Not liking your grandchild

Some children are difficult, just like some adults are difficult. That’s life. We still love family because they’re family. There are no actions for you to take. Please try to keep any ill feelings to yourself. Always think about possible outcomes before speaking. Parents are and will rightfully be sensitive about people criticizing their children, even if the critic is correct. Family relationships are less about being ‘right’ and more about getting along.

Maybe she has ADHD ? We have a Grandchild who we could not understand at all .. the behaviour etc was just not " normal " and then after 6 years they got a diagnosis of ADHD ... it doesn't solve the problems but it explains things

How does a 3 year old know swear words?

The only real solution is for the parents to understand that the child needs consistency.
I worked for CAMHS for a while and this was the biggest issue by far in behavioural problems. The child acts up because they do not feel secure as they are getting mixed messages.

When she is with you you can provide consistent discipline but whatever you do you risk alienating one or other partner. And it is OK not to like her .... her behaviour is not likeable ... but you can express your love for her whenever you can.

Standing back from commenting when you can see poor parenting is one of the challenges of grandparenthood. But you can show her love and be a role model through your actions.

Just wait. Be kind and treat her like other grandchildren I am sure in time you will love her. Her bad behaviour needs to be addressed as there must be a reason she is so unhappy that she resorts to it.

Would some form of star/reward chart work for you think? A star for every time she’s at nursery and plays nicely… a star for being calm at home for 10 mins, rising to 20 and onwards to an hour? To begin with 5 stars equals a reward, maybe rising to ten as she improves??

She’s not three yet,for heavens sake have you never come across the terrible twos?
It’s not unheard of for two year olds to be hard work.Give the poor wee soul a chance ,she’s not having a great time with warring parents and a granny who it seems can’t hide her feelings about her .
If you don’t like her just stay out of her way ,I,d day she picks up on your feelings .

fancythat

From which parent is your DGD picking up swearing?

And does the nursery give advice to the parents about how to improve her behaviour?

That’s an extremely good point. I was going to ask if she witnessing “rows” between her parents.

From which parent is your DGD picking up swearing?

And does the nursery give advice to the parents about how to improve her behaviour?

Good answers here.

You are not being unreasonable for not liking bad behaviour.
I dont think you need to feel terrible about that at all.

A 3 year old can sense when things at home are not right, without the words to talk about it, so it shows in their behaviour

The parents need to work together in as civil a way as possible.
I know children can be really naughty, but it’s really not her fault. Nor is it yours as you were having health issues when she was a baby.
She needs consistency and patience from the important adults in her life.

So sorry you have this worry. Of course you love your granddaughter. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be so distressed. I would guess that she is feeling insecure and unsure. Discipline of the right kind provides a security that we all need. There are rules and an awareness of what we can do and what we can’t do. When there is no consistency there is no certainty. Of course love should also be consistently shown but not without instilling the knowledge that good behaviour is also rewarded alongside bad benaviour.All you can do is show a consistency of love and discipline while quietly discussing the problem with the mum and dad. So sorry for you. I’m sure there is better advice available from others on here.

Often 3 year old children don’t play nicely with other children. Often they play happily beside other children.

She’s very young and could be frustrated and confused.

Is your step-son living on his own with you? Has he split up with the mother of his child?

To be honest the “issue” really appears to be the parents and their parenting not being on the same page.

We all know how manipulative children can be and from a very young age.

How old is your GD mum? What’s her story? Why was the wedding called off?

I think you’re right about not forming the same relationship with GD as GS, but that’s really not your fault.