't worry about it.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and advice. Applegran, that's a really interesting approach. I'm going to give it a go and see. damewithaname, your post has got me quite teary (in a good way!)

You'll be fine and the day will be outstanding! When you see your whole heart standing up there ready to start her out story, you'll be so proud that you raised her.

You are not the host nor the centre of attention so get that into your head. buy a gorgeous outfit in which you feel comfortable - probably very few people will even talk to you. Worrying about nothing.

Who would you like to be with on the day? What about having a designated chum and ask them just to be there for you as a no d of home base for the day? Tell them your worries in advance. Someone cheery.

I remarried after 7 years widowhood ( horrible word!) we planned our wedding which was quite big and paid for it including hotels for some of the guests ( our choice).I was getting stressed and panicky until a week before the day. I suddenly said to myself - stop it- it’s for us and we want to share it. We can’t do any more. If things go wrong - well not a lot we can do on the day. I really enjoyed it including the additional speech I made to raise a glass to out late partners. It was a wonderful day and I’m sure yours will be as well.

Cheesecake - you may find that if you sit quietly and look inside yourself at the fear of panic (it doesn't sound like panic itself) and just sit there feeling it, it will actually dissolve after a bit; its a bit like digesting something and then its over. Sitting feeling the feeling works if you DROP the thoughts about it all - just distance yourself from them, and if need be, remind yourself that they are only thoughts, they are not The Truth. Have a wonderful day!

I felt exactly the same about both my children's weddings but on the day I just went with the flow and just let it happen. I had a wonderful time at both. Just be assured you are not the centre of attention and although it is a big day in your daughters life you are not losing her.

Go to a hypnotist and get some help. It is going to be such a wonderful day.

lulu I know that feeling of getting "in a state" for no apparent reason, I do that to myself every now and again.

I would buy over the counter tablets e.g. Kalms and take them as directed e.g. 3 x a day for a day or two before plus on the day and drink one of the calming herbal teas, so many to choose from now. I did just that for my daughter's wedding, plus shared the advice with the groom, who was also overcome by nerves on the day. And it worked.

As an aside, at my son's wedding a few years ago, I did a reading with the bride and groom facing me, and instead of paying attention, my son chortled a bit and then pointedly turned around and looked at his sister, who got the giggles. Afterwards they told me it was because I had come over in a "posh voice"!

Good luck and enjoy the day.