Living with someone with depression

Thanks everybody it is good just get it off my chest. DP is not happy if I tell anybody but close friends have witnessed his erratic behaviour. I too feel more relaxed at work and dread what I will find when I get home. DP can stop drinking totally and has done but he says the drink helps him deal with his anxiety so he starts again. The GP keep s telling me DP is in a high risk group for suicide and when I am at work etc I should keep ringing to check he is ok. To be honest I don't want to and he is usually in bed and will not answer the phone! Sorry I sound really mean but getting to the end of my tether and worried about effect on DS.

alcohol and depression are best friends ,remove the alcohol and he will have a chance at sorting out his mood.I know thats difficult to do and he must want to, so you could try the AA support group for advice .A bottle of wine a day is certainly a problem even if he's not "an alcoholic" so he needs to cut it out or right downI wish you well , we have a young friend who is in the same situation ,he attempted suicide a few weeks ago and was hospitalised.His family gathered round to stop friends from visiting as some were taking drink to him and now he seems to be heading towards sobriety ,he's attending meetings and avoiding the people and places that were part of his problem .....as you know though its baby steps ,one day at a time

You have my sympathy - my first husband was similar. It seemed to me that depression is infectious.
Like your OH, he drank a lot and alcohol lifts the spirits at first then the mood drops right down. Mine used to get violent ( with me, not the children TG.
I went to see his GP when things started to get out of hand, and he came to see him and persuaded him to get psychiatric help.He was diagnosed bipolar and put on Lithium (which he still takes.) Eventually he got stabilised, but by that time our marriage had broken down. He did some outrageous things, I've never been able to discuss with anyone.
I would speak to his GP - Bon Courage. It's not your fault.

I think it is par for the course that those nearest get the criticism, its a way of off loading how they feel themselves. Our daughter is on chemo and her husband does a great deal for her but yesterday when we were speaking to her on Skype she was rather unkind about him a nd we, like you and his sister, were taken aback as she is usually a very upbeat and caring person.
Its hard not to take it to heart. I hope you have or can access some support, and can maybe talk to his sister about how you feel.

No advice I am afraid but sincere sympathy for being "blamed" when you have been supporting your DH, carrying him through, keeping life at home running smoothly and shouldering the burden of his depression. If it is ANY consolation, you are not alone in your experience. It is not unusual for those suffering from chronic illness of any sort to lash out at those nearest, oblivious to,the fact they are the most vulnerable.
You need support - I wonder if there is a support group (for partners of the chronically ill or depressed or even with dementia) where you could offload what you feel in the company of those who really know what you are going through?
I can relate to much of what you are saying although circumstances were different. My respite came from a demanding job where I felt I was appreciated and where I could forget or shelve much of what was going on at home. But I can remember sitting in the car after work and having to psych myself up to go into the house.
I had no easy solution but other events saved the situation.
I hope you can find help. Family and friends will be well meaning, but rarely understand.