Living with Bi-Polar partner

Hi Grandma H and welcome.

From what you have said, it sounds as if your husband has been under strain for ages. He obviously needs sedation, but the experience of taking mind/mood altering drugs can be terrifying and not as calming as one might imagine. Everyone is different but the first 14 days are the worst. It's much better for your DH to realise that he needs help. Credit to your GP for his powers of persuasion.

Eventually the mania will burn out, but your husband may be very very distressed by the experience. The cycle of mania typically runs for about 8 weeks or so, so you will be over the worst very soon, but the crash that might come next can be very bad.

There are some very useful CBT techniques which can be used to manage mental health conditions so this episode will probably be the worst you will experience. For now, it is important to avoid any stimulation: alcohol, loud rhythmic music, parties - be careful about films and art and speed - anything that might be "exciting."

For the future, you could see if you could find a solicitor with experience of mental health issues and ask for an opinion about compensation. Your DH's employer may not have discharged its duty of care to your husband. You should check your home insurance as you may have legal cover which covers you for disputes with your husband's employer.

However, you may not be able to get your husband his job back and it might not be possible for him to resume work for some time in any event. There is a terrible stigma to mental health issues and if an employee has behaved erratically at work the employer may be able to argue business justification for not employing him.

You should find out about an allowance called disabled living allowance. It's not means tested and with this sort of experience on his medical records, a claim for your husband is unlikely to be rejected and it's linked to health not employment, so there is no benefit trap. It is usually better to get someone with experience of making applications on behalf of people with mental health conditions to complete the forms, rather than trying to do it yourselves. You should be able to get a referral to a service to help with this. It's not much money, but it will be a help.

Thinking of you both

Manic depressive is the old term for bi-polar and it describes the illness perfectly.

For a time my OH is as depressed as anyone can ever be and the rest he is flying high. He has been like this for many years but it has been controlled by meds although these have had to be changed on a regular basis.

Yes it would be better if your husband is admitted to hospital so that they can assess him properly and adjust medication as appropriate. There are many different ones that are prescribed so I couldn't say which one might work. Nether can the psychiatrists as it is all very much trial and error.

I do hope you get help ASAP and support yourself from family and friends as this is so very stressful to deal with. Your GP sounds rather useless if you had to arrange to first appointment with the psychiatrist yourself so you may find it helpful to change your GP so that you get a better service for the future.

Sorry just read your most recent post - your GP sounds effective if he could persuade your husband to stay in hospital.

Just got back from visiting DH. Very distressing as he sounded much better over the phone than when I saw him. I don't think I did him any good as the nurses said he was behaving well but he got wound up with me. he is fine as long as you agree with everything he says but once you cross him!!! He wanted me to take him shopping but they don't want him to go out yet so I had to refuse.
They have changed his meds- I can't remember what he is now on but they say it should show improvement in a day or so.

I am checking with his company that all this is covered by his health policy- which will of course end when his notice period runs out in early January.
Thankyou for good advice MyGranny can fly- I may need it before long.
I saw my own GP yesterday & now I'm on pills! I never thought I would have to take anything like this but she thinks a little help may calm me down a bit.
I'm not sure I should visit hi too often- I will take advice from his doctor.
I need cuppa!

My daughter had a major incident some 3/4 years ago and fortunately received excellent help from her mental health team. She is now regularly asked to give talks to doctors because they don't have a good level of understanding (by their admission) and she is living such a 'normal' life, working and running her household. She does not have horns or green and purple stripes but is a lovely girl - no, of course I am not biased.

Recently she had a minor blip when a bout of food poisoning caused her medication not to work but this happens very rarely and her close family all know what the signs are. At the start she was asked if her mother was bi-polar because it can be handed down. after giving it some thought she decided I was. Her 'phsycho head doctor' (again her words not mine) said 'and has she coped?' Yes I have and no mauve and green stripes either. My situation was not diagnosed but I think I knew even though I called it 'manic depressive'

I think what I am saying GrandmaH is hang in there. There is light at the end of the tunnel! I hope things start to look better for you both very soon.

Thank you LizG.
My MIL had something like this apparently. I spoke to his brother in Canada last night.
What I really need to know is when he is better will he still have these ideas about money making schemes etc or will they go as the meds kick in?
Obviously he will be better but will he recognise that all these ideas are ridiculous- before he completely bankrupts us!
I am not going in this weekend- doctor agreed it was wise. He is moving so much stuff into his room- I have to take loads of computer things etc when I go over. I will go tomorrow but I am really dreading it as he is still aggressive on the phone.

My sons & families coming over today which is going to be difficult as they are trying to put pressure on me to leave him. I now they are concerned but I can't think about that right now.

My mum would be like the rest of us between episodes but truth be told she never did have problems with spending money - my dad did go home from work one day expecting her to have gone to the hairdresser only to find she was on her way to New Zealand. She wasn't well though at the time.

I think you just need to hold on in there for a while till things have settled, it is what it is - a horrible time of it for all concerned, one that has to be waited out.

Hallo GrandmaH hope that your visit tomorrow will be better than you anticipate. I have sent you a PM and hope your family don't put on too much pressure

Thinking of you grandma, my OH has bipolar, and has been stable for 14 years now, he was first diagnosed in his 20's, now in our 50's but only been together 16 years - I hope the clinic stabilise your husband asap and you can both start learning how to live with bipolar. The smallest changes in my OH Lithium levels can trigger mania as can changes in liquid intake. In the end we have to be watchful for any signs such a trouble sleeping or more erratic (than usual) behaviour and adjust other meds as needed.

