Bereavement and Counselling

Oh dear, I seem to have veered off what I started this thread with.
I thought it would be easy to write about the counselling, and it is very very difficult.
The hour (or 50 minutes) just seems to go, and I have talked and I no longer know what about, except the few things which stand out, and I don't even know what was important, afterwards.

What is clear is that it is a safe space to let things out.....

Counselling does not have to be directive - the "safe space" is to be treasured. I am glad it is there for you.

Take care

Alie, you are going through so much.

She was my daughter and my best friend

Oh Alie - such a dreadful loss for you. I know it is trite to say, but you can only take one day and one step at a time. There are lots of people who need you. Stay strong. It really is early days. Life can be so hard at times. People are rooting for you and willing you through this.

Thanks Lucky.

Went to Oxford on Sunday again taking a picnic lunch - and it rained again. Was a reasonable day on the whole though.

I am very glad that the counsellor will be here on Thursday... things have got even more complicated.

Latest is that K has had a visit from a social worker who has managed to irritate everybody:

KN, the 14-year-old who she came to see, because she kept on and on asking him if he wanted to stay with K and if he was all right...

K, because he finds it so intrusive to have many visits when he is managing pretty well...and she is coming back about his 'parenting skills' which by the way are improving every day....

And ME - because she asked KN (^NOT K who is supposed to be the one in charge!^) for several phone numbers of the family, including mine, and got my mobile number which I give out to very few people as I don't want to be phoned in the car.....
......so I got a call which I was unprepared for.....

And various people will now not be appreciating calls they didn't expect.

Hi Alie I don't want to usurp your thread but I don't really know where else to put this.
A relation of DH 's came round about 3 hours ago to tell that police had contacted his son, (same town in UK,same surname) to say that our son had died. I think I'm still in shock.

A lie, you know you can talk about anything here - where ever you thoughts wander is fine with us! Take care and, as Lucky said, one day at a time!

Dusty, you must be in shock. Is it true? Why did they not contact you?

Dusty - have you found out whether this is true? I cannot imagine why you might not be contacted directly if this were the case. I do hope that it is not true.

Alie - it must be so difficult for you having all the custody issues as a backdrop to your grief. Thinking of you.x

Dusty have you been contacted properly yet?

We got in touch with the police last night. They were vey kind but from now on we will have to contact the coroner as there will have to be an autopsy.

He was divorced, lived on his own and was n contact with but not living with his daughter. She is only 20 and because of the divorce I don't know her very well. I don't no if any one has told her.

How awful, dusty. I am so sorry. You know we are here should you need us. That must have been a huge shock for you.

dusty this is truly shocking. I don't know what to say. Please keep in touch xxx

So sorry Dustyangel and what a terrible way to hear such sad news.

Oh Dusty I was so hoping it wasn't true........

Dusty what unbelievably shocking news for you. My most heartfelt condolences go out to you and your family at this truly dreadful time

Dusty That is dreadful and and it was not the best way for you to get the news.
We seem to be hearing a lot of this lately
AlieOxon, Dustyangel and the poor Gnr whose daughter died in the USA not so long ago.
I am really sorry but I cannot remember her name and I am about to go out so I can't search for it.

((((hugs))) to you all

Dusty What an unimaginable way to be told such news Keep posting on here when you feel the need and when you feel up to it.

Alie You're going through so much all at once and the last thing you needed was the thoughtlessness (I'm being polite!) of the SW Your friends will understand once they know how their numbers were passed on. Hopefully, the SW will leave K to his own devices now that she has visited, I hope so.

Hope your session with the counsellor tomorrow provides the outlet that you need

So sorry to hear this shocking news, dusty.

So sorry dustyangel.

dusty that is the worst possible news any parent can have

Thank you all so very much for your condolences and flowers. Last night I wanted to post about it and I've just realised that it was because I knew you would all understand. Thank you.

I know the police and coroners must be used to this sort of thing but they have gone out of their way to be kind and helpful. There will have to be a postmortem but it can't take place until the 10th Sept.

I've given the police as much information as I can so they can get in touch with our granddaughter and they seemed confident that they would be able to. Also given them permission to give her our contact details. We've been phoning who we can today but there are all his friends who's details are only on his computer.

dusty, what a shock for you and DH and what a way to receive the news. I hope your granddaughter has been contacted and is in touch with you. It's a difficult time for all concerned.
Alie, that's all you needed - an intrusive and insensitive SW. Good luck with her. She is behaving unprofessionally in my inexpert opinion.

Dusty - there are no words - what a sad time for you, and what a shocking way to receive the news.

Alie - I do hope the social services issues are being resolved. Is it tomorrow when you see the counsellor again?

to both.