Living with Bi-Polar partner

Manic depressive is the old term for bi-polar and it describes the illness perfectly.

For a time my OH is as depressed as anyone can ever be and the rest he is flying high. He has been like this for many years but it has been controlled by meds although these have had to be changed on a regular basis.

Yes it would be better if your husband is admitted to hospital so that they can assess him properly and adjust medication as appropriate. There are many different ones that are prescribed so I couldn't say which one might work. Nether can the psychiatrists as it is all very much trial and error.

I do hope you get help ASAP and support yourself from family and friends as this is so very stressful to deal with. Your GP sounds rather useless if you had to arrange to first appointment with the psychiatrist yourself so you may find it helpful to change your GP so that you get a better service for the future.

Hi Grandma H and welcome.

From what you have said, it sounds as if your husband has been under strain for ages. He obviously needs sedation, but the experience of taking mind/mood altering drugs can be terrifying and not as calming as one might imagine. Everyone is different but the first 14 days are the worst. It's much better for your DH to realise that he needs help. Credit to your GP for his powers of persuasion.

Eventually the mania will burn out, but your husband may be very very distressed by the experience. The cycle of mania typically runs for about 8 weeks or so, so you will be over the worst very soon, but the crash that might come next can be very bad.

There are some very useful CBT techniques which can be used to manage mental health conditions so this episode will probably be the worst you will experience. For now, it is important to avoid any stimulation: alcohol, loud rhythmic music, parties - be careful about films and art and speed - anything that might be "exciting."

For the future, you could see if you could find a solicitor with experience of mental health issues and ask for an opinion about compensation. Your DH's employer may not have discharged its duty of care to your husband. You should check your home insurance as you may have legal cover which covers you for disputes with your husband's employer.

However, you may not be able to get your husband his job back and it might not be possible for him to resume work for some time in any event. There is a terrible stigma to mental health issues and if an employee has behaved erratically at work the employer may be able to argue business justification for not employing him.

You should find out about an allowance called disabled living allowance. It's not means tested and with this sort of experience on his medical records, a claim for your husband is unlikely to be rejected and it's linked to health not employment, so there is no benefit trap. It is usually better to get someone with experience of making applications on behalf of people with mental health conditions to complete the forms, rather than trying to do it yourselves. You should be able to get a referral to a service to help with this. It's not much money, but it will be a help.

Thinking of you both

GrandmaH

Wow! so much helpful info & kind thoughts- thank you all.
It did all 'kick off' last night as he got very anxious on the way to clinic & was getting violent. When they suggested he stay in for 7 days he really lost it & threw things about was verbally abusive to doctor & to me & he did try to hit me,& threatened me & was totally out of control. He stormed out & they advised me not to stay at home. It took him 3 hours to get home with no car & I stayed with friends. They had intended to section him today but his GP got him to agree to go voluntarily & he is now in the clinic & reasonably calm.
We'll just take it from here & see how it goes. I have come into work now so will read all this carefully later.
So appreciate all your help & good wishes.
H

Don't forget the 'machin chouette' or 'et merde' in French (I can get ruder lol)

In my surgery viva I couldn't remember the name for something and said 'the thingummummy!' The consultant said "typical woman, darling, can you put the the things mummy on the whatchacallit?"
I think the French is better. Sp? Trouque.

Sally, you share a lot in common with my late mum, she had Bi-Polar disorder, a heart disorder resulting from Rheumatic Fever as a child, she had to have heart surgery years ago - and like you she had strokes.

She died when she was very young, she was 58, only 3 years older than I am now, she choked to death in our local psychiatric hospital the day she was being released after being sectioned for months. She was having her lunch and she choked and that was it. It was awful and not just because it was the first and only meal time my dad hadn't gone to feed her, he was at home waiting for a new bed to be delivered for her and ......................

Your broomstick sounds lovely by the way - much nicer than the one I have. ;)

No pitch forks, but I do have a plush New broomstick spray painted bright pink!

Do others have thingummys, whatsits, whatchamacallits, and doohdahs then? I thought it was just me.......have had a couple of strokes or three as well so these nouns play heavily in my vocabulary, as well as regular games of charades.......

sorry, their thingammies.

Galen my son and son in law fly Airbus and my other son repairs them, we also sell a varied lot of there thingammies for a living.

must ask my son who is a long time diagnosed bipolar individual, if he has developed horns! green and purple stripes. As he used to design electronic thigammies for Airbus ( mother you wouldn't understand!) I presume he can fly.

Hi Sally, It was a typo - it was supposed to read

I have experience of medication for this type of problem - my son is ON one of them, as was my mum.

As for your horns, green and purple stripes and being able to fly - I think you forgot to mention your pitchfork. :D

GrandmaH I think you are handling this sensibly particularly by having a "bolt hole" lined up. I hope it all improves soon. (((hugs)))

Should also have added, that I HAVE NEVER BEEN VIOLENT! Why on earth do you think that people suffering from bi-polar would be?

Some sufferers of other Mental illnesses can during a psychotic episode become aggressive but usually towards an 'imaginary' attacker in self defence. Contrary to what the Sun newspaper may tell you, statistically, sufferers of Mental Illness are LESS likely to become perpetrators of violent crime than members of the general population

Hi,

Goodness gracious, I am one of 'THEM', we have horns, green and purple stripes and fly!

I am sorry, but I find it quite offensive that some people on this thread describe people who suffer from Bi-polar, as them, I thought we were more accepting of people's differences.

Grandma, I am so sorry you are going through what is clearly a horrendously difficult time for all the family, I'm not sure about how it works in the private sector, but it is very unusual for someone to be diagnosed with anything within such a short period. Especially following a first episode.

I am also really surprised that he has been prescribed Olanzapine, which is an atypical antipsychotic used to treat schizophrenia. It has some pretty challenging side effects, so is rarely used as a first base medication.

I have to say, without wanting to worry you that his treatment doesn't seem the obvious treatment, I am just one person though, have you thought of talking to your NHS GP, and seeking his advice. To be diagnosed with a serious mental illness and treated with one of the strongest drugs within a matter of weeks could leave your husband with a label that will affect him for the rest of his life.....believe me, stigma still exists.....is horrendous.

Can you ask for a second opinion?

Grandma, if indeed your husband is a new 'member to the club', this, his first crisis is likely to be far more shocking than anything he will experience in the future.

His 'high' moods will be interspaced with deep depressions.

I have managed to bring up 3 children, hold down a career without any significant problems until recently, and although I have had periods of depression, and periods of great creativity, very few people have even been aware that I had any problems.

Grandma, you need support at the moment, not sure if I am allowed to suggest, but if I could advise anything, I would advise you to contact a charity called Rethink, they have lots of specialist advice and information as well as a forum for people both suffering, and caring for people with mental illness.

The unusual membership of the two groups means that you get a really good balance of support.

Finally, using a private psych or not, if at any time you feel that your husband is placing himself or anyone else in danger, dial 999 and request an urgent ambulance.

Big hugs xxxx

From experience I can say Olanzapine may take weeks to start working the way its intended to. Its the same with all of these anti-psychotics, too heavy a dose to begin with can render the person incapable and have them in a stupor and it then becomes detrimental to their wellbeing when the dose is reduced to a level where they can function. The rule of thumb is to start low and slow, then build up to a level where the person becomes stable but functional - and yes, I do know how awful it can be waiting for the required level to be reached.

I can well understand how scary things can be at times, until we knew what was going on with my son in addition to his autism we had escape routes throughout the house and at one stage thought of hiring a security guard as an extra pair of hands for when he was really unwell. Thankfully he is now stable on his medication but we do have a fast action medication called Zypraxa that we place under his tongue when we see certain signs of agitation - my son hurts himself and we can be hurt when trying to stop him. Anyway we put this medication under his tongue and it works instantly in taking away his aggression/confusion/upset./frustration.

Where we live its usually only given out in hospitals but we're trusted with it because his psychiatrist knows us and knows how our son is looked after, that he would only ever be given it in an emergency. Im not suggesting for a moment that you ask for this medication for your husband, Im just telling you how we deal with emergencies when behavioral strategies or good old fashioned kissing 'it' better kind of stuff, for want of a better way to put it - doesn't work.

I hope things improve for both of you soon.

I am so sorry to hear f your troubles. You will find that people on here are understanding about mental illness and will be wanting to help and support you.

Let us know how tonight's appointment goes, and good luck with it.

Has he ever mentioned suicide? Here if someone has voiced the desire to hurt themselves dr.s have to take that as a serious threat and hospitalize them for evaluation. I don't mean to cause more concern but I'm sure it's something they should and would ask you.I hope its helps knowing people are here for you.

I do hope that you both get the help and support that you need. Let us know how it goes.

I have texted(text?)he doctor we are seeing tonight & had a reply so I don't have to say too much in front of my husband as he would feel I was 'against' him then I think.
I also took the precaution of speaking to close friends to say I may turn up on doorstep at any time if things get too bad. I keep a key hidden in the car for a quick getaway. Sounds melodramatic but I believe it is just a sensible precaution.
He throws things but not AT me so far. The rages can end very quickly or go on for ages.
Then he says he is sorry & loves me but I believe they all do that if they turn violent- I am no expert!

Is there any way that you can speak to them privately and tell them whats happening? Do you feel threatened by his shouting etc and worry that he might become violent?

No- I don't mind if it helps others too. I cannot imagine the difficulties with looking after a son- that would be even worse.

He is on 20mg Olanzapine daily. Started on 10.
I hope tonight they increase it but to be 100% honest I hope they keep him in for a few days away from computers, phone, & people he can try to convert to his hair-brained money making schemes.

My mother's 2nd husband was what they called in those days Manic Depressive & I know he managed to lose 3 thriving businesses, 4 houses & 3 wives in the process & lived the end of his life on benefits through tis awful disease- he had a gambling 'scheme'.

I don't know why I had to do all the leg work- maybe because we were using the private medical scheme at the firm my husband works for?
I am just astounded that I could go to the GP begging for an emergency apt to be told fist one was in 10 days & 23 days to see his own doctor.
Luckily I am registered at another practice.
We finally went to walk-in in surgery & luckily saw an experienced doctor - but it could have been the practice nurse.

No- I don't mind if it helps others too. I cannot imagine the difficulties with looking after a son- that would be even worse.

He is on 20mg Olanzapine daily. Started on 10.
I hope tonight they increase it but to be 100% honest I hope they keep him in for a few days away from computers, phone, & people he can try to convert to his hair-brained money making schemes.

My mother's 2nd husband was what they called in those days Manic Depressive & I know he managed to lose 3 thriving businesses, 4 houses & 3 wives in the process & lived the end of his life on benefits through tis awful disease- he had a gambling 'scheme'.

I have experience of medication for this kind of problem - my son is one them as was my mum. Would you mind telling me what it is your husband is on? You could send a private message if you'd rather not say here.