Sending (((hugs))) and healing thoughts, it can be so hard on those close to those with bipolar.

grandmaHMy situation is a little different as it is not OH but my brother. He is living with us now as his OH has had enough. Not actiually been diagnosed with Bi-polar but his behaviour is very symptomatic of it...e.g the crazy ideas of becoming a millionaire through unreal business deals and becomes very excited and totally convinced it will all happen then crashes when it is clear it has failed. He has been clinically depressed and has been suicdal. Medication, that I have to make sure he takes, ensures he is reasonably OK at the moment but I can only empathise with your plight and the concern that you have. & {{{hugs}}}

Thank you all again- I read through these posts when it all feels too much. He is a bit calmer now but still reacts badly to me at times as I can't agree to do all the crazy things he wants.
I went in Monday & yesterday-kept visits brief- working today & I will go on Friday when I see the family counsellor too.
Luckily I have a busy week in the evenings this week. Thank God for the WI- it keeps me occupied.
I will see my doctor again tomorrow for something to help me sleep as the ones I have aren't working.
Hugs back to you all
I have a mantra now- I am strong! I am resilient! & I WILL get through this!
I keep saying it to myself all day.
Hx

Good for you GrandmaH . Enjoy your WI, a wonderful organisation which should help to keep your mind occupied.

At last- at last -after 13 days in the clinic he is calmer today.
Hopefully we are now going to get somewhere & they can start his therapy. I'm speaking to his doctor tonight but we had a normal conversation last night & again this morning. I know we are no where near out of the woods but I felt as if I spoke to my husband today not some aggressive stranger.

I really don't think I could do these last 3 weeks again.

Good to hear that there has been an improvement.

So pleased to read that there has been some improvement, take care x

He was allowed a visit home today. Not a success I'm afraid- unfortunately they omitted to mention he could only be out for 2 hours & it is a 30 min journey home. He did not take it well at all.
He was quite aggressive & still blames all this on me.
He still cannot accept that he is ill & thinks we are all out to get him.

Does anyone with experience e of this have any advice on how long it can take for someone with this to admit they are ill?
he only has about another 10 days funding so he will have to come home then I presume.

Leaving the safety of a clinic can be very upsetting for the patient and can exacerbate behavioural symptoms, sadly those closest usually get it in the neck...Re how long? Lack of insight is just one more symptom sadly and I do not think that is a question any one could give a definite answer to..is there any chance of a transfer to an NHS ward? Sending you hugs and strength x

Thank you- waiting for doctor to call to see if any chance he gets to stay another week or 2. Yes- I guess NHS but as he still doesn't think he is ill I doubt he will agree anyway.
They are letting him go out by himself for 2 hours now so he is happier.
My doctor has now referred me to a counsellor which I am sure will help me.
Thank you for the hugs!!! I could do with one

Grandma H

HUGS

It's very difficult to predict your DH's future prospects because we are all individuals and there is no "typical" That being said, a first admission to a NHS unit is typically 4-6 weeks. Most people admitted into the NHS have drug or alcohol or deprivation issues so will need longer to stabilise and they may not have a stable environment to return to which of course has to be taken into account.

You should be in touch with your DH's GP and there should be some sort of discharge plan and ongoing NHS support - probably through a mental health team.

Your DH has not had a personality transplant so as he recovers his normal personality will start to emerge. There will be a time when you can talk about your fears about his speculative ventures and he will hear your concerns.

Keep strong

Just to advise all you lovely people who supported me, my husband has now been home a week & is OK. Not 100% by any means & still excitable but home at least. the funding ran out but they thought he was Ok to come home. Took a few days settling but we are getting there.
He has started refitting his study so we cannot get into any downstairs room at the moment! I have said it has GOT to be done before Christmas so we will see.
Seeing physciatrist ( I can never spell this!)again tomorrow so will see how they think he is doing. We have seen GP & he is very supportive. he still does not accept he was as ill as he was but much better- we can laugh again at least.
Thank you all again.

That's good to hear, GrandmaH. Long may the laughter continue.

I've just read this thread, GrandmaH - I think I must have avoided it up to now because I had similar nightmare times with my ex.
To cut a long story short he eventually became stabilised on lithium, and has become a very nice person, a good father and a good husband to his second wife.
With time and maturity things can improve with bipolar/m-d.

My OH is also stable mainly thanks to lithium, when unwell decorating would become a mammoth task, a small bedroom had to have doors taken off and carpet taken up (to his way of thinking) we were in a small flat at the time so when the doc came to assess him it was like an assault course to get in plus tv and radio both on full blast and insisted on playing his fav records to doc too.....can sort of laugh now but it was an ordeal..

So I really hope you have a peaceful Christmas and your DH continues to be more himself.

I though I would give all you wonderful people who gave me such support an update.
DH started a new job yesterday- more money & less hours than last one.
The first few days when he came out of clinic were difficult but OK. We had a really good Christmas & although he did go a bit downhill afterwards- quite low rather than high, we thought it was probably because he was getting no stimulation- unfortunately he had to have a leg operation which out him out of action but as this was diagnosed while he was in the Clinic we were very grateful it had been picked up.
We are now hoping that being back to work will hep him get his self esteem back & it will all progress well.
The private care ended when he left his last job but we will keep in touch with doctor in clinic for the time being & he is still being monitored.
It all feels so much more positive than when I sent out that desperate plea for advice & I am so very grateful for all the love & kind words you all sent
much love
H

So very pleased for you both