Narcissistic Personality Disorder - how to cope?

ps but I am sorry that you had such an awful upbringing and dreadful mother , I cannot imagine what that must have been like as a young child.

Yes sorry Jalima we have hijacked your thread. I sympathise you have to deal with such people.
It's not My Thread and I hope other posters realise that overthehill and all others.

I don't have anyone like that to deal with, thank goodness.

Someone called Heckter is the OP.

I pity the solicitor who takes this matter on from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you Humpty yes I am very happy now since I met my second husband age 26 my life changed for the better. My difficult childhood did affect my teenage years but luckily it made me strong and self-sufficient

Yes sorry Jalima we have hijacked your thread. I sympathise you have to deal with such people.

Unfortunately they will never see your point of view, they are always right

overthehill that is very sad to read. I do hope your life is happier now.

Missfoodlove I'm on your side as I to suffered at the hands of a narcissistic mother and if you haven't had the misfortune to experience it, then you can't really judge.
I was subjected to what I would term mental abuse as an only child with my NPD mother. Not to bore you all to much detail this is a small example.

I was constantly told I was to be sent away to boarding school. This upset me and made me cry and I would beg her not to. When I reached around 9 I realised money was needed for boarding school and she would always tell me there wasn't any. I said 'yes' I would like to go. This had the desired effect and the threats ended.
My mothers form of punishment was to ignore me, not for an hour or even a day but for days and sometimes a week at a time. After many attempts by me to literally get down on my knees and beg forgiveness she would forgive but never forget as she told me. I never knew by the way what I had done. I would leave for school she'd say bye, I'd come home and she wouldn't talk to me.

Armed with my latest knowledge I decided that instead of begging forgiveness I wouldn't do it anymore and hopefully she would stop constantly ignoring me.

Well this backfired in spectacular fashion and she never spoke to me again in a friendly manner until I'd left school and was at work.

There is so, so much more but she was queen and me and my dad were her surfs.

Jalima1108 Me too, which is why I keep returning despite my better judgement.

Well, I am still rather as to the point of this thread.

Is it to discuss the legal position re the flats or is it to discuss personality disorders?

Hekter, from your posts it seems that 1 person in your community is on the "Narcissists" side, one neighbour who doesn't wish to get involved and the other we don't know about. It only seems to be you who is upset at this Company Secretary's actions. Forgive me if I have summarised this incorrectly. I am not doubting that the CS has the traits you say but that doesn't necessarily make them a narcissist which is a very serious accusation. It seems there are a lot of people who have responded with similar thoughts so that might just be something to consider before you start feeling defamed on this forum. Whatever the rights or wrongs of the situation though, I do hope you get the flood situation sorted out so you can relax about that.

Sorry .Jane , I was explaining to Heckter not you

I know Anniebach I was just trying to summarise my objections!

Dementia is not a mental illness

No one is arguing that mental illness isn't a serious matter. What many of us don't like about your approach is how you are trying to mix in amateur diagnoses with what are straight forward legal matters. Stick to facts not speculation.

Sorry but you are diagnosing dementia and personality disorder and I really believe this to be unfair

Interesting. Which is more cruel: quadriplegia or severe mental illness that is undiagnosed? In recent months the media have been attempting to get the public to accept that there is as much mental illness as physical, and there is no shame in disordered thinking.

My sister-in-law had to keep returning to her doctor, and when eventually the medics diagnosed her dementia, when she asked to go on a clinical trial to attempt to slow the disease, her condition was too far gone.

My friend's greatest regret is that she wasted 35 years of her life being married to someone with undiagnosed NPD: a long time to suffer psychological abuse.

The government is now in the process of amending the bill to protect abused women to include psychological damage.

The great majority of women prisoners are suffering from undiagnosed mental conditions.

I am simply attempting to assist our very small community of 4 flats from injustice and defamation, just as I am doing for myself now, in this forum.

Does that make any difference? The OP needs legal advice and that is just one of several places she can seek it.

Small point MOnica Citizens Advice changed name a couple of years ago and have dropped Bureau so it’s now just Citizens Advice

It doesn't seem really fair to involve the previous Company Secretary or the current Company Secretary's sister. That is strange behaviour from you to involve a relative and not at all appropriate. Apart from anything else, blood is often thicker than water and you will probably inflame things further. You seem to have very skewed thinking when it comes to this matter and you would probably be better to seek professional legal help. Involving the world and its wife will be less helpful. Suggesting your husband take over is a little telling...

Has she asked herself whether she has a personality disorder or dementia?. I was going to put a wink there but the subject is too serious.

What she needs to do is to look at the problem objectively and stop obsessing about the mental condition of the other three flat owners. Is the company being run correctly and legally? For that she needs legal advice.

Getting objective professional advice seems to be the one solution she keeps kicking into the long grass

I hate to think That any advice we GNs have given her has been twisted to help her come to her flawed opinions!

Thank you Jane, both personality disorders and dementia are serious, cruel illnesses

I agree Anniebach!

You are still declaring you know people have personality disorders , you do not know this is true , you thought your elderly neighbour was showing signs of dementia , you really shouldn't do this , it is unfair .

I have asked the previous Co. Sec. and his wife, who are friendly with the UN to arrange a lunch together, for which I would pay. The UN says that she is not yet ready to meet up, so there is a softening of attitude.

My DH has attempted to arrange two meetings with the current difficult Co. Sec. but her response is "I work." Her predecessor worked much longer hours in a very challenging job and had a long commute. I tried to talk to her once, but I am very bad in a highly charged emotional situation and will say nothing for fear of saying something to upset, and you can never take it back. So as you Gransnetters have probably observed I have plenty to say by email, when thoughts can be considered and reflected upon.

My DH does not wish me to involve the previous Co. Sec., but having asked him to arrange a lunch, he has become somewhat involved, and it transpires there is history about which we were unaware.

As I begin to see it, with the help of some of the Gransnetters people with personality disorders are particularly vulnerable. We can ask her privately to consider standing down, as it seems to be taking up rather more time along with a full time job. We know that none of them will want to pay for an outside agent to manage, but they might accept my DH doing the job, with the Co. Sec. becoming the treasurer, as he doesn't really want to do it, and particularly doesn't want to do the accounts. Then she can save face, and she can go back to just meeting us incidentally and at the AGM, which has always been her choice, as before. There has never been a suggestion of ignoring her. So we can rub along together carefully, like hedgehogs.

If that doesn't work, it'll have to come out at the AGM, and if that doesn't work, we may have to contact a solicitor. Her sister is a solicitor, so we may need to ask her sister to help defuse the situation.

BUT other people in the block need to be aware that there is a problem, so as to avoid pressing her buttons, otherwise we all end up in this miserable situation again.

And thank you Gransnetters, for helping me to arrive at some sort of way of dealing with our situation.