How much I hate it.

Sorry you are feeling so down Phoenix I hope it soon passes. Being on your own doesn't help. I have only felt it once (moving house and DH away at sea) so I know it can really lay you low. A very good friend came to my rescue. I once read that traditional advice in days gone by was 'Be not solitary, be not idle'. Do you have a coffee morning or anything in the village where you can be with people? Look after yourself, we'll be thinking of you.

Is there any way you could get back into riding phoenix? There's something very calming and happy making about the company of horses; something I miss since being horseless [although don't miss the work involved].

Having teetered on the edge from time to time I sort of know a little of what you are going through and to be honest outside problems and situations are really only the black cherry on the top. Depression comes without reason and is often impossible to explain to oneself let alone others.

I hope you have proper help when you need it most and hope that you find a little joy from time to time.

I have long since given up seeking 'proper' employment as I'd just be a liability and thankfully do not need it to survive but one of the things that I have found most useful is nerving and pushing myself into voluntary work for quite a challenging cause (for me) - adult special needs. It works on many levels and I'll cheerfully admit I am quite selfish in doing it. So many of the paid employees in this field are amazing caring people and so many of the participants and their families cope with far more than I will ever have to...so it really puts me in my place and helps me to get a proper sense of perspective.

All the best phoenix, you are not alone in this.

Yup - that sudden sinking feeling and you think "Oh b****r - here we go again."

You need some weapons in your armoury for these moments, so that you do not feel helpless and impotent.

Try some of these........

Sometimes it is possible to abort it by exercising, moving around, going for a walk. I know that sounds trite - but it can work. It gingers up different chemicals that have gone into the doldrums. Find an exercise vid on YouTube and give it a try.

Another CBT (and similar) trick is to visualise in your head placing the miserable feeling on a train and watching it vanishing over the horizon. And do it every time it comes back.

Similar idea is to have your conscious brain (the one that is looking at what you are thinking and wishing it away) and say "Well thanks a heap for coming back, but you can just FO." Quite a good trick that one, as it acknowledges the bad feelings and the anger at their return, but puts you in control.

I know that some people find it hard to try these sort of ideas, but they really can work if you persist.

Don't be frightened - put yourself in the driving seat.

If you cannot find a technique to help, then phone a friend - really, you should not sit and suffer alone.

And there is always the doc if you feel that is the route you should follow.

Don't give up - you've conquered it before and can do so again.

I suspect the thought of job hunting again is the main cause, phoenix. It must feel like trying to climb Mount Everest in a pair of worn out trainers.

Is there a friend or relative you could stay with for a few days to give you a bit of break from worrying about the things you are worrying about?

Hope you are feeling a little more like your old self before too long.