Hi Ambergirl,
I'm 54 and have been on and off (mostly on for the last 15 years) antidepressants since I was 20. For the last 20 years I've been taking extended release venlafaxine, which I found suited me the best. About 2 years ago when I was going through a particularly rough patch after witnessing an arson attack I was very anxious and , maybe stupidly, decided that the venlafaxine was making me worse and gradually stopped taking it. I have only ever been on the lowest dosage. When I went to see the GP a few months later because I felt very depressed and anxious, she prescribed citalopram and it made me feel dreadful. I couldn't do the smallest things because I felt so anxious and couldn't make any decisions. I went back onto Venlafaxine after less than 2 weeks. I have found that my anxiety has definitely got worse as I've got older (when I was younger my depression just rendered me incapable of doing things because I had no energy or interest in anything and I was tearful all the time) but until I saw a counsellor privately (I've never been offered counselling via the NHS) I didn't really understand that anxiety was essentially worrying about things that may or may not happen in the future, so much so that you're unable to function in the "here and now".I wonder if you've tried mindfullness? I find it helps me, although at the moment going through a rough patch as my 85 year old father fell and broke his hip 4 weeks ago and his hospital care has been pretty dreadful and he's coming home tomorrow. I am not like you in that I HATE the dark nights and endless grey days. I was much better when we lived in the USA for 5 years where winters were shorter, colder and brighter and summers were long, hot and sunny. I hope if you stick to the citalopram you start to feel better.
Granny23- SAD does cause depression and my lovely husband just bought me a Beurer daylight lamp, which I think is helping